TRAILERS #22: HORROR/SCI-FI (1992) ***

Here’s yet another collection of horror and sci-fi trailers from the good folks at Something Weird.  This time, they are presented in chronological order (more or less), which is fun because it gives you a chance to see how the genres became more sophisticated (more or less) as time went on.  Everything from ‘60s Italian peplum (Goliath and the Barbarians and Hercules and the Captive Women) to drive-in triple features (the trailers for the “Orgy of the Living Dead” and “Certificate of Assurance” triple bills are once again trotted out) to ‘70s Euro-Horror (The Devil’s Wedding Night and The Vampires Night Orgy) to big budget fare (Alien and Flash Gordon) to slashers (The Toolbox Murders and My Bloody Valentine) to ‘80s comedies (Weird Science and Amazon Women on the Moon) are covered.  

The first half will probably seem overly familiar to those who have sat through many of these Something Weird compilations.  (I’ve seen so many of them that I can probably recite a lot of these trailers verbatim by now.)  If you stick with it, you’ll be treated to some great trailers from the ‘80s, which normally don’t pop up on these kinds of collections.  It’s fun seeing camp classics like The Stuff and Chopping Mall rubbing elbows with high-brow entertainment like Angel Heart and The Serpent and the Rainbow.  After watching so many creaky trailers from the ‘50s in these things, it’s a welcome change of pace to see something like Blood Diner and Tremors popping up here and there.  

It might not be the best collection in the Something Weird catalogue, thanks to the overabundance of reoccurring trailers in the first half, but the inclusion of ‘80s trailers gives Trailers #22:  Horror/Sci-Fi a personality that some of its predecessors lack.  Although some old school fans might be miffed by the heavy concentration of ‘80s films in the second half, if you grew up during that time (like I did), you’re sure to enjoy them.  While I would’ve maybe liked to have seen previews for a few more obscure titles peppered throughout, it nevertheless remains a worthy entry in the long-running series.

The complete trailer line-up includes:  Goliath and the Barbarians, Hercules and the Captive Women, The Deadly Bees, Thunderbirds are Go, The Orgy of the Living Dead Triple Feature (Revenge of the Living Dead, Curse of the Living Dead, Fangs of the Living Dead), The Murder Clinic, Creature with the Blue Hand, The Certificate of Assurance Triple Feature (The Corpse Grinders, The Undertaker and His Pals, The Embalmer), Private Parts, a double feature of Daughters of Satan and Superbeast, Sisters, The Devil’s Wedding Night, Dracula vs. Frankenstein, Deranged, The Vampires Night Orgy, Poor Albert and Little Annie (AKA:  I Dismember Mama), The Toolbox Murders, Alien, Night Creature, Nosferatu the Vampyre, Battle Beyond the Stars, The Boogeyman, Flash Gordon, My Bloody Valentine, The Howling, The Loch Ness Horror, Terror in the Aisles, Weird Science, The Stuff, Chopping Mall, Return to Horror High, Angel Heart, The Night Stalker, Blood Diner, Amazon Women on the Moon, The Serpent and the Rainbow, The Blob, The Lair of the White Worm, and Tremors.

LIVID (2011) **

I was a huge fan of Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury’s Inside.  Unfortunately, their follow-up, Livid never made it to the States.  Until now.  Now that I’ve finally seen it, I can honestly say it wasn’t exactly worth the wait.  I know they all can’t be Inside, but it falls well short of that disgusting classic.  

Lucie (Chloe Coulloud) is training to be a home healthcare nurse.  While making her rounds, she tends to an extremely elderly comatose woman (Marie-Claude Pietragalla) who lives all alone in a giant mansion.  She learns the old lady used to be a ballet teacher and supposedly has a treasure hidden away somewhere in the mansion.  Of course, she tells her hotheaded boyfriend (Felix Moati) and his buddy Jeremy Kapone) all about it.  Desperate to change their dead-end situation, the trio breaks into the house looking for the loot and find....

I will resist the temptation to spoil what they finally uncover in the house, especially since it takes them about an hour to figure it out, which is kind of the problem.  The set-up is longwinded, and a lot of the getting-to-know-you scenes in the early going could’ve been tightened up a bit.  Sadly, once we find out what’s going on in the house, it’s no big whoop.  There is at least one semi-interesting death scene, but for the most part, it falls flat.  Even when the movie tries to do something a little different with the usual horror formula, it winds up being lackluster, or even worse, goofy.  It’s easy to see why this slipped through the cracks and took over a decade to reach our shores.  

I did like the directors’ nods to such films as An American Werewolf in London, Halloween 3, and possibly even Suspira, although they ultimately are ultimately nothing more than Easter eggs for fans.  (The constant use of scissors was probably a tip of hat to Inside, now that I think about it.)  If you’re still curious about seeing Livid, it might work best as a double feature with Don’t Breathe as both films revolve around thieves severely underestimating a seemingly incapacitated elderly person, but the dip in quality will be noticeable.  

HEAVENLY BODIES (1963) **

Heavenly Bodies is an OK early Russ Meyer effort.  Some of his trademarks are already apparent, most notably:  A bevy of busty ladies lounging naked outdoors.  There’s also a lot of narration and the rapid-fire editing Russ would be known for.  It ultimately doesn’t quite work because of the fractured narrative.  

The film is split up into little vignettes revolving around naked women.  Models take their clothes off poolside, in the woods, and in game rooms.  None of these sequences are especially sexy or memorable and since they are presented in a faux documentary style, they aren’t a lot of fun either.  

Heavenly Bodies is sorely missing the usual humor and violence that hallmark the best Russ films.  It also doesn’t help that many of the vignettes suffer from a similar kind of feel.  The jazzy background music is often repetitive too and the narrator’s highly technical jargon about the photographic equipment used during the modeling sessions was completely unnecessary.  

Meyer (who also appears in a segment orchestrating a modeling shoot) utilizes the usual set-ups found in nudie movies from the era.  Models play volleyball, sunbathe, swim, and dance in the nude.  The most novel nudist activity is when one of the bosomy models jiggles wildly as she uses a jump rope.  I just wish there were more scenes of this caliber throughout the film.

All of this is pleasant enough I suppose but ultimately, Heavenly Bodies is slight and forgettable.  (Aside from the jump rope bit, that is.)  Meyer’s true gift was combining sex and violence with a deft moralistic touch, so a pseudo skin documentary isn’t exactly the best use of his talents.  Since it does offer a bunch of busty beauties in the buff nearly non-stop, it’s hard to completely dismiss.  Another plus:  It’s under an hour long, so it moves along at a decent clip. 

AKA:  Heavenly Assignment. 

THE SISTERHOOD (1988) **

In the early ‘80s, sword and sandal flicks and post-apocalyptic actioners ruled the drive-ins and video stores.  By the time The Sisterhood was released, demand for the genres were dwindling and as a result, less and less of them were being produced.  Leave it to a guy like Cirio H. (Silk) Santiago to combine the two.  

“The Sisterhood” are a duo of warrior women with psychic powers who ride through the wasteland getting into skirmishes with scumbag men.  Meanwhile, Lynn-Holly (For Your Eyes Only) Johnson lives in a post-nuke community where everyone looks upon her as a witch because of her psychic abilities.  Her brother is killed when the local warlord sacks her village, so Johnson goes to join up with The Sisterhood to get revenge.

I like the fact that some guys are dressed like they came out of an ‘80s sword and sandal movie while others have the standard football-pads-and-face-paint attire befitting a post-apocalypse action flick.  To spice things up, there are dudes that wear sunglasses and Dodgers baseball caps, which probably meant the wardrobe budget had started to run out.  

The action is your standard pillaging and swordfights that you’d see in a post-Conan flick mixed in with the typical modified dune buggy and dilapidated sportscar chases consistent with a Mad Max rip-off.  Johnson has a hawk for a pet and guys that look like WCW rejects give rousing speeches to their minions.  

The only real novel touch occurs in the third act when the Sisters hide out inside a fallout shelter where they stumble upon a tank, which they use to stick it to the bad guys.  As is usually the case with a Santiago picture, there’s a little T & A tossed in there too (but not a lot).  The synthesizer-heavy score is good for a laugh though as it alternates between sounding like a Breaking News Report and Super Mario Bros.

Okay, I acknowledge this is starting to sound more like a grocery list of things that happen than an actual review, but that’s kind of how The Sisterhood is.  It plays like a grocery list of ideas for a sword and sorcery/post-nuke action flick than an actual film.  That’s OK, if you’re a fan of either genre.  If you love those kinds of movies, you’re not absolutely guaranteed to like this one, but you’ll undoubtedly find something here to enjoy, even if it comes up short overall.  

AKA:  Caged Women.

