LET’S GET PHYSICAL: MASKED MUTILATOR (2019) * ½

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

A pro wrestler known as The Masked Mutilator is banned from the sport when he accidentally (or perhaps not so accidentally) kills his opponent in the ring.  Years later, he gets a job running a group home for wayward youths.  When the rowdy teens get out of line, a killer in a wrestling mask brutally murders them.  Is The Masked Mutilator the one responsible, or is it a copycat wearing his mask?

The framing sequences about a true crime podcast covering the group home murders are shot on a completely different film stock (and have another credited director), which is the obvious tip off that the movie sat unfinished for a while before someone finally came along and added the new wraparound sequences.  (And according to IMDb, it took twenty-five years!)  As you’re watching it, it becomes obvious why no one was exactly in a rush to finish it.  To make matters worse, the framing device wasn’t really necessary.  These scenes especially wear out their welcome in the end when the movie is clearly over, yet the podcast host continues on and on with his show. 

The premise is sound.  (It’s basically El Santo meets Friday the 13th Part V:  A New Beginning.)  It’s just that the mix of wrestling and slashing never really comes together in an interesting way.  The wrestler vs. killer finale is also weak as it is indifferently staged (in a living room) and choreographed.  (It would’ve helped too had there been more wrestling in the mix too.)  It also doesn’t help that the identity of the killer is a foregone conclusion. 

That might not have mattered if the film delivered in the gore department, but it’s unfortunately, pretty weak in that regard.  Other than a scene where a dead body gets dismembered with a hacksaw, the majority of the kills are tame.  The T & A is fairly decent though as there are plenty of sex, nude, and shower scenes.  It’s still not enough to declare Masked Mutilator a winner.

SMILE 2 (2024) ****

Well, Parker Finn is official two-for-two with the Smile series.  This sequel is a deft expansion on the themes of the first film.  Whereas the demon in the original seemed to be a metaphor for trauma, you can view it this time around as a manifestation of guilt, substance abuse, fame, or all three, really.  

Since a new character has inherited the curse, the film consequently has a slightly different flavor.  Instead of the demon latching on to an overworked shrink, it’s a pop star struggling to make a comeback.  I hope this theme continues from sequel to sequel as it makes each film feel like it’s part of an anthology series rather than a traditional horror franchise. 

Naomi Scott is positively riveting as the pop star cursed to see smiling people until she goes mad.  Very few actresses can covey the feeling of true fear in horror films.  It often comes off looking stagey.  Or “movie scared”.  Scott looks, acts, and reacts the way an average person would if they were frightened out of their wits.  Finn’s camera is fixed to her frightened face for a good 50% of the movie and as such, we get to experience the terror through her eyes.  There are jump scares aplenty to be sure, but the film is at its most effective when we just see Scott’s bulging eyeballs reacting to the horror. 

We are having a banner year for women in horror.  From Sydney Sweeney in Immaculate to Nell Tiger Free in The First Omen to the one-two punch of Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley in The Substance, there has been a wealth of amazing performances by actresses in the horror genre.  Any other year, Scott would’ve been a shoo-in for Best Actress at The Video Vacuum Awards.  However, the competition this year is the fiercest it has ever been.  And frankly, you love to see it. 

Smile 2 is one of the best movies of the year, but I think I may have enjoyed the first film slightly more.  That said, this stands on its own as a terrific shocker.  It builds slowly (mostly because it has to clean up the cliffhanger of the first film before getting into Scott’s story), but when the shit hits the fan for Scott, things escalate in spectacular fashion.  It’s here where the movie really sizzles.  In short, it’s sure to leave a smile on any die-hard horror fan’s face. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: DEEP RED (1976) ***

FORMAT:  4K UHD (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:

(As posted on August 17th, 2007)

In this entertaining giallo from the master of Italian horror, Dario Argento, David (Blow Up) Hemmings witnesses a murder and becomes the black gloved killer’s next target. It may drag in spots, but the signature Argento touches (great cinematography, gory set pieces, frantic camerawork and music) keep things interesting. The death by drowning in a tub of scalding water is the highlight (and was later stolen in Halloween 2), but the gruesome fate of the killer is also pretty great too. Argento did his masterpiece, Suspiria next.

