FIVE BLOODY GRAVES (1969) ½ *

 

I accidentally skipped over Five Bloody Graves while working my way through the Al Adamson box set from Severin.  I’d like to think it was because I was all-too eager to get to the one-two punch of Smashing the Crime Syndicate and Hell’s Bloody Devils.  I mean, Colonel Sanders only made so many film appearances, and you have to savor each and every one.  (Even if it is the same footage of him awkwardly delivering two lines in both movies.)  It probably had more to do with the fact that I savaged it in my previous review of the flick.  (Which appeared on my old site back on February 8^th, 2008.)  Here’s what I had to say then: 

 

FIVE BLOODY GRAVES  (1969)  ½ *

Director Al Adamson has done some pretty awful movies in nearly every genre, so it’s no surprise that a western directed by him would be equally as shitty.  As Adamson flicks go, it’s no Dracula vs. Frankenstein, but at least it’s better than Blood of Ghastly Horror. 

Robert Dix stars as a cowboy who is on a quest for vengeance to find the Apache Indian named Satago (future director John “Bud” Cardos), the man responsible for his wife’s death.  Dix saves one woman from being turned into an Apache love slave and warns her and her husband to skedaddle because even more Indians are on their way.  Of course, they don’t listen, and they end up getting their wigs torn off.  (I would say “scalped”, but clearly the Indians just pull the wigs off the tops of their heads.) 

Then Satago finds a squaw who’s been shacked up with a white man.  He doesn’t like it much, so he beats the guy within an inch of his life and leaves the squaw out for the vultures.  Two cowpokes find her tied up in the middle of the desert and one of them decides to rape her.

Let’s talk about rape in movies for a second, folks.  We’ve had some brutal rape scenes in the movies before.  Anyone who’s seen I Spit on Your Grave, Last House on the Left or Ms. 45 can attest to that.  But let me tell you something, you’ve not seen anything like the rape scene in Five Bloody Graves.  I am not stretching my imagination when I tell you that it lasts .012678 of a second.  Seriously, the guy leans over the squaw, doesn’t even thrust ONCE and is DONE.  Incredible.  He rewards her generosity by shooting her in the face.  Honestly, I think it takes her longer to die than it did for him to finish. 

After that bit of business, Dix comes to the aid of Scott Brady and his band of whores to fend off some more Apaches.  The duo of rapists also joins the caravan and when the husband of the rapee finds the man who did it, he gets revenge by giving him a Bowie knife to the gizzard.  Satago finally puts an arrow through the entire cast except for Dix.  Unfortunately, he runs out of arrows and Dix throws him off a waterfall. 

I LIKE westerns, but they aren’t my bread and butter.  I only watched this flick primarily because of Adamson’s involvement and to see John Carradine play yet another priest, but this flick is one of his all-time worst.  The film is loaded with stupefying narration that’s spoken by “Death”, but anyone could plainly see that “Death” is clearly the editor’s way of holding the slipshod plot together.  Dix (who also wrote this inexorable excrement) makes for a pretty pathetic hero and at one point gets out-acted by his horse. 

The music in this sucker is equally atrocious.  (It was obviously taken from other movies and haphazardly edited in.)  At one point, Brady clutches his beloved dead whore and striptease music inexplicably plays.  

What’s worse, it that there are only TWO graves in the entire movie and not one of them are bloody.  (At least a movie like Three on a Meathook has the balls to actually give you what the title implies.)  Even if you count the two people who are tied up and left for the vultures as being in a “grave”, that still only makes FOUR.  We DO get to see a little bit of blood every now and then, like when somebody gets an arrow into their abdomen, but it’s about enough to fill a medicine dropper. 

AKA:  Five Bloody Days to Tombstone.  AKA:  Gun Riders.  AKA:  The Lonely Man.

My second go-around watching it was even more painful.  I don’t really have much to add to what I already said twelve years ago.  I will say that I no longer think Blood of Ghastly Horror is worse than this one.  At least that flick has a cheesy looking zombie in it.  Anyway, here are a few new thoughts: 

You know you’re in trouble when the narrator (this this case, “Death” himself”) keeps referring to “Five Bloody Days” when the movie is called “Five Bloody Graves”. 