IT'S A REVOLUTION MOTHER (1969) **

It’s a Revolution Mother is an uneven ‘60s counterculture documentary from director Harry (Barracuda) Kerwin.  It splits its focus between a motorcycle group called The Aliens riding their bikes and partying and protestors at a peace march in Washington, D.C.  Things eventually culminate at a muddy rock concert in Florida, capped off by a long-winded anti-war speech by a junior high kid.

Aside from the awesome theme song, my favorite part was the narration.  The narrator really gets into delivering his lines, which are often filled to the brim with a lot of hysterically outdated hippie jargon and ‘60s slang.  He’s at his best when talking about the bikers as he often speaks tongue in cheek while commenting on their wild behavior.  (“Don’t let it snap your mind.  You’ve got to groove with the bike crowd to know where it's really at!”)  

Protesters and bikers are also interviewed about their philosophy (or lack thereof) while silent footage of bikers partying and students marching play out on screen.  I guess it goes without saying that the scenes with the bikers are a lot more fun as the protesting stuff is often somber.  (Dr. Spock is spotted marching with the crowd, and Dick Gregory is heard making Spiro Agnew jokes.)  Bikers talk about getting hassled by The Man, putting up with their “old ladies”, and they even throw a “Wesson Oil Party” for the camera.  In fact, it might’ve been more entertaining if the sole focus was on the bikers.  Even then, some of their shenanigans get tiresome after a while.  (I could’ve done without the scene where one of them takes a piss on camera.)

You might think that this is going to be dated and corny.  Well, it is, but really, the most dated and corny thing about it is the narration.  People are still marching.  War is still ongoing.  Not a lot has changed since the time of release.  

Unfortunately, the concert finale is a big bust as it’s nothing more than a bunch of scenes of people milling about the festival.  There’s a band seen briefly playing, but the music (which is pretty bland acid rock) is obviously dubbed over.  This is definitely the weakest element in the film. and it ends things on a lame note.  Oh well, that theme song is a banger though, and will probably get stuck in your head for days after you see it.

AKA:  Biker Babylon.  

DJANGO AND DJANGO (2021) ***

I can see why some folks may be a little disappointed by this lightweight but entertaining documentary.  Based on the title, and the fact that it stars Quentin Tarantino, you might expect it to be an exploration on the seminal Spaghetti Western Django, and how Sergio Corbucci’s film not only inspired Tarantino’s Django Unchained, but the legions of Django rip-offs that popped up in the years in between.  Mostly though, it’s just Tarantino sitting in a movie theater and talking about Corbucci’s westerns.  (You have to wait until the movie’s almost over until you get a brief scene from Django Unchained.)  That’s fine, if you’re a fan of Tarantino and/or Corbucci (which I am).  

Django and Django is essentially a quick and breezy primer on Corbucci’s work.  Tarantino makes for more than a capable guide thanks to his encyclopedic knowledge of the Italian film industry.  Along the way, we also hear from Ruggero Deodato (who served as Corbucci’s second unit director) and Django himself, Franco Nero, although they aren’t really in it a whole lot.  I don’t know if COVID forced the filmmakers to really pare down their interview subjects, but it would’ve been nice to hear from some other talking heads.  

Then again, it might’ve worked even better had it just been Tarantino by himself introducing clips and giving background and/or history on the films.  I mean the first ten minutes are basically him recounting a deleted scene from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood about Rick Dalton meeting Corbucci.  Since Tarantino is a gifted storyteller, it's a lot of fun (especially if you’re a OUATIH fan like me).  I know he plans on retiring from directing soon, and if he eventually does, I wouldn’t mind seeing him starring in more docs like this one, shining a light on unsung exploitation filmmakers.  If Django and Django is any indication, I would say it’s a recipe for success, even if the final product feels more like a glorified DVD special feature than an honest to goodness documentary.  

BENEDETTA (2021) ***

It’s been a while since someone made an old-fashioned, down-and-dirty nunsploitation movie.  Leave it to a guy like Paul Verhoeven to bring the genre into the 21st century.  Twenty minutes in, and he’s already showing us nuns showering, shitting, and farting.  It’s moments like these when you know you’re in the hands of a master.  

Ever since she was a little girl, Benedetta (Virgine Efira) wanted to serve God.  Her parents send her off to a convent and she eventually grows up to become a sexy nun.  Benedetta takes pity on a battered woman named Bartolomea (Daphne Patakia) and begs the abbess (Charlotte Rampling) to take her in.  Bartolomea and Benedetta slowly form a romantic bond, but not before Benedetta starts having sexy dreams about Jesus.  These visions grow more and more intense, finally resulting in Benedetta receiving the stigmata.  She is immediately promoted to abbess, and she uses her power to take Bartolomea into her chambers as her lover.  Miffed, the former abbess sets out to see Benedetta tried as a heretic.  

As great as the idea of the guy who made Basic Instinct directing a horny nun movie is, I have to say that Benedetta isn’t nearly as naughty or blasphemous as you might think it is.  While some of her Jesus dreams are pretty wild, they are more humorous than dirty, and even the scenes of lusty nuns feel like they are holding back a little.  That didn’t stop people from being up in arms about the film.  If Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” music video taught us anything, it’s that any time a filmmaker tries to compare and contrast religious ecstasy with carnal ecstasy, they are inviting a ruckus.  

Verhoeven dips his toe into various exploitation subgenres along the way.  There are moments that harken back to the post-Exorcist possession craze as well as the old Mark of the Devil-style witch trial scenes.  He doesn’t go headlong into excess like the Verhoeven of old though, which some might find a tad disappointing.  I’m not saying the movie necessarily had to be lurid in order to be good, but it does at times seem restrained.  Maybe the older Verhoeven isn’t the raconteur he used to be.  That said, this is still a solid nunsploitation flick.  They don’t crank these things out like they used to, so whenever one comes along, you’ve got to take what you can get.

AKA:  Blessed Virgin.

NIGHTMARE ALLEY (2021) **

Bradley Cooper stars as a man running from his shady past in the pre-WWII American heartland.  He hitches his star to a traveling carnival where he quickly works his way up the ranks from roustabout to sideshow barker.  He falls in love with Rooney Mara, who does an electrocution show, and figures out a way to make it even more sensational.  Cooper also steals an act from an aging mentalist (David Strathairn) and he and Mara leave the carny life behind to do a high-end psychic act for the dinner theater crowd.  

Up to this point, Guillermo del Toro’s noir-infused sideshow drama has worked in fits and starts.  It’s when the plot takes a 180 and Cooper hooks up with a crazed shrink (Cate Blanchett) to bilk a millionaire (Richard Jenkins) that it all comes tumbling down.  Although Blanchett really sinks her teeth into the villainous femme fatale role, Cooper seems sorely miscast throughout.  You never quite buy him as the shady carny, nor as the debonair mystic.  Maybe that was intentional as he lives his life going from one sham to another.  Since so much of the movie hinges on characters being taken in by Cooper’s charm and appeal, it just doesn’t work if the audience doesn’t buy what he’s selling.

Even in a noir thriller, there should be some sort of thrill for the audience to see the plot in motion.  Even if the filmmakers fail to pull the rug out from under us, we should at least enjoy seeing the rug being pulled out from under the characters.  Here, there’s no such thrill.  It all just kind of lumbers to its obvious, predictable conclusion.  I guess you could call it inevitable.  If film noir has taught us anything, it’s that you can only run so long before your shady past catches up with you.  However, Cooper's eventual comeuppance falls a little flat.  It’s almost as if del Toro was letting him off the hook easy.  I mean we just spent two-and-a-half hours watching this guy get over on just about everybody.  We should at least see the knife twisted once he gets what’s coming to him.  

The cinematography and production design are lush enough to keep your attention during the plot’s more interminable moments.  You can also savor seeing del Toro regular Ron Perlman popping up as a grizzled carny, and Willem Dafoe puts in a memorable turn as the sleazy carnival owner.  While it’s all nice to look at, without a strong central performance, it lacks the engine to really make for a crackling thriller.  

In fact, I’m kind of dumbfounded how it got nominated for all these awards.  I guess the Academy is still infatuated with del Toro after The Shape of Water.  Whereas that movie had the unmistakable fingerprints of a master at work, this one seems like it was more of a product of obligation rather than inspiration.    

THE BATMAN (2022) *** ½

Non-comic book movie fans are probably asking themselves why we need yet another big-screen iteration of the Caped Crusader.  If you notice, no one ever asks why we need another Shakespeare adaptation.  I’m not saying Bob Kane is better than the Bard, but like the great Shakespearian characters, Batman is steeped in tragedy, violence, and theatrics.  As with Shakespeare’s greatest works, Batman is a tale worth telling again and again, especially if you can find a new and interesting way to adapt and interpret it.  

