SPINAL TAP 2: THE END CONTINUES (2025) *** ½

This is Spinal Tap is one of the quintessential cult comedies of all time.  Not only is it one of the greatest Rock n’ Roll movies ever made, it (for better or worse) also kicked off the mockumentary style of comedy.  It wasn’t really necessary for the original stars and director Rob Reiner to reunite after more than forty years for a sequel.  Then again, for anyone who has seen the original more times than they can count, you’ll undoubtedly get a kick out of seeing the characters once again. 

This time, director Marty DiBergi (Reiner) chronicles heavy metal gods Spinal Tap (Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, and Harry Shearer) as they prepare to do a reunion show in New Orleans.  They haven’t seen each other, let alone played together, in fifteen years, so they have to get the rust off in the rehearsal studio.  They must also find a new drummer since all their others have all died under mysterious circumstances. 

The plot is wafer thin, not that it really needed one anyway.  The best portion is the first act where we find out what the guys have been up to.  Nigel (Guest) runs a cheese and guitar shop, David (McKean) writes music for when you’re on hold with customer service (“I won a Holdy!”), and Derek (Shearer) owns a glue museum.  The movie sort of plateaus about halfway through as the scenes in the studio kind of go around in circles.  The big concert finale is a lot of fun though and the ending is quite memorable. 

Honestly, this might’ve worked better as a Netflix show or something akin to their 25th reunion special.  That said, when it’s funny, it’s very funny, even if it never comes close to touching the original.  For most fans (like me), just having everybody in the same room together and jamming will be enough.  There isn’t much meat here, but there are plenty of laughs (and a couple of great cameos).  For a forty years later sequel to a cult classic, it works better than it should… depending I guess on what you want out of it.  Ultimately, it feels less like a continuation and more like a victory lap.  Heck, most cult classics don’t even get that. 

HUMAN HIGHWAY (1982) * ½

I watched the new Devo documentary a few weeks back which featured clips from the band’s appearance in Neil Young’s Human Highway, and I was immediately intrigued.  Based on the footage shown, it looked like a trippy good time.  Well, it was certainly trippy. 

There are Hollywood vanity projects and then there’s crap like this.  Most vanity projects are given to actual filmmakers who have rightfully earned a chance to basically do whatever the hell they want.  Sometimes though, Hollywood gives these things to people that have no business being behind the camera.  Such is the case with Neil Young.  Honestly, you could’ve given the camera to Crosby, Stills, OR Nash and they probably could’ve come up with something better than this. 

The plot has Dean Stockwell (who co-directed with Young) taking ownership of a diner/filling station sometime after the apocalypse.  As he tries to find ways to save money, the nerdy grease monkey (Young) shows the new guy (Russ Tambyln, who also served as choreographer) the ropes.  Meanwhile, a bunch of sanitation workers in glowing radiation suits (Devo) drive around in a truck filled with barrels of radioactive waste. 

Parts of this movie resemble an episode of Alice directed by John Waters.  Others play like David Lynch’s Hee-Haw.  None of it is funny, and it is painfully amateurish throughout.  About halfway through, Young hits his head and dreams he’s a rock star and the rest of the movie basically plays like a long music video.  This sequence also features him performing an annoying song where he dances around with Native Americans that’s filmed in headache inducing Blurry-Vision. 

The cast (which includes Dennis Hopper in multiple roles) can’t save this one.  All of them were probably just doing Neil a favor.  Devo is the only real reason to watch it.  Their songs “It Takes a Worried Man”, “Come Back Jonee”, and their duet with Young on “Hey Hey, My My” make it (mostly) tolerable.  (They may seem like an odd pairing, but Devo was formed at Kent State during the massacre and Young wrote “Ohio” about it, so it makes sense that they’d be kindred spirits.)  It’s the band’s mascot Booji Boy who steals the show.  He probably deserved his own movie.  

KARATE KID LEGENDS (2025) ***

Even though I am a big fan of the original Karate Kid movies, I still haven’t gotten around to watching the Cobra Kai TV show.  I mean, I love Karate Kid and all, but I can’t see myself devoting tens of hours to a TV show about it, even if they did bring my boy Terry Silver back.  There are just so many hours in a day.  On the other hand, a ninety-minute team-up movie between the original star Ralph Macchio and the remake’s Jackie Chan?  Well, that I can do. 

