PUPPET MASTER: DOKTOR DEATH (2022) * ½

An old man passes away in a nursing home.  In his personal effects, the orderlies find a puppet called Doktor Death.  Before long, the pint-sized psychotic physician is running around the home offing patients, nurses, and staff.  The new nurse on duty, April (Jenny Boswell) just may be the only one capable of stopping the deadly doll’s reign of terror.  

I’ve seen most of the Puppet Master movies.  None of them are what you would call scary, but there are a few that offer up some silly fun.  If I’m being completely honest, seeing a little doll kill infirmed and defenseless old people isn’t exactly my idea of fun.  

I guess they could’ve approached this with a bit of social commentary.  Have the doll act as sort of a Dr. Kevorkian to the terminal patients or something.  That wouldn’t have been fun either, but at least the filmmakers could’ve made a statement about… something.  I guess that’s probably asking too much from a Puppet Master spin-off.

About halfway through, the doll takes to climbing inside his victims and makes them walk around like puppets so he can kill more people.  I have a suspicion this was done not because it was a neat idea (it isn’t) or an interesting visual (it’s not), but because it saved money on puppeteers.  The appeal of these movies has always been little dolls killing people.  Take that away and you’re not left with a whole lot, I’m afraid.  

Puppet Master:  Doktor Death is less than an hour long (like many of Full Moon’s recent films), but it still feels slow in places.  Even with the scant running time, there’s still a lot of padding.  (In addition to flashbacks from previous installments, we also have flashbacks to scenes that happened five minutes ago.)  Some of the death scenes are gory, but not enough to be memorable.  It also loses points for introducing a potentially interesting psychic character played by former Scream Queen Melissa Moore, and then doing absolutely nothing with her.  

The complete non-ending sucks too.  Imagine if they took one of those post-credit scenes in a Marvel movie and tried to pass it off as the climax.  Emily Sue Bengston is the only bright spot as the sexy nurse with an alluring bedside manner, but other than her engaging presence, this Puppet Master is not what the Doktor ordered.  

PEARL (2022) ****

Pearl takes place on a rural farm in 1918, which as it turns out, isn’t much different than today.  There’s a pandemic going on, so everybody has to wear masks when they go into town.  It is now, as it was then, such a bleak time that movies are the primary source of escape.  Another sentiment that is just as true now as it was a hundred years ago:  Brushing aside your hopes and dreams due to family responsibilities, which builds an intense resentment that borders on psychosis.  You know, the usual.  

Pearl (Mia Goth) is a farm girl with dreams of being a movie star.  Her domineering mother (Tandi Wright) does her best to keep her on the farm to care for her invalid father (Matthew Sunderland), but she can’t stop Pearl from going down to the picture show.  Despite the fact she’s married, and her hubby is off to war, Pearl has a fling with the local projectionist (David Corenswet), who tells her about a local audition to be a dancing girl.  You know the feeling when you want something so bad that you would just snap if you didn’t get it?  That’s what happens to poor Pearl.

Although Pearl is a prequel to X, it stands on its own two feet just fine.  While the setting and the occasional callback (or would it be a callforward?) are nice for fans of that film, unlike a lot of prequel filmmakers, director and co-writer Ti West resists the urge to nudge the audience and ask, “Hey, remember that?”  He does a good job at planting seeds for the future, but not at the expense of the moment.

Goth was quite good in X, but here she gives a tour de force performance.  If you saw that film, you know her character is bound to go off the deep end at some point.  The way Pearl spirals out of control, although inevitable, still manages to be tragic, and even a bit heartbreaking.  Goth has one showstopping monologue that just rips your heart out.  It will go down as one of the greatest scenes of the year, in addition to being one of the year’s best performances.

Shortly after its release, Martin Scorsese took out a full-page ad in the trades to praise the movie.  I can see why he responded to it so much as it is a love letter to not only film, but our love of it.  I think it’s cool he went to bat for a small genre flick (and a prequel at that).  There’s also a certain kinship here with Taxi Driver as well.  

X was a riff on Tobe Hooper.  Pearl feels more like a riff on the old Psycho rip-offs that William Castle and Joan Crawford use to make.  X was a cool and sleazy little slasher.  Pearl delivers in the horror department, but something tells me it will stand the test of time, thanks to Goth’s performance.  

