LIQUID SKY (1983) **

Avant-garde, oddball, bizarre.  Those were the first three words I wrote down to describe Liquid Sky.  Even after writing that sentence, I’m having trouble to find the words to do this movie justice, but I’ll try.

Aliens looking for heroin land their ship (it’s the size of a dinner plate) on top of an apartment building in New York.  They observe a gaggle of weirdo performance art types doing drugs and having sex.  They soon determine the combination of sex and drugs adds to the high and wait till the punks, artsy-fartsy people, and hooligans are in the throes of passion to strike.  Meanwhile a scientist from Germany investigates the aliens and spies on the punks fornicating.

Anne Carlisle stars in the dual role of Margaret and Jimmy.  In the film’s most memorable scene, she gives herself (himself?) a blowjob in front of a bunch of partygoers.  It’s moments like this that keep you glued to Liquid Sky.  Even though you’re forced to wade through a LOT of crude, weird, and confounding stuff, there are just enough rewarding bits here to justify its cult status.

I guess one of the things that irks me about Liquid Sky is that it was consciously made to be a midnight movie.  It’s like the filmmakers looked at all the other cult films at the time and tried to make their own version of it.  There’s obviously John Waters, Andy Warhol, and Rocky Horror influences running throughout the picture, along with a punk rock type of attitude towards androgyny, rape, and necrophilia, but it never quite works.  With its garish lighting, colorful costumes, and purposefully absurd line readings of trashy dialogue like “I kill with my cunt!”, it’s easy to see why some cult film fanatics would take to it.    

Liquid Sky doesn’t endear itself to the audience by making most of the characters drug-addicted loonies.  The disjointed editing is also really distracting, and the irritating and repetitive score gets on your nerves as well.  I think I may have been able to handle all of that, warts and all, but the sheer oppressive length (112 minutes) ultimately sinks it.

It’s certainly visually appealing.  Some of the colorful, neon-bathed shots are trippy, but the infrared POV shots of the aliens are random and annoying.  It’s hard to take your eyes off it, even if it is way too long, aggressively weird, and sometimes dumb.

As a lover of cult films in general, Liquid Sky has been on my radar for a long time.  Now that I’ve finally seen it, I have to say I’m glad I saw it, and I probably don’t ever have to see it again.

SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972) *

Santa’s sleigh gets stuck in the sand on a beach in Florida.  Some local kids try to help Santa by bringing him every kind of animal known to man to pull the sled out, but it’s no use.  Meanwhile, Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn come floating by on their raft with their pet raccoon in tow.  At one point, it looks like it takes a bite out of Tom.  I hope Santa has a rabies shot in his bag.  Santa finally gives up trying to get out of the sand, so he tells the kids a long story about Jack and the Beanstalk to pass the time.  Finally, the Ice Cream Bunny shows up (without ice cream, I might add) to give Santa a ride back to the North Pole.

So basically, this whole movie is about someone frittering away an hour or so while they wait for a tow.

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny is one of the worst Christmas movies I’ve ever seen, which is to say I’m sure it’ll become a yearly yuletide tradition in my home.  There are so many WTF moments here that your brain will have trouble cataloguing it all.  Take for instance the scene at the North Pole where Santa’s elves (children in pointy hats who sing badly dubbed songs) go to check on the reindeer and we see them walking around in a grassy field.  Apparently, climate change hit the North Pole.  Hard.  

There is a basic level of competence on display during the Jack and the Beanstalk sequence.  Even though the effects are crummy (like the rear screen projection to make the giant look big), the songs are terrible, and the props are laughable (the “beanstalk” is merely a rope with some greenery wrapped around it), director Barry (The Beast That Killed Women) Mahon at least can tell the story from A to B.  The Santa Claus wraparound scenes (which incredibly enough, only take up only about 15% of the actual running time) are spectacularly inept.  I mean, it appears that Santa has shit his pants in one scene and the editor STILL kept the scene in there.  Amazing.

Then there’s the Ice Cream Bunny.  Never mind that he never brings anyone any ice cream.  I can handle that.  It’s the fact that he looks so damned creepy that I can’t get over.  The scene where the Bunny slowly approaches the beach in his jalopy accompanied by the sound of air raid sirens is the stuff of nightmares, and when he slowly winks at the kids, it’s nothing short of horrifying.  

Incredibly enough, there’s ANOTHER version of this movie that substitutes Thumbelina for the Jack and the Beanstalk story.  I think I know what I’m watching come Christmas.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: MURDER PARTY (2007) *** ½

Before he wowed everyone with Green Room, Jeremy Saulnier made this surprising and fun horror flick.  It starts off with a very Carpenter vibe (especially during the opening scenes of kids trick-or-treating), before turning into something wholly unique and fresh.  It’s truly the work of a gifted filmmaker who is having a blast springing surprises and twists on his audience every chance he gets.

