THE MOVING FINGER (1963) ½ *

A thief is shot and wounded while robbing a bank.  Some no-good beatniks nurse him back to health in an effort to get their grubby hands on the loot.  Lionel Stander (from Hart to Hart) plays a coffeeshop owner who caters to the beatnik crowd who also wants to cash for himself.  Pretty soon, cops and crooks soon start swarming around the place looking for the lost loot, further complicating matters. 

The Moving Finger is a borderline unwatchable pseudo-noir beatniksploitation drama that is completely undone by the thoroughly repellent characters.  After an okay opening, things quickly devolve into one interminably boring scene after the other.  The scenes of the beatniks hanging out, smoking dope, singing godawful songs, and holding cockroach races will make you want to pull you hair out.  Only Stander’s crotchety rambling provides a brief respite from the listing pacing and the boneheaded beatnik shenanigans. 

Another problem is that the filmmakers couldn’t figure out whether they wanted to make a crime thriller or a beatnik flick.  Splitting the difference between the two does no one any favors.   The Moving Finger also briefly flirts with being a full-blown horror movie during the scene where Stander makes out with a sexy woman.  Thankfully, this scene is abruptly cut short before he can get to second base.  In fact, a long section of the film is devoted to unattractive people making out, further adding to the viewer’s displeasure.

MURDER A LA MOD (1968) ** ½

Murder a la Mod is Brian De Palma’s first movie.  It’s alternately frustrating and fascinating.  The most impressive thing about it is that he arrived fully formed with plenty of the cinematic fetishes that would later become his hallmarks already on display.  There are Hitchcockian murder set pieces, a shopping scene that plays with time similarly to Carrie, William Findlay acting creepy, and characters using film to uncover a crime.  All of this is maddingly uneven, but when it hits the sweet spot, Murder a la Mod is a lot of fun.

Artist models are instructed to disrobe by an unseen photographer during screen tests.  Some are timid and/or complain and others are brutally murdered on camera.  One such victim is Tracy (Andra Ankers).  Is the creepy cameraman Otto (Findlay, who even sings the awesome theme song!) to blame?  Or is someone else the culprit?  

Most of the fun comes from seeing De Palma already exploring thematic material he’d later use in his other movies.  Like Body Double, it involves the seedy side of moviemaking.  There’s also a definite Psycho element at work here, which would later influence De Palma’s Dressed to Kill.  We even get a body-hiding scene that’s similar to Sisters.   

After the shocking opening scene, things get awfully uneven.  One scene plays out like a silent comedy while the next turns into full-on gory horror.  These shifts in tone are often jarring, although it adds to the film’s anything-goes charm.  The meandering script and the amateurish performances (especially by the bank manager) are the main debits, but it still remains a fascinating curio for De Palma’s fans.  Like the title pun, it’s amusing even if it doesn’t quite work. 

STRAY CAT ROCK: WILD JUMBO (1970) **

In this second film in the Stray Cat Rock series, a gang of delinquents try to cheer up their down-in-the-dumps leader, Taki (Takeo Chii).  His spirits brighten when he falls for the rich, horseback riding Asako (Bunjaku Han).  When his buddies find a huge munitions stash, they horde the weapons for themselves.  Meanwhile, Taki and his new girlfriend join a religious youth group and he even signs the gang up, causing them to question his sanity.  However, it’s all a ruse to steal the church’s donation box.  Naturally, his trigger-happy friends bring their guns to the heist, and things end in predictably tragic fashion.

As with the first Stray Cat Rock movie, Delinquent Girl Boss, Wild Jumbo is episodic and slow moving.  The gang in this one feel much too naïve and unthreatening to make it worthwhile.  In fact, some scenes play like a Japanese version of a Beach Party movie.  I did like the part when a rival gang came after them and comic book thought bubbles and random cartoon inserts where humorously utilized.  The snazzy harmonica-driven score is pretty cool too.  

Despite one or two nifty moments, Wild Jumbo commits a fatal sin by having the usually dynamic Meiko (Lady Snowblood) Kaji relegated to the role of the “girl”.  Most of the time, she just sits next to Taki, not doing a whole lot.  At times she almost blends in with the background.  Wasting her considerable talents like this is downright criminal and unforgivable if you ask me.  Kaji gets to sing one song (at a campground), which is okay, but it’s far from her best stuff.  The same can be said for the movie itself. 

