THE FRUIT IS RIPE (1978) ** ½

A sexually carefree young woman named Patricia (Betty Verges) spends a week in Greece hooking up with random people and getting into various misadventures.  She picks up a married man at the airport, is nearly raped by two men while hitchhiking, and watches two lovers have sex in a tent.  Just when Patricia thinks she’s found true love with a guy on a boat, he winds up breaking her heart.  

The Fruit is Ripe is a freewheeling and good natured (for the most part) sex comedy.  Although it gets off to a playful and funny start, things get increasingly uneven as the plot meanders along.  Not that a plot is something that was absolutely necessary in a skin flick like this.  It’s just that the film’s episodic nature tends to get a bit repetitive after a while. 

Verges gives a solid performance all things considered.  Her willingness to disrobe at the drop of a hat combined with her fetching screen presence keeps you watching.  (I particularly liked the scene where she gleefully hopped in the bathtub with a guy she just met.)  Sure, there’s a copious amount of nudity to be found, but the sex scenes themselves are a mixed bag and the whole thing is a bit too slight to be truly memorable.  As far as German ‘70s sex comedies go, you can certainly do a lot worse. 

AKA:  Coming of Age.

NETFLIX AND KILL: CLOWN (2016) ****

Real estate agent Kent (Andy Powers) is in the middle of trying to sell a rundown mansion when he gets the call that his kid’s birthday clown has canceled at the last minute.  Kent just so happens to find a clown suit in a trunk in the basement and puts it on to make sure his son’s birthday goes off without a hitch.  Trouble brews the next morning when he’s unable to get the suit off.  Even the fake red nose refuses to come off.  Slowly, Kent begins to transform into an ancient evil clown that has an appetite for children. 

Produced by Eli Roth, Clown features one of the strangest transformations in horror film history.  The way poor Kent slowly turns into a homicidal clown is simultaneously funny, horrifying, and yes, tragic.  I was reminded more than once of David Cronenberg’s The Fly while watching it.  Both movies contain men who undergo icky transformations while concentrating on the very real and sad way that the transformation tears their relationships apart. 

Clown is scarier and a lot more effective than that Pennywise fella.  There are a number of creepy sequences, laugh-out-loud moments, and some surprising moments of gore too.  The bit with the dog clown was pure genius and the Chuck E. Cheese massacre is one for the books.  It also features one of the more inventive suicide attempts I’ve seen in a movie in some time. 

Director Jon Watts (who later hit the big time directing Spider-Man:  Homecoming) plays things very seriously, but is smart enough to allow the moments of humor to occur naturally throughout the film.  Yes, it’s funny to see Kent trying to hide the fact that he’s now a clown at work, but the way his situation grows increasingly desperate is suspenseful and at times, oddly touching.   

Peter Stormare is fun to watch as the old guy whose family was once cursed by the evil suit.  It’s Andy Powers though who makes the movie.  His memorable performance really sells his character’s unlikely plight.  Powers is a likeable guy who exudes a charm not unlike Chris Pratt.  He never once loses our sympathy, even when he begins to get more and more monstrous.  It’s that capacity for sympathy that puts Clown right up there with the best movie monsters. 

NETFLIX AND KILL: WE ARE NOT ALONE (2016) **

A single dad moves into a new house with his young daughter and girlfriend.  She tries to get along with her future stepdaughter, but it’s clear from the get-go she’s a total daddy’s girl.  Before long, she’s hearing strange noises in the house and even finds a hidden room in the wall.  She tries to tell her hubby something supernatural is going on and of course, he doesn’t believe her because he’s too busy working all the time.  Once they realize the place is indeed haunted, they turn to a priest to get rid of the evil. 

We are Not Alone is a Peruvian version of an American haunted house movie, but despite the language difference, it’s really just the same old shit.  Faulty TV reception, ominous drawings by little kids, and balls bouncing down stairs all act as harbingers of doom.  It even ends with a good old-fashioned exorcism. 