A likeable nerd (Chris Sharp) is content on spending Halloween alone with his cat.  He changes his plans when he finds an invitation to a “murder party” on the street.  He then makes a costume out of cardboard and shows up to an abandoned warehouse where a group of weirdoes in costumes kidnap him, tie him up, and inform him that they will kill him at the stroke of midnight.

Murder Party starts off like gangbusters and Saulnier rarely takes his foot of the gas.  It’s a thin premise, but the running time is only 79 minutes long.  Saulnier’s obviously smart enough to know when to quit and gets as much out of the (mostly) single setting as possible.  Even in the claustrophobic location, Saulnier is economical enough to make the production feel much bigger, and his deft style keeps you on your toes.

Once the axes fly and chainsaws start revving, it’s a gory good time, but even some of the stalling tactics (like the game of “Extreme Truth or Dare”) are clever and fun.  The last act, which takes place outside of the warehouse location is like going down a rabbit hole of nightmarish lunacy.  Saulnier also makes a handful of funny jabs at the hipster art scene during this section of the film, most of which manage to score a bull’s eye.

As good as a debut as this was, Saulnier amazingly just got better.  

THE MAN FROM S.E.X. (1979) ** ½

Gareth Hunt takes over for Nicky Henson as secret agent Charles Bind, “Number One” in this sequel to Her Majesty’s Top Gun.  This time out, Number One must stop a corrupt Senator (Gary Hope) from replacing the Vice President with an evil double.  He also contends with the Senator’s ruthless henchman, Jensen Fury (Nick Tate), who’s just itching to prove he’s a quicker draw than Number One.

It’s always fun when someone from the legitimate James Bond series appear in these campy 007 knockoffs.  In this case, it’s Geoffrey Keen playing the M role.  There are lots of Bond tropes that are lovingly sent up.  We have a Q-like inventor named Merlin, a sexy love interest with a double entendre for a name (“Carlotta Muff”), karate fights, oddball henchmen, cool gadgets (including a flying car), and a Bond-style opening credits sequence.  (The song itself doesn’t sound like it would belong in a Bond movie, but it’s quite rocking.) 

As far as Bond spoofs go, you can do much worse.  Although, it’s not exactly a spoof, but rather another version of a Bond movie done on a smaller budget, with more desperate puns, weirder gadgets, and a few topless scenes.  Some of the highlights include a car equipped with a buzz saw, exploding women, and flamethrower lighters.  The best scene is when a stripper with razor blades fastened to her tassels begins twirling them so fast that they become deadly buzz saws.  Number One protects himself by holding up a wooden table and she literally turns it into a toothpick!  To which he quips, “You wouldn’t happen to have an olive?” 

She replies, “No but I have a pair!”

Genius. 

The movie really fires on all cylinders during the first act, but the fun slowly dries up as it goes along.  I guess you can say that about many legitimate Bond pictures though.  The third act is weak too, which is probably the only thing preventing it from receiving a *** rating.  The good news is it’s funnier and more effective than Her Majesty’s Top Gun. 

AKA:  Licensed to Love and Kill.  AKA:  Undercover Lover.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: MANDY (2018) ***

You know Nicolas Cage is going to be awesome in Mandy when his first line of dialogue is a knock-knock joke about Erik Estrada.  He also casually name drops Marvel characters into his pillow talk with his wife (Andrea Riseborough).  He’s kind of broody for most of the movie, but once director Panos (Beyond the Black Rainbow) Cosmatos finally lets Cage off his leash (or out of his cage, if you prefer) he’s often amazing.  No one can say a simple line like, “You ripped my shirt” and make it sound like a wounded, emotionally-unraveled battle cry.  If you think he’s wacko then, wait till you see him high on zombie mescaline.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Cage is a lumberjack named Red Miller who adores his wife Mandy (Riseborough).  A cult of religious fanatics sends a gruesome mutant biker gang to kidnap and kill her.  They leave Red for dead, but he returns to avenge his loved one armed with a freshly forged battle axe and a case of pure CAGE RAGE.

Imagine if Clive Barker did a biker movie and that might give you an idea what to expect.  (Hellraiser’s Angels on Wheels?)  Cosmatos’ style is visually dazzling.  He often fills the frame with eye-popping colorful imagery and lots of lens flares, which make the film look like the love child of Dario Argento and Steven Spielberg.  In addition, there’s a kitchen sink approach that makes it unique.  Cosmatos uses everything from anime-style animation to goofy faux ‘80s commercials and what only can be labeled as Heavy Metal Album Imagery to keep us on our toes.  

Honestly, there was no reason whatsoever for this to be two hours long.  Some of Cosmatos’ tangents are less successful than others.  The deliberate pacing also helps to take some of the wind out of the movie’s sails, particularly in the second act.