SHOWDOWN IN MANILA (2018) ***

DTV action legend Mark Dacascos makes his directorial debut with this fun flick that at times feels like a spiritual sequel to the iconic Showdown in Little Tokyo.  I’m not saying that just because it has Tia Carrere and Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa in prominent roles either.  Like Little Tokyo, the banter between the two leads, Alexander Nevsky and Casper Van Dien is offbeat, quirky, and is often very funny.  Casper gets a lot of laughs as the sex addict private detective and Nevsky makes for a likeable and capable leading man.  It’s nowhere near as good as that classic, but it’s a largely entertaining DTV shoot ‘em up.

Tia watches in horror as her husband (played by Dacascos in an extended cameo) is killed in broad daylight by the evil Hiroyuki-Tagawa.  She then hires a pair of private detectives (Nevsky and Van Dien) to find her husband’s killer.  That’s easier said than done since Hiroyuki-Tagawa is a legendary “ghost” who only shows his face when he’s about to kill someone.  Since Nevsky has a score to settle with Hiroyuki-Tagawa, it gives him extra incentive to bring him down.

If the film was nothing more than Nevsky and Van Dien hunting Hiroyuki-Tagawa down, Showdown in Manila would’ve been a blast.  However, the last half hour turns into a B-level version of The Expendables as Nevsky gets his old crew together to track down his arch-nemesis.  The team includes such DTV luminaries as Olivier Gruner, Don “The Dragon” Wilson, and Cynthia Rothrock!  Not only that, but we also have Matthias Hues as Hiroyuki-Tagawa’s slimy henchmen.  Rothrock’s character is particularly hilarious as she wears camouflage fatigues in the jungle, yet has her hair is dyed purple, which you’d think would give her away to the enemy.  However, she’s so badass that she probably doesn’t care since she’s more than capable of taking care of herself. 

As a director, Dacascos has a no-frills style, but there’s lots of action, so it’s hard to really complain.  Even though the pacing gets kind of pokey at times, seeing this gang of familiar faces gathered in one place is just plain fun.  Maybe when they do the sequel, the team can have more screen time together. 

Screenwriter Craig Hamann (who collaborated with Quentin Tarantino on the unfinished My Best Friend’s Birthday in his salad days) also directed the Dacascos flick Boogie Boy.  

CRAWL (2019) *** ½

Legends of horror, director Alexandre (Piranha 3-D) Aja and producer Sam (The Evil Dead) Raimi teamed up for this solid and effective alligator thriller. Kaya Scodelario comes to Florida in the face of a massive hurricane to check on her father (Barry Pepper).  When she arrives, she is horrified to find he’s trapped in his crawlspace suffering from a gator wound.  The pair then must fend off hungry gators while in the midst of raging winds and an ever-rising flood. 

Aja makes good use of the claustrophobic setting.  He deftly takes Florida’s two worst nightmares, hurricanes and gators, and combines them into one satisfying popcorn thriller.  The suspense is tightly wound and the film crackles when Scodelario (who has an Amber Heard quality about her) is risking life and limb to save her dad.  The various subplots (that include a gang of thieves whose hurricane heist is foiled by swarming gators and rescue workers getting turned into gator chow) are pretty much only there to pad the body count (and running time), but they also help provide the brief but juicy gore.  I could’ve also done without Scodelario’s swimming flashbacks (that seem inspired by The Shallows), although they don’t detract from the main story too much.

What really matters is that Aja does fine job setting up the scares and springing them like a master.  Flawed though it may be, whenever Aja is cooking up the suspense, Crawl delivers the goods.  It’s certainly more respectable than your typical SyFy Channel Original, but the film wears its down and dirty craftsmanship like a badge of honor, which to a Killer Alligator Movie fan is commendable. 

SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME (2019) ***

Spider-Man:  Far from Home is in the proud tradition of sequels like National Lampoon’s European Vacation, The Karate Kid 2, or The Bad News Bears Go to Japan in that the same stuff that happened in the first movie happens again, except this time it happens in a different country.  Not only does it suffer from some major deja vu, it’s also saddled with one of the lamest villains in the history of Spider-Man comics.  Your mileage may vary of course, but I always thought Mysterio was a stupid adversary, and the movie does little to sway me.  Not only was his costume, a green cape with a fishbowl for a helmet, dumb, his powers of illusion have always been cheesy as Hell. 

Jake Gylllenhaal isn’t bad as old Fishbowl Face.  He’s engaging, charming, and full of megalomaniacal glee when his character finally goes off the rails.  It’s just painfully  obvious what his intentions are from the get-go.  The plot has him teaming up with Spider-Man (Tom Holland) to battle some “elemental” monsters that are tearing their way across Europe.  I mean, sure.  You can trust a guy named “Mysterio”, right?  Because of that, the plot contains virtually no surprises (well, until the awesome post-credits scene, that is).