X went for the jugular.  Pearl goes for the heart.

PIRANHA WOMEN (2022) ***

Charles Band hired Jim Wynorski to make two movies for Full Moon in 2022, so it was only a matter of time before Fred Olen Ray got a call from old Charlie Boy.  At first, I thought this might’ve been a soft reboot of the Band-produced Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death, as the cannibal women in that movie were called “Piranha Women”.  As far as I can tell, this isn’t connected in any way, although there’s a chance it might’ve started out as a sort of remake until Fred went his own way with the material. 

Lexi (Sof Puchley) is slowly dying from an undisclosed illness.  After seeing countless doctors to no avail, she turns to Dr. Sinclair (Shary Nassimi) who has been using an experimental serum derived from piranhas to treat his patients.  The treatment only has one side effect:  It turns his patients into bloodthirsty, sex-crazed Piranha Women. 

Piranha Women is a throwback to the old mad scientist and half-man/half-animal movies of the ‘50s.  As popular as both genres are (let alone newfangled films like Sharknado), I’m surprised it’s taken this long for someone to combine piranha and women into one sexy, deadly package.  Leave to Band and Ray to come up with such a can’t-miss formula. 

I was already on board with this movie in the pre-opening credits scene where a guy picks up a gal in a bar and she thanks him for his Good Samaritan ways by biting off his pecker with her razor-sharp piranha teeth.  However, it really won me over during the scene where another Piranha Woman seduced a horny dude and her nipples transformed into hungry, chomping piranha mouths.  It might not quite be up to the monster boobs standard set by Bobbie Bresee in Mausoleum, but it is without a doubt the finest monster boob scene I’ve seen in some time.    

Another plus:  Like most of Band’s recent movies, it’s less than an hour long.  Sure, despite the abbreviated running time, there are some lulls here and there.  However, when I think back on Piranha Women (and I will think back on it), I won’t be thinking of the dull dialogue scenes.  I’ll be thinking of the monster boobs scenes.

I can’t say this is one of Ray’s all-time bests, but it is certainly the best one he’s made in some time.  Even if the film itself isn’t great as a whole, there are certainly moments here that flirt with greatness and show us a little of the old Ray magic.  Ray also wrote some wonderful lines like, “Holy shit!  It’s a goddamned piranha hot tub party!”  I hope Ray calls the sequel Piranha Women 2:  Goddamned Piranha Hot Tub Party.  That would be stellar.

FAMOUS T AND A 2 (2022) ***

I don’t know why it took Charles Band forty years (!) to make a sequel to his classic celebrity skin compilation, Famous T & A.  I guess that’s how long it took for him to edit all these clips together.  As far as four decades late sequels to nudity compilations go, this is about as good as it gets.  

Instead of Sybil Danning, we have everybody’s favorite mail girl, Diana Prince as our hostess for this skin-filled ride through cinema’s most titillating moments.  (Most of which come from the vaults of Band’s Full Moon Pictures.)  Prince makes for a knowledgeable and sexy hostess.  Her wraparound sequences are informative, and she is clearly eager to have an opportunity to present something like this without having to accompany Joe Bob Briggs for a change.

Things begin with a brief history of nudity in film, going all the way back to the silent era, to the lax morals of the swinging ‘60s.  We take a look at the work of cult directors like Russ Meyer (Faster, Pussycat!  Kill!  Kill!) and Jess Franco (Vampyros Lesbos) before focusing on Scream Queens such as Linnea Quigley (Fairy Tales), Michelle Bauer (Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, and Brinke Stevens (also Sorority Babes).  From there, it’s pretty much a Full Moon/Surrender Cinema clip package, which isn’t the worst thing in the world.  

Band kind of plays fast and loose with the term “Famous” as many of the starlets featured come from the Full Moon family of leading ladies.  A lot of time is devoted to actresses such as Jacqueline Lovell (Head of the Family) and Charlie Spradling (Puppet Master 2).  Although they might not exactly be household names (well, in your household, anyway), they are certainly famous (and sexy) enough to warrant attention here.  While not all the clips feature gratuitous nudity, it isn’t a deal breaker or anything.  Besides, any compilation that contains tributes to Andy Sidaris and Julie Strain is okay by me.

I just hope Band doesn’t wait another four decades before he comes out with Part 3.

