SCREAM AND STREAM AGAIN: THE SUPERNATURALS (1987) * ½

(Streamed via Dark Matter TV)

The Supernaturals is a frustrating experience because it takes an intriguing premise and proceeds to do zilch with it.  Because of that, it’s a prime candidate to be remade.  Before we start thinking about what could’ve been, let’s take a look at what it was, which admittedly ain’t much.

The opening is strong though.  At the end of the Civil War, a bunch of Union soldiers line up a battalion of men from the Confederate army (including one kid who was just wearing a uniform) and force them to walk through a minefield.  A century or so goes by, and a squad of Army soldiers head out into the same woods to perform practice maneuvers.  Eventually, they come face to face with a zombie army that may or may not be at the beck and call of a ghostly woman (Margaret Shendal) who lives in the woods.

Star Trek fans may get a kick out of seeing Nichelle Nichols bossing LeVar Burton around.  Nichols is hilariously miscast as the hardass drill instructor, but she at least gamely commits to the role.  Maxwell Caulfield is the leading man, and he doesn’t do a bad job, although I don’t think his pompadour hairdo would be considered Army regulation.  Oh, and The Bee Gees’ Maurice Gibb has a cameo too.  WTF.

While director Armand (He Knows You’re Alone) Mastroianni does a fine job on the prologue, he can’t quite find a way to make the present-day scenes work.  He also takes a helluva long time to get the show on the road as the first half is particularly draggy.  It would be one thing to sit through the laborious build-up if the payoff was up to snuff, but it’s fucking weak.  The zombie army scenes are rushed and lackluster, and the finale looks really chintzy. 

The subtext of the Confederate spirits haunting modern-day folk is a sturdy one, but Mastroianni doesn’t quite milk it for all its worth.  I think if it was ever remade, the Army platoon should be entirely played by people of color.  It would be an interesting updating that could effectively modernize the concept and give it greater relevance.  As it is, there’s nothing very super about The Supernaturals.