YOUNG REBELS (1989) ** ½

There are no youngsters and no rebels in this nutty action cheesefest from Amir Shervan, the director of Samurai Cop.  Ben (Bret Johnston) owes a gambling debt to a despicable kingpin named Mr. Vincenzo (Carlos Rivas).  In order to square his debt, his brother Charlie (Johnny Greene) has to fly in a shipment from Mexico. Once Charlie finds out they’re smuggling drugs, they turn the tables on their employer.  When Vincenzo has Ben murdered, Charlie sets out for revenge.  

Young Rebels kinda looks like if someone tried to make an Andy Sidaris movie with no money and was forced to film the bulk of the scenes at their mom’s house.  It contains wall to wall action, which is sometimes interrupted by a few nude scenes.  In that regard, it’s almost critic-proof.  None of it is particularly well-done mind you, but at least there’s always something happening. 

Perhaps what little money there was went to the sterling supporting cast.  Aldo Ray is in a few scenes as the sheriff, who’s mostly there to cuss and holler.  We also get Robert Z’Dar as the bad guy’s muscle who gets an uncomfortably long sex scene with a beautiful blonde.  Speaking of beautiful blondes, erotic thriller queen Delia Sheppard also turns up and does a sexy striptease with a string of pearls.  

The tip-off that you might enjoy Young Rebels is that Plan 9’s Conrad Brooks appears in a small role as a drug dealer.  I’m not saying it’s another Plan 9.  I mean, yes, it is really cheap and shoddily made.  (The clapboard is visible in one scene.)  The action gets repetitive too, but by the time Z’Dar began using Sheppard as a topless human shield I had to admit I was sort of having fun. 

Oh, and can we talk about the “Free Puppies” sign for a minute?  During one of the many chase scenes, the bad guys run past a sign that says, “Free Puppies”.  My question is, why is it shaped like a tombstone?  Are the puppies dead?  Is that why they’re free?  And how do we acquire these puppies?  Do we have to dig them up ourselves?  Is it a self-service kind of deal?  This bizarre moment helps make Young Rebels a fun little Grade Z movie, but it really needed a few more of these gonzo touches to make it a stone-cold classic.