THE NIGHT COMES FOR US (2018) *** ½

Ito (Joe Taslim) is a badass who is part of a team of Triad enforcers known as “The Six Seas”.  He refuses to murder a little girl in cold blood after a beachside raid and they trip to skip town together.  Arian (Iko Uwais), Ito’s best friend, is then called in to take them out to cement his position as Ito’s replacement in The Six Seas.  

Director Timo (Headshot) Tjahjanto plunges headfirst into the realm of ultraviolent Kung Fu nirvana and barely stops to catch his breath.  Along the way, he gives us a number of impressive (and oh so bloody) fight sequences.  Uwais has a great introduction scene in a nightclub.  When a jackass disrespects him, he shoves a wine bottle down the dude’s throat and then mops the floor with his associates.  Taslim gets a badass brawl in a meat locker where he turns several cleaver-wielding goons into briskets as well as a white-knuckle close-quarters battle with some dirty cops inside the back of a SWAT truck.  There’s also an apartment building massacre that showcases nods to not only George Romero, but Martin Scorsese.  The inevitable battle between Taslim and Uwais is a grueling endurance match as the two combatants relentlessly beat each other to bloody pulps.

The Night Comes for Us feels slight in some respects as there’s a barest pretense of a plot.  Once the action starts, the audience is filled in on the fly of the characters’ motivations and plot exposition.  I’m not really complaining, but at two hours, it all becomes a bit numbing after a while.  I’m sure there could’ve been at least a little nip and tuck here and there.  Then again, I wouldn’t have traded some of these action beats for anything.  There are gory moments aplenty, but it’s the smaller touches (like someone casually pulling off their own finger or banging their shin against a steel girder or having an Exact-o blade breaking off in their forearm) that are often the most stomach-churning.

There’s perhaps a bit too much handheld camerawork in the finale, but for the most part, the choreography is stellar.  Tjahjanto fills the film with flashy stylistic touches.  The neon-drenched lighting and heavy synth soundtrack make it feel like a Nicolas Winding Refn movie in some places.  

If you loved Uwais and Taslim in The Raid, you are officially on notice.  Consider this a subpoena.  You are hereby summonsed to see The Night Comes for Us.  Is it as good as The Raid?  Nope, but then again, what could be?

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: ASTRO-ZOMBIES: M4: INVADERS FROM CYBERSPACE (2012) ** ½

I enjoyed Ted V. Mikels’ third Astro-Zombies opus, M3:  Cloned for the most part.  Because of that, I figured I’d close out the series with this final installment in the franchise.  This time, the Astro-Zombies pop out of laptops across the globe and wreak havoc on unsuspecting citizens around the world… and… well… that’s about it as far as the “plot” goes.    

The cut-rate CGI effects include disintegrations, shotgun blasts, and exploding bodies.  The greenscreen effects may be a tad chintzy, but Mikels, unlike most of today’s shot-on-video directors, imbues his films with an endearing charm.  To his credit, Mikels is able to make a no-budget movie with crazy globe-hopping action set pieces.  The Astro-Zombies lay waste to Berlin, Sydney, Tokyo and countless other international cities with their deadly eyeball laser blasts.  You won’t see this kind of carnage in your typical Troma flick, that’s for sure.

M4:  Invaders from Cyberspace lacks the kitchen sink approach of Part 3.  I also missed the little callbacks to Mikels’ previous films.  On the other hand, Invaders from Cyberspace is shorter and faster paced, which is much appreciated.  I will say that some of the attack sequences get repetitive, but there are enough cool moments here for me to give it a halfhearted recommendation.  (The amusement park massacre is particularly well done.) 

In the end, humans learn mirrors are the only thing that can deflect the laser eye beams and kill the Astro-Zombies.  Which begs the question:  Why couldn’t the Astro-Zombies just grab machetes and kill people like they did in the last movie once they realize their eye beams are useless?  One thing I have learned in all my years watching Ted V. Mikels movies is that you can’t ask questions during Ted V. Mikels movies.

One thing you can expect in a Ted V. Mikels movie is lots of padding and a shit ton of useless supporting characters.  Seriously, did we really need to see the old guy put on his scuba gear in real time?  Oops.  There I go asking questions again.

WICKED WAYS (1999) *

Michael Rooker is married to the emotionally unstable Rebecca De Mornay.  The only reason he puts up with her crazy antics is because the sex is apparently great.  While he’s away at work, she’s left to her own devices sitting on the couch watching soap operas and going around the house setting booby traps like Macauley Culkin in Home Alone.  Little does she know, he’s living a double life with another wife (Lisa Zane) and a gaggle of kids in another town.  Frustrated and bored, De Mornay begins flirting with her new neighbor (Mark Rolston), which begins giving Rooker an exit strategy from his double life.

