THE CHAMPAGNE GANG (2006) *

Four surfer girls make a killing stealing booze and cigarettes from liquor stores and selling them on the black market for a big mark up.  In the process, they wind up accidentally ripping off the local kingpin.  Instead of being angry, he is impressed by their tenacity and proposes a partnership.  He’ll bankroll their gang and help train them properly so they can knock off a bunch of drug stores (in exchange for a percentage of course).  Predictably, it doesn’t take long before the girls get in over their heads and get the attention of the local law.

The Champagne Gang is allegedly based on a true story.  Even if it was a complete fabrication, the idea of scantily clad girls becoming hardened criminals is certainly appealing.  The ladies in the cast look great and all, but unfortunately, there isn’t a real actress among them.  They recite their dialogue rather saying it with emotion, which prevents their characters from really clicking with the audience.

Look, I’m a sucker for a heist flick, especially one that feature hot girls in the cast.  Too bad this always feels like bare bones treatment in search of a movie.  It’s one thing to have a low budget with inexperienced actresses, but even master thespians would have trouble overcoming the threadbare script and the thin characters.

Plus, the heists themselves aren’t expertly executed either.  I mean, if it’s one activity that cinema can make into a thrilling experience, it’s a well-executed heist.  In this flick, there’s a robbery that merely involves one of the girls endlessly banging on a safe with a pickaxe. 

Since we never care about the characters and there’s no fun or suspense during the heists, what are we left with?  Sure, the girls are easy on the eyes, but that can only carry the movie so far.  We do get an inexplicable cameo by 3000 Miles to Graceland’s Bokeem Woodbine as a rock star though. 

Director Daniel Zirilli went on to direct movies starring Steven Seagal and Dolph Lundgren.