HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE NESTING (1981) **

An agoraphobic writer (Robin Groves) moves to the country to soothe her condition.  Turns out the house she’s rented is a former bordello that’s haunted by the spirit of the madam (Gloria Grahame from Blood and Lace, making her final film appearance).  Before long she’s having waking nightmares of being a hooker and slowly starts losing her grip on her sanity. 

Director Armand Weston is most famous for the legendary porn classic The Defiance of Good.  His skill set didn’t seem to carry over into the horror genre.  The Nesting works in fits and starts and occasionally threatens to genuinely gather momentum.  The problem is that the scare sequences don’t have much in the way of rhythm.  The stalking scenes go on and on, almost comically at times.  At least they have memorable punchlines.  (One scene climaxes with a drunkard handyman being pulled into a lake by zombie arms and another ends with a scuzzy chicken farmer getting a sickle planted in his forehead.) 

All of this is occasionally amusing, but you’ve got to put up with a lot of dull, predictable crap in between the good stuff.  It’s also undone by a lousy ending.  Groves’ wisecracking boyfriend grates on the nerves too. 

John Carradine is around long enough to say a couple of lines before having a stroke and disappearing for a good chunk of the movie.  Then he turns up later in the picture, but promptly has a heart attack and is sidelined yet again.  He’s still well enough to manage reciting the huge exposition dump in the final reel though.   

AKA:  Phobia.  AKA:  Massacre Mansion.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE WITCH WHO CAME FROM THE SEA (1976) ***

After watching the documentary GLOW:  The Story of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, I got a hankering to watch a Matt Cimber movie.  He of course directed a string of exploitations pictures long before his involvement with the ultimate women’s wrestling show.  I’m glad to say, The Witch Who Came from the Sea is one of his best. 

Millie (The Shooting) Perkins stars as a mentally frail waitress who lives with her sister and two nephews in a gloomy seaside town.  When she learns her two favorite footballs players have been murdered during a kinky sex act, she flies off the handle.  It’s also troubling to her because she’s unable to remember if she’s the one responsible.  

The Witch Who Came from the Sea has a freewheeling, experimental feel to it.  The murder sequences have a dreamlike quality and the freak-out scenes are quite memorable.  It has a grimy, homemade look so the “normal” everyday scenes almost feel like a home movie.  Because of that, when things get weird (like the scene where Perkins imagines a bunch of bodybuilders being strung up and killed), it feels especially freaky.   

Due to its very nature, the film is uneven and sometimes frustrating.  Whenever it threatens to derail itself, Perkins swoops in to save the day.  You never quite know what she’ll do next and her homicidal bursts of lunacy are really something to see.  One moment, she’s sweet and innocent.  The next, she’s unhinged and deranged.  The supporting cast, which includes such favorites as George “Buck” Flower as a cop and Roberta Collins are equally fine and lend terrific support.

MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997) **

I’ve been wanting to watch some Clint Eastwood movies I hadn’t seen before.  I chose this one based on the strength of the cast.  I mean who wouldn’t want to see John Cusack teamed up with Christopher Plummer?   

Cusack stars as a New York reporter who goes to Savannah, Georgia to do a story on a lavish Christmas party held by the eccentric Plummer.  During the party, his lover (Jude Law) storms in demanding money.  Later, he winds up dead and Plummer is charged for murder.  Cusack decides to stick around and cover the story. 

I never read the book this was based on, but supposedly, Cusack’s character was an invention of the screenwriters.  He’s only there to act as a tour guide to the various oddballs and eccentrics that populate the movie.  One guy walks an invisible dog, an old lady performs voodoo ceremonies in a cemetery, a trans nightclub performer constantly hits on Cusack, and an old coot carries around a vial of poison and threatens to taint the town’s water supply.  I don’t know if they were going for Twin Peaks Down South or what.  All I know is that the elements never quite gel.   

The reporter device doesn't really pay off.  It hinges on people telling Cusack information about other character instead of showing us what they’re all about.  This gossipy stuff might’ve worked in the book, but this a movie.  You have to show, not tell.  