The way the filmmakers updated Mysterio to make him fit in with the established MCU will make you roll your eyes too. The finale is also pretty weak.  Having Spider-Man fight an army of drones comes as anticlimactic, especially compared to the high-stakes ending of Endgame (not to mention the previous Spider-Man movies).   There is at least one visually striking sequence where Mysterio’s illusions mess with Spidey’s mind, although that’s as close as the filmmakers come to making him an effective villain. 

The plot is painfully predictable and the fight scenes may be largely uninspired, but everything in between bristles with fun. The character work is particularly endearing as the scenes involving Peter Parker’s high school pals are delightful.  In fact, the supporting characters shine brightly and virtually steal the movie out from Holland.  Angourie Rice and Jacob Batalon get a lot of laughs as the fledgling lovebirds Betty Brandt and Ned.  Zendaya is equally impressive as Peter’s crush MJ who steals every scene she’s in.  Martin Starr and JB Smoove are also fun as Peter’s harried teachers.  It’s also a blast seeing Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) bossing Spider-Man around and saying things like “Bitch, please!”  Holland is game, gets plenty of laughs (especially when he dons his black suit), and holds the often messy movie together with his winning charm. 

Some of the best moments deal with how the world has adjusted to the fallout of “The Snap”.  The loss of Tony Stark hangs heavy not only on Peter, but the movie as well.  Because of that, and the slight narrative, Far from Home often feels like a placeholder for something bigger.  That eventually comes during the jaw-dropping post-credits (which I wouldn’t dream of spoiling).  It offers great tease to what the future has in store for everyone’s favorite web-slinger.  It’s just that getting there is kind of a slog. 

Marvel Cinematic Universe Scorecard: 

Avengers:  Age of Ultron:  ****
The Incredible Hulk:  ****
Iron Man:  ****
Thor:  Ragnarok:  ****
Ant-Man and the Wasp:  ****
Spider-Man:  Homecoming:  ****
Iron Man 3:  ****
Captain America:  Civil War:  *** ½
Ant-Man:  *** ½
Guardians of the Galaxy:  *** ½
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½ 
Avengers:  Infinity War:  *** ½
Black Panther:  *** ½ 
The Avengers:  ***
Captain America:  The First Avenger:  ***
Captain America:  The Winter Soldier:  ***
Captain Marvel:  ***
Spider-Man:  Far from Home:  ***
Thor:  ***
Thor:  The Dark World:  ***
Iron Man 2:  ***
Doctor Strange:  ** ½ 

2019 Superhero Scorecard: 
Avengers:  Endgame:  ****
Alita:  Battle Angel:  ***
Captain Marvel:  ***
Shazam!:  ***
Spider-Man:  Far from Home:  ***

Dark Phoenix:  ***

STAR HUNTER (1998) * ½

Fred Olen Ray co-directed this boring, no-budget mash-up of Predator and The Most Dangerous Game that blatantly recycles footage from Roger Corman movies in lieu of special effects.  An alien hunter comes to the hood to stalk humans for sport.  A handful of third-string high school football players (along with their vice principal, played by Stella Stevens) are stranded when their bus breaks down.  A seemingly kind old blind man (Roddy McDowall) offers them shelter, but it’s obvious (to the audience anyway) he’s not of this earth.

Man, if you thought Roddy hit career nadir with Laserblast, wait till you see him in this flick.  Dressed like an extra from V and constantly wearing sunglasses to hide his shame, poor Roddy was in “Strictly for the Paycheck” mode here.  It makes Laserblast look like Star Wars by comparison.

The repetitive shots of our heroes running past the same warehouse and alleyway sets will get on your nerves real quick.  The script tries to explain it by saying that they’re trapped under an invisible force field, but that doesn’t mean it works.  Sometimes it looks like they’re obviously indoors when they’re supposed to be outside and vice versa.  

Also, why would an alien hunter spend its time stalking third-string high school football players anyway?  Wouldn’t it want a challenge?  Sure, maybe Schwarzenegger or even Danny Glover might be too tough to hunt and kill, but anyone would’ve been better than these dopes.  Even by The Most Dangerous Game standards, Van Damme or Ice-T would’ve been worthier adversaries.  It doesn’t help that the alien looks less like the Predator and more like Twiki on steroids. 

The good news?  The ever-lovely Wendy (Fugitive Rage) Schumacher has a brief topless sex scene, which is the highlight of an otherwise dreary movie.  Other that that, the only thing dangerous about this game is how deadly dull it is.