Li (Ben Wang) is a kid who moves from China to New York and almost immediately starts getting hassled by a karate champion classmate named Conor (Aramis Knight).  You see, he’s just jealous because his ex-girlfriend Mia (Sadie Stanley) has befriended Li and he wants to show him up in front of his girl.  Meanwhile, Mia’s father (Joshua Jackson) owes money to the shady characters to own the karate dojo where Conor trains.  Since Li promised his mom (Ming-Na Wen) not to fight, he agrees to train Mia’s dad for an upcoming boxing match.  After her dad is brutally beaten, Li vows to get payback by entering the “Five Boroughs Karate Tournament”.  In order to win, he’ll have to be trained by his Uncle Han (Chan) and his friend Mr. Miyagi’s prized student, Daniel LaRusso (Ralph Macchio). 

In most of these “legacy” sequels, the stuff with the new characters tends to be the weakest part.  The surprising thing about Karate Kid Legends is that the new characters are all appealing and the new storyline (which is basically an inverse of the original) is engaging.  Wang makes for a likable lead and he’s quite good in his mentoring scenes with Jackson.  In fact, the shakiest aspect of the movie is the last act, which is what you’d expect to be the strongest. 

Many will be bummed that Macchio doesn’t show up until the last forty minutes, but honestly the narrative holds up pretty well without him.  Once he’s there, it’s really little more than fan service anyway.  That said, it’s still a kick (no pun intended) to see him and Chan sharing the screen together.  The tournament finale has some problems too, mostly because it feels rushed and the editing gets a little ADD (the video game-inspired graphics for the fights are cheesy too).  However, it’s nothing that derails the fun.  Besides, Wang gives the movie plenty of heart, and that’s really what counts in a Karate Kid film. 

TITILLATION (1982) ***

Eric Edwards stars as a fast-talking detective who is hired by an eccentric millionaire (Roy Simpson) to find a woman who can fit into a giant bra made of brass.  Naturally, there’s only one woman with a figure like that, and that’s Kitten Natividad.  When she mysteriously disappears, Edwards gets help from the millionaire’s secretary (Angelique Pettyjohn) to find her. 

Directed by Damon Christian, Titillation has a little something for everybody. It’s an entertaining detective spoof that’s anchored by several strong performances as well as a handful of steamy sex scenes.  There are even some legitimately funny moments along the way, like when other characters appear to hear Edwards’ hardboiled narration and try to find out where it’s coming from.  Edwards also proves himself to be a fine comedian as he handles the humor just as well as he does the hardcore action. 

The movie really belongs to the ladies in the cast.  If you’re a fan of Natividad, you’re bound to enjoy it.  Kitten also appeared in Christian’s Eat at the Blue Fox, but unlike that film, she is allowed to get in on the fun here.  Even though her sex scene isn’t of the hardcore variety (no penetration is shown), it’s still hot just seeing her getting all nude and jiggly.  Pettyjohn herself had an interesting career.  She had memorable turns on Star Trek, appeared with Elvis in Clambake, and made movies with everyone from Michael Findlay to Jim Wynorski to Fred Olen Ray.  In the ‘80s she even appeared in a handful of porn films like this one.  She’s particularly hot in her energetic scene with Edwards.  However, the scene where she and Mike Horner seduce a young blonde babe is the XXX highlight as she really gets into it.  Randy West also appears as Edwards’ partner who bangs Gina Gianetti on a bearskin rug. 

Pettyjohn and Natividad later co-starred together in the immortal classic, Takin’ It Off.  

HAPPY GILMORE 2 (2025) ** ½

After the death of his wife, golfer Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler) gives up the game to raise his kids.  As the years go by, he becomes strapped for cash and decides to pick up his clubs once again in order to put his daughter through ballet school.  He also winds up going toe to toe with an upstart “extreme” golf league and sets out to take their obnoxious creator (Benny Safdie) down a peg with the help of his old nemesis, Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald). 

I haven’t really kept up with Adam Sandler’s Netflix films (aside from the dramas like Uncut Gems and The Meyerwitz Stories).  This one wasn’t too bad, all things considered.  However, it wasn’t exactly good enough to make me want to run out and watch his other Netflix stuff any time soon. 

The biggest problem was there was no reason it needed to be two hours long.  Then again, I guess just about every Netflix Original out there runs on way too long.  The real issue is that it has enough plot for two movies.  Had the film been content with having Happy trying to pay for his daughter’s dance lessons, it would’ve been just fine.  The last half hour with the extreme golf stuff is weak though, and it’s here where the film begins treading into Caddyshack 2 territory. 