Matt (Dawn of the Planet of the Apes) Reeves’ film is a sort of a throwback to the thrillers of ‘90s (which makes me feel really old to say), especially the ones directed by David Fincher.  There are moments here that echo both Seven and The Game, and the new Riddler, while not exactly plucked out of Fincher’s Zodiac, was obviously inspired by the real-life Zodiac Killer in many ways.  Some sequences feel like they came out of a Saw movie as the Riddler’s traps have a very Jigsaw-like feel to them.  Reeves is able to cherry-pick these inspirations and graft them into a tapestry that, although familiar, feel fresh when applied to the Batman mythos.  (The prominent use of Nirvana’s “Something in the Way” adds to the overall ‘90s vibe.)

Sure, we have seen some of these elements in other films.  What we haven’t seen is this kind of Batman.  We saw how Batman trained like a Ninja, made his suit, and got all his gadgets in Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins.  Robert Pattinson’s Batman is interesting in that he is in his second year of vigilante justice.  While he excels at some things (namely beating the crap out of street-level thugs), he needs a lot of work in other areas.  In some scenes, when he busts out a gadget, you get the sense he is field testing it for the first time.  When he narrowly escapes capture and/or death, he has a look about him that says, “Thank God, that worked” rather than, “It’s just another day at the office”.

In fact, you could probably watch this immediately after Batman Begins (or Batman ’89 for that matter) and it would feel like a true sequel to either branch of the franchise.  

I think this might be the best and most satisfying character arc Batman has ever had in a motion picture.  In the beginning of the film, he uses fear as his primary tool.  (“They think I’m in the shadows.  They’re wrong.  I AM the shadows!”)  Eventually, he learns that fear and vengeance are not enough to save the city.  I won’t spoil his, “A-ha!” moment when he discovers the third ingredient needed to become a true hero, but I will say it’s one of the best moments in any of the Batman movies.  

I also loved that the only one who really trusts what Batman is doing is Detective Gordon.  The Bat Signal is brand new.  Whenever there’s a murder, Batman is called to investigate the crime scene, much to the chagrin of the other cops.  The way they look at him in disgust as he pores over the evidence is great.  Also great:  The crime scene photographer who knows what Batman is capable of, so he follows two steps behind him to take pictures of whatever Batman thought important at the time.  The cops distrust him so much that when Batman makes one slip-up, they immediately declare open season on him.  His escape from the police station is one of the greatest action beats in all the Batmans.  

Another all-timer moment:  His introduction.  The “THUD… THUD… THUD…” of his boots in the shadows gave off real Robocop vibes and his beatdown of a street punk was some of the most brutal shit we’ve seen Batman ever do.  Whatever reservations I had about Robert Pattinson in the Batsuit immediately disappeared.  This dude IS Batman and I hope he’s the Batman for a very long time.  

And, in a novel twist that further helps separate The Batman from the other screen versions of the character, he’s Batman for like 80% of the running time.  While he’s close-but-not-quite-there to being the Batman we all know and love, he hasn’t a clue on how to be Bruce Wayne, and I kind of loved that.  When he does show his face in public, he’s looked at as almost a twentysomething emo Howard Hughes, which is probably the last guy you’d expect to be the Batman.  

Another cool thing:  The villains arrive pretty much fully formed.  Like the character of Batman, there are no origin stories to the bad guys.  This might be the most villain-heavy film out of all the Batman flicks (if you count the cameo at the end) and each actor puts their own stamp on the role.  Colin Farrell is unrecognizable as The Penguin.  He chews the scenery with gusto and is as much fun to watch here as he was playing Bullseye in Daredevil.  Zoe Kravitz also puts her own unique stamp on Catwoman.  From her slinky catlike Kung Fu moves, to the way she nonchalantly drinks milk, she is one of the best Catwomen of all time (but we already knew that when she played the role in The LEGO Batman Movie).  

As for the main villain, Paul Dano is not your father’s Riddler.  There is nothing remotely Jim Carrey or Frank Gorshin about this guy.  He’s a real sicko who thinks he’s “changing” things.  In fact, Batman is so misunderstood by Gotham City at large in the film that Riddler actually thinks Batman is going to be the only one who understands him, much to Batman’s horror.  

Oh, and not only does this flick contain what has to be the best Batmobile since the original car from the ‘60s TV show, it also has the best superhero theme (courtesy of Michael Giacchino) theme since Danny Elfman’s music for the Michael Keaton Batman movies.

Now, much has been made about the film’s three-hour running time.  I’m afraid I have to chime in with the chorus and say, yes, it is too long.  I can’t fault Reeves.  He got the keys to the kingdom and didn’t want to relinquish them until he filled the movie to the brim with everything one could pack into a Batman flick.  The third act is where the bulk of the problem lie.  There’s probably one too many subplots (Catwoman’s daddy issues), an action sequence that feels like a leftover from the Nolan era (flooding Gotham), and a sequence where the Riddler’s henchmen are revealed to be nothing more than triggered incel gunmen.  Did we really need an active shooter sequence in a Batman movie?  Especially when you consider the same kind of real-life nut already opened fire in a theater showing The Dark Knight all those years ago?  It seemed like a case of poor judgement rather than poor taste to me, but it did allow Batman to do yet another epic beatdown, so there’s that.  At least it culminates in a truly memorable moment where Batman saves the day.  This moment alone was probably worth all the little hiccups along the way.  

Who knows with these things?  These little third act issues might go away on repeated viewings.  (My problems with the third act of The Dark Knight still stand every time I watch it, so it could go either way.)  I already can’t wait to watch it again, so there’s that.  I don’t think they’ve made a bad Batman movie yet (yes, I like Batman and Robin), and this one is one of the best.  

RANKING THE BATMEN:

1. The LEGO Batman Movie

2. Batman

3. Batman Begins

4. Batman v. Superman:  Dawn of Justice

5. The Dark Knight

6. The Batman

7. Batman Returns

8. The Dark Knight Rises

9. Justice League

10. Batman and Robin

11. Batman Forever

12. Batman:  The 1943 Serial

13. Batman:  The 1949 Serial

14. Zack Snyder’s Justice League

15. Suicide Squad

16. Batman:  The Movie

17. Batman:  Mask of the Phantasm

SINISTER CINEMA CLASSIC HORROR TRAILERS VOLUME 6 (199?) ***

Although it is a solid horror trailer compilation, Sinister Cinema Classic Horror Trailers Volume 6 feels like a little bit of a letdown after the awesome Volume 5.  A lot of that has to do with the abundance of déjà vu as many trailers from other volumes in the series pop up yet again (A Bucket of Blood, Circus of Horrors, and The Devil’s Hand, just to name a few).  Even though many of the trailers are overly familiar, the more obscure ones don’t have the same jaw-dropping spark as the others found throughout the series.  That said, it still makes for breezy, undemanding fun for horror trailer fans like me.  

This installment in the series begins with trailers for Door-to-Door Maniac (starring Johnny Cash and Ron Howard), The Tower of London (starring Vincent Price), The Curse of the Living Corpse (which has a “Fright Release” gimmick), and Horror Castle (which spells Christopher Lee’s name wrong).  Highlights include Hillbillys in a Haunted House (boasting an appearance by the “new” singing star, Merle Haggard), Munster, Go Home (introduced by Herman Munster himself), Night of the Bloody Horror (which refuses to show any scenes from the movie), and Audrey Rose (which basically just shows the cover of the novel it's based on).  There’s also the usual smattering of spook show ads and drive-in snipes, although many of them have already appeared in other volumes throughout the series.

Things end with a long run of William Castle trailers.  While many of these have popped up elsewhere, the ones that he personally introduces are always fun to watch (especially the one for Homicidal where he interviews theater patrons after they’ve just seen the shocking ending).  As a bonus, the final trailers are merely snippets promoting the various gimmicks Castle used in his films like “The Ghost Viewer” (13 Ghosts), “Ermergo” (House on Haunted Hill), and a life insurance policy from Lloyd’s of London (Macabre). 

Sure, there are some overly familiar trailers here.  Then again, I’m only saying that because I watched the entire Sinister Cinema Classic Horror Trailer collection over the course of two weeks.  If you happen to pop this in without seeing the others in the series (or if you don’t watch nearly as many trailer compilations as I do), you’re sure to enjoy it.  