BIGFOOT OR BUST (2022) **

A bunch of busty Bigfoot hunters receive word of numerous Sasquatch sightings in the woods.  They then grab their crossbows and bikini tops and set out into the wilderness to find the mythic monster.  Meanwhile, a trio of busty Bigfoot hunters from the future transport down to Earth to catch the cagey cryptid.  

Jim Wynorski’s Bigfoot or Bust has quite the cast.  We have Rocky DeMarco, Becky LeBeau, Christine Nguyen, Gail Thackray, Cindy Lucas, Debbie Dutch, and Tane McClure, just to name a few.  I think the average age of the actresses in the film is over fifty.  That is in no way a criticism.  If anything, the movie is a rallying cry against ageism and sexism in modern Bigfoot cinema.  Besides, they all look great in their sexy outfits.  Age is just a number.  Kudos to Wynorski for being one of the few directors casting these actresses in these kinds of flicks and letting them still play the kinds of roles they played in the ‘90s instead of relegating them to playing moms (or grandmoms).

Also, thank God for Wynorski for writing lines like, “I heard Bigfoot likes big titties!” and “Bigfoot can sneak up on you while you’re popping a squat!”

At its heart, Bigfoot or Bust is a throwback to old nudie movies like The Beast That Killed Women.  The problem?  There is no nudity!  I don’t know if Jim is going soft on us or what, but this thing could’ve easily been PG.  In lieu of skin, we get lots of scenes of the Scream Queens jiggling and wiggling.  That’s not the worst thing in the world, but the flick might’ve squeaked by with *** if there was some skin to be found.  

Basically, it all boils down to a bunch of scenes of the women on the expedition doing various vaguely naughty things (like pouring water over their bikini-clad bodies) while the Bigfoot watches voyeuristically from the bushes.  Actually, the format is not too different from Wynorski’s Bare Wench movies, except without the shaky-cam stuff.  And nudity, sadly.  In fact, the one bit of accidental nudity is censored when LeBeau gets out of a car, and an on-screen emoji pops up to cover her wardrobe malfunction.

It's not all bad.  There’s a funny Pulp Fiction inspired scene as well as a Sergio Leone-style shootout.  The gag of Wynorski stopping the film because it has too much sex (it doesn’t) is kind of funny and was later recycled in his Giantess Battle Attack!  It’s just that it’s heavily padded with overlong scenes (on-camera interviews, music video sequences, and musical numbers) that might’ve been tolerable had there been a little nudity.  Without it, it just feels like filler.  

The stuff with the space age ladies looking for Sasquatch scat is the biggest problem.  The lame sitcom-style canned laughter in their scenes isn’t funny and many of their gags land with an audible thud.  Things really go downhill when Bigfoot sings a country song.  (Now there’s a sentence I never thought I would type.)  Despite these missteps, it’s hard to completely hate any movie that features a gratuitous scene where the entire cast of busty babes jump up and down in slow motion on a conveniently placed trampoline.

THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN (2022) ****

We have seen numerous movies centered around the ending of a romantic relationship between a man and a woman.  The Banshees of Inisherin is a rare and special film as it is about the dissolving of a (presumably) lifelong friendship between two dudes.  If anyone has ever been dissed by a friend, it will definitely hit you in the feels, as the kids say.

The simplistic way writer/director Martin (Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri) McDonagh sets the stage is a master class of brevity.  He gives the audience the maximum amount of information about our main characters with the shortest of brushstrokes.  When Colm (Brendan Gleeson) tersely announces he no longer wants anything to do with his friend Padraic (Colin Farrell), it lands a real blow, despite the fact that we just met these two characters.  The wounded look of Padraic’s face tells us everything we need to know.  And then some.  

Surely, Colm was only joking?  Why, what reason would he just up and quit being Padraic’s friend?  Since the two live on a tiny island in Ireland, it’s hard not to run into each other, especially at the pub.  When Padraic presses for a reason, Colm’s reply is so blunt that it shocks him and the audience.

The way Padraic tries to go about his business while the pain and heartbreak of losing his best friend eats at him is gut-wrenching.  The way Colm double-down on his ultimatums to be left alone is downright jaw-dropping.  The way McDonagh tiptoes between hilarious banter and back to devastating drama is a real thing of beauty.

