ATOMIC BLONDE (2017) **

Charlize Theron stars as a sexy British spy who beats the crap out of people in Berlin just before the fall of the Berlin Wall.  She’s great in it and she looks sexy as Hell while smashing, bashing, and Kung Fuing the bad guys.  Directed by David (John Wick) Leitch, the movie looks awesome.  The neon-lit atmosphere is cool and cinematography is crisp and eye-popping.  He also gives us a couple of inspired action sequences, including one that is done in a long continuous take (although the seams are easy enough to spot). 

So why does it all feel like such a dud?  Superficially, the movie works.  It’s just a shame that all the spy shit is so convoluted.  There are a lot of empty double, triple, and quadruple-crosses, but none of it really pulls you it or ultimately means very much.  Seriously, it’s hard to care when everything you just learned in the previous scene is immediately contradicted in the next. 

The ending(s) is the worst.  The script tries so damned hard to trick you that it eventually becomes annoying.  I know that movies like to try to pull the rug out from under you.  This one pulls the rug, the carpeting, and the floorboards.  By the time Theron has thrown her fourth agency under the bus, I was already looking for the exits.  Honestly, this might’ve gotten a ** ½ rating on style alone if it had ended four endings ago.  

Theron deserves better.  While she still gets to act like a badass and have a sexy Girl on Girl scene, the movie her character inhabits fails her at nearly every turn.  Leitch deserves better too.  Perhaps sensing the script’s shortcomings, he bombards you with his stylistic touches during the action while cranking the ‘80s music.  Unfortunately, all that does is turn most of the movie into one big music video.  If only they had a competent script at their disposal, Theron and Leitch could’ve made this one for the books.   

Sadly, Atomic Blonde never goes full blast.