Here's the complete listing of trailers:  Door-to-Door Maniac (AKA:  Five Minutes to Live), The Tower of London, The Curse of the Living Corpse, Horror Castle, Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter, The She Beast, Rasputin, the Mad Monk, Hillbillys in a Haunted House, Munster, Go Home, Horror House, The Wizard of Gore, Tales from the Crypt, The Thing with Two Heads, The Asphyx, Madhouse, The Spectre of Edgar Allan Poe, Arnold, Screams of a Winter Night, Beyond the Door, Shock Waves, Audrey Rose, The House Where Death Lives, The Evil, Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror, The She-Creature, I Bury the Living, A Bucket of Blood, Horrors of the Black Museum, How to Make a Monster, The Headless Ghost, Circus of Horrors, The Hypnotic Eye, The Little Shop of Horrors, Beast from Haunted Cave, The Devil’s Hand, The Devil’s Partner, The Screaming Skull, From Hell It Came, Blood of Dracula, Giant from the Unknown, The Return of Dracula, The Monster of Piedras Blancas, Curse of the Undead, Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow, Mr. Sardonicus, Homicidal, Zotz!, The Tingler, 13 Frightened Girls, 13 Ghosts, Strait-Jacket, House on Haunted Hill, 13 Ghosts, House on Haunted Hill, and Macabre.  

SINISTER CINEMA CLASSIC HORROR TRAILERS VOLUME 5 (199?) *** ½

It’s rare that the fifth installment of a franchise is the best, but Sinister Cinema Classic Horror Trailers Volume 5 is that rare beast.  It far surpasses its predecessors when it comes to cool, creepy, and cult trailers.  I think the secret to this one’s success is the fact that after four volumes, the previous entries had already pretty much exhausted a wealth of famous and/or familiar trailers.  That leaves us with a lot of obscure titles, lesser-quality low budget flicks, and trailers that almost never turn up on these compilations.  

Highlights include trailers for Roger Vadim’s Blood and Roses (which uses the stock music from the old Universal horror flicks), the WTF Mexican kids’ movie Little Red Riding Hood and the Monsters, the alliterative ad for The Devil’s Wedding Night (“Diabolic demons delirious with desire!”), Allan Sherman introducing the trailer for My Son, the Vampire, and a young Linnea Quigley being terrorized by the Psycho from Texas.  There’s also plenty of oddball shit along the way, like The Gorilla Gang (narrated by “Edgar Wallace”), The Spirit is Willing (a ghost comedy starring Sid Caesar and produced by William Castle), and Monstroid, (which the narrator keeps referring to as “Monster”).  Even though some films from other collections appear again, they almost always use different trailers (like The Island of Dr. Moreau) and/or alternate titles (like Welcome to Arrow Beach), which is great for completists.   

Some of the most memorable previews revolve around gimmicks.  The trailer for The Mask on hosted by an expert on masks (who has “the most comprehensive collection in the world”) hawking the “Miracle Movie Mask”.  (It’s just a fancy 3-D viewer.)  In Monsters Crash the Pajama Party, people in costumes “jump out of the screen and into the audience”.  And Wicked Wicked uses “Duovision”, which is just split screen.

The intermission ads, concession stand commercials, and drive-in snipes are even more awesome this time around.  Some of the best are the commercial for Eskimo Pies, an ad for a “Movie Discount Card” for teenagers to use at drive-ins, a concession stand promo featuring Dixieland Jazz musicians, and a great ‘70s Coke intermission ad called “Looking for a Good Time”.  My favorite though is an intermission interstitial for Sprite that copies the starfield special effects from 2001.  Like that flick, Sinister Cinema Classic Horror Trailers Volume 5 is out of this world!

The full line-up is as follows:  Pharaoh’s Curse, The Thing That Couldn’t Die, The Bat, Blood and Roses, Circus of Horrors, Castle of Blood, The Curse of the Living Corpse, The Murder Clinic, Little Red Riding Hood and the Monsters, A Taste of Blood, The Death Curse of Tartu, a double feature of It! and The Frozen Dead, Twisted Nerve, Venus in Furs, Crescendo, Night of Dark Shadows, Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things, The Devil’s Wedding Night, Cat O’Nine Tails, From Beyond the Grave, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Welcome to Arrow Beach, House of Whipcord, The Gorilla Gang, Kiss of the Tarantula, a double feature of Cauldron of Blood and Crucible of Horror, The Bowery Boys Meet the Monsters, The Man Who Could Cheat Death, The Awful Dr. Orloff, The Horrible Dr. Hichcock, My Son, the Vampire, The Mask, Black Sabbath, The Horror of Blackwood Castle, Monsters Crash the Pajama Party, Lady in a Cage, Hysteria, the “Orgy of the Living Dead” triple feature of Revenge of the Living Dead, Curse of the Living Dead, and Fangs of the Living Dead, Mark of the Witch, Simon, King of the Witches, Raw Meat, Blood Orgy of the She-Devils, Wicked Wicked, The Spirit is Willing, The Savage is Loose, Four Flies on Grey Velvet, Psycho from Texas, Horror Hotel (AKA:  Eaten Alive), Monstroid, and Bluebeard.  

SINISTER CINEMA CLASSIC HORROR TRAILERS VOLUME 4 (199?) ***

Sinister Cinema trailer collection numero four-o kicks off with previews for such ‘50s shockers as Daughter of Dr. Jekyll (a film that seems to be under the impression that Dr. Jekyll was a vampire?!?) and A Bucket of Blood, before setting its sights on Mexican horrors like Face of the Screaming Werewolf and Black Pit of Dr. M.  We also get trailers featuring Barbara Steele (The Ghost and Nightmare Castle), rare and/or cheap looking movies (The Devil’s Bedroom, Alabama’s Ghost, and Curse of the Voodoo), trailers for films that have appeared on Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Bloodlust!, Tormented, and Ring of Terror), and at least one horror flick starring an extremely unlikely leading man (Pat Boone in The Horror of It All).  The collection eventually concludes with a trio of trailers for “respectable” ‘70s horrors like The Stepford Wives, The Island of Dr. Moreau, and The Amityville Horror.  

All in all, Volume 4 is another typically entertaining trailer compilation from Sinister Cinema.  It features a good mix of black and white (Night Tide, What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, and Dead Eyes of London) and color (The Gruesome Twosome, Creature with the Blue Hand, and Night of the Blood Monster) films.  Since I’ve been watching so many compilations lately, there were more than a few trailers that I have seen in other collections.  Despite that, there are just enough distinct trailers here to make it recommended.  For example, Alfred Hitchcock pops up in so many compilations in the trailers for The Birds and Psycho, two of the most famous trailers of all time.  Because of that, it was nice seeing him introducing the trailer for the lesser-appreciated Family Plot in this collection.  

As per usual, this volume is supplemented with lots of great old-timey commercials (for Dr. Pepper), coming attraction interstitials, and concession stand ads.  (My favorite was the one for candy bars that proclaims they are “Delicious and Nutritious!”)  I also found a couple of bonkers looking movies to add to my watchlist like Crash! and Mary, Mary, Bloody Mary (which has the great tagline, “It will turn your blood to ICE… for the Devil’s cocktail!”).  If it can introduce me to WTF movies I’ve never heard of, then that means Sinister Cinema Classic Horror Trailers Volume 4 has done its job.   

The full line-up includes:  Daughter of Dr. Jekyll, A Bucket of Blood, Face of the Screaming Werewolf, Black Pit of Dr. M, Night Tide, What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, Dead Eyes of London, The Ghost, The Devil’s Bedroom, The Horror of It All, The Black Cat, Nightmare Castle, Something Weird, Targets, The Werewolf vs. the Vampire Woman, Alabama’s Ghost, Night of a Thousand Cats, The Flesh and Blood Show, Crash!, The House on Skull Mountain, Family Plot, The Worm Eaters, The Medusa Touch, Silent Scream, Bloodlust!, The Devil’s Hand, The Dead One, Tormented, The Shadow of the Cat, Dr. Cadman’s Secret (AKA:  The Black Sleep), Ring of Terror, The Mad Executioners, The Black Torment, Curse of the Voodoo, A Study in Terror, The Vulture, She Was a Hippy Vampire (AKA:  The Wild World of Batwoman), The Gruesome Twosome, Creature with the Blue Hand, Night of the Blood Monster (AKA:  The Bloody Judge), Disciples of Death, Mark of the Devil Part 2, Don’t Open the Window, Mary, Mary, Bloody Mary, The Stepford Wives, Shadow of the Hawk, The Island of Dr. Moreau, and The Amityville Horror.   

SINISTER CINEMA CLASSIC HORROR TRAILERS VOLUME 3 (199?) ***

Sinister Cinema is back with their third collection of classic horror trailer goodness.  Overall, it’s a fun mix of genres, decades, and stars.  (Boris Karloff, Vincent Price, and Christopher Lee all appear.)  It also clocks in at under ninety minutes and moves along at a relatively brisk pace.  The occasional appearance of drive-in snipes, concession stand ads, and spook show trailers also help to perk things up along the way.   

