LET’S GET PHYSICAL: TWO GIRLS FOR A MADMAN (1968) ***

FORMAT:  DVD

Toni (Arlene Farber from Teenage Mother) and Sonya (Jean Weston) are friends who dance together in a ballet company in New York.  Toni catches the eye of Frank (Lucky Kargo), a cackling psycho sex fiend at a swingers’ party.  He then follows her and her date to their car where he rapes her at gunpoint.  Eventually, Frank begins stalking both girls and before long, he attacks Sonya while she’s practicing her ballet. 

Two Girls for a Madman is a surprisingly effective roughie that is hallmarked by some cool music and professional looking camerawork.  It looks like one of those rare instances where the director (in this case, Stanely H. Brassloff) and everyone else involved set out to make a “real” movie under the guise of a sex flick.  Sure, you get your share of skin, but there’s some (not much granted) interesting stuff going on here.  The ending feels like something you’d see out of Antonioni.  While there is a decent story being told and a considerable amount of craftsmanship on display, there are still plenty of pauses during the drama that are tailor made for some gratuitous T & A (like the locker room scenes at the ballet school). 

The characters and performances are also much better than you might expect.  The leading ladies’ roles are a lot more fleshed out than was the norm for a ‘60s roughie.  Farber is quite good as the sexed up-ballerina (more movies should contain those) and Weston (who only appeared in two films) fares well as the more conservative of the pair.  Kargo is also memorable as the wild-eyed psychopath and is appropriately menacing during the lengthy car ride sequence.  The dialogue is often priceless too.  My favorite line came courtesy of the girls’ strict ballet instructor who says Toni is a “technically hideous” dancer. 

Brassloff later went on to direct Toys are Not for Children.

THE DEADLY ORGAN (1967) ***

The first thing you should know right off the bat is that the organ the title refers to is that of the musical instrument variety.  So, if you thought this was going to be about a giant killer schlong or something, you can forget about it. 

A guy in a creepy mask controls women by doping them up with heroin then using eerie music to make them do his bidding.  When people start turning up dead with giant hypodermic needles plunged into their chests, a suave detective is called in to investigate.  The killer then narrows down the suspect list when he starts bumping off the people the detective has questioned. 

It’s not every day you get to see an Argentinian sexploitation horror flick, and as far as these things go, The Deadly Organ is a good one.  The killer’s mask looks cool, and the music is great too as it features lots of go-go and surf rock stuff.  The film is very atmospheric as well as some scenes resemble film noir, others look like something out of a Universal horror movie (especially Phantom of the Opera), while whole stretches are seemingly inspired by German expressionism.  There’s also a surprising amount of skin, even if most of it comes in the form of fleeting glimpses.  (The sexy striptease scene is particularly steamy.)

The downside to all this is the second act definitely lacks the punch of the first.  Once the detective shows up, the whole movie downshifts.  There are also way too many side characters that act as red herrings.  At least they eventually get killed off, which adds to the overall body count.  Luckily, once the killer reappears in the last twenty minutes, the film starts cooking again.  Sure, it’s not perfect, but whenever the killer is front and center and stabbing people with hypodermic needles, The Deadly Organ is perfectly in tune. 

AKA:  Feast of Flesh.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: A NIGHT IN HOLLYWOOD (1953) ** ½

FORMAT:  DVD

One of the premiere striptease artists of the era, Tempest Storm (who has two great nicknames:  “The 4D Girl” and “The Girl with the Fabulous Front") toplines this otherwise lukewarm Burlesque film. 

The first act is an unfunny comedy calypso song.  Sexy blonde Mae (The A-B-C’s of Love) Blondell does a saucy little striptease before a comedy duo shows us the art of picking up women.  Blonde bombshell Misty Ayers really knows how to shake her caboose during her striptease.  The next sketch involves a newlywed couple getting advice on their wedding night.  Brunette Rhea Walker takes the stage afterwards and does an okay, but unmemorable strip routine.  Then it’s a sketch about a drunk lecturing a guy on the street about the evils of whisky.  Afterwards, “The Texas Sweetheart” does a striptease, a comedienne performs a comic rhumba number, and a sketch about a trio of drunks coming home to their respective wives.  Things switch over from black and white to color in the final reel as the headliner Tempest Storm takes center stage.  And boy, let me tell you!  It was certainly worth the wait! 

Storm’s number gives the film a definite boost.  She has all her assets on display and shows why she was among the best in the world.  The addition of color for her routine is a nice touch too. 

While this isn’t one of the best Burlesque movies I’ve watched this week, I am glad that someone had the foresight to grab a camera to capture the art form just as it was dying out (especially Storm’s number in full color).  Sure, I realize the filmmakers were just trying to make a buck and weren’t exactly cultural historians.  At least these acts have been preserved for the next generation of appreciators of old-timey smut like me. 