I fell asleep on this TWICE.  (I can safely say I didn’t fall asleep on Blood of Ghastly Horror when I re-watched that.)  If it wasn’t for the gratuitous nude scene that opens the picture, it probably would’ve been three times. 

The horror-tinged opening credits are pretty cool, as is the Psycho Goes West theme music, but it’s all downhill after that. 

Remember when I saw Satan’s Sadists, and stated my theory that Adamson was at his best when he was making a single movie and not cutting and pasting one together out of two movies?  Five Bloody Graves shoots a hole into that theory.  Big time.

HELL’S BLOODY DEVILS (1970) *

Hell’s Bloody Devils is basically Smashing the Crime Syndicate with the addition of a biker subplot.  These new biker scenes were the only way director Al Adamson could get the picture released as Hollywood was still in the midst of its post-Easy Rider biker boom.  They don’t add or detract much from the overall film, but they certainly stick out like a sore thumb.  Vicki Volante is the lone holdover from the original cast to link these new scenes together, although it nevertheless feels quite incongruous. 

The plot is essentially the same as Smashing the Crime Syndicate.  Only this time, there are a few scenes where the depraved biker gang The Bloody Devils (led by Adamson regular Robert Dix) receive payoffs from the Neo-Nazi group for allegedly helping their cause.  Mostly though, The Bloody Devils just ride down the highway to pad out the running time.  There’s also a scene where they pick up some cute hitchhikers, get stoned, and have an orgy, but it’s nowhere near as good as the Lolita scene from the original version of the movie (which is fortunately still intact).

If you’ve been following along with me for Al Adamson August, you’ll know that his cut-and-paste features are often a chore to sit through.  The secret agent shit is just as insufferable as it was in Smashing the Crime Syndicate.  At least there isn’t as much of it this time around.  Adamson was also wise not to remove the Colonel Sanders scene, which is probably the only reason the movie is even remembered fifty years later. 

AKA:  The Fakers.  AKA:  Smashing the Crime Syndicate.  AKA:  Nightmare in Blood.  AKA:  Swastika Savages. 

 

I reviewed Hell’s Bloody Devils way back when on my old site as well.  2007 to be exact.  Here’s another review from the vaults.  As you can see, my opinion on the film hasn’t changed much since then:

HELL’S BLOODY DEVILS  (1970)  *

From director Al (Black Samurai) Adamson and producers Rex (The Brain That Wouldn’t Die) Carlton and Fred (The Phantom Planet) Gebhardt comes this lethargic “biker” movie. 

It stars some pretty capable talent like Broderick (Highway Patrol) Crawford, Scott (Gremlins) Brady, Kent (The Mighty Gorga) Taylor, John (The Howling) Carradine, Jack (The Born Losers) Starrett, and Leslie (The Girl in Gold Boots) McRae, but the REAL star of the movie is none other than Colonel Sanders!  That’s right the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken himself has a small cameo (playing himself) and is the only thing memorable about this mess.  (The reason for his appearance:  He was offered a role in exchange for free chicken for the cast and crew!) 

If the plot involving bikers, FBI agents, Mafia hitmen, and Neo-Nazi counterfeiters doesn’t make a lick of sense it’s because Adamson patched this movie together (much like he did with Blood of Ghastly Horror) with an unreleased spy movie and added some new bikers scenes to cash in on the post Easy Rider biker movie craze.  The non-existent action scenes, shoddy car chases (they actually stop at traffic lights!) and static dialogue scenes will be sleep-inducing for most viewers, but since Colonel Sanders is in it, you should at least watch it for him.  Maybe if he added his “11 herbs and spices” to the movie, it would have helped. 

There’s also James Bond opening credits (complete with fake Shirley Bassey music) and some brief nudity.  (“I turn 17 next month!”)  John “Bud” Cardos was the production manager and Greydon Clark was an assistant director.  They also appear in small roles. 

The ads promised: “The frightening story of the attempt to take over the USA by a mad political group using the meanest motorcycle riders they can find to rape and pillage their way into power!”  

Don’t bet on it. 

AKA:  Operation M.  AKA:  Smashing the Crime Syndicate.  AKA:  Swastika Savages.  AKA:  The Fakers.

