SCREAM AND STREAM AGAIN: QUARANTINE 2: TERMINAL (2011) **

(Streamed via Plex)

A dumbass doctor brings lab rats infected with a zombie virus aboard a commercial flight.  One of the rats bites a passenger who turns into a zombie and attacks one of the flight attendants.  The plane is forced to make an emergency landing at a nearby airport where the passengers are forced to quarantine in an abandoned terminal.  Naturally, the zombie rats get loose and bite more people.  It’s then up to the sole surviving flight attendant (Mercedes Mason) to protect the passengers and stop the zombie virus from spreading.

One of the things outbreak movies lied to us about was the fact that when an outbreak happens, citizens are held at gunpoint by government agents in hazmat suits, who force them to follow the strict quarantine protocols.  Maybe if we did that nowadays, we still wouldn’t be in the midst of a pandemic.  Anyway…

Quarantine was a forgettable shaky-cam zombie flick.  This sequel isn’t a Found Footage movie, so it’s immediately better in my book.  Director John G. Pogue sometimes relies on handheld camerawork in hopes of putting the audience in the midst of the action, which helps to subtly remind you this is part of the Quarantine universe.  Another nod to the Found Footage format is the POV sequence near the end in which a character dons night-vision goggles to escape the zombies in the dark.  Thankfully, this scene doesn’t go on too long, so it wear out its welcome.

Overall, the zombie action is unfortunately kind of low.  I did like the constant fake-outs in the beginning to make the audience guess where the zombie outbreak will start.  However, the film twiddles its thumbs too much in the middle act to make it really worthwhile.  We do get an OK zombie cat attack and a gnarly “test” scene in which a doctor jabs a hypodermic needle into his eye.  I’ll take an extra-long Q-Tip up my nose any day next to that!

Pogue went on to direct Deep Blue Sea 3.

SCREAM AND STREAM AGAIN: THE NIGHT OF A THOUSAND CATS (1974) *

(Streamed via B-Movie TV)

Hugo Stiglitz flies around in his helicopter looking for hot chicks.  When he finds the one he wants, he takes her back to his bachelor pad (an ancient monastery) where he cuts their heads off and preserves them under glass.  Then, he feeds the rest to his pack of flesh-eating cats. 

Directed by Rene (Guyana:  Cult of the Damned) Cardona, Jr., The Night of a Thousand Cats is only 63 minutes long, but it’s a long 63 minutes.  The thing that really drags it out is all the scenes of Hugo flying around in his helicopter.  I’m not lying when I say that half the running time is devoted to Hugo in his helicopter spying on women.  These scenes play out like a low budget Mexican version of Blue Thunder or something.

Once he gets them back to his house, the scenes of animal cruelty are kind of hard to take.  Hugo tosses them around violently and even drowns one in a swimming pool.  The shots of the (certainly not a “thousand” but probably over a hundred) cats corralled into a small space look like an ASPCA commercial waiting to happen.  Seriously, any second you expect to hear Sarah McLachlan to pop up singing “Angel”.

There is one sequence that works:  A flashback where Hugo’s mute servant chases his true love in super slow-motion intercut with Hugo hunting doves.  Other than that, it is quite the chore to sit through.  Don’t let the short running time fool you:  That 63 minutes feels much, much longer.  

Apparently, a ninety-minute version exists.  I’m not sure if it features more explicit sex scenes (there’s only a smattering of nudity), but it wouldn’t surprise me if it was just a half hour more helicopter footage.  As it is, The Night of a Thousand Cats is pretty reprehensible stuff.  Then again, if you love Hugo Stiglitz, long helicopter rides, and wanton animal cruelty, it’ll be a Four Star movie for sure.

AKA:  Cats.  AKA:  Night of 1000 Cats.  AKA:  Blood Feast.

SCREAM AND STREAM AGAIN: GHOSTS OF HANLEY HOUSE (1968) **

(Streamed via Classic Movie Vault)

Ghosts of Hanley House is the kind of obscure horror flick I enjoy stumbling upon.  It’s a regional feature with no name stars and even less of a budget.  It’s also notable for being written and directed by a woman, Louise Sherrill.  It’s a shame she didn’t direct anything else.  Although the film as a whole isn’t always successful, Sherrill shows some ingenuity when it comes to creating atmosphere with obviously very few resources at her disposal.

A guy and his friend make a friendly wager in their neighborhood bar:  If he can stay one night in the haunted Hanley House, he’ll hand over the keys to his Ferrari.  He eagerly agrees, calls up some pals, and together they have a party in the abominable abode.  Naturally, one of his friends happens to be a psychic, and during a séance, the ghosts show themselves to be very real.