Wicked Ways plays like a mash-up of a Lifetime Movie, ‘50s melodrama, and ‘90s neo-noir.  I’m not sure what writer/director Ron Senkowski was trying to say here.  Is he saying domestic life is a prison?  Whatever points he makes are often muddled.  The drama is equally murky as none of the characters are remotely likeable and their problems are more annoying than involving.  His overuse of slow motion is confounding to say the least and only makes things all the more irritating.  The twists and turns the film takes in the third act are predicable too.  The inflated running time (nearly two hours) doesn’t do the movie any favors eithers and the already thin plot spins its wheels throughout.

De Mornay certainly tries.  Her character runs the gamut of conniving sexpot to infantile psycho.  She goes from building forts with furniture and sleeping in a crib to doing provocative dances and dressing up like a dominatrix.  The problem is, we never feel much sympathy for her.  We also never know what Rooker’s character gets out of living his double life.  Poor Rooker gives a thankless performance that is often overshadowed by De Mornay’s wild-eyed histrionics.  Even he can’t save this overlong, convoluted mess.

AKA:  A Table for One.

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: ASTRO-ZOMBIES: M3: CLONED (2010) ** ½

Ted V. Mikels’ Astro-Zombies is a film that plays better in your mind than it does on screen.  It contains moments of sheer nuttiness that will stay with you to your dying day.  However, actually sitting and watching those scenes in their proper context can be a demanding chore.  Conversely, Mikels’ sequel, Mark of the Astro Zombies is a movie I remember really enjoying when I saw it years ago, but I’ll be damned if I can remember anything about it now.  Lucky for me, Mikels gives us a quick recap of the first two pictures before the opening credits of Astro-Zombies:  M3:  Cloned. 

A general (Mikels) demands the “Astro-Man Project” be reinstated.  He wants to use their DNA to clone soldiers for the military.  Their top scientist (Donna Hamblin) works hard to meet her impossible deadline, but when her superiors sabotage the experiment, the desert is soon crawling with machete-wielding Astro-Zombies.

Astro-Zombies:  M3:  Cloned looks like your typical newfangled shot-on-video production with its cheap sets (the Area 51 briefing room has a whiteboard with “Area 51” written on it in black marker), bad acting. and obvious gore effects.  Since Mikels has been making movies for nearly fifty years, it comes off looking more polished than a film by your average Joe with a camcorder.  Some of the amateurish acting is amusing, but there are times where it’s rough going, especially during some of the domestic scenes.   Like the original, the long dialogue scenes bogs things down and get in the way of the fun.  (There are a lot of military briefings.)

What makes Astro-Zombies:  M3:  Cloned (I’m not sure why it’s called “M3” and not just “3”, but oh well) awesome is that Mikels is creating his own Marvel Cinematic Universe here.  Call it, the Mikels Cinematic Universe.  When a woman feeds her cat, it’s not just any old generic cat food.  It’s Lotus Cat food from The Corpse Grinders!  Not only that, but when the Astro-Zombies get unruly, the government calls on none other than Francine York and The Doll Squad!  (There’s also a scene where the Astro-Zombies attack a movie theater playing Mikels’ 10 Violent Women.)

The performances are all over the place, but there are a few noteworthy names here.  I already mentioned Mikels acts in this, but did you know he plays a dual role as identical twins?  I have to admit, it’s pretty funny seeing him flub lines he wrote for himself.  It was also good to see Tura Satana briefly (in her final film appearance).  I just wish it wasn’t in the form of a hologram.  (At least they did the whole hologram thing for Tura before they used it for Tupac.)  The best performance of the movie comes courtesy of Sara Dunn, who plays the buxom, sexy Queen Amazon.  Unfortunately, she spends most of her screen time tied up.

There was no reason this needed to be 103 minutes long.  Even at 83 minutes it would’ve been a little flabby.  The second act is dull and talky.  I’m sure Mikels could’ve cut a good half-hour out and no one would’ve noticed.  However, once the Astro-Zombies start laying into people with machetes it’s damned good times.  The Astro-Zombies vs. The Doll Squad finale is also a lot of fun. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure why Mikels just didn’t go ahead and call it The Astro-Zombies vs. The Doll Squad to begin with. 

It’s a shame Mikels recently passed away.  Now that the Mikels Cinematic Universe is a thing, I would’ve loved seeing more crossover pictures featuring characters from his earlier films.  I mean who wouldn’t want to see The Girl in Gold Boots vs. The Corpse Grinders?

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER: THE CHANGER (1993) ** ½

(Halloween may be over, but I'm going to keep the horror reviews coming at a semi-regular pace throughout November with a little column called Halloween Hangover.  Enjoy!) 

