ASSAULT OF THE REBEL GIRLS (1959) ½ *

Assault of the Rebel Girls was Errol Flynn’s last movie, and what a depressing swan song it is.  Legend goes Flynn owed an investor another movie on his contract.  In a pinch, he took footage from Cuban Story, a pro-Castro documentary he directed, had his drinking buddy Barry (The Beast Who Killed Women) Mahon film a handful of new “dramatic” scenes, and cobbled this together.  Flynn appeared as “The American” (who is basically himself) and gave the leading lady role to his seventeen-year-old girlfri… uh… “protege”, Beverly Aadland.  The results are akin to watching a partially dramatized newsreel directed by Coleman Francis.

The plot has Flynn going down to Cuba to see firsthand the rise of Castro.  Meanwhile, an American girl played by Aadland searches for her boyfriend who left home to join up with the revolution.  Naturally, it doesn’t take long for her to get caught up in the cause.

Assault of the Rebel Girls is shoddy in every way imaginable.  The bulk of the film is comprised of long scenes of documentary footage narrated by Flynn.  The Cuban footage is mind-numbingly dull, which makes the hour-long running time feel about three times longer.  I mentioned Coleman Francis earlier, and that’s really the best comparison I can make.  Assault of the Rebel Girls would make an ideal double feature with Francis’ Red Zone Cuba as both contain long, perplexing stretches where nothing happens.  

Although the ads made a big deal about Aadland being Flynn’s protégé, she can’t act to save her life.  She manages to botch even the simplest of line readings.  (I did like her delivery of this chestnut though:  “The man I love is somewhere in this lousy, stinking jungle and I’m gonna find him!”)  It’s almost as if Flynn wasn’t even teaching her how to act!  What’s interesting is that even in their scenes together, there is zero chemistry between them.  That’s kind of odd for a pair who are allegedly banging… I mean…. engaged in a mentor/protégé relationship.

The mixture of turgid love story, half-assed war scenes, and haphazard insertion of documentary footage will leave you doubting your sanity.  You can’t blame Flynn for looking blitzed.  I’d be drunk as a skunk while making this turkey too.  (He especially looks hammered during his final pro-Castro speech to the camera.) 

This was Mahon’s first feature.  It’s probable that most of the movie’s problems weren’t his fault as he was likely just doing what Flynn told him to do.  Thankfully, Mahon got much better at directing, especially once he turned his talents to the nudie-cutie market.  (There’s a brief skinny-dipping scene that sort of portends Mahon’s eventual nudie career, although nothing is shown.)  

Mahon was the real-life inspiration for the Steve McQueen character in The Great Escape.  If you ask me, Hollywood really needs to make an Ed Wood-style biopic about his life.  Unlike Plan 9, Assault of the Rebel Girls isn’t enjoyable in the least.  However, the circumstances around its creation ensure its place in cult movie history. 

AKA:  Cuban Rebel Girls.