T-BIRD GANG (1959) ***

John Brinkley watches in horror as his night watchman father is gunned down by a gang of thieves.  He vows revenge and infiltrates the gang to bring them down from the inside.  When Brinkley is arrested, he tells his plight to a concerned cop (Coleman Francis), who allows him to be a police informant.  It doesn’t take long for the seasoned ringleader of the gang (Ed Nelson) to smell a rat.  

In some ways, T-Bird Gang feels like an early Point Break prototype.  Written by co-stars Brinkley and Tony Miller (who plays one of Nelson’s crew), it’s only an hour long, moves at a breakneck pace, and has a cool jazzy score.  It’s also highly entertaining.  The performances are strong across the board too, with Nelson being the standout as the slimy kingpin.  Even Coleman Francis is rock-solid as the straight-laced detective on the case. 

Some viewers might feel cheated as this is sort of a bait-and-switch.  Even though it was sold as a juvenile delinquent movie, it’s actually a taut crime thriller.  If it’s JD kicks you’re looking for, I’m afraid you’ll have to look elsewhere.  If, however, you’re craving a brutally efficiently little B picture, T-Bird Gang should fit the bill nicely.  It’s a shame director Richard Harbinger didn’t direct anything else because he delivered a crackling potboiler on a meager budget and coaxed some fine performances from his cast.

BURY ME AN ANGEL (1972) *** ½

Dixie Peabody stars as a tough-talking, hard-drinking biker named Dag who is searching for the man who killed her brother.  The scene of him being shot is rather disturbing and is repeated several times throughout the picture.  (Even when she looks at herself in the mirror!)  Despite the fact we see it again and again, it never loses its punch. 

If you can’t already tell, director Barbara (Humanoids from the Deep) Peeters isn’t content on just delivering a run-of-the-mill biker movie.  Sure, she gives us all the scenes you’ve come to expect from the genre.  There are long scenes of motorcycle maintenance, campfire chill-outs, and more than a few montages of motorcycles riding down the highway while (not-bad) classic rock plays.  However, Peeters also gives us some trippy visuals, bizarre flashbacks, and a genuinely unnerving finale that makes Bury Me an Angel stand out from the rest of (the leader of) the pack.   

In addition to the finale (which I wouldn’t dream of spoiling) Bury Me an Angel has a couple of oddball sequences that keep the viewer amused.  I mean how many biker pictures do you know feature bikers meeting a witch in the desert for a bowl of “Pot Stew”?  And how many of those feature Dan Haggerty as a hippie art teacher? 

Speaking of teaching, there’s a great gonzo sequence where Peabody and her crew break into a school looking for her brother’s murderer.  They barge into the office, hold the principal at gunpoint, and taunt his secretary (all while “comedic” music plays).  Before they enter the school though, they’re stopped by two young students who say, “You can’t bring a gun to school!” 

Peabody replies, “I think it’ll be alright this once!” 

Wow. 

There’s also a psychological aspect to Bury Me an Angel that makes it memorable.  We really get under Dag’s skin and get to know what makes her tick.  A lot of that is due to Peabody’s great performance as the vengeful biker.  Even though she’s tough and mean, she gets to show off her delicate side too.  She’s especially memorable during the jaw-dropping ending.   

It’s not all perfect though.  The film has one of the most unconvincing bar fights in screen history.  All the breakaway furniture is painfully obviously, the fight choreography is childish, and the comic relief is more dumb than funny.  Still, just on the strength of its WTF moments and Peabody’s impressive performance, Bury Me an Angel is one biker picture worth digging up.

KUNG FU GENIUS (1979) **

Cliff Lok decides to open a karate school even though he apparently only has one student.  The rival schools don’t like the fact that a newbie can open his own school on a whim, so they try to kick his ass.  Naturally, he mops the floor with them and earns the respect of nearly all the schools.  One upstart student from a rival school, still smarting from defeat, comes after Lok’s student, which sends him on a quest for revenge. 