SMASHING THE CRIME SYNDICATE (1970) *

 

FBI agent Mark Adams (John Gabriel) goes undercover to stop a ring of counterfeiters.  Their leader (Kent Taylor) is using the profits from the funny money to fund his Neo-Nazi organization.  Adams teams up with a sexy agent (Vicki Volante) to infiltrate the hate group and bring them down.

The opening credits sequence is done in the James Bond rip-off tradition and features a not-bad faux-Bond tune, as well as some Schoolhouse Rock-style animation.  There’s also a great bit where a jailbait Lolita wannabe (Anne Randall) tries to hop in the sack with Gabriel.  After this surprising bit of risqué tomfoolery, the film quickly turns into the cinematic equivalent of watching paint dry.

When you get bored (and trust me, you will), you can stave off sleep by keeping tabs on the stock company of Al Adamson players as they pop in and out of the narrative.  There’s Scott Brady, Kent Taylor, John Carradine, John “Bud” Cardos, and Greydon Clark, just to name a few.  I also enjoyed seeing The Girl in Gold Boots herself, Leslie McCrea, looking quite fetching as Gabriel’s boss’s eye candy. 

The best part though is the WTF cameo by none other than Colonel Sanders.  It’s easily the most memorable thing about this boring ass movie.  The funniest thing about it is that it occurs during a romantic montage sequence where our hero takes his date to Kentucky Fried Chicken.  I mean Bond at least sprung for some caviar and champagne to get the chicks into bed.  This guy can barely afford an eight-piece original recipe meal. 

As most of Adamson’s early work proves, his crime pictures were easily the weakest of his output.  Smashing the Crime Syndicate is no exception.  Even though it kicks off in the Bond tradition, it quickly pivots into what feels like a very long and cheap TV pilot.  Like a lot of Adamson’s features from this time, it sat on the shelf for a while until the footage could be reworked into another movie.  It was only when Adamson, spurned by the success of his Satan’s Sadists, added a biker subplot, would the film see release, under the title, Hell’s Bloody Devils.

AKA:  Operation M.  AKA:  The Fakers.  AKA:  Nightmare in Blood.  AKA:  Swastika Savages.  AKA:  Hell’s Bloody Devils.

THE SON OF HURRICANE RAMIREZ (1966) ** ½

 

Thieves dressed in Lucha Libre masks hold up an armored car and make off with a lot of pesos.  Since one of the robbers was wearing a Hurricane Ramirez mask, the famed luchador (David Silva) becomes suspect numero uno.  After Hurricane’s arrest, his son (Pepe Romay) takes up the mask in order to continue his father’s legacy (and clear his name). 

This is the third installment in the Hurricane Ramirez series, and it contains some entertaining wrestling sequences.  Since Hurricane’s scrawny kid wears the mask some of the time, a few of the wrestling scenes are more comedic in nature.  One tag team match culminates with Hurricane’s father, Tonino (Tonino Jackson) pinning both of his opponents at the same time.  He also participates in a royal rumble match in which all the participants dress in drag!  Even though the emphasis is on comedy in these scenes, they are still fun to watch.

The best part of the film is the character of “Monjita Negra”, AKA:  “The Black Nun".  Wrapped in a black cloak and sporting a cool zombie mask, The Black Nun puts off an eerie vibe that elevates this entry from being just your typical luchador flick.  He is a total badass, and his match with Hurricane and his son is the definite highlight.  

Unfortunately, you have to sit through a lot of unnecessary scenes set in Hurricane’s pal’s restaurant with his bumbling family waiting on customers and shit.  These types of scenes worked better in The Mystery of Hurricane Ramirez, but here, they just stop the plot on a dime.  The musical numbers in this one are kind of dull too, and lack the fun of the routines found in the previous entry. 

When compared to The Mystery of Hurricane Ramirez, I have to say this one’s highs are higher than its predecessor, but the valleys are much lower.  Still, the wrestling scenes alone are worth it, and The Black Nun is a blast to watch.  He returned for the fifth entry of the series, Hurricane Ramirez vs. The Black Nun. 