Jean Carroll, who plays one of the comediennes, was also in Ron Ormond’s Burlesque movie, Varieties on Parade. 

BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE (2024) ***

It took them thirty-six years to come up with a sequel to Beetlejuice.  After decades of false starts, Tim Burton, Michael Keaton, and the gang have finally reunited (along with producer Brad Pitt!) with decidedly uneven (but mostly enjoyable) results. 

After the death of her father, Lydia (Winona Ryder) returns home for the funeral with her daughter Astrid (Jenna Ortega) and boyfriend Rory (Justin Theroux) in tow.  Meanwhile, Beetlejuice (Keaton) is busy ducking his evil ex-wife (Monica Bellucci) who wants to suck his soul.  When Astrid gets stuck in the afterlife, Lydia grudgingly turns to Beetlejuice for help. 

Burton’s M.O. for this movie seems to have been “Turn on the juice and see what shakes loose”.  There are way too many characters, subplots (there’s enough plot here for three movies), and random asides.  It also suffers from some abrupt changes in tone (especially the stuff with Astrid’s boyfriend).  Then again, the original wasn’t exactly a model of coherence. 

The film is at its weakest when it’s making callbacks to the original.  (The “Day-O” inspired scene featuring “MacArthur Park” comes to mind.)  However, the random bits of sheer lunacy have Tim Burton’s fingerprints all over them.  I mean, how many thirty-six years later sequels have a scene inspired by Mario Bava (in Italian no less!), a stop-motion cartoon, and a tribute to It’s Alive?  Because of that, it’s kind of hard to be too picky.

Keaton easily slips back into the iconic role and sure enough, the striped suit still fits him like a glove.  Ortega is fine, and Ryder is pretty good too, but it’s Justin Theroux who steals the movie as her New Agey boyfriend.  Willem Dafoe gets some laughs too as an afterlife cop.  Bellucci looks amazing as Beetlejuice’s stapled together bride, but unfortunately there are long stretches of the movie where the plot kind of forgets about her.  

The funniest running gag though has got to be the extreme lengths they go through to include Jeffery Jones’ character from the original without actually including him. 

SPEAK NO EVIL (2024) ****

Speak No Evil is a horror film of manners.  It’s rare that a movie works on this sort of level.  We are not dealing with a killer in a hockey mask.  This isn’t about a monster on the loose.  It’s about people who don’t pick up on social cues.  It’s about people who are borderline obnoxious, but they are still kind of funny and just fun enough to be around.  So much so that when they invite you to stay at their beautiful home in the country, you agree.  You hesitate at first, but you know, that house looks pretty cool.  And once you get there, it’s fun for a day or so.  You try to ignore their occasional crude comments or awkward conversations because, hey, you know… they make great homemade cider.  When things start getting uncomfortable, you try to be nice and grin and bear it.  Force a smile or two.  You want to go, but there’s this great restaurant they want to take you to.  So, out of obligation, you go, and the dinner is freaking great.  Still, they still act a little odd.  Maybe we can leave first thing in the morning, then?

Have you ever tried to make an exit from a party, but your host keeps the conversation going far past its expiration date?  Even after you’ve said “that’s crazy” four times, he keeps you there locked in conversation.  Manners dictate you should oblige him and keep talking, even when your gut instinct is to run, civility reigns and you acquiesce. 

That’s how the tension mounts in Speak No Evil.  It shows us that the line between a perfect host and a perfect nightmare is very thin. 

Speak No Evil is kind of like those ‘90s “From Hell” thrillers like Single White Female.  If that was about the Roommate from Hell, this is the Weekend Hosts from Hell. 

I mean we’ve all been guests for the weekend at someone’s house.  We’ve also entertained guests in our home too.  What’s so deft about the film is that it would’ve been so easy to make the crazy family the guests.  Then, it would’ve just been a tweak on the home invasion genre.  The clever twist here is that the loonies are the hosts.  There are several instances where our poor family could pack up and run, but… Honey, that would be rude!  They just cooked a nice meal.  Babe, you can’t complain the sheets are stained with a mystery substance because that would make them feel bad. 

I’m not trying to spoil the plot specifics of the film.  I’m just trying to evoke the feeling of watching it.  It really kicks into gear when the nice family realizes their hosts are crazy and try to make an exit WHILE STILL BEING POLITE AND CIVIL.  It’s like a horror movie version of an Irish Goodbye.  And when that mask of civility breaks… oh, boy… all bets are off. 