The plot is an old hat and while the action is plentiful, it’s not exactly jaw-dropping stuff.  Many of the fight sequences go on too long and since the stunt work and choreography is uninspired, they have a tendency to get repetitive.  It’s never boring though, so there’s that. 

We also get a handful funny moments, like when a Kung Fu master uses his patented “Duck Style” (complete with poorly dubbed-in quacks), but the film is more successful at getting laughs from its soundtrack cues.  It blatantly steals the Rocky theme for one of the training montages and one scene reuses Goblin’s score from Dawn of the Dead.  I know I’ve always said, “If you're going to steal from someone, steal from the best”, but this is a little ridiculous. 

An evil Kung Fu master gets the best line of the movie when he says, “Today, we’re going to piss on your spirits!”

THE KUNG FU WARRIOR (1980) ** ½

Here’s yet another Kung Fu comedy set in the Drunken Master mold.  This one at least has the novelty of taking place in modern day.  It also has a few laughs too. 

Our hero is a bartender who uses his Kung Fu prowess to skillfully avoid traffic while skateboarding to work.  He also uses his Kung Fu abilities to help him tend bar, which gets him into trouble with a couple of rowdy customers.  He later gets an old karate master to train him so he can steal a vest full of money so he can put his girlfriend through college. 

The Kung Fu Warrior starts off well enough, but the laughs slowly dry up as it goes along.  The action is decent for the most part.  I liked the scene in which the Kung Fu master beat up some thugs while protecting his pet bird.  It’s just a shame that the training scenes are mostly a bust.  (Our hero basically spends all his time on a swing.) 

The film also suffers from some weird shifts in tone.  I mean did we really need the long scene where the Kung Fu master tries to take out a loan?  That’s not the sort of thing that energizes your silly Kung Fu comedy. 

Once the plot about retrieving the vest made of money rears its head, it’s all goes downhill from there.  There is one pretty good scene in the end where our hero kicks a guy’s butt using his skateboard though.  Whenever he’s off his board, the movie is strictly routine.

HELL OR HIGH WATER (2016) *** ½

Chris Pine and Ben Foster star as two brothers who go around West Texas robbing banks.  Enter Texas Ranger Jeff Bridges, who is just a few days shy of retirement.  He pursues them at his own pace, hanging out in places they’ve been, and trying to get inside their head.   

The thing is, the duo is more than just bank robbers.  They have a reason why they’re doing what they’re doing.  I’m not saying it’s right, but to someone is their situation, it seems like their only option.  The way writer Tayler Sheridan and director David Mackenzie slowly lay all their cards on the table is one of the joys of the movie.   

It’s also wickedly funny too.  Some of the banter between Bridges and his half-Indian/half-Mexican partner Gil Birmingham is hilarious.  Foster’s hotshot character also gets a lot of laughs, even when he’s serious as a heart attack and twice as mean.   

Hell or High Water has a ‘70s type of flavor.  It unfolds at its own pace and some of the best scenes happen in long takes that don’t draw attention to themselves.  The cinematography is excellent and the desolate landscapes and rundown small towns are filmed with lots of character.   

The narrative is a bit smallish and overly familiar, but the performances are great all around.  Jeff Bridges can do this kind of ornery sheriff role in his sleep by now, so be glad he still has one eye on the wheel.  While he may seem like he’s slipping into Rooster Cogburn mode occasionally, he still finds ways to keep his crochety character feel fresh.  His final scene with Pine is mesmerizing.  Pine, who is a bit overlooked when it comes to his acting chops, is Bridges’ match in every way and holds his own throughout the intense finale.   

Like Bridges, Foster has played similar variations on his character before.  However, he finds a few new notes to emphasize here and the result is a psycho that has a tinge of sympathy to him.  Foster also gets the best line of the movie when he says:  “Only assholes drink Mr. Pibb!”

THE FRESHMAN (1925) ** ½

Harold Lloyd stars as an eager teen who can’t wait to go off to college to become a big man on campus.  Once at school, he is almost immediately teased by the other students who delight in pulling all sorts of pranks on him.  Harold does all he can to be popular, but no matter what he does, his classmate, a big movie star, constantly one-ups him.  Since the college is a big football school, Harold decides to join the team.  Naturally, the hard-nosed coach only uses him as a human tackling dummy.  Predictably, during the big game, the star player is injured and it’s up to Harold to win the game. 