For all its faults, there’s still nothing quite like Mandy.  It may be uneven, but when it cooks, it’s with an open flame.  Besides, any movie that features Nicolas Cage locked in a chainsaw duel to the death is OK by me.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: DON’T KILL IT (2017) ** ½

Don’t Kill It is what happens when you let the director of The Convent, Mike Mendez direct a Dolph Lundgren DTV action movie.  That is to say, it’s a pretty junky, but sort of fun action-horror hybrid.  Mendez was also able to convince Dolph to give one of his most spry performances in a while, for which we should all be grateful.

A hunter finds a golden artifact in the woods and becomes possessed by a demon.  He then goes on a killing spree in his small town.  Every time the host body is killed, the demon hops into the person who killed it.  Hence the title, Don’t Kill It.  Dolph is the demon hunter who wants to trap the spirit permanently before it wipes out the entire town.

The plot is an awful lot like another Lundgren flick, The Minion.  At least this one has a sense of style, a handful of memorable moments, and some gory set pieces.  Mendez has a Raimi-esque way of filming the demon carnage.  He handles all the shotgun blasts, meat cleavers to the face, and heads shoved into boiling water with aplomb.  I also liked the way he edited in the little snippets of Lundgren’s past experiences as a demon hunter, which helps to jazz up what would’ve otherwise been a thoroughly ordinary exposition scene.

The centerpiece is the sequence when a possessed guy starts laying into people with an ax during a town meeting.  This scene is a lot of fun and features some over the top gore.  Not only does the demon change bodies, it changes weapons as the killers use axes, guns, chainsaws, and even a milk truck to take out their victims.

After a crackling start, Don’t Kill It begins to spark and sputter as it enters the second half.  The scenes of Dolph teaming up with an FBI agent to track down the demon are sort of rote.  The movie also gets a little repetitive as the plot keeps finding new ways of having stupid people interrupt Dolph by killing the demon and allowing it to enter their body.  The last act is also kind of weak, especially when you compare it to the stellar town hall sequence from earlier in the film.  

Dolph is quite good.  He’s looser, and more relaxed than usual, and can rattle off demonic exposition in an offhand, funny manner.  He gets a funny introduction scene where he beats up a guy in a bar and then buys him some ice cream.  There’s another memorable bit where the cops think he’s crazy and try to pull him out of the room, but he’s too big and strong to budge.  This is one of his best performances in a long time.  

I can’t say Don’t Kill It ever quite clicks.  I can say it’s just good enough to make me want to see another Mendez/Lundgren team-up.  I just hope the next time the script is a bit tighter.

AKA:  Dolph Lundgren:  Zombie Hunter.  AKA:  The Demon Hunter.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: GET OUT (2017) ** ½

I’ve heard so much about Jordan Peele’s Get Out for over a year now that I finally had to get off my ass and watch it.  Maybe I should’ve seen it when it first came out because it left me kind of cold.  After months of non-stop hype, huge box office numbers, and even Oscar nominations (and one win for Best Screenplay!?!?!), I guess I was expecting… more?

Allison Williams brings her African-American boyfriend Daniel Kaluuya to meet her parents (Bradley Whitford and Catherine Keener).  After they get all the awkwardness out of the way, Kaluuya still feels out of place, especially when he notices that the only other black people around (the maid and the groundskeeper) act a little off.  Eventually, he comes to realize there is something sinister going on and that Williams’ family have plans for him.  

The horror elements are more subdued and subtler than I expected.  Peele instead goes for more of a paranoiac slow burn.  It’s also more of a social statement than full-blown horror movie, which left this die-hard horror fan a tad disappointed.  The horror elements don’t really take off until the last reel, which is admittedly gripping.  It’s just that by then it’s too little, too late.  Because of that, I think Get Out might’ve worked better as a short or as part of a horror anthology.  Heck, it would’ve played like gangbusters at 80 minutes, but at 104 minutes, it just a long way to go to get to the good stuff.

Peele won an Oscar for Best Screenplay, but that’s more confounding than anything as there’s nothing here that really seems all that Oscar worthy.  Especially when it’s essentially just a modernized version of The Stepford Wives.  There’s also nothing particularly scary about it either, unless you count the uncomfortable scenes of our hero interacting with his girlfriend’s family as “scary”.

The performers really carry the movie, even when it’s dragging its feet during the middle section.  Kayuula has a strong screen presence and has a lot of chemistry with Williams.  Whitford and Keener are excellent as they pretty much steal the whole show as the nutzo parents.  

Peele is currently producing a new redo of The Twilight Zone.  I think he’s perfectly suited to the job as he has a keen knack for springing last-minute plot twists.  With the tighter time frame of a television show, I think he’s capable of delivering something memorable.  With Get Out, it’s just dawdles way too much until it gets to its well-executed finale.