Sherrill delivers a strong pre-title sequence that sets the mood nicely.  As the camera tours through Hanley House, doors slam, thunder crashes, and women scream.  The sound effects coupled with the ominous music almost makes it feel like something out of an old radio show.  The stark black and white cinematography is also well done.  The shots of people standing in front of a black background are eerily effective, and some scenes are reminiscent of Night of the Living Dead.

You also have to give Sherrill credit as a screenwriter.  In most of these movies, you wonder why the people just don’t automatically leave the house at the first sign of danger.  Here, the hero has a very good reason for staying:  A Ferrari!

Ghosts of Hanley House starts off in fine fashion.  Sherrill doles out low key but effective chills throughout the first act.   I also enjoyed the great acid rock soundtrack during the early scenes.  I especially liked it when it was blaring over the dialogue to disguise the fact they didn’t have synchronized sound for the outdoor scenes. 

Unfortunately, the movie quickly take a nosedive in quality and it never quite recovers.  The film pretty much slams on the brakes in the second half when the group decides to leave the house and wind up getting lost in the woods.  From there, the picture slowly peters out until it reaches its thoroughly unsatisfactory conclusion.  (The axe murder flashback is the only highlight of the otherwise dreary finale.)  Still, it’s worth a look for the promising early scenes that play almost like a no budget remake of The Haunting. 

SCREAM AND STREAM AGAIN: SLEEPING BEAUTY (2014) ** ½

(Streamed via Peacock)

A movie based on the Sleeping Beauty fairy tale doesn’t immediately sound like something I’d watch for The 31 Days of Horror-Ween.  It kind of makes more sense when you realize it’s The Asylum’s mockbuster version of Maleficent.  The real reason I wanted to see it was because it was the directing debut of one of my favorite actors, Casper Van Dien.

Van Dien also has a small role as Sleeping Beauty’s father.  He even managed to get the whole Van Dien clan acting gigs in this one.  His then-wife, the ever-lovely Catherine Oxenberg, plays the Queen, and his daughter Grace stars as Sleeping Beauty.  His other children have small roles as well.  Why have Grimm’s Fairy Tales, when you can have Van Dien’s Fairy Tales?

The first fifteen minutes or so sets up the Sleeping Beauty legend rather succinctly.  The big twist is that after the evil witch (Olivia D’Abo) tricks Sleeping Beauty into pricking her finger on a spindle, everyone in the village falls asleep along with the narcoleptic royal.  Flash-forward a hundred years, and a whipping boy named Barrow (Finn Jones) finds a map to Sleeping Beauty’s castle.  The arrogant Prince (Edward French) makes him lead the way so he can get his grubby hands on some prime princess real estate.  Naturally, Barrow proves to be much more of a man than the Prince and he sets out to wake Sleeping Beauty his own self.

Despite the title, there are just enough monsters and ghouls here to warrant including the film in the Halloween season festivities.  Once our heroes reach the castle, they are greeted by a moat monster who gobbles up one of the Prince’s squires.  Within the castle walls, they do battle with another CGI beastie.  The evil queen even unleashes a horde of zombies on the Prince and his men.  I’m not sure I remember that in the Disney version. 

Also, there’s an entire subplot lifted from Aliens in which a little girl who has survived inside the castle undetected helps the heroes.  Heck, her name is Newt!  They didn’t even bother to change it!  Not to be outdone, there’s a scene where D’Abo rips off a guy’s head with his spinal cord still intact just like a Predator.  You won’t see Angelina Jolie pulling that shit, that’s for sure.

Van Dien proves to be a competent director.  Although obviously not a big budget production, the film feels much bigger in scope than your typical Asylum picture.  Van Dien’s handling of the monster attacks and fight scenes shows he’s much more adept at his craft than many of his Asylum filmmaking contemporaries.  While it is a bit of a bait and switch (the middle section of the film feels more like a Lord of the Rings rip-off than a Sleeping Beauty rip-off), it was much better than I was expecting.  As far as The Asylum’s movies go, it’s no Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, but it’s watchable and semi-entertaining, even if it never quite crosses over into the realm of “good”.  

SPIRITED KILLER 3: GHOST WARS (1991) **

A group of guys venture into the woods to find a cursed black egg when they are jumped by some undead Ninjas who kill them and steal the egg.  Twenty years later, two rival teams of adventurers head back into the wild to find the egg, ignoring the warnings of the locals.  When one of the explorers accidentally takes a piss on a skull, it awakens an evil shaman who wants to use the egg to take over the world.

Spirited Killer 3:  Ghost Wars is a step up from its predecessors in just about every way.  I’m not going on record and saying it’s good or anything, but at least some of the humor works this time out.  It helps that it’s more of a flat-out spoof than a horror-comedy.  The scenes where the two warring teams of adventurers half-heartedly fight each other while eating, drinking, and even bathing are good for a chuckle.  Their constant wisecracks and little asides during the swordfights and Kung Fu battles are noticeably less successful, however.