The Freshman has its moments, but it’s not quite up there with Lloyd’s best stuff.  The problem is that his character is more pathetic than sympathetic.  He’s too busy trying to buy friends than make them the old-fashioned way, which makes him a tad annoying.  Also, most of the humor revolves around Lloyd being humiliated, which isn’t really all that funny.  Since he plays more of a sap than his patented everyman persona, it takes some of the wind out of the movie’s sails. 

It also takes a while before we get to the bulk of the physical comedy.  The scene where he tries to tackle a tackling dummy is pretty funny, but the scenes of him being tackled over and over again are repetitive and soon wear out their welcome.  The highlight comes when Lloyd wears a cheap suit to a dance.  His tailor keeps trying to sew up the seams as he’s mingling, and it results in a few solid laughs.  The final football scene is equally funny and has been copied many times over the years.  It still holds up fairly well.  It’s just a shame that it takes such a long time getting around to it.

AKA:  College Days.

IMMORAL TALES (1973) ***

Writer/director Walerian Borowczyk gives us four stories of sin and hedonism.  Unlike most anthology films, each tale is about as good, if not better than the one that preceded it.  While each of them have their own faults, the loving way Borowczyk films his luscious leading ladies is a marvel to behold. 

In the first story, The Tide (***), a twenty-year-old guy takes his teenage cousin to the beach.  When the tide comes in, they are left stranded on the rocks.  She soon learns it’s all been a plot by him to get her alone so he can teach her the art of lovemaking.  He instructs her to keep her sensual rhythm in time with the tide and that she should conclude their lovemaking when the tide rolls back out. 

This sequence works because the location is so crucial to the characters’ immoral actions.  The time restraint of the tide also gives it an urgency that some of the other stories lack.  The sensual way Borowczyk films the lovers is genuinely erotic.  Despite all the close-ups of butts and genitals, it’s the simple shot of our heroine’s mouth that remains the most captivating. 

Therese the Philosopher (***) has a religious slant that gives it more than a little kick.  Locked in her attic by her strict mother, and given only cucumbers to eat, lonely Therese reads biblical works to atone for her supposed sins.  She eventually finds some pornographic books in the attic and gets turned on.  Guess what happens to the cucumbers. 

Like The Tide, this episode builds gradually.  The reason it works so well is that we sympathize with Therese.  Because of that, we get just as turned on as she does.  I just wish Borowczyk came up with a snazzier ending as the whole thing sort of fizzles out. 

Elizabeth Bathory (*** ½) is easily the best segment.  In it, the notorious bloodthirsty Countess goes around the countryside finding young virgin girls.  She then takes them back to her castle where they are free to get all soaped up and run around naked.  She later bathes in their blood to keep up her youthful appearance. 

This sequence benefits from lots of scenes of gratuitous nudity.  (The part with the pearl is particularly graphic.)  It also helps that the vampirism isn’t treated in a supernatural manner.  We never really know if the Countess attains her immortality when she bathes in the virgins’ blood.  The ambiguity of the scene, as well as the eerie way Borowczyk films it, makes this the standout tale.   

The final story is Lucretia Borgia (***).  In it, the Pope has a three-way with his son and daughter.  This one is the slightest of the bunch, but there is no denying that even though it’s sacrilegious and incestual, it’s still kind of hot.  Borowczyk just has a knack for doing that.  That’s sort of his thing.  These are “immoral” tales after all, but they still have the power to titillate.   

Borowczyk originally included a fifth tale, but he decided to expand it to feature length and release it separately.  That film of course, was The Beast.  If you haven’t seen that jaw-dropping bit of insanity, you really owe it to yourself to check it out.  Overall, I think Immoral Tales is more consistently entertaining.  However, if you want to see some WTF lunacy, by all means, seek it out.