Qualms aside, Happy Gilmore 2 pretty much gives you what you would expect from a three-decades later sequel to Happy Gilmore.  There are lots of cameos from stars of the original and random celebrities (some more random than others), plenty of scenes of Sandler acting like his usual goofball self, and a few genuine chuckles.  It’s just entertaining enough to justify the long wait.  While it will no doubt appease Sandler’s die-hard fans, it often gets bogged down with plot and fan service.  Then again, there are certainly worse legacy sequels you could waste your time on. 

THUNDERBOLTS* (2025) ** ½

Thunderbolts* is a bargain bin version of The Avengers featuring leftover B and C characters from various Marvel movies and TV shows.  Because of that, it often feels more like a placeholder than an honest to goodness Marvel movie.  It doesn’t help that the team members have similar powers and costumes. 

Assassin Yelena (Florence Pugh) is having a bit of an existential crisis.  She wants to retire from black ops work, so she takes one final mission from her boss Valentina (Julia Louis Dreyfus).  Naturally, she double crosses Yelena, along with several other cut-rate superheroes in hopes that they will kill each other off.  They manage to survive, only to band together to fight off Valentina’s latest creation, the all-powerful evil supervillain Sentry (Lewis Pullman). 

Thunderbolts* is fast-paced and is never boring.  The stakes are refreshingly low too, although that winds up being kind of a mixed blessing.  On one hand, it just looks and feels like a Disney+ show.  On the other, it’s sort of nice to have a superhero flick where the fate of the galaxy doesn’t hang in the balance for a change. 

The idea of a ragtag group of misfit superheroes coming together should’ve been a home run, but the movie itself never really comes alive. While there is a brief spark of fun here and there, for the most part, it just seems like another day at the MCU office.  While Pugh does her best to keep the film together, it ultimately winds up feeling like a lower budget version of the shit we’re used to seeing.  Wyatt Russell is pretty funny as the delusional Captain America knockoff, USAgent, as is David Harbour as the loudmouth Red Guardian.  For the guy who’s been in the MCU the longest of anyone in the movie, Sebastian Stan feels curiously underutilized though.  Pullman is also much too bland to register as the villain.  At least Dreyfus is having fun chewing the scenery. 

Once the team finally starts working together to save citizens from crumbling rubble, the movie comes to life.  Too bad the scenes of Yelena getting trapped inside of her darkest memories almost immediately bog it back down.  For every misstep though, there’s a strong scene that showcase the film’s potential.  For a movie about a bunch of screw-ups fighting against their nature to do the right thing, I’d say that’s fitting. 

AKA:  The New Avengers.  AKA:  Thunderbolts*:  The New Avengers.

Marvel Cinematic Universe Scorecard: 

Spider-Man:  No Way Home:  ****

Avengers:  Age of Ultron:  ****

The Incredible Hulk:  ****

Iron Man:  ****

Thor:  Ragnarok:  ****

Avengers:  Endgame:  ****

Ant-Man and the Wasp:  ****

Spider-Man:  Homecoming:  ****

Iron Man 3:  ****

Captain America:  Civil War:  *** ½

Ant-Man:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy:  *** ½

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:  *** ½ 

Avengers:  Infinity War:  *** ½

Werewolf by Night:  *** ½ 

Black Panther:  *** ½ 

The Avengers:  ***

Captain America:  The First Avenger:  ***

Captain America:  The Winter Soldier:  ***

Deadpool and Wolverine:  ***

Thor:  Love and Thunder:  ***

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness:  ***

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings:  ***

Captain Marvel:  ***

Spider-Man:  Far from Home:  ***

Thor:  ***

The Marvels:  ***

Captain America:  Brave New World:  ***

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3:  ***

Thor:  The Dark World:  ***

Iron Man 2:  ***

Thunderbolts*:  ** ½ 

Ant-Man and the Wasp:  Quantumania:  ** ½ 

Doctor Strange:  ** ½ 

Black Widow:  ** ½  

Black Panther:  Wakanda Forever:  **

The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special:  **

Eternals:  * ½  

INTO THE DEEP (2025) **

As a young girl, Cassidy (Scout Taylor-Compton) watched in horror as a shark devoured her father.  Years later, along with her husband Gregg (Callum McGowan), she takes it upon herself to face her fears and go diving for sunken treasure in the same spot where she lost her old man.  Wouldn’t you just know it?  They are attacked by sharks once again.  When they flag down a passing vessel, they are dismayed to learn the captain (Jon Seda) is a drug smuggler who is searching the deep for a payload of cocaine.  The desperate Cassidy eventually offers to dive and recover the drugs in the shark-infested waters in exchange for her friends’ lives. 