QUICK THOUGHTS:

This may not be my favorite Argento movie as it runs on a bit too long, but when it cooks it burns down the house.  The suspense scenes are choreographed beautifully, and Argento almost manages to out-Hitchcock Hitchcock in some sequences.  Hemmings, who no doubt was cast because this role is similar in many ways to the character he played in Blow Up, makes for an ideal lead and Daria Nicolodi is a lot of fun as the spunky journalist. 

4K UHD NOTES:

Arrow’s 4K transfer is terrific.  The scene where the camera swoops and snakes around the killer’s personal effects looks positively hypnotic in 4K as does the extreme close-ups of whirring tape recorders and spinning turntables.  The sound is incredible too and the Goblin score absolutely slaps.  Like Creepers/Phenomena, I only had this in my collection as part of a Mill Creek 50 pack of horror movies, so this is a stellar upgrade in every way. 

SLOTHERHOUSE (2023) ** ½

Emily (Lisa Ambalavanar) is a young college girl desperate for popularity both online and in real life.  She thinks she will be the talk of her sorority house if she gets a pet sloth as their house mascot.  Little does she know the sloth she has chosen is a crazed killer.  After cutting down the sorority girls, the sicko sloth sets its sights on its owner. 

Slotherhouse knows what it is, and it has no qualms about its identity.  With the cutesy creature and the PG-13 rating, it almost plays like a throwback to the ‘90s gateway horror flicks that Amblin used to make.  The sorority house setting also gives the film the tone of an '80s Roger Corman movie.  

However, the PG-13 rating ensures that the sorority girl shenanigans never really get too hot and heavy.  It also means the kills are pretty weak.  Even worse is the fact that the majority of the body count occurs during a quick-cut montage and/or happens offscreen. 

Even without any gore or gratuitous T & A, the knowing cheekiness of the whole enterprise is still kind of endearing.  (There are homages to everything from Psycho to Halloween.)  Not only is it goofy harmless fun, it also has a lot to say about peer pressure in the age of social media, and the dangers of keeping wild animals as domesticated pets.  You probably didn’t expect a movie called Slotherhouse to contain a message, let alone two, but there you go.

Dyed in the wool horror fans will probably enjoy this up to a point.  I know I did.  I’m sure it will probably knock ‘em dead on the preteen slumber party circuit.  I mean you’re either the kind of person who wants to see a killer sloth using laptops, taking selfies, and driving sports cars or you aren’t.  If that doesn’t make you want to see it, nothing will.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: HELLBLOCK 13 (1999) ** ½

FORMAT:  DVD

I’m a sucker for a good anthology horror movie.  Having Scream Queen Debbie Rochon and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre’s Gunnar Hansen in the cast doesn’t hurt either.  They star in “The Wraparound Segments” (***), which are kind of like a cross between the wraparound sequences from Tales from the Darkside:  The Movie and a Women in Prison flick.  Rochon is a serial killer (who is allegedly the illegitimate child of Charles Manson) who is about to be executed.  To pass the time, she tells her executioner (Hansen) scary stories she has written. 

The first story, “Watery Grave” (** ½), is a mix of the “Something to Tide You Over” segment from Creepshow and the real-life Susan Smith case (who coincidentally is in the news again).  A spiteful mother drowns her two kids to spend more time with her boyfriend.  Before long, her waterlogged zombified children come after her.  This one is short and sweet and to the point.  It doesn’t knock it out of the park, but it doesn’t make any missteps either. 

Next is “White Trash Love Story” (**), a tale of a battered teenage bride who lives in a trailer with her abusive redneck husband.  After a particularly brutal beating, she turns to her neighbor, an old witch for help.  The grizzled crone gives her a potion to get revenge, but it predictably backfires on her.  Although this story starts out fine, the ending is rushed and unsatisfying.  The goopy transformation scenes and rubbery effects aren’t bad though. 

In the final story, “Flashback Biker Girl” (** ½), a biker gang converges on a cemetery where they perform a ritual to resurrect their long dead biker mama (J.J. North from Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold).  This segment is kind of slow and the ending is predictable.  Since it features J.J. as an undead biker babe and some brief lesbian biker sex, it’s tough to be too finicky about it. 