Side Note:  The version I saw was a half-assed 3-D conversion.  The picture was slightly tilted so the stuff at the top of the screen leaned out towards the audience.  Since it wasn’t originally filmed that way, nothing really leaps out from the screen.  All we get is a couple of women’s beehive hairdos and a few men’s hat brims that jut and creep out of the frame somewhat.  The opening credits look cool in 3-D though.  All in all, it isn’t great 3-D, but I’ve seen worse 3-D effects in movies that were specifically made to be in 3-D, so make of that what you will. 

BACK FROM THE DEAD (1957) *** ½

 

Mandy (Peggie Castle from Beginning of the End) has been hearing strange voices calling to her along the shoreline.  After a traumatic seizure, her husband Dick (Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man’s Arthur Franz) notices a change in her.  He slowly suspects that the ghost of his dead first wife, Felicia has now possessed Mandy.  It doesn’t take long before the jealous Felicia sets out to make Dick’s life a living Hell.

Back from the Dead was a real surprise.  It’s from 1957, but it deals with some rather shocking subject manner in a matter-of-fact way that gives it a lot of bite.  There’s even a scene where the possessed Mandy murders her pet that is legitimately eerie.  Director Charles Marquis Warren (who directed the classic Elvis western, Charro!) gives the whole film a dark and brooding atmosphere, which lend sequences like these an added chill.  The cool theremin score also helps to increase the tension throughout the picture. 

Thematically, the film is quite similar to Bert I. Gordon’s Tormented, right down to the beachfront setting.  While that film (which came out three years later) had a funhouse ride feel to it, this one is dark and grim.  What’s refreshing about the movie is the fact that Felicia so forcefully takes over Mandy’s body that it quickly evident to everyone around her that Felicia is in fact, back from the dead.  Heck, they even try to accept it and make the best of the situation!  Not only does that cut down on the number of scenes where Franz tries to convince people he’s not crazy, it adds to the overall doom and gloom feel of the picture.

If there’s a flaw, it’s that the third act fails to live up to the film’s early promise.  While it provides a satisfying conclusion, it’s predictable, and lacks the dread and atmosphere found elsewhere in the picture.  Still, there’s more than enough chills to be had in the first hour or so to keep you entertained.

I’ve always enjoyed Franz’s work and felt he should’ve had a bigger career.  This film is proof he had the chops necessary to be a name talent.  The flick really belongs to Castle though as her showstopping performance never fails to captivate you.  Their performances, coupled with Warren’s tight direction, make Back from the Dead a highly effective low budget chiller that’s not to be missed. 

LOOK WHAT’S HAPPENED TO ROSEMARY’S BABY (1976) *

 

Look What’s Happened to Rosemary’s Baby is a Made for TV sequel to the Roman Polanski classic.  You’re pretty much setting yourself up for failure if you’re trying to continue a story that ended on such a perfect note.  That didn’t stop the filmmakers from trying to cash in on the film’s success.  The only returning cast member is Ruth Gordon, who won an Oscar for the original.  Even she is powerless to save this mess.

The film at least has a unique structure as it’s divided into three “Books”.  The first episode, “The Book of Rosemary”, finds Rosemary (a miscast Patty Duke, who nevertheless can scream just like Mia Farrow) trying to unsuccessfully protect her young son Adrian/Andrew from a pack of devil worshippers.  The second chapter is “The Book of Adrian”, which picks things up about a decade or so later with Adrian (Stephen McHattie) being looked after by a former hooker (Gilligan’s Island’s Tina Louise!), and coming to grips with the fact that he might not be the spawn of Satan after all.  Things wind down with “The Book of Andrew” as Andrew is confined to a mental institution while the cult members try to figure out what to do with him. 

McHattie is largely ineffectual as Adrian/Andrew, which makes the final two books something of a chore to sit through.  It’s an intriguing idea to suggest that Adrian is thoroughly mediocre and a disappointment to the devil worshippers who are grooming him to become the Antichrist.  However, McHattie is mostly a blank cypher, which makes the audience just as disappointed as the devil worshippers.  (The scenes where he’s painted up like a mime are particularly dire.) 

At least the supporting cast is kind of goofy.  I mean, as bad as this flick is, I can’t completely hate any movie that features both Tina Louise AND Donna Mills.  We also get Broderick. Crawford (who shows up for like a minute), Ray Milland, and George Maharis in the John Cassavetes role.  Despite the fact that Gordon returns, she’s pretty annoying throughout.

