Dane DeHaan goes to a bizarro
health spa in the middle of nowhere to get his boss to sign some important
documents. Inside of a minute, we know
this place is bad news, but Dane hangs around for like an eternity before he
figures out that the main doctor (Jason Isaacs from Soldier) has a screw
loose. It all drags on and on for the
better part of two and a half hours until the big confrontation between DeHaan
and Isaacs and even then, it plays out like a poor man’s version of a Guillermo
del Toro Dr. Phibes remake or something.
A Cure for
Wellness? More like a cure for insomnia.
Am I right?
With this film, Gore
Verbinski proves once again he has no business making horror movies. Like his sorry Ring remake, there’s a lot of
focus on a little girl with messy hair. At
least The Ring wasn't two and a half hours. Heck, there’s not enough plot here for a half
hour Twilight Zone episode, let alone a two-and-a-half-hour movie. Gore, I’m telling you as a friend: Stick to those big-budget Johnny Depp movies,
buddy.
The movie, in all
fairness, looks like a million bucks. However,
the slick cinematography can’t hide the fact that there’s not a whole lot going
on here. Whatever plot “twists” we do
get are predictable and incredibly drawn-out.
I did however, find a
cure for badness: Take a shot of your
favorite alcoholic beverage every time someone says the word “well”. It’ll be just what the doctor ordered.
You hated the Ring remake? Awesome! I thought I was the only one who thought that film was an overrated piece of shit that wasn't scary at all(the fact that entire plot hinges Rachel being stupid enough to leave a tape that she KNOWS is dangerous where her son can find it is what really makes the film dumb) oh and The Ring Two easily gets my vote for worst sequel of all time.
ReplyDeleteSo no surprise this film sucks the big one, especially with that bloated running time, horror films in general should never be two hours or longer, it's a genre that simply is not suited for long running times.
Yeah, I pretty much hated The Ring. The marketing department did do a great job because I was at a horror convention before it came out and there was a guy handing out free movies on an unmarked tape and when you took it home and watched it, it was the minute long tape from the movie. It got me pumped to see it, but as it turned out, the minute long tape was cooler than the rest of the film
ReplyDelete