William Castle’s filmography is the focus of the first batch of trailers (House on Haunted Hill, Macabre, and I Saw What You Did).  Castle himself is even prominently featured in the previews for 13 Ghosts and The Night Walker.  This stretch culminates in the nightmarish, atmospheric, and effective trailer for the Castle-produced Rosemary’s Baby.

Next up is a string of trailers for films from Hemisphere Pictures (Vampire People, Mad Doctor of Blood Island, and Brides of Blood).  We also get a lot of ads for double features, such as I Drink Your Blood and I Eat Your Skin, The Fog and Phantasm, The Velvet Vampire and Scream of the Demon Lover, and even a triple feature of The Vampire, The Return of Dracula, and The Monster That Challenged the World.  In addition, there’s a run of Hammer trailers (House of Fright, The Terror of the Tongs, and The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb) as well as a trio of German Edgar Wallace adaptations (The Phantom of Soho, The Monster of London City, and The Devil’s Daffodil).

Other highlights include:  Veronica Lake slumming in Flesh Feast (“What’s the matter?  Don’t you like my little maggots?”), The Eyes of Hell (which is nothing more than a spinning hypno-wheel accompanied by the voice of an obnoxious narrator), the trailer for Chamber of Horrors showcasing “The Fear Flasher” and “The Horror Horn” gimmicks, and the preview for Voodoo Heartbeat, which is unfortunately considered a lost film.  It all concludes with the hilarious trailer for Nightwing (that compares the movie to Close Encounters of the Third Kind!?!), which is about as good as a closer as they come.  

In case you’re wondering, the complete line-up is as follows:  House on Haunted Hill, Macabre, 13 Ghosts, The Night Walker, I Saw What You Did, Let’s Kill Uncle, Rosemary’s Baby, the double feature of I Drink Your Blood and I Eat Your Skin, Vampire People (AKA:  The Blood Drinkers), Mad Doctor of Blood Island, Brides of Blood, Brain of Blood, Blood Demon, The Phantom of Terror (AKA:  The Bird with the Crystal Plumage), Flesh Feast, The Oracle, Trick or Treat, The Tempter (AKA:  The Antichrist), a double feature of The Fog and Phantasm (two trailers all told), Dawn of the Dead, The Velvet Vampire and Scream of the Demon Lover, Eyeball, Seizure, Curucu:  Beast of the Amazon, The Four Skulls of Jonathan Drake, Horrors of Spider Island, a triple feature of The Vampire, The Return of Dracula, and The Monster That Challenged the World, House of Fright (AKA:  The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll), The Terror of the Tongs, The Eyes of Hell, The Devil’s Daffodil, The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb, The Phantom of Soho, The Monster of London City, Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte, Chamber of Horrors, The Sorcerers, The Naked Witch, Beast of the Yellow Night, Voodoo Heartbeat, The Gore Gore Girls, The Vampires Night Orgy, Devil Times Five, The Omen, Meat Cleaver Massacre, Piranha, and Nightwing.

SINISTER CINEMA CLASSIC HORROR TRAILERS VOLUME 2 (199?) ***

Sinister Cinema returns with another solid trailer collection chockfull of old school horror.  Things kick off with a bunch of ‘50s horror trailers (The Zombies of Mora-Tau, Voodoo Woman, and The Bride and the Beast) before delving into the ‘70s (Don’t Look Now, The Exorcist, and The Devil’s Rain) and ‘80s (The Howling, Friday the 13th Part 2, and Ghost Story).  Boris Karloff is well-represented as there are trailers for Corridors of Blood, The Haunted Strangler, and The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini.  Fans of the lovely Hazel Court will enjoy seeing her pop up in the ads for Ghost Ship, Doctor Blood’s Coffin, and The Masque of the Red Death.  There’s even a trio of trailers for films from Grade-Z schlockmeister Jerry Warren too (Terror of the Bloodhunters, Creature of the Walking Dead, and Curse of the Stone Hand).

Some of the best trailers are for flicks that feature great promotional gimmicks.  Both The Screaming Skull and Castle of Evil have a fun gimmick where the producers offer free burial services if you die of fright while watching them.  For The Embalmer, audience members must sign a "Certificate of Assurance” to prove they are of sound mind before entering the theater.  Something tells me the producers never had to make a claim on either policy.  At any rate, the gimmick alone is pretty amusing.  (I wonder if anyone out there still has their Certificate of Assurance from The Embalmer.)  

I especially loved the ads in which the narrator insists there’s something wrong with you if the movie doesn’t scare you.  For They Came from Within, he says, “If this picture doesn’t make you scream and squirm, you better see a psychiatrist… QUICK!”  In the ad for Phantasm, he insists, “If this one doesn’t scare you… You’re already dead!”  There are also plenty of drive-in snipes, intermission ads, and countdown animations sprinkled throughout, which helps to make this one another winner from Sinister Cinema.  

The complete line-up includes:  The Zombies of Mora-Tau, Voodoo Woman, The Bride and the Beast, The Screaming Skull, Terror-Creatures from the Grave, She Freak, The Undertaker and His Pals, The Blood on Satan’s Claw, The Embalmer, a double feature of Night of the Witches and Dr. Frankenstein on Campus, Castle of Evil, Night of the Living Dead, Spirits of the Dead, Kiss or Kill (AKA:  The Blood of Fu Manchu), The Thirsty Dead, Nightmare in Wax, Ben, Don’t Look Now, Tales That Witness Madness, The Exorcist, The Devil’s Rain, Burnt Offerings (two trailers), Nosferatu the Vampyre (which features a disclaimer stating there are English subtitles), The Howling, Friday the 13th Part 2, Ghost Story, Creepshow, Ghost Ship, Gorilla at Large, Curse of the Demon, Corridors of Blood, The Haunted Strangler, Doctor Blood’s Coffin, The Haunting, The Masque of the Red Death, Terror of the Bloodhunters, Creature of the Walking Dead, Curse of the Stone Hand, Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors, Blood Feast, Two Thousand Maniacs, The Bloody Pit of Horror, Blood Bath, The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini, The Devil Doll, Mad Monster Party, The Legend of Hell House, Willard, They Came from Within (AKA:  Shivers), Squirm, The Fog, Friday the 13th, Love at First Bite, The Evil, Phantasm, and Up from the Depths.

TRAILER-A-RAMA VOLUME 3: 78 MINUTES OF SLEAZE! (2015) ***

The third collection of sleazy movie trailers in the Trailer-A-Rama franchise just might be the best one yet.  Once again, the shortened running time helps make for breezy entertainment for trailer compilation fans.  If there is one minor quibble to be had, it’s that there’s a couple of trailers here that were already seen in the first installment in the series (Hitcher in the Dark and SS Experiment Love Camp).  There’s also at least one newer movie in the mix (Run!  Bitch!  Run!).  However, since it’s done in the old grindhouse trailer style, it looks right at home.  

This collection really brings on the sleaze, which is much appreciated.  The highlights this time are the foreign language trailers for German sex comedies such as Carnal Campus, 14 and Under, and Love in 3-D.  There’s also a heavy concentration on the Schoolgirl Report series and its many imitators.  In fact, there are so many Schoolgirl Report trailers that it made me hopeful we’ll see a full trailer compilation for the series somewhere down the road.  Speaking of foreign language trailers, there’s also a trailer for a badass looking Japanese action flick that I have no idea what it’s called because the entire thing was in Japanese.  

Non-German sexploitation is represented by the likes of Love Camp, Schoolgirls in Chains, and The True Story of the Nun of Monza.  If you came to the party looking for horror trailers, don’t worry.  There are still plenty of those too (like Doctor Death, Love Me Deadly, and Nude for Satan).  There’s even a smattering of action trailers in there as well to appease action fans (like Choke Canyon, Power Play, and The Last Grenade).  

This seems to be the final installment in the Trailer-A-Rama series.  That’s a shame too.  Even though it got off to a rocky start with the uneven first entry, the franchise really seemed to find its footing with Volume 3.  Hopefully for trailer compilation enthusiasts, there’s another chapter in the series lurking somewhere on the horizon.  

The entire trailer listing is as follows:  The Blue Eyes of the Broken Doll, Carnal Campus (AKA:  Schoolgirl Report Vol. 12:  If Mom Only Knew), Choke Canyon, Love Camp, Doctor Death, Follow Me, 14 and Under, Goodbye Gemini, Hitcher in the Dark, Love in 3-D, Love Me Deadly, Mumsy, Nanny, Sonny, and Girly, Nude for Satan, Payday, Power Play, some Japanese action flick, Run!  Bitch!  Run!, Say Hello to Yesterday, Schoolgirls in Chains, Schuler Report, Schoolgirl Report Part 2:  What Keeps Parents Awake at Night, Schoolgirl Report 8:  What Parents Must Never Know, St. Pauli Report, Stunt Rock, The Chilling, The Dark Ride, The Internecine Project, The Last Grenade, The Redeemer… Son of Satan, and The True Story of the Nun of Monza.  

