RESCUE ME (1993) * ½

Rescue Me was one of the final films released theatrically by Cannon Films.  It comes to us courtesy of Arthur Allan Seidelman, the director of Hercules in New York.  Here’s the thing, Hercules in New York is a lot more fun.

A young Stephen Dorff stars as the dorky yearbook photographer who has a crush on the head cheerleader, played by Ami Dolenz.  Michael (American Ninja) Dudikoff is a motorcycle riding drug dealer whose transaction is interrupted by Dolenz and her boyfriend.  Things go south, and in the commotion, the buyers (William Lucking and Peter DeLuise) wind up kidnapping Dolenz.  Dorff wants to impress her, so he blackmails Dudikoff into following the kidnappers to rescue Ami.

This weird amalgam of road movie and coming of age story starts off well enough, but it quickly gets bogged down before the journey begins to gather any momentum.  In fact, there are several junctures in which the film grinds to a halt, and Seidelman’s inert direction does little to move things along.  

The comedic shtick lands with a thud, which wouldn’t be so bad if the center of the film (the relationship between Dudikoff and Dorff) worked.  As it is, the scenes of them bonding fall flat.  It really doesn’t help that the coming of age stuff never quite gels with the hostage plot. 

The big problem is that no one really acts like a human being.  What does Dolenz do when she escapes the kidnappers?  Does she go to the cops?   No, she goes to a concert and makes time with the singer.  

Another issue is that there is just no chemistry between Dorff and Dudikoff.  Dudikoff almost gets by from just being Michael Dudikoff, but Dorff is seriously miscast as a nerd.  Lucking and DeLuise aren’t convincing as villains either and are thoroughly annoying to boot.  It’s nice seeing E.T.’s Dee Wallace-Stone hanging around briefly in the thankless role of Dorff’s mom.  The only real bright spot is Chained Heat 2’s Kimberley Kates, who makes a memorable impression in a short amount of screen time as a hooker with a heart of gold.  Sadly, her efforts aren’t enough to rescue Rescue Me.

AKA:  The Infernal Venture.  AKA:  Street Hunter.  AKA:  Streethunter.