STEWARDESS SCHOOL (1986) **

In the '80s, it was a rule that all comedies had to have the word “School” or “Academy” in the title.  As far as these movies go, Stewardess School isn't bad.  That is to say, it has about one funny gag for every four or five groaners.

Two flight school dropouts go to stewardess school to meet girls.  Naturally, the assorted group of oddballs and misfits (who are essential to any ‘80s comedy that have the word “School” or “Academy” in the title) get hired to work for a slumping airline.  On their first flight, they have to work together to save the passengers from a mad bomber.

The cast is a good mix of TV vets and character actors.  We have Happy Days’ Donnie Most (billed here as “Donald” Most, which shows he was trying to be taken seriously as an actor), Sherman Hemsley, Judy Landers, Sandhal Bergman, Wendie Jo Sperber, and Corrine Bohrer.  Although some of those names may not sound familiar, I’m sure you’ll recognize their faces.

I’ll admit, a lot of this is just plain dumb.  Some of the humor is like someone made a filmed version of a slightly dirty joke you heard in the third grade.  Very few of them are funny.  The blind jokes that dominate the third act are especially gratuitous.

This is the kind of movie that would look right at home at 2:00 AM on cable.  There isn’t enough nudity here to really qualify it as a Skinamax movie though.  There’s a coed shower scene and a brief striptease, but that’s about it.  With a few edits, it would be perfect fodder for Up All Night.  

NETFLIX AND KILL: LATE PHASES (2014) ** ½

Continuing the theme from our last Netflix and Kill movie, The Devil’s Candy, here’s another Ethan Embry flick.  Although that film left me cold, I still enjoyed his performance immensely.  I’m glad to report that he doesn’t disappoint in Late Phases.   

Nick (Stake Land) Damici stars as a tough-talking blind veteran who moves into a gated retirement community.  Of course, what they don’t say in the brochure is that there’s a werewolf on the prowl eating the retirees.  After the werewolf kills Damici’s dog, he prepares himself for the next encounter with the beast during the upcoming full moon. 

Imagine Silver Bullet Meets Bubba Ho-Tep and that might give you an idea as to what to expect.  Like Bubba Ho-Tep, it’s a pretty absurd premise, but it’s played more or less seriously.  Tone is a tricky thing when you’re making a picture like this.  I’m not saying it’s entirely successful, but if they went strictly for laughs, it wouldn’t have worked at all.   

Damici’s performance helps immensely.  Made up to be several years older than he really is (not unlike Bruce Campbell in Bubba Ho-Tep) and sporting a Robert DeNiro accent, he takes command of every scene he’s in.  Even though he talks and acts tough, he has an air about him that seems genuine, and when he leaves his final voice message to his son (Embry), it’s actually kind of moving. 

There’s a good blend of CGI and practical effects when it comes to the transformation scene.  It’s a little reminiscent of Company of Wolves as the werewolf rips out of its human form’s skin.  I just wish the final werewolf make-up looked better.  The body looks OK, but the head looks like something out of a Howling sequel. 

Things get off to a crackling start with a nifty werewolf attack.  After that, the pacing sort of flags, and it takes a while for the film to gather its momentum again.  However, Damici is so good that it holds your interest, even when things begin to get bogged down.  The supporting cast is solid up and down the board.  Larry Fessenden (who also produced) has a pretty funny role as a tombstone salesman, Tom Noonan has some good moments as the local priest, Dana Ashbrook is a hoot as an unscrupulous gunmaker, Tina Louise is still looking fine as one of Damici’s neighbors, and The Last Starfighter’s Lance Guest has a couple of memorable scenes as Noonan’s assistant. 

It’s the dynamic between Damici and Embry that really resonates.  The scene of Embry trying to help his dad while simultaneously putting up with his bullshit feel sincere enough.  Honestly, the film spends too much time twiddling its thumbs in the second act, but it’s still worth watching just for Damici’s antics.  He also gets all the best lines of the movie like:  “I know more about firearms than you do about Pop Tarts!” 

AKA:  Late Phases:  Night of the Lone Wolf.  AKA:  Night of the Wolf:  Late Phases.