Despite the overly familiar subject matter, it’s only 75 minutes long, which is a blessing, and it moves along at a decent pace.  The film also benefits from the cool grey-tinged cinematography.  Too bad that the bulk of the running time is devoted to a lot of fake scares, most of which revolve around the stepdaughter springing up where she shouldn’t.  They even trot out the old tried-and-true Jack-in-the-box jump scare.  I thought those went out of style years ago.

AMITYVILLE: THE AWAKENING (2017) ***

I feel like I’ve been waiting forever to see this movie.  The release date kept getting pushed back January after January until Dimension took it off their schedule completely.  Now, in the wake of the Weinstein scandal, it’s been dumped on Google Play.  FOR FREE.  Man, I was totally willing to pay $12 to see this in the theater!  Now I get to watch it absolutely free.  Not only was it worth the wait, I got my money’s worth out of it too! 

Ginger goddess Bella Thorne moves into the Amityville house with her overbearing mother (Jennifer Jason Leigh) and her braindead vegetable twin brother.  Bella learns from her classmates the horrifying history of the house about the same time her brother starts making a miraculous recovery.  Is he really getting better or is the house possessing him to do its evil bidding? 

Amityville:  The Awakening was directed by Franck Khalfoun, director of the underappreciated P2, and he brings the same slick efficiency that he brought to that gem.  Khalfoun gives us a few genuinely effective moments (like a window opening on its own) as well as a grisly updating of the original’s fly sequence.  He also does a fine job at orchestrating the family drama within the house.  The strained relationship between Thorne and Leigh (who are well-cast as daughter and mother) is absorbing and the tension between them is genuine. 

Even though it’s PG-13, it still has a creepy vibe.  Honestly, with a few edits, this could probably play on Lifetime, what with the family squabbling and all.  Since Lifetime Movies are a guilty pleasure of mine, it really fired on all cylinders for me.   

What makes The Awakening so much fun is that it exists in the “real” world.  The DeFeo murders that happened in the house are “real”, but the entire Amityville film series are just that:  movies.  In fact, one of Thorne’s classmates bring over the original 1979 Amityville Horror so they can watch it together.  He also suggests they watch the Ryan Reynolds remake, but she shoots him down.  “Remakes totally blow!”  There is no mention however of Amityville 3-D though.  Bummer.   

For all of its creepy moments at meta references, the movie really belongs to Bella Thorne.  Wearing a wardrobe that consists of a variety of sexy goth/punk outfits and black lipstick, she always commands your attention.  It doesn’t hurt that half the movie features her in booty shorts walking down hallways and investigating strange noises.  Not only is she smoking hot, she gives a great performance as well.  She really holds her own acting alongside Jennifer Jason Leigh, which is a testament to her abilities.   

AKA:  Amityville:  The Reawakening. 

NETFLIX AND KILL: WE ARE STILL HERE (2015) **

Barbara Crampton and Andrew Sensenig star as a couple who are still reeling from the death of their son.  They move to a house in the country and almost immediately, Barbara thinks her dead son is trying to communicate with her.  She invites her hippie friends (Lisa Marie and Larry Fessenden) over to hold a séance in the house to make contact with him.  Instead of reaching their son, they find a malevolent spirit that awakens every thirty years to devour the occupants of the house. 

We are Still Here is a frustrating and slow moving film.  It’s almost as if it’s taking delight in foiling the audience’s expectations and testing their patience.  It takes so much time gathering steam that I found myself nodding off halfway through.  It would be one thing if I had it on in the middle of the night, but I was watching it in the afternoon.  

While the film takes an awfully long time to get itself in gear, the final act certainly has its moments.  I dug the séance scene and the crispy, burnt-up ghost with white eyes that lives in the house is pretty cool.  The scenes of the house “eating” people are juicy, as are the assorted head-crushing, eye-poking, and throat-gouging effects.  It’s just a shame that it takes its sweet time getting to the good stuff. 

BUGSY (1991) ***

In 1991, Hollywood had Bugsy on the brain.  No less than three movies were released that featured the notorious gangster Bugsy Siegel.  While The Marrying Man and Mobsters found Bugsy playing a supporting role, this biopic by Barry Levinson puts Siegel front and center. 