Make no mistake.  All this is still pretty hit-and-miss.  It’s just that it’s slightly more consistent than the other films in the series.  There are concepts that aren’t fully explored or, worse, go nowhere.  (Like the “ass demon” who fights the heroes while wearing a diaper.)  There are also more than a few comedy bits that fail to garner any laughs.  (Like when one of the guys gives fighting tips to a ghost Ninja during a battle.) 

In fact, for the first hour or so, the film is pretty low on horror content.  It isn’t until a sweet little old grandma turns into a zombie do things switch over into full horror-comedy mode.  While she does gleefully chow down on some people’s guts, she unfortunately also participates in a few unfunny fast motion chase scenes.  Despite its faults, Spirted Killer 3:  Ghost Wars has more spirit than the other entries in the franchise, and for that alone, I can’t give it any less than **.  Not bad for a movie that’s essentially one long Easter egg hunt.

Director/star Panna Rittikrai later went on to direct Ong-Bak 2 and 3.

SCREAM AND STREAM AGAIN: THE SUPERNATURALS (1987) * ½

(Streamed via Dark Matter TV)

The Supernaturals is a frustrating experience because it takes an intriguing premise and proceeds to do zilch with it.  Because of that, it’s a prime candidate to be remade.  Before we start thinking about what could’ve been, let’s take a look at what it was, which admittedly ain’t much.

The opening is strong though.  At the end of the Civil War, a bunch of Union soldiers line up a battalion of men from the Confederate army (including one kid who was just wearing a uniform) and force them to walk through a minefield.  A century or so goes by, and a squad of Army soldiers head out into the same woods to perform practice maneuvers.  Eventually, they come face to face with a zombie army that may or may not be at the beck and call of a ghostly woman (Margaret Shendal) who lives in the woods.

Star Trek fans may get a kick out of seeing Nichelle Nichols bossing LeVar Burton around.  Nichols is hilariously miscast as the hardass drill instructor, but she at least gamely commits to the role.  Maxwell Caulfield is the leading man, and he doesn’t do a bad job, although I don’t think his pompadour hairdo would be considered Army regulation.  Oh, and The Bee Gees’ Maurice Gibb has a cameo too.  WTF.

While director Armand (He Knows You’re Alone) Mastroianni does a fine job on the prologue, he can’t quite find a way to make the present-day scenes work.  He also takes a helluva long time to get the show on the road as the first half is particularly draggy.  It would be one thing to sit through the laborious build-up if the payoff was up to snuff, but it’s fucking weak.  The zombie army scenes are rushed and lackluster, and the finale looks really chintzy. 

The subtext of the Confederate spirits haunting modern-day folk is a sturdy one, but Mastroianni doesn’t quite milk it for all its worth.  I think if it was ever remade, the Army platoon should be entirely played by people of color.  It would be an interesting updating that could effectively modernize the concept and give it greater relevance.  As it is, there’s nothing very super about The Supernaturals.

SCREAM AND STREAM AGAIN: WOLFBLOOD (1925) **

(Streamed via Digital Drive-In)

Dick Bannister (George Chesebro, who also co-directed) is appointed the new foreman of a logging company.  He meets Edith Ford (Marguerite Clayton), the owner of the operation, and the two instantly become smitten, despite the fact that she is engaged to a fledgling doctor named Eugene (Ray Hanford).  When Dick catches Deveroux (Roy Watson), the company’s biggest competitor, trying to construct an illegal dam, there is a confrontation, and Dick is badly wounded.  Eugene is forced to save his life via blood transfusion, but when the only acceptable donor refuses to lend a hand, he is forced to complete the transfusion with wolf’s blood.  Before long, word gets out that Dick has the blood of a wolf flowing through his veins, and the loggers soon shun him, thinking he’s some kind of freak.  When Deveroux is found with his throat tore out, Dick starts to suspect he might be turning into a wolf.

Made in 1925 (ten years before Universal’s Werewolf of London), Wolfblood is one of the earliest attempts at a werewolf movie.  It doesn’t really lean into the horror elements until the last ten minutes, and even then, it’s all kind of halfhearted.  The make-up is a lot more subtle than you’d expect (Chesebro only has a five o’clock shadow), but the scene where he follows his wolf brethren through the forest for a midnight run is atmospheric.  Most of the “horror” though comes from his life being ruined by cheap gossip. 

The last ten minutes are kind of fun, especially if you are a student of werewolf cinema and want to see the humble origins.  Till then, you have to sit through a lot of lumberjack melodrama and ho-hum love triangle shit.  If you’re a fan of silent horror films, that shouldn’t be too much of a chore as it’s only 67 minutes long.  Less patient viewers will probably find Wolfblood rather anemic. 

AKA:  Wolfsblood.  AKA:  Wolfblood:  A Tale of the Forest.