It’s mildly amusing in the first half when we’re being introduced to the assorted bunch of colorful characters.  It’s when the film settles down into its long-winded courtroom scenes that much of the energy drains out of it.  Ultimately, the plot is just too dawdling, and the pacing far too languid to make it entertaining. 

This was an odd choice for Clint.  It kind of goes against the grain of his strengths and sensibilities.  Maybe he was trying to stretch as a director and show he could do more Oscar bait-y type of material.  To quote Dirty Harry, a man’s got to know his limitations. 

Plummer is so aloof that it becomes hard to root for his character.  Since you never really care about him, it's consequently hard to care whether he’s guilty or not.  In one scene he has a monologue about no one understanding his special “bond” with a much younger man.  Life doesn’t imitate art much, does it? 

Cusack gets the best line of the movie when he describes the situation to his editor:  “It’s like Gone with the Wind on mescaline!”

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: SADAKO VS. KAYAKO (2016) ** ½

If you’re going to do a vs. movie, you must make sure the opponents are evenly matched.  King Kong vs. Godzilla had two giant monsters facing off against each other.  Freddy vs. Jason found two of the premier slashers of their era going head to head.  Alien vs. Predator had two extraterrestrial beasties locking horns.  For Sadako vs. Kayako, we have the little ghost girl having a bad hair day from The Ring going up against the little ghost girl having a bad hair day from The Grudge.  This is about as evenly matched as it gets, folks. 

There’s even a little bit of Urban Legend here as the heroines have a professor that teaches a class on urban legends.  He offers his students cash money for proof that the cursed video from The Ring exists.  If only Rebecca Gayheart was lurking around in a parka, it could’ve been a triple-header. 

Anyway, our two heroines find a VCR at a dirt mall that just so happens to have the mythical tape in it.  Naturally, they watch it.  In a brilliant stroke, one of the girls is busy texting on her phone so she misses the whole thing!  Of course, her friend is doomed to die in two days, so they ask an unconventional exorcist to help them lift the curse.  He suggests performing the exorcism in the haunted house from The Grudge and letting the two evil spirits duke it out. 

Like both franchises, the pacing is awfully slow.  The constant cutting back and forth between The Ring and The Grudge’s storylines also takes a lot of the wind out of the movie’s sails.  I will say The Ring scenes work better than The Grudge scenes, but there is one good part where the Boy Who Meows Like a Cat from The Grudge attacks a couple of bullies.  You’ve also got to wait a long time before both curses fight each other in the final showdown and when it finally does happen, it’s a bit of a letdown.   

Despite these annoyances, this is still a lot better than any of the previous films in both respective franchises, so that’s a small victory at least.  It doesn’t take itself very seriously, which is a blessing.  Both franchises hinged on the audience’s belief that a little ghost girl having a bad hair day was scary, which, it isn’t.  This one kind of senses the stupidity inherent in the premise(s) and decides to have a little fun with it.  I’m not saying it completely works, but I’ll be damned… I ALMOST liked it.

MANBORG (2011) * ½

Faux-grindhouse throwbacks are risky propositions.  Sometimes I wonder if these things are just an excuse for people to make a bad movie on purpose.  If that was the makers of Manborg’s intentions, all I can say is mission accomplished.

In the future, the world goes to war with Hell.  A soldier is killed on the battlefield and turned into a cyborg by a mad scientist.  He is sent to fight in gladiator games against Hell’s minions before banding together with a few fellow fighters to stage an uprising.

The effects are purposely terrible, which gets old quick.  It’s like the movie thinks haphazardly using obvious greenscreen effects is automatically hilarious.  As a result, the whole thing looks like a shitty Sega CD game.  The stop motion animation is better than the crappy CGI, but it's still not very good.

The dubbing is bad on purpose too, but it’s never so out of whack that it elicits a laugh.  It’s no Kung Pow:  Enter the Fist in that department.  The only laughs come from the villain’s attempt to woo one of the women prisoners he has a crush on.  It’s odd that the intentional humor works rather well, but the calculated use of shoddy effects and low budget techniques falls flat.