As the title suggests, this is sort of like a mash-up of Into the Blue and The Deep with a little 47 Meters Down thrown in there for good measure.  While the shark attack scenes are decent, the waters are often muddied (both literally and figuratively) by phony-looking CGI blood.  They’re probably the best part of the movie.  Once the action switches to the drug dealers coercing our heroes into diving for their loot, the pacing begins to sag. 

The supporting cast is pretty weak.  McGowan doesn’t really register as a hero, even though he’s top billed.  Likewise, Stuart Townsend is rather bland as the boat captain.  Seda is just too obnoxious to make a credible villain as he looks and acts like a Wish version of David “The Demon” DeFalco.  I did think it was funny that he had a Michael Myers tattoo, seeing how Taylor-Compton played Laurie Strode in the Halloween remake.  I’m not sure if that was intentional or not. 

Seeing Richard Dreyfuss in another shark movie is kind of fun though.  He plays Taylor-Compton’s grandfather who gets a cool speech about people being a “guest" in the shark’s environment.  Too bad he’s mostly seen in flashbacks which are often intrusive to the narrative and take away from the immediacy of the action. 

Other than the relationship between Dreyfuss and Taylor-Compton, Into the Deep is rather shallow.

THE FAVOURITE (2018) *** ½

In 18th century England, Queen Anne (Olivia Colman) becomes bedridden, and allows her loyal lady Sarah (Rachel Weisz), who also happens to be her secret lover, to handle the affairs of the country.  One day, Sarah’s cousin Abigail (Emma Stone) comes calling looking for a job as a lowly servant.  She soon ingratiates herself with the Queen and begins to curry favor with her.  She eventually winds up in the royal bedroom, much to the ire of Sarah.  Thus begins a series of betrayals between Sarah and Abigail as they vie for the Queen’s affections. 

It’s not every day you get to see a lesbian love triangle involving the Queen of England.  From the outset, The Favourite looks like your typical period piece, but it has a wicked streak about it and a sense of fun that a lot of these things lack.  Also, this might be the only movie on record with a slow-motion scene of British aristocrats in powdered wigs watching a duck race, so it’s got that going for it too.  I guess that’s what you get when you put a guy like Yorgos (The Lobster) Lanthimos at the helm. 

The backstabbing and conniving between Abigail and Sarah to win the heart of the Queen is a lot of fun.  Seeing the lengths each woman will go through to get what they want gives the movie an unexpected kick too.  I’ve seen some reviews that state the last reel or so is “anticlimactic”, but it’s a crucial part of the film as it shows the characters grappling with the consequences of their actions.   Without these scenes, it would’ve played like a typical romance.  With them, it’s more like a tragedy. 

Emma Stone is a real spitfire here, and she seems to be having a ball playing a devious temptress.  Weisz is equally fine as the more mannered of the suitors, but it’s Colman’s heartbreaking performance as the lonely and love-starved Queen who is the most memorable. 

Stone and Lanthimos later teamed up for the audacious Poor Things. 

OVERLORD (2018) **

American soldiers parachute behind enemy lines just before D-Day.  Their objective is to storm a heavily fortified Nazi compound.  Once inside, they are horrified to learn it’s a twisted medical facility housing gnarly Nazi medical experiments.  Seems like they’ve been making a serum to reanimate dead bodies and turn them into super soldier zombies.  It’s then up to the men to bury the fortress and the experiments along with it. 

Produced by J.J. Abrams and directed by Julius (The Pope’s Exorcist) Avery, Overlord is a bit of a mixed bag.  There’s a fun zombie movie lurking here somewhere, but the filmmakers never seem to find it.  While the film works in fits and starts, it seems like every time it gains a bit of momentum, it inevitably stalls out again. 

Maybe the tone was the problem.  It often plays like a war movie with horror undertones.  Honestly, it would’ve played better if the ratio was reversed.  Because of that, it takes a good chunk of the running time to get to the horror stuff.  Once we finally do, it’s not all that and a bag of chips. 

There are some scenes that work, like when one of the American troops turns into a monster or when our heroine makes like Rick Dalton and uses a flamethrower on a Nazi monster.  However, after these brief flashes of fun, the movie almost always reverts back to your standard “men on a mission” flick (but, you know… with zombies).  Then there’s the abrupt climax featuring two super soldiers squaring off that’s over before it even manages to build up any steam. 