Even though it was directed by Sam O’Steen, the man who edited the original movie, Look What’s Happened to Rosemary’s Baby is sorely lacking energy or life.  The first one was a masterpiece of slow burn horror, but this flick just feels muddled and rushed.  It has too few ideas that are thinly spread out, and none of them really gels together.  The three “books” concept could’ve worked, but the overall effect is rather clunky. 

It’s funny because the ending of the first movie is so iconic.  The ambiguousness of Rosemary and the baby’s future was the scariest part.  Now we know, and frankly, I wished we never found out what happened to Rosemary’s Baby.

AKA:  Rosemary’s Baby 2.

SATAN’S SADISTS (1969) ** ½

Satan’s Sadists is director Al Adamson’s first biker picture, and it’s the first film of his where we really get to see his cinematic obsessions on full display.  It’s full of unpleasant characters, sleazy women, sadistic violence, and an overall anything-goes type of vibe.  As part of the biker subgenre, it’s really no better or worse than your average motorcycle movie.  As part of Adamson’s oeuvre, it’s a rather important milestone. 

Gary Kent (the stuntman/actor who partially inspired Brad Pitt’s character in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood) stars as a Marine hitchhiking through the desert.  Scott Brady and his wife (Evelyn Frank) pick him up and give him a lift to Kent Taylor’s diner where a rowdy biker gang led by Russ Tamblyn show up and begin acting out of control.  After the gang kills Brady, his wife, and Taylor, Kent and waitress Jacquline (Angels Revenge) Cole escape on foot into the desert.  Tamblyn and company follow in hot pursuit, seeking to silence the couple for good.

It’s fun seeing Adamson’s stable of actors beginning to grow and branch out.  We have Russ Tamblyn, John “Bud” Cardos, Kent Taylor, Scott Brady, and of course, Adamson’s wife, Regina Carrol (who gets a gratuitous dance scene just because she’s the director’s wife).  As a fan of Adamson’s work, I enjoy seeing all these familiar faces, even if the movie itself kind of twiddled its thumbs in places.

It’s interesting that the gang, despite their murderous ways are quite inclusive.  One biker (Robert Dix) only has one eye, another wears a hearing aid (Greydon Clark, who also wrote the script), and there’s also a Native American (Cardos in redface) in the group.  Naturally, he’s the only one with something approaching a conscience. 

Satan’s Sadists is easily the best film Adamson made up to this point in his career.  It helps that it’s its own thing, and not one of his cut-and-paste efforts.  It’s a wonder what Adamson can do when he’s not trying to cram an entirely different narrative into a completely different movie.  Also, it has a concise beginning, middle, and end, which certainly doesn’t hurt. 

Even though the bikers initiate a gang rape in the opening minutes of the movie, Adamson handles the carnage in a surprisingly tasteful manner.  The glimpses of nudity are fleeting and the shot of the woman’s hand waving wildly in front of the camera is effective.  Adamson does the same for the other assaults in the picture, which makes it feel less exploitative than it could’ve been.

The big problem is that the film pretty much runs out of steam before the climactic showdown between Kent and the bikers.  It also doesn’t help that Tamblyn is a bit miscast as the heavy.  With his cherub face and rose-tinted shades, he resembles Paul Williams’ slightly more statuesque brother.  He’s not really threatening and kind of makes for a weak villain.

Satan’s Sadists was partially filmed at the Spahn Ranch, which adds to the OUATIH connection.  In fact, the ads tastelessly exploited the Tate murders in their advertising, stating, “SEE:  Wild hippies on a mad murder spree!  (It’s frightening as the Sharon Tate killing.)  Filmed on the actual locations where the Tate murder suspects lived their wild experiences!  So true-to-life it’s almost as if the real killers were cast in the motion picture!” 

While it’s hard to fault anyone for taking umbrage with the way the picture was marketed, one thing’s for sure, the final product itself isn’t bad.  It has enough scrappy charm to scrape by with a marginal recommendation.  If anything, it’s worth a look for cinema’s first death-by-toilet scene.

AKA:  Nightmare Bloodbath.  AKA:  Satan’s Cycles.