NETFLIX AND KILL: THE DEVIL’S CANDY (2015) **

An almost unrecognizable Ethan Embry stars as a starving artist who moves his family into an old house.  It doesn’t take long for him to start hearing voices while painting increasingly sacrilegious artwork while in the grips of frenzied creative outbursts.  There’s also the matter of the mentally disturbed guitar-playing man (Pruitt Taylor Vince) who keeps showing up unannounced whose parents (the former tenants) died in the house.   

The Devil’s Candy is better in the early scenes that explore the family dynamic of its characters.  The stuff with the long-haired, heavy-metal-loving Embry trying to balance his artwork with being a parent rings true enough.  It’s just a shame that the horror scenes are mostly a bust and not very effective to boot.   

Part of the problem is that it all seems like it’s building towards something… bigger.  When the finale finally does happen, the feeling is more like, “That’s it?” than anything.  Even at 79 minutes, it’s rather slow-moving and some scenes are almost too dark to see. 

The cast is solid though.  Embry is strong as the family man who paints in an obsessed state who fears he may be putting his art ahead of his daughter’s needs.  Vince makes an impression as the gentle, but deadly guitar player, although you wish he had more to do.  Leland Orser also has a few memorable moments as a local television evangelist.  None of their efforts really make it all worthwhile, but they are certainly better than the one-note premise deserves.

SPEEDY (1928) ***

Harold Lloyd stars as a Yankee fan who can’t seem to hold a job.  His girlfriend’s grandfather, “Pop” (Bert Woodruff) owns the last horse-drawn trolley in New York.  When he refuses to sell his company to a big competitor, they plan to sabotage his trolley.  It’s then up to Lloyd to save the trolley and the family business.   

This was Lloyd’s last silent film, and while some vignettes work better than others, it’s still a fine example of what Lloyd can do.  The scenes of Lloyd taking his best gal to Coney Island are okay, but I liked the scene where they play house inside of a moving truck more.  I also got a few laughs from the scene where Lloyd uses his baseball skills to make an orange soda and creates his own scoreboard using donuts and pretzels.   

The big scene though revolves around Lloyd’s woes as a taxi driver.  The highlight comes when he has to get Babe Ruth (playing himself) to Yankee Stadium in a hurry.  The chase sequence in the finale where he frantically drives his horse-drawn trolley through the jam-packed streets of New York is even more elaborate and is really something to see. 

Part of the charm of Speedy is you get to see how things were back in the old days.  For example, you couldn’t check the baseball scores on your phone at work.  Well, you could, but you had to call Yankee Stadium for updates.

NETFLIX AND KILL: PAY THE GHOST (2015) ***

Nicolas Cage stars as a workaholic professor whose son keeps seeing a shrouded figure at his window at night.  He takes him to a Halloween carnival and the kid asks, “Can we pay the ghost” before vanishing into the crowd.  Cage’s marriage quickly crumbles as he becomes obsessed with finding his son.  One year later, he starts hearing his son’s voice.  Pretty soon, Cage starts seeing glimpses of ghost kids everywhere.  When he sees “PAY THE GHOST” graffitied on the side of an abandoned building, he goes inside to investigate.  Maybe, just maybe, the creepy blind homeless guy inside knows what’s going on. 

Cage plays the kind of professor who uses different voices when he recites poetry and receives a round of applause from his students afterwards.  (Well, he is Nic Cage after all.)  That’s the only time he really goes over the top.  Throughout the film, he is on his A-Game and while at first glance this might seem like straight-to-DVD junk, it’s actually a solid little flick. 

Directed by Uli (Last Exit to Brooklyn) Edel, Pay the Ghost is better than you’d expect at just about every turn.  Although it’s not what you would call scary, it takes itself very seriously.  There are some over-the-top deaths reminiscent of The Omen, but for the most part, it’s about how the loss of a child tears a parent’s world apart.  Initially, I thought this was going to be kind of like a horror version of Stolen.  However, it has a decent mythology surrounding its mysterious specter and Edel delivers an occasional creepy moment. 