Wyatt Russell is good as the no-nonsense corporal.  His performance probably singlehandedly got him the job playing the Temu Captain America for Marvel as he carries the same kind of brawny swagger here.  Bokeem Woodbine is also memorable as the hardass sergeant who leads his men into battle.  The rest of the cast struggle with their cliched characters though. 

I don’t know.  This might’ve been one of those cases where if the movie was generic but consistently entertaining, I may have been more forgiving.  It’s just that it’s a frustrating experience to see a film with fleeting sparks of inspiration that never really knows how to capitalize on them. 

AKA:  Operation:  Overlord.

THE KISS OF HER FLESH (1968) ****

The Kiss of Her Flesh was the capper of the “Flesh Trilogy”, created by exploitation mavericks Michael and Roberta Findlay.  And what a conclusion it is!  It’s one of the nuttiest roughies of all time. 

Michael returns as Richard Jennings, the one-eyed lunatic who goes around dispatching loose women in a variety of mind-boggling ways.  In the first scene, he ties a woman up and tortures her with a lobster claw before clamping electrodes onto her earrings and electrocuting her.  When Maria (Uta Erickson) hears about the death of her friend, she sets out to stop Jennings’ reign of terror once and for all. 

There is no such thing as a regular sex scene in this movie. In one wild scene, Erickson shoves a bunch of anal beads up her lover’s ass while he’s banging her.  This must’ve really been a doozy for the raincoat crowd back in ‘68.  It’s even funnier now when you realize the actor is none other than Earl Hindman, the neighbor from Home Improvement! No wonder he was always hiding his face.  He probably thought Tim Allen saw this. 

Oh, and did I mention there’s a scene where Erickson has sex with her sister?  You know a movie is twisted when incestuous lesbian lovemaking is the most “normal” sex scene in it. 

The kills are even crazier this time out.  In an ordinary movie a scene where a woman is killed by acid in her douche would be the highlight, but as you could probably already surmise, The Kiss of Her Flesh isn’t an ordinary movie.  The most insane scene is when Jennings forces a chick to suck his dick only to learn he has “poison semen”, which kills her almost instantly.  The nonchalant way Findlay says, “So long, suckah!” as he walks out of the room will have you scrambling for the rewind button so you can watch it again and again. 

Like the previous entries in the trilogy (The Touch of Her Flesh and The Curse of Her Flesh), this one features a funny/bizarre opening titles sequence.  This time, the names of the cast and crew appear on handwritten notes shaped like lips that pop up on a naked woman’s body.  Once again, the music is downright amazing and will have you tapping your toes throughout the depravity. 

The Kiss of Her Flesh is proof that sometimes the third entry in a trilogy can be the best.  It is also proof why movies are my drug of choice.  If you’re jonesing for a fix of WTF cinematic insanity, check it out!

ERASER: REBORN (2022) ** ½

If you’re reading a review of Eraser:  Reborn, you’ve probably already entertained thoughts of watching a twenty-six years later, completely unrelated, DTV sequel to an Arnold Schwarzenegger action flick that doesn’t star Arnold Schwarzenegger.  By reading said review, you’re probably only seeking one thing:  Confirmation that it’s as bad as you’re expecting so you can talk yourself out of watching it.  Sorry to disappoint you.  While it’s no means what anyone would call a “good” movie, it is moderately entertaining and much better than slews upon slews of unrelated DTV sequels that are on the market. 

You know it’s kind of fascinating to me which movies get decades later DTV sequels and what doesn’t.  Let’s use Schwarzenegger’s filmography for example.  Why does Eraser get a sequel and not, say… End of Days?  It seems like you could do more with that concept.  Maybe brand name recognition?  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s because the idea of an agent that acts as a bodyguard to people in Witness Protection and erases their identities is a lot easier to do on a DTV budget than say, a satanic action flick.  

The plot involves a woman (Jacky Lai) working with the Feds to get the goods on her kingpin husband.  When she accidentally kills him in a scuffle, an “Eraser” (Dominic Sherwood) comes in to take her into protection.  Predictably, his team accepts a bribe, and they set out to erase him too. 

Eraser:  Reborn is competent, albeit completely unnecessary.  The set-up, while derivative, is sound.  It’s not bad.  It’s just that the film begins to tread water whenever the action begins to dry up.  At best, it’s an above par DTV sequel.  At worst, it plays like something you would catch on ION TV in the middle of the afternoon. 

