Tuesday, April 25, 2023

TUBI CONTINUED… AMITYVILLE: NO ESCAPE (2016) * ½

A guy takes his friends on a road trip to Amityville so he can film his college thesis on fear.  He also watches a videotape made by the former resident of the haunted Amityville house as she films her new home as a video diary to show her husband, who is deployed overseas.  Our fledgling filmmaker and his makeshift crew eventually head out into the woods to confront the Amityville evil, and they wind up getting more than they bargained for.

Writer/director Henrique Couto cuts back and forth between the Amityville home movies and the present-day stuff with the college kids interviewing people and traipsing through the woods.  Basically, it’s one part Paranormal Activity rip-off, one part Blair Witch rip-off, and one part Amityville rip-off.  None of the parts are very good.  At least the gratuitous nudity helps keep it from being a One Star slog. 

The scenes of the Amityville housewife constantly filming herself is slightly less annoying than the shit with the college students in the woods.  However, the so-called “paranormal” shit she captures on film is pretty weak.  I’m sure if you really lived in a haunted house and your coffee cup moved around on its own, it would freak you out.  Unfortunately, an audience member watches horror movies to see some scary shit and moving coffee cups just ain’t gonna cut the mustard.  On the plus side, at least the home movie sequences don’t have nearly as much shaky-cam nonsense of the Blair Witchy scenes.  (I’ve had my fill of shaky-cam horror movies where characters go off into the woods, get lost, and argue, thank you very much.)  Too bad after such a long build-up the payoff is rather miniscule.   

Even the most die-hard Found Footage horror fan will probably have a tough time making it through the end of this one.

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