There might have been enough material here to pick and choose from to make a three-minute faux grindhouse trailer.  At seventy minutes, it’s all rather insufferable.  If you stick around after the credits, you’ll be treated to a fake trailer for Biocop, which looks like a cross between Maniac Cop and The Incredible Melting Man.  It contains as many laughs in three minutes as Manborg did in seventy, which pretty much proves my point.  At least Biocop knew when to quit. 

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE STRANGE CASE OF DR. JEKYLL AND MISS OSBOURNE (1981) **

The potentially potent pairing of Udo Kier and Walerian (The Beast) Borowczyk is undone by turgid pacing and sloppy screenwriting.  Kier stars as Dr. Jekyll, who is throwing an engagement party in his home.  Naturally, Mr. Hyde crashes the party and starts raping guests (both men and women).   While the police comb the area looking for Hyde, Jekyll’s fiancée (Marina Pierro) catches a glimpse of her hubby to-be changing personalities.  Wanting to be with her man no matter what, she pleads with him to let her use his potion to unleash her hidden freaky persona. 

The gruesome scenes of Hyde raping unfortunate partygoers are guaranteed to shock.  I mean his dick is so big it goes through their ass and out their belly.  In another memorable scene, Hyde ties up Patrick Magee and forces him to watch while he has his way with his daughter (who unlike the other guests is more than eager to participate). 

These scenes certainly grab your attention.  Too bad the first half hour is so boring.  Seriously, nothing happens.  Even when Hyde does show up, it's only in frustrating glimpses.  

Fans of Udo are likely to be disappointed by this one, seeing as he did such a great job as Dracula and Frankenstein in the Andy Warhol movies.  Here, he’s not given a whole lot to do as Dr. Jekyll.  Even worse is the fact that another actor plays Mr. Hyde.  I’m sure he could’ve delivered a great performance as Hyde, but Borowczyk doesn’t even give him an opportunity to strut his stuff!  It's unfortunate too because it would’ve been interesting to see what Udo could’ve done with the character.  The guy they got to play Hyde... well… let's just say he's no Udo Kier and leave it at that.  

AKA:  Bloodlust.  AKA:  The Blood of Dr. Jekyll.  AKA:  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  AKA:  The Bloodbath of Dr. Jekyll.  AKA:  The Experiment.  AKA:  Dr. Jekyll and His Women.  AKA:  Dr. Jekyll and His Wives.  

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: HIDE AND GO SHRIEK (1988) ***

Most slasher films feature killers stalking teens in a place they shouldn’t be.  Usually in these movies that means the woods, an abandoned house, or in a cemetery.  In the case of Hide and Go Shriek it's... THE FURNITURE STORE. 

The teens spend the night in a furniture store for a party unaware there’s a scary ex-con who lives inside.  One of them says, “I KNOW! Let's play hide and seek!” and they take off in every which direction to hide and/or make out.  Since they’re all split up, it gives the killer a perfect opportunity to do some hacking and slashing.  

A lot of this is just plain silly.  Like, why is there such an abundance of mannequins in a furniture store?  They try to explain it away with one awkward line of dialogue, but you get the feeling this was originally written to take place in a mall, but a crummy furniture shop was all the location manager could afford to rent.  Then again, if there wasn’t a mess of mannequins laying around we wouldn’t have the sweet scene where Sean (“Karate’s Bad Boy” Mike Barnes from Karate Kid 3) Kanan gets impaled with a mannequin arm. 

Director Skip Schoolnik (the guy who edited Halloween 2) delivers the goods in a competent manner.  He handles the stalking scenes efficiently enough and I liked the gimmick of the killer dressing up like his victims to lure in another potential teen.  The T & A quotient is also above average for the genre’s standards.   

It’s in the third act that the film reveals itself to be something truly special.  The unmasking of the killer is positively jaw-dropping.  More surprising is the way the sensitive subject is handled.  It’s a lot more progressive than what you’d normally see in this sort of thing.  The killer is also given one heck of a demise.  Naturally, he comes back for the gratuitous set-up for a sequel.  I for one am a bit sad it never happened.  

AKA:  Close Your Eyes and Pray.