Scoot McNairy and Mackenzie Davis are great as the nice couple, but it’s James McAvoy who takes the acting honors as the demented host.  He has moments here that will remind you of Jack Nicholson in The Shining.  Yes, I said it.  He’s that freaking good.  He sets the kettle to boil early on and we the whistle blows… look out. 

There are also some brilliant needle drops in this.  You’ll never listen to “Cotton Eye Joe” the same way again.   Or The Bangles’ “Eternal Flame”. 

I didn’t realize director James Watkins was also responsible for Eden Lake.  That totally jibes.  This guy knows how to get under your skin.  And then some. 

In short, you’re gonna be talking about Speak No Evil for years to come. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: THE A-B-C’S OF LOVE (1953) **

FORMAT:  DVD

Things kick off with a song introducing the dancing girls by assigning each of them a letter of the alphabet.  The first strip solo is by an energetic jiggly blonde.  Some lucky projectionist must’ve taken scissors to the reel and added it to his personal collection since a good chunk of the number is missing.  After that is a comedy skit about a businesswoman trying to get rid of pushy salesmen.  Then Bebe, a bubbly brunette, does a lively striptease number.  That leads into a comedy song about a maid, and a sketch about a drunk trying to sell some hats.  Then, a blonde named Jill does a tapdancing routine and a duo does a bit about a bet gone awry.  That’s followed by a comedy dance routine of a woman impersonating a flapper and a sketch about an arguing married couple.  Next is a striptease performed by the wonderfully named “Blaza Glory”.  After that we get a comedy routine about how to kill your wife with kindness and a brief can-can number.  Finally, the headliner Gilda performs a briskly paced striptease. 

After sitting through a bunch of Burlesque movies this week, I have to say that this one is frankly kind of ho-hum.  The comedy sketches in between the strip routines are longwinded and get pretty tiresome after a while, and the non-strip scenes don’t really add much to the overall experience.  At least the strippers have a lot of energy.  Bebe is really animated and takes to her routine with gusto.  Blaza Glory is aptly named as she is quite hot and is gloriously jiggly.  Despite an occasional bright spot here and there, there’s ultimately too much filler that gets in the way of the good stuff.  

The A-B-C’s of Love is at least notable for having former Little Rascals star Shirley Jean Rickert (using her stage name “Gilda”) appearing at the end.  Fortunately for the audience, she really knows how to shake her Little Rascals.  Ultimately, that’s not quite enough to make it all worthwhile. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: “B” GIRL RHAPSODY (1952) ***

FORMAT:  DVD

The opening title card (which misspells “comedians” as “commedians”) invites us to the front row of the New Follies Theatre in Los Angeles for a Burlesque show.  The chorus girls (affectionately known as “The Nudy Cuties”) come out on stage in bathing suits armed with beach balls and do a synchronized dance routine that resembles a Busby Berkeley version of a low budget beach movie.  Then we get a sketch about two yutzes trying to join a nudist camp.  Next up, a dancer named Frenchy does a suggestive jitterbug routine, followed by a blonde bombshell named Nona who strips out of some elegant formal wear, and a sketch about a guy telling the story of how his parents met.  (The print gets awfully jumpy during this scene.)  “The South American Cyclone” Chilli Pepper follows that up with a Carmen Miranda inspired striptease.  Afterwards is a comedy routine about a cowboy trick shot artist.  Ginger, “The Atomic Blonde” takes the stage next and performs a sultry routine that begins with her wearing a spangly black dress until she gets down to a pair of bejeweled pasties.  That’s followed by a chorus line routine accompanied by a songstress doing a so-so number.  Then, blonde Crystal Starr (who was also in French Follies) does a nice little strip where she starts slow and steady and gradually incorporates more grinding and jiggling as she goes on.  Next is a sketch about Russian soldiers taking over a home during wartime.  Finally, the star of the show, Lily performs “The Dance of the B Girl”. 

Directed by Lillian (Everybody’s Girl) Hunt and shot by Ed Wood’s regular cinematographer William C. Thompson, “B” Girl Rhapsody is a better than average Burlesque flick.  The dance numbers are unique, and the stripteases have a lot of energy.  Chilli Pepper’s dance is appropriately spicy.  Once she takes off her bananas, she shows that she can really shake her melons.  Ginger’s routine is quite lively too as she shakes everything her mother gave her and then some.  Lily’s number is a real doozie as well.  She bumps and grinds all over a saloon set as she smokes and drinks and writhes around on top of a piano.  She may be a “B” Girl, but I give her act an “A”. 

The comedy sequences are surprisingly solid and feature some mildly risqué material, although it is strictly PG-13 stuff by today’s standards.  (The Russian solider is named “Sonavitch”.)  All in all, this is one of the best Burlesque films I’ve ever seen.