To his credit, Sherwood doesn’t even try to copy Arnold.  He’s more than happy to just play the role like the lead of a TV show.  His character is pretty bland for the most part, but I think he might go down in history as the first action movie hero that has a pet ostrich, so he has that going for him. 

Speaking of animals… The original had a memorable sequence involving alligators.  This one double-dips and provides silly kills featuring hippos and rhinos.  (The CGI is wonky on both counts.)  So, as you can see, the filmmakers were at least trying to honor the first movie while still daring to be a little different.  Oddball touches like that ensure Eraser:  Reborn won’t be completely erased from your mind soon after watching it. 

REAR WINDOW (1954) ****

Rear Window is one of Alfred Hitchcock’s best films.  It stars his Rope leading man Jimmy Stewart and it manages to one-up that movie.  In Rope, Stewart didn’t leave the room.  This time, he can’t leave his wheelchair. 

Stuck at home with a broken leg, Stewart grows antsy.  To pass the time, he takes to spying on his neighbors.  One day, he witnesses one of his neighbors commit a murder, or at least so he thinks, which causes him to peep on him even more. 

Stewart is excellent in a deceptively difficult performance.  Since most of the movie depends on his reactions to the goings-on across the street (curiosity, bemusement, fear, etc.), he effectively serves as our window (no pun intended) to the suspense.  In addition to Stewart, the film also reteams Hitch with his Dial M for Murder star, Grace Kelly, who looks effortlessly beautiful.  Thelma Ritter is a hoot as Stewart’s cantankerous nursemaid and the banter between the pair is often hilarious.  Raymond Burr gives a chilling performance as the prime suspect and the creator of Alvin and the Chipmunks, Ross Bagdasarian also appears as a musician neighbor. 

Rear Window finds Hitchcock fully leaning into his voyeuristic tendencies.  The subject has always been a part of the Hitchcock dynamic, but here the subtext becomes text.  Since we spend the whole movie with Stewart, the audience becomes virtual co-conspirators with him.  I’m particularly thinking of the scenes where he leers at a sexy neighbor he dubs “Miss Torso” dancing in her underwear. 

What’s so much fun is how Kelly and Ritter get caught up in the drama.  A lot of bland scripts would’ve wasted a lot of time with no one believing Stewart.  While that is initially the case, it doesn’t take long before they become just as curious as he is. 

The view outside the window is mesmerizingly orchestrated.  The comings and goings of the various neighbors going about their day unaware that they are being spied on while in constant motion doesn’t feel choreographed.  In fact, the view almost becomes a living, breathing character in the film.  

In short, it’s a must-see.

Hitch’s next was To Catch a Thief, which also starred Kelly.  

THE CASE OF THE BLOODY IRIS (1972) ***

Edwige Fenech and George Hilton star in this entertaining giallo from director Giuliano (the Sartana series) Carnimeo. Edwige plays Jennifer, a fashion model who is a refugee from a sex cult.  The leader Adam (Ben Carra) keeps stalking her and tries to lure her back into the fold.  Meanwhile, a killer is going around and murdering beautiful women.  Jennifer just so happens to move into the apartment building where the previous murder took place and predictably, the killer zeroes in on her for his next target.  Before long, poor old Andrea (Hilton) becomes the prime suspect, if only because he wigs out at the sight of blood. 

Things kick off with a decent little murder in an elevator.  Carnimeo paces it smoothly with lots of shots of people entering and exiting the elevator before our doomed victim is alone with the killer and gets the shaft… so to speak.  (This sequence could be seen as a sort of precursor to the similar scene in Brian DePalma’s Dressed to Kill.)  There’s also a drowning in a bathtub and an effective moment when Fenech’s friend is knifed in broad daylight. 

Edwige is achingly beautiful throughout and looks amazing in a variety of three-piece suit ensembles.  She’s so hot that just admiring her pulchritude will take your mind off the plot whenever it starts spinning its wheels.  She also has a fun modeling scene where she poses for a flamboyant photographer while wearing a sexy painted-on T-shirt.  I also enjoyed the flashbacks to the sex cult where she rolls around naked while covered in flowers.  Her sex scene with Hilton on a shag rug is pretty good too.  Carla Brait also has a memorable scene where she challenges men to wrestle as a part of her nightclub act. 

The last act where Edwige becomes suspicious of her neighbors is