As good as Farrell and Gleeson were in McDonagh’s In Bruges, they somehow manage to excel past those lofty heights.  The rapport and chemistry (or perhaps, anti-chemistry) between them is a sight to behold.  Their scenes together showcase them both at the top of their craft and when they’re working with McDonagh’s wonderfully witty dialogue, it makes you cherish their bickering even more.  

At its heart, the film is about stubborn men acting like stubborn men.  However, there are times when we see the ripple effects of their ongoing feud throughout the town.  Could the town (or perhaps the country, as the civil war is happening over on the mainland) be a better place if two men were able to set aside their differences?  

The Banshees of Inisherin is a special movie.  As much as I liked McDonagh’s In Bruges and Three Billboards, this one is a masterwork.  It’s easily one of the best films you’ll see all year.

SUPER ATOMIC SCI-FI THRILL-O-RAMA SHOW (1995) ***

Something Weird’s Super Atomic Sci-Fi Thrill-O-Rama Show is a breezy, fun, and entertaining romp.  It collects two hours’ worth of sci-fi trailers from the ‘50s to the ‘70s.  What makes this collection so much fun is that it contains a good ratio of B movies (Phantom from Space, Attack of the Crab Monsters, and Superargo and the Faceless Giants) to more prestigious pictures (Forbidden Planet, The Time Machine, and even 2001:  A Space Odyssey). 

As is the case with many of these Something Weird trailer compilations, there are a bunch of trailers here that have turned up in their other collections.  (I’ve lost track of how many times I have sat through the trailers for Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, Return of the Fly, and The Mole People.)  That just goes with the territory when you’ve seen as many of these things as I have.  Even then, there are some trailers here that don’t normally turn up on these kinds of things, like Fire Maidens of Outer Space, UFO, and The Atomic Man.  Also included are a few double feature highlights, such as The Navy vs. the Night Monsters being paired with Women of the Prehistoric Planet and a 3-D double bill of Creature from the Black Lagoon and It Came from Outer Space. 

Most of the repeated trailers are reserved for the first hour or so.  It’s in the second half where the compilation really hits its stride as it’s here where the color trailers begin to dominate.  The ads from the ‘60s (Barbarella, Fantastic Voyage, and Five Million Years to Earth) are a lot of fun, and impressive run of ‘70s favorites (Demon Seed, Rollerball, and Death Race 2000) are particularly terrific.  Movies that later appeared on Mystery Science Theater 3000 are also well-represented in the form of Phase IV, The Giant Spider Invasion, and Laserblast.  All in all, Super Atomic Sci-Fi Thrill-O-Rama Show is a rather super compilation.

The complete line-up includes:  The Phantom Planet, Earth vs. The Flying Saucers, Fire Maidens of Outer Space, Phantom from Space, UFO, The Atomic Man, Return of the Fly, The Abominable Snowman, Children of the Damned, Them!, The Incredible Shrinking Man, Friday the 13th UFO Show ad, Attack of the Puppet People, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Invisible Invaders, Attack of the Crab Monsters, Valley of the Dragons, The Thing from Another World, The Flesh Eaters, a 3D double feature of Creature from the Black Lagoon and It Came from Outer Space, The Day Mars Invaded Earth, The Cyclops, Godzilla, King of the Monsters, The Brain Eaters, The Astounding She-Monster, Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, Enemy from Space, Intermission ad, The War of the Worlds, Forbidden Planet, Invaders from Mars, The Time Machine, Mysterious Island, On the Threshold of Space, Atlantis: The Lost Continent, Rodan, King Kong vs. Godzilla, The Day of the Triffids, The Mole People, Monster from Green Hell, It! The Terror from Beyond Space, The Monster That Challenged the World, The Crawling Hand, intermission ad, Superargo and the Faceless Giants, Planet of the Vampires, a double feature of The Navy vs. the Night Monsters and Women of the Prehistoric Planet, Barbarella, Five Million Years To Earth, Fantastic Voyage, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Silent Running, Demon Seed, Rollerball, Futureworld, Death Race 2000, The Last Days of Man on Earth, Day of the Animals, Phase IV, Empire of the Ants, The Giant Spider Invasion, Laserblast, Message from Space, Battle for the Planet of the Apes, and Conquest of the Planet of the Apes.