TRAILER-A-RAMA VOLUME 2: 73 MINUTES OF SLEAZE! (2015) ***

This second installment in the Trailer-A-Rama series is a big improvement in just about every way.  There are still some newer films here (Battlefield Stadium, Duck!  The Carbine High Massacre, and Flesh for the Beast), and at least one of those annoying recut trailers (for The Witch Who Came from the Sea), but not nearly as many as in the previous entry in the series.  (Seeing promotions for a film’s website at the end of a trailer just isn’t as fun as seeing the words, “Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You”.)  

It helps that there is a good mix of rare (like Beauty and the Cave) and offbeat (like Voodoo Village) trailers mixed in with the stone-cold classics (like Requiem for a Vampire).  As an added attraction, there are some spook show ads, drive-in snipes, and even a random nudie short horror film peppered in there to keep things lively.  Also, it runs a good half-hour shorter than the first compilation, which helps the abbreviated running time fly by.

Fans of Something Weird will enjoy it as it contains a lot of their titles (A Taste of Blood, Blood Suckers, and Swamp Girl), or at least trailers that have the Something Weird Video watermark.  Some of my favorite trailers were the double feature of The Vampire’s Coffin and The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy (“It could only be shown at midnight!”), The Maniacs (an Italian sex comedy directed by Lucio Fulci and starring Barbara Steele!), and Hot Pants Holiday, which looks more like a voodoo movie than a skin flick.  Speaking of which, there are a lot of trailers for films about voodoo (Macumba Love, The Dead One, and The Devil’s Garden) and witchcraft (The Witch’s Curse, Virgin Witch, and Witchcraft).  We also get to see such familiar faces as Vincent Price (Scream and Scream Again), Donald Pleasence (The Mutations), and Lon Chaney, Jr. (The Haunted Palace), popping up every now and then, which adds to the fun.

The full compilation includes:  A Taste of Blood, a vintage nudie short, Battlefield Stadium (AKA:  Battlefield Baseball), Beauty and the Cave, Blood Suckers, Bourbon Street Shadows, Caged Virgins (AKA:  Requiem for a Vampire), Duck!  The Carbine High Massacre, Flesh for the Beast, Hot Pants Holiday, I Bury the Living, The Legend of Blood Castle, Macumba Love, Metal Skin, Scream and Scream Again, a double feature for The Vampire’s Coffin and The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy, Swamp Girl, The Devil’s Garden, The Haunted Palace, The Maniacs, The Mutations, The Oracle, The Witch Who Came from the Sea, The Witch’s Curse, Twisted Issues, Virgin Witch, Voodoo Village, We Await, and Witchcraft.  

TRAILER-A-RAMA VOLUME 1: 101 MINUTES OF SLEAZE! (2015) ** ½

It’s pretty hard to screw up a horror trailer compilation, but the makers of Trailer-A-Rama Volume 1:  101 Minutes of Sleaze! come awful close to doing just that.  Typically, with these kinds of things, the previews are taken from theatrical, drive-in, or home video trailers.  This collection uses trailers from recent DVD releases, which does very little to add to the nostalgia factor.  I mean “Coming Soon to DVD” just doesn’t have the same ring as “Coming Soon to a Theater Near You”.  

Even worse is the fact that many of the trailers are for home video rereleases.  You know, the kind where they take an old movie and recut the trailer to make it look like a new one.  It’s pretty stupid if you ask me.  (Examples include Beyond Tomorrow, Texas Lightning, and The Gardener.)  It also doesn’t help that many of the trailers are taken from the same handful of home video companies such as Media Blasters (Banned, Devil Dog:  The Hound of Hell, and Anthropophagus, AKA:  The Grim Reaper), Subversive Cinema (The Candy Snatchers, Dust Devil:  The Final Cut, and The Wild Blue Yonder), and Universal (Cult of the Cobra, Dr. Cyclops, and The Land Unknown), so there is little in the way of variety, studio-wise.  Also, if you’re already familiar with the distributors’ output, you can probably anticipate what trailers will be shown which takes some of the fun out of it.  There’s also way too many trailers for Mark Savage movies (Defenceless:  A Blood Symphony, Marauders, and Sensitive New Age Killer) for my taste.  

Trailer-A-Rama even commits the cardinal sin of trailer compilations:  Repeating the same trailer twice!  Since it was for Joe D’Amato’s classic, Beyond the Darkness (“If you enjoy the violent emotions, this film is for you!”), I can’t get too worked up about it.  

Okay, so now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, this isn’t really a bad collection, if you can get past all the DVD trailers and newly recut ads.  In fact, the actual, authentic, old-school trailers are a lot of fun.  Some of the highlights include The Big Doll House, Girls Nite Out, The Godson, The Grapes of Death, and Mystics in Bali.  There are also a lot of Filmirage titles (Troll 2, Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, Stage Fright, and Porno Holocaust) in the second act, which certainly helps to offset the amount of newfangled ads.

The complete line-up includes:  A Lizard in a Woman’s Skin, Bad Inclination, Banned, Beyond the Darkness, The Big Doll House, The Candy Snatchers, Castle of Blood, Cult of the Cobra, Defenceless:  A Blood Symphony (two trailers, actually), Devil Dog:  The Hound of Hell, Dr. Cyclops, Dust Devil:  The Final Cut, The Fiendish Ghouls (AKA:  Mania), Girls Nite Out, The Godson, The Grapes of Death, The Grindhouse Trash Collection DVD box set, Hell’s Bloody Devils, Anthropophagus (AKA:  The Grim Reaper), Beyond the Darkness (again), Troll 2, Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, Stage Fright, Porno Holocaust, Witchcraft:  Evil Encounters (AKA:  Witchery), Killing Birds (AKA:  Zombie 5), Hitcher in the Dark, Death Smiles at Murder, Just Before Dawn, The Land Unknown, Last Cannibal World (AKA:  Jungle Holocaust), Marauders, Mystics in Bali, Prey, The Revenge of the Living Dead Girls, Sensitive New Age Killer, Shadow:  Dead Riot, Beyond Tomorrow, SS Experiment Love Camp, Texas Lightning, The Wild Blue Yonder, They’re Coming to Get You (AKA:  All the Colors of the Dark), and Zombies 2 (AKA:  Zombie).  

THE 15TH ANNUAL VIDEO VACUUM AWARDS: AND THE WINNERS ARE…

Before we give out this year’s Video Vacuum Awards, I’d like to thank everyone who has stuck with me for the last decade and a half as I constantly spout my nonsensical drivel out into the internet.  Without your support, I don’t think I could’ve made it this far.  Here’s to fifteen more years of nonsensical drivel.  Now that the sentimental shit is out of the way, let’s hand out some awards!

BEST TRAILER COMPILATION

And the nominees are…

The AGFA Horror Trailer Show

The AGFA Horror Trailer Show:  Videorage

The Best of Doris Wishman

The Curse of VHS Delirium

Drive-In Delirium:  The Final Conflict

And the winner is… The AGFA Horror Trailer Show:  Videorage!

BEST SEQUEL

And the nominees are…

Coming 2 America

Don’t Breathe 2

Godzilla vs. Kong

The Matrix Resurrections

Spider-Man:  No Way Home

And the winner is… Spider-Man:  No Way Home!

BEST SCI-FI MOVIE

And the nominees are…

Fried Barry

The Matrix Resurrections

Psycho Goreman

Reminiscence

The Resonator:  Miskatonic U

And the winner is… The Matrix Resurrections!

WORST HORROR MOVIE

And the nominees are…

The Conjuring:  The Devil Made Me Do It

Halloween Kills

In the Earth

Paranormal Activity:  Next of Kin

Willy’s Wonderland

And the loser is… Paranormal Activity:  Next of Kin!

BEST HORROR MOVIE

And the nominees are…

The Amusement Park

Death Rider in the House of Vampires

Don’t Breathe 2

Godzilla vs. Kong

Shadow in the Cloud

And the winner is… The Amusement Park!

BEST DIRECT TO VIDEO/STREAMING MOVIE

And the nominees are…

The Amusement Park

Coming 2 America

Don’t Look Up

The Resonator:  Miskatonic U

Zack Snyder’s Justice League

And the winner is… The Amusement Park!