Joe (Carl Zschering) is a nose-picking, dogfood-eating loser who gets frustrated when young high school girls won’t give him the time of day.  One day, he meets a homeless wino (Horace Grimm) who gives him a mystical incantation to change himself into a young girl in exchange for a sip of booze.  Once he’s transformed, Joe enrolls himself in a nearby high school and sets out to stalk and kill a clique of teenage girls.

Like Memoirs of an Invisible Man, we mostly see Joe as his “normal” self, and (for a while anyway) it’s quite funny seeing this aging perv hanging out with goodie two-shoes high school girls and trying to blend in.  Other times, we see the girl he’s become, “Jo” (Ann Flood) when he looks at himself in mirrors or for a handful of random shots.  These scenes are better than most body-swapping comedies of the ‘80s.  (The montage of Joe trying to fit in at school set to the toe-tapping tune “Schoolin’” is rather hilarious.)

Unfortunately, The Changer isn’t nearly as successful when it turns into a full-on horror movie.  It’s here where Joe uses his good looks to lure, rape, kill, and partially eat his victims.  Near the end, he also begins to see visions of his victims who appear to him and say shit like, “Was it good for you?”

Despite being a tad clunky in the second half, the twist ending is decent enough.  The short running time (76 minutes) certainly keeps things moving along at a steady clip, and the pacing is fairly brisk.  Overall, The Changer may be an uneven experience, but there’s an endearing goofiness to the whole enterprise that makes it memorable.

AKA:  The Nostril Picker.

ONE DARK NIGHT (1983) * ½

A psychic kills a bunch of women using “bio-energy” and then dies mysteriously.  His body is interred in a mausoleum where a girl gang initiation is taking place.  While Meg Tilly spends the night in the mausoleum to prove her worth to her “sisterhood”, the psychic revives himself and begins to wreak havoc on the girls.

Directed by Tom McLoughlin, One Dark Night suffers from an extremely longwinded set-up.  Not only do you have to wait around while the girls make their way to the mausoleum, you also have to deal with the marital shit involving Adam West and his wife arguing constantly.  Even when Tilly finally gets to tomb, it’s still a slog as the film is heavily padded with lots of long scenes of Tilly walking down the halls of the mausoleum.  

In fact, it takes over an hour for anything remotely supernatural to occur.  Once it finally does, it’s nothing to write home about.  The initial scenes of the dead rising from their interment is cool, but once they’re finally out, all they do is float around in the air and… dogpile their victims?  

I like Tilly as much as anyone, but most of the film is devoted to her hanging around the mausoleum waiting for something to happen.  Unfortunately, so does the audience.  Even the solid supporting cast is basically wasted.  I mean what can you say about a movie that casts Adam West and Elizabeth Daily and then gives them absolutely nothing to do?

Lucky for us, McLoughlin got much better with Friday the 13^th Part 6:  Jason Lives. 

AKA:  Entity Force.  AKA:  Mausoleum.  AKA:  Dark Night.  AKA:  Night of Darkness.  

SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) ***

Super Dark Times takes us back to the ‘90s.  It was a time in the days before the internet where teenage boys had to settle for watching scrambled Playboy Channel signals on cable instead of XXX porn on their phone.  It was also a time where you could ride your bikes with your friends while arguing about Marvel characters and daring each other to eat weird gas station food, all without parent supervision. 

It’s a coming of age story, but it’s also a suspenseful morality tale.  It’s about how teenage boys can act like stupid children, and simple tomfoolery can turn deadly in an instant.  It’s about accidentally doing a heinous act, and how the fear of being caught can lead you down an even darker road. 

When you’re that age everything little act is magnified, and your emotions are amplified because of your hormones and your uncertainty of how the world really works.  Super Dark Times captures that feeling expertly.  It exists in the middle ground between John Hughes, Stephen King, and the Coen brothers, but has a unique view all its own.

I’ve been deliberately vague about the plot description.  It’s better to go in cold without any expectations.  Having said that, I think it probably runs on a tad too long.  I know the filmmakers want to let the characters stew in their own guilt before being propelled down a darker path, but I think the third act could’ve been streamlined a bit more.  It’s also less successful when it skirts with out-and-out horror, like during the dream sequences.  Still, there are enough powerful moments to ensure that Super Dark Times will stay with you.

The young performers are all excellent.  Owen Campbell does a fine job as the guilt-ridden Zach and Charlie Tahan (who sort of resembles Andrew Garfield) is a lot of fun to watch as the unbalanced Josh.  Tahan also gets the best line of the movie when he says, “I’m not going to die. I’m immortal. Like Highlander.”