The finale where Cage crosses over to “the other side” to find his son is a bit like the end of Poltergeist mixed with the bridge scene from Temple of Doom.  If that doesn’t make you want to see it, nothing will.  Sure, some of the CGI effects are cheesy, but the scene where Cage encounters a cabin full of thousands of zombified children is rather effective. 

Note:  This is the second movie in my Netflix and Kill binge that featured a father and son dangling perilously above a bottomless pit to Hell.

NETFLIX AND KILL: HUSH (2016) ***

After being thoroughly impressed by Gerald’s Game, I decided to check out another Mike Flanagan joint.  As it turns out, they had a lot more in common than I thought.  For instance, the book Carla Gugino throws at the dog in Gerald’s Game was written by the heroine of this movie!  Not only that, but she also has a Stephen King book prominently displayed on her bookshelf!  It’s a veritable King/Flanagan shared cinematic universe! 

Kate Siegel (who also co-wrote) stars as a deaf-mute author who lives alone in the woods.  While she’s busy in the kitchen, a crossbow-wielding killer in a white mask murders her neighbor just outside her door.  He then sneaks into her house and takes advantage of her disability to toy with her.  The killer cuts the power and waits patiently in the darkness to strike.  In the meantime, Kate builds up enough courage to fight back and beat the killer at his own game. 

This is essentially Wait Until Dark, but with a deaf woman, but Flanagan finds lots of ways to make it stand on its own and be unique.  As with Gerald’s Game, he shows he can milk a maximum amount of suspense from a slim premise, a single location, and a minimum amount of characters.  Like Gerald’s Game, there’s even a scene where the female character steps outside of herself to give herself a rallying pep talk.  Another similarity:  There’s a scene where the heroine has to rebound back from a horrifying hand trauma.   

There are definite similarities in both films, but they are still different as night and day, which makes it a fun double feature.  I will say that even at a scant 81 minutes, there are a few places where the movie drags.  The highs easily outweigh the valleys though, and it’s amazing how much suspense Flanagan was able to wring out of such a slight scenario.

NETFLIX AND KILL: GERALD’S GAME (2017) ***

Director Mike (Oculus) Flanagan’s adaptation of Stephen King’s novel plays like a cross between 50 Shades of Grey and Cujo.  Instead of a woman being trapped in a car surrounded by a hungry dog, it’s a woman handcuffed to her bed surrounded by a hungry dog.  References to King’s other works abound (most notable being Dolores Claiborne as something bad happens during a solar eclipse), which should make any King fan happy.  

Jessie (Carla Gugino) and Gerald (Bruce Greenwood) are a married couple who are stuck in a rut.  In an attempt to spice things up, they go to a secluded cabin in the woods for some kinky sex.  Gerald cuffs her to the bed and almost immediately, things get a little rough.  Too rough for Jessie in fact, and she demands to be let out of the handcuffs.  Before Gerald can do that though, he has a heart attack and dies.  If you thought being left alone in the middle of nowhere while handcuffed to a bed was bad; it gets worse.  Pretty soon, a famished stray dog starts sniffing around the bedroom and begins feasting on what’s left of old Gerald, and it’s only a matter of time before Jessie is next on the menu. 

Flanagan does a good job at getting into Jessie’s psyche.  The scenes of her dead hubby walking around the room and admonishing her for being “stupid” are a nice way to show his psychological hold on her, even in death.  She even appears to herself as a stronger and more resilient Jessie who tries to coach her into thinking of a way out of her predicament.  Some of this is overly theatrical, but Greenwood and Gugino are so on-point that it hardly matters.   

Flanagan is adept at maintaining a crackling level of suspense throughout the majority of the picture and gives us a handful of intense moments along the way.  There was even a scene that made this old gorehound holler out in disgust.  With that scene, Flanagan shows that he is one of the best horror directors working in the field today.     

The film only has one drawback, and it’s a bit of a big one, especially when it comes down the homestretch.  The subplot about a serial killer/necrophiliac called “The Moonlight Man” just feels like padding.  While I understand the necessity of the character, it just causes the ending to drag on and on.  Had Flanagan ended the whole thing about eight minutes sooner, it would’ve been a wham-bam kick-to-the-gut experience.