BEST COMIC BOOK MOVIE

And the nominees are…

Black Widow

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings 

Spider-Man:  No Way Home

Venom:  Let There Be Carnage

Zack Snyder’s Justice League

And the winner is… Spider-Man:  No Way Home!

BEST ACTION MOVIE

And the nominees are…

F9

Mortal Kombat

Nobody

No Time to Die

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

And the winner is… Nobody!

BEST ACTRESS

And the nominees are…

Kim Director for Death Rider in the House of Vampires

McKenna Grace for Ghostbusters:  Afterlife

Alana Haim for Licorice Pizza

Jennifer Lawrence for Don’t Look Up

Chloe Grace Moretz for Shadow in the Cloud

And the winner is… Jennifer Lawrence for Don’t Look Up!

BEST ACTOR

And the nominees are…

Nicolas Cage for Pig

John Cena for The Suicide Squad

Josh Lawson for Mortal Kombat

Lincoln Maazel for The Amusement Park

Bob Odenkirk for Nobody

And the winner is… Lincoln Maazel for The Amusement Park!

BEST DIRECTOR

And the nominees are…

Glenn Danzig for Death Rider in the House of Vampires

Ilya Naishuller for Nobody

Michael Sarnoski for Pig

George A. Romero for The Amusement Park

Jon Watts for Spider-Man:  No Way Home

And the winner is… George A. Romero for The Amusement Park!

WORST PICTURE

And the nominees are…

Cosmic Sin

Eternals

Halloween Kills 

Paranormal Activity:  Next of Kin 

Willy’s Wonderland

And the loser is… Cosmic Sin!

BEST PICTURE

And the nominees are…

The Amusement Park 

Death Rider in the House of Vampires 

Nobody 

Pig 

Spider-Man:  No Way Home 

And the winner is… Spider-Man:  No Way Home!

Well, that’s it for the show.  Looks like Spider-Man:  No Way Home and The Amusement Park were the big winners this year with three wins apiece.  Who will win big next year?  Only time will tell.  Until then, keep your nose to the wind and your tail to yourself.

THE 15TH ANNUAL VIDEO VACUUM AWARDS: THE TECHNICAL AWARDS

Well, folks.  The 15th Annual Video Vacuum Awards are nearly upon us.  As is the tradition, before the festivities begin, we start by handing out The Technical Awards.  Sometimes, I don’t watch enough movies in a certain genre to justify creating an entire competitive award category.  So, what I like to do is give these awards to upstanding motion pictures that deserve the recognition on a technicality, regardless to whether or not I watched many films in that genre.  Without further ado, here are the winners of The 15th Annual Video Vacuum Technical Awards.

WORST ACTION MOVIE

(WINNER) Those Who Wish Me Dead

(RUNNER-UP) Prisoners of the Ghostland

BEST COMEDY

(WINNER) Coming 2 America 

(RUNNER-UP) Don’t Look Up

WORST COMIC BOOK MOVIE

(WINNER) Eternals

BEST DIRECTOR’S CUT

(WINNER) Rocky IV:  Rocky vs. Drago

(RUNNER-UP) Zack Snyder’s Justice League 

WORST DIRECT TO VIDEO/STREAMING MOVIE

(WINNER) Cosmic Sin

(RUNNER-UP) Paranormal Activity:  Next of Kin

BEST DOCUMENTARY

(WINNER) The Sparks Brothers

(RUNNER-UP) Kid 90

BEST DRAMA

(WINNER) Pig

(RUNNER-UP) Licorice Pizza

WORST DRAMA

(WINNER) Cry Macho

BEST HOTEL (FORMERLY THE BEST WESTERN)

(WINNER) Death Rider in the House of Vampires

BEST KIDS MOVIE

(WINNER) Space Jam:  A New Legacy

WORST KIDS MOVIE

(WINNER) Tom and Jerry

WORST MOVIE BASED ON A TV SHOW

(WINNER) Tom and Jerry

BEST MOVIE BASED ON A VIDEO GAME

(WINNER) Mortal Kombat

BEST NICOLAS CAGE MOVIE

(WINNER) Pig

WORST NICOLAS CAGE MOVIE

(WINNER) Willy’s Wonderland 

(RUNNER-UP) Prisoners of the Ghostland

BEST REMAKE

(WINNER) Mortal Kombat

(RUNNER-UP) Godzilla vs. Kong

WORST REMAKE

(WINNER) Dune

WORST SEQUEL

(WINNER) Paranormal Activity:  Next of Kin

(RUNNER-UP) Halloween Kills

BEST THRILLER

(WINNER) The Little Things 

INFERNO (1998) ***

This week, I had the pleasure of being on The Direct to Video Connoisseur Podcast discussing two of my favorite directors, Jim Wynorski and Fred Olen Ray.  The two main features up for discussion were Wynorksi’s The Return of Swamp Thing and Ray’s Don “The Dragon” Wilson actioner, Inferno.  Our chat can be found here:  DTVC Podcast 94 "Inferno" and "The Return of Swamp Thing" (talkshoe.com)

Inferno has the distinction of being the first American movie filmed exclusively in India.  Thanks to the local color, it looks a little bit classier than your typical Don “The Dragon” Wilson actioner produced by Roger Corman.  It also helps that it was directed in a no-nonsense manner by Fred Olen Ray, who keeps the action moving along at a steady clip.  

Wilson stars as a cop whose partner (Rick Hill) gets blown up by bad guy Evan Lurie.  The fact that Wilson is taken off the case doesn’t stop him from going all the way to India to track Lurie down.  Don eventually learns his partner faked his death to steal a computer program he can use to rip off banks for millions of dollars.  It’s then up to “The Dragon” to get payback and kick some ass.  

Inferno is in that classic Stranger in a Strange Land mold of action flick where the hero finds himself in another country, thumbs his nose at the local cops, and sets out to exact his very American idea of justice.  You know, the kind where the hero gets picked up by the cops after a major fight scene and is set down in front of the Yelling Police Captain who says stuff like, “I want you on the first plane back to America!”  You know, the whole Final Justice sort of thing.

Wilson does what he does best, namely kick fools in the face.  Evan Lurie is entertaining as the slimy villain.  I’m used to seeing him play loveable lunkhead kinds of roles, so it was a nice surprise to see him pull off such a villainous character with ease.  It’s also fun seeing Ray drawing from his usual pool of talent, as he was able to secure the presence of such beauties as Jillian Kesner and Tane McClure, who is involved in the Skinamax-style gratuitous sex scenes.  (This is a Fred Olen Ray picture, after all.)  I also got a kick out of seeing cinematographer Gary Graver and even Ray himself, popping up in incidental roles.  

The action is staged solidly for the most part.  What the fights and shootout lack in panache, they more than make up for in frequency.  I also liked the way it incorporated many plot elements from several Bond movies.  There’s a kingpin with a wild child daughter who falls for the hero (like On Her Majesty’s Secret Service), the hero performing a fake-out assassination (like The Living Daylights), the hero’s best friend faking his own death and becoming the main villain (like Goldeneye), and big fight scenes that take place in Indian marketplaces (like Octopussy).  

Overall, it’s a shade better than your average Bloodfist movie.  

AKA:  Operation Cobra.  AKA:  Indian Ninja. 

THE DAY OF THE BEAST (1995) ** ½

Alex Angulo stars as Father Cura, a seemingly meek priest who figures out the exact date the Antichrist will be born.  (Wouldn’t you know it?  It’s Christmas Eve!)  He then sets out on a quest to commit as many sins as possible so he can renounce God and invoke Satan.  Once he finally has drawn the Devil out, the priest can kill the Antichrist.  Along the way, he gains assistance from a beefy metalhead (Santiago Segura) and a charlatan TV psychic (Armando de Razza) who aid him in his goal of stopping the Apocalypse.

The Day of the Beast is a strange, sometimes charming, sometimes frustrating experience.  Director Alex de la Iglesia (who would go on to make the classic Dance with the Devil) laces the film with a satirical edge as he pokes fun at the church and the media in equal measure.  Some of this is amusing, but the movie spins off on one too many tangents and/or side quests that really prevent it from kicking into overdrive.  

One thing you can say for The Day of the Beast is that it’s unpredictable.  You never quite know what zany misadventure our priest hero will get himself into, and you’re never sure how exactly he’ll get himself out of it.  That’s part of the fun.  There are times when it resembles a Terry Gilliam movie as its madcap characters continually run into one oddball predicament after another.  Unfortunately, it can’t keep up the energy of the early scenes, as the flick slowly sort of peters out before the climax.  The final confrontation also leaves a little something to be desired, but there’s enough blackly humorous moments and strange goings-on here to keep you invested more often than not.