Warren Beatty stars as Bugsy, a coldblooded gangster who has visions of creating a hotel in the desert, which would later be the inspiration for Las Vegas.  He has a hot temper to go along with his grand vision.  If anyone calls him “Bugsy” to his face, they usually wind up six feet under.  He falls in love with a movie star (Annette Bening) who helps him achieve his dream.  However, escalating costs and Bugsy’s almost irritating need for perfection soon makes his gangster investors (Harvey Keitel and Ben Kingsley among them) nervous. 

Written by James Toback (who also directed a slew of movies that starred Keitel), Bugsy is an agreeable drama that coasts on the charms of its performers.  Beatty is as engaging as ever and he has a lot of chemistry with Bening (so much so that they were later married in real life).  Kingsley and Keitel (who were both nominated for Oscars for their work) are equally fine as the gangsters who back Bugsy’s plans and do their best to stick with him through thick and thin. 

The film runs on a bit long and Levinson’s style is overly glossy.  That works in the movie’s favor though.  Bugsy always fancied himself as a Hollywood heavy, so it’s fitting that the film is slick and classy like an old-time movie from the Golden Age.   

It’s also one of those movies that shows the dark side of the American Dream.  Bugsy sees himself as a visionary and desperately wants to make a name for himself.  The fact he’s a gangster is irrelevant.  We see him kill a man very early on in cold blood.  We know he’s capable of violence.  Despite that, Beatty is so charming that we are rooting for him the whole way.  He makes Bugsy likeable like only Beatty can.  This is the guy who made bank robber Clyde Barrow a hero after all. 

It’s Bening who gets the best line of the movie when she tells Beatty:  “Why don’t you run outside and jerk yourself a soda!”

THE FOREIGNER (2017) ***

Jackie Chan has been in the business of kicking ass for over forty years.  With The Foreigner, he shows he is still capable of surprising his fans.  We all knew he could make audience’s laugh in his Kung Fu comedies, but late in his career, he has shown he can deliver wonderful dramatic performances too.  His work in The Foreigner is right up there with his performance in The Karate Kid.  In addition to his acting chops, Chan once again proves he still has some of that old school acrobatic magic left in him.  Sure, his fight sequences aren’t nearly as long or elaborate as the stuff he was doing twenty years ago, but they still pack a punch, mostly because we’re along for the ride with him emotionally.   

The Foreigner is basically a Death Wish-type thriller married with a serious IRA drama.  Chan plays a grief-stricken father who wants answers after his daughter is killed in a terrorist explosion.  Pierce Brosnan plays the politician in charge of the investigation who may or may not have something to do with it.  When Pierce doesn’t deliver the bombers in a timely fashion, Jackie uses his skills as a special forces agent to blow shit up. 

Chan uses his age to his advantage here.  Because the bad guys see him as just another old man, they underestimate him and he's able to whoop their butts handily.  Make no mistake, he may be getting up there in age, but Chan has still got it.  While the fights are smaller and the stunts are less intensive, they remain inventive throughout.  Credit director Martin Campbell (who also directed Brosnan in Goldeneye) for expertly grafting Chan’s strengths into a more adult-oriented setting.  He takes great advantage of Chan’s skills in the close quarters fights.  There’s a brutal stairway fight as well as an intense brawl in a kitchen.  I also enjoyed the extended First Blood-style sequence where Chan sets traps and lays waste to an army of Bronsan’s goons. 

Brosnan is in fine form too as the politician with his own private agenda.  I can’t tell you how much fun it is to see Jackie Chan matching wits with James Bond.  I only wish they had their own fight scene together.  Oh well. 

The drama gets a little bogged down when it concentrates too heavily on IRA politics.  Campbell still does a nice job at trying to keep these potentially dull scenes moving at an acceptable pace.  Despite a few lulls, the performances are strong enough to keep you invested, even when the plot is spinning its wheels.