Rochon gives a great performance and is the main reason to see it.  She always excelled when she was given a character that’s equal parts horny and homicidal.  Debbie has a nice rapport with Hansen too.  It makes you wish they did more films together.

Hellblock 13 sort of acted as the final installment of a loose trilogy of anthologies directed by Paul Talbot and starring Hansen.  (Campfire Tales and Freakshow were the other two.)  

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: FEAR IN THE DARK (1991) ** ½

FORMAT:  DVD

Christopher Lee hosts this short (less than an hour long) documentary on horror films that was originally broadcast on British television.  Things kick off by tracing the origin of modern horror back to the works of Edgar Allan Poe.  Then there’s a discussion on vampire films, a look at the impact of The Exorcist, and the gimmick movies of William Castle.  Other topics include gore, Video Nasties, horror comics, and even real-life serial killers. 

The interviewees include John Carpenter, Clive Barker, Wes Craven, Dario Argento, Robert Bloch, Barbara Steele, William Friedkin, John McNaughton, and Brian Yuzna, all of whom offer some illuminating insights on the genre.  (The input from an assemblage of horror fans is decidedly less interesting.)  Carpenter is especially fun to listen to while speaking of his love for Blood Feast and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.  Along the way, there are clips from Silence of the Lambs, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Nosferatu, Opera, The Tingler, Don’t Scream It’s Only a Movie, Queen of Black Magic, Hellraiser, Suspiria, Halloween 4:  The Return of Michael Myers, Henry:  Portrait of a Serial Killer, and Society.  Most of the time, the best footage isn’t shown, although I suppose that might’ve been due to the censors.  (At least they were still able to show the “butthead” scene from Society.)

Since it was a British production, it’s a little on the dry side.  It also glosses over some genres too quickly, and only shows lobby cards for some films instead of playing actual clips.  (Interestingly enough, they are forced to do that for The Exorcist because apparently British censors won’t allow it to be shown on television.  Pussies.)  Also, the random shots of audience members covering their eyes in a darkened theater feels more like padding than anything else.  

Overall, Fear in the Dark is watchable and entertaining.  I just wish it had more focus as it jumps around a bit too much and many of the segue-ways feel incongruous.  That said, any documentary/clip show package/horror compilation that includes scenes from Vampyres is OK by me. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: PURANA MANDIR (1984) **

FORMAT:  DVD

The Ramsay brothers, the directors of Bandh Darwaza, made this frustrating and uneven horror flick.  Hundreds of years ago a creature named Saamri roamed the countryside killing women.  The king finally put a stop to him by cutting his head off and hiding it away.  Now in the present day, the king’s last descendant is a pretty college student with no idea of her family’s past with Saamri.  When her father forbids her to see her poor boyfriend, they defy his wishes.  He then reveals to them the family secret, and the determined lovers set out to break the curse once and for all. 

In some ways this feels like a warm-up to Bandh Darwaza as they are both thematically similar.  (Both films contain chases involving a horsedrawn carriage.)  However. there’s just too many characters (like the comic relief bandit) and subplots (including one stolen from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly) that get in the way of the fun.  Even more disappointing is the fact that the film often forgets about its main baddie for long stretches at a time.  (His head doesn’t reappear till about the hundred-minute mark.)  While I’m not a Bollywood expert or anything, it just seemed like the musical numbers occurred at the least opportune times.  (Save for the awesome, albeit brief, disco dance number.)

That said, there’s still plenty of goofy shit here.  We get Kung Fu fights, a freaky birthing scene, a fantasy love sequence where a guy and his girlfriend have a literal roll in the hay, a headhunter attack (one wears a Frankenstein mask), a bloody shower, and a bug-eyed possessed servant.  Nothing really sticks, but it does have a silly charm about it.  The monster is cool looking too as he resembles a cross between a werewolf, Evil Ash from Army of Darkness, and Frankenstein from Frankenstein Conquers the World.  

Ultimately, the unwieldy running time gets the better of it. In fact, this might’ve been a ** ½ flick if it ran a brisk ninety minutes.  At nearly two and a half hours, it just doesn’t know when to quit. 

AKA:  The Haunted Temple.  AKA:  The Old Temple.