It helps that the three leads have a lot of chemistry together.  Angulo is fun to watch as he slowly morphs from a man of the cloth to a bumbling Bible-thumping, shotgun-toting avenger.  Segura is also good as the loyal, but lowbrow sidekick.  De Razza has some fun moments too as the fake TV psychic who eventually comes around to the idea of fighting evil for real.  

SINISTER CINEMA CLASSIC HORROR TRAILERS VOLUME 1 (199?) ***

After watching a bunch of horror trailer compilations from Something Weird, I decided to make a slight pivot and watch a horror trailer compilation from Sinister Cinema.  It looks like they released six volumes of trailers back in the late ‘90s, although I couldn’t quite pin down the exact date this one came out.  If anyone has an idea, let me know in the comments below.  

Things kick off with a great run of Vincent Price/Edgar Allan Poe adaptations (plus one from Nathaniel Hawthorne).  In fact, Price fans will undoubtedly love this collection as it is chockful of trailers for Price films including The Oblong Box, Cry of the Banshee, and Dr. Phibes Rises Again.  Christopher Lee is also well-represented as he is seen in ads for The Face of Fu Manchu, The Crimson Cult, and Night of the Blood Monster (perhaps better known as The Bloody Judge).  Peter Cushing also pops up numerous times (usually alongside Lee) in such trailers as The Skull, The Creeping Flesh, and Horror Express.  As a bonus, we even get the two most famous Alfred Hitchcock trailers (Psycho and The Birds… although the one for Psycho is from the rerelease).  The collection ends on a fun note with trailers for comedies such as Young Frankenstein, Old Dracula, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

This is a pretty strong compilation through and through.  While I would’ve liked to seen a few trailers that featured some gore, nudity, or more sensationalized ad campaigns (although I did like the funny tagline for House of Dark Shadows:  “Come and see how the vampires do it!”), when all was said and done, I had to admit I had a fun time.  I will most certainly track down more trailer compilations from Sinister Cinema at some point in the near future.

The complete line-up includes:  House of Usher, The Pit and the Pendulum, Tales of Terror, The Premature Burial, Twice-Told Tales, The Haunted Palace, The Terror, The Raven, The Skull, Blood of the Vampire, Psycho (the rerelease trailer), Jack the Ripper, Peeping Tom, Black Sunday, Burn, Witch, Burn, The Birds, Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory, Horror Hotel, The Face of Fu Manchu, The Fearless Vampire Killers, The Conqueror Worm (AKA:  Witchfinder General), The Crimson Cult (AKA:  Curse of the Crimson Altar), The Oblong Box, The Dunwich Horror, a double feature of The Crimson Cult and Horror House, Blood of Dracula's Castle, a spook show attraction ad, Count Yorga, Vampire, Cry of the Banshee, House of Dark Shadows, Night of the Blood Monster (AKA:  The Bloody Judge), The Abominable Dr. Phibes, Werewolves on Wheels, The Return of Count Yorga, The Velvet Vampire, Murders in the Rue Morgue, I, Monster, Frankenstein's Bloody Terror, The Creeping Flesh, The Castle of Fu Manchu, Son of the Blob (AKA:  Beware! The Blob), Blacula, Dr. Phibes Rises Again, Horror Express, Vault of Horror, Theatre of Blood, The Wicker Man, And Now the Screaming Starts!, Scream, Blacula, Scream!, The Beast Must Die, Young Frankenstein, Old Dracula, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

TRAILERS #8: HORROR/GORE/TRASH (1992) ***

Something Weird strikes again with another solid collection of horror trailers.  While this one suffers from some trailers that appeared in other Something Weird compilations (especially the Blood-O-Rama Shock Show collection), there are still plenty of trailers here that I hadn’t seen before, which makes it highly recommended.  In fact, the jaw-dropping trailer for the insane looking Boy God made sitting through many of the overly familiar previews worthwhile.  I’m going to have to track that one down at some point.  It’s discoveries like this that makes watching these compilations so much fun.  

This installment kicks off with a bunch of trailers for sleazy fare such as Three on a Meathook, The Corpse Grinders, and The Undertaker and His Pals.  Along the way, we get a nice sampling of Euro-Horror (Torso, Beyond the Door, Deep Red, and The Devil’s Nightmare) and trashy favorites (Africa Blood and Guts, Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS, Night of the Bloody Apes, and Xtro) before the focus shifts to Kung Fu (The Crippled Masters, Fist of Fear, Touch of Death, Bruce Lee Fights Back from the Grave, and Soul Brothers of Kung Fu).  Naturally, there are also trailers for defining classics of the horror genre (Black Christmas, Last House on the Left, Suspiria, and The Evil Dead) sprinkled in there as well.  

Altogether, this compilation gives you your money’s worth when it comes to sleazy horror trailers.  Sure, there are some repeated trailers from other collections (most notably, the Herschell Gordon Lewis trailers and the ubiquitous ad for the “Orgy of the Living Dead” Triple Feature crops up yet again), but they are all enormously entertaining for the most part.  Even if it may be a little much for one sitting, it would definitely make for great background noise at your next Halloween party.  

The full line-up of trailers includes:  Three on a Meathook, The Corpse Grinders, The Undertaker and His Pals, Love Me Deadly, Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things, The Maniacs Are Loose! (AKA:  The Thrill Killers) Cannibal Girls, Torso, a double feature of The Blood Spattered Bride and I Dismember Mama, The Ghastly Ones, The Wizard of Gore, Beyond the Door, Deep Red, Sisters, The Devil's Nightmare, The House of Exorcism (AKA:  Lisa and the Devil), Lady Frankenstein, Flesh Feast, Tales from the Crypt, The Vault of Horror, Horror of the Zombies (AKA:  The Ghost Galleon), Bloodeaters (AKA:  Toxic Zombies), The Orgy of the Living Dead Triple Feature:  Revenge of the Living Dead, Curse of the Living Dead, and Fangs of the Living Dead, The Diabolical Dr. Z, Africa Blood and Guts (AKA:  Africa, Addio), Night of Bloody Horror, Black Christmas (under the alternate title, Silent Night, Evil Night), The Mutations (AKA:  The Freakmaker), The House That Screamed, Blood and Lace, Two Thousand Maniacs!, God Told Me To, Horror on Snape Island (AKA:  Tower of Evil), Wildcat Women (Black Loita), Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS), Sacrifice! (AKA:  Man from Deep River), The Last House on the Left, Carnage (AKA:  A Bay of Blood), Color Me Blood Red, Mad Doctor of Blood Island, Silent Night, Bloody Night, Bloody Pit of Horror, Night of the Bloody Apes, Frankenstein's Great Aunt Tillie, Boy God, The Yesterday Machine, The Tongfather, The Black Cat, The Crippled Masters, Xtro, Massacre at Central High, Slithis, Women in Cell Block 7, Fist of Fear, Touch of Death, Midnight, Bruce Lee Fights Back from the Grave, Pay or Die, Dracula vs. Frankenstein, Black Dragon vs. Yellow Tiger, Suspiria, Dracula A.D. 1972, The Evil Dead, The Human Tornado, The Legend of the Wolf Woman, The People Who Own the Dark, and Soul Brothers of Kung Fu.

HEY FOLKS, IT’S INTERMISSION TIME (1993) ***

After watching a bunch of trailer compilations, I decided to spice things up a bit and check out this great compilation from Something Weird featuring nearly two hours of drive-in intermission ads, announcements, and interstitials.  If you’ve ever been to a drive-in, you’ll know that these old-timey concession stand commercials that played in between the double feature are just about as much fun as watching the trailers.  

Some of my favorite moments are the “Ten Minutes to Showtime” ads that count down the time until the next featured attraction.  The animation segments are often amusing, and the narration is oddly soothing.  In between the short animations are commercials hawking the concession stand’s wares, including hot dogs, hamburgers, barbeque sandwiches, cigarettes (!), candy, and (what else?) popcorn!  Other commercials include the memorable ad of an animated alien going to the concession counter and a funny ad for the mosquito repellant Pic.  I also enjoyed the ads condemning the switch over to daylight savings time (which is a real drag for drive-in owners) and the explanation of the early (and outdated) ratings system.  

As much fun as most of this is, I have to say that it is possible to get too much of a good thing.  Eventually, the endless shots of hot dogs and hamburgers gets a little repetitive after a while.  While I love drive-in ads as much as the next guy, I must admit that something like this works best in small doses.  Because of that, I recommend watching it in ten-or-twenty-minute chunks before a movie to recreate the drive-in experience.  That caveat aside, Hey Folks, It’s Intermission Time is a real treat for drive-in enthusiasts.  Although the running time can be a little unwieldy, I’m certainly glad there are so many wonderful oddball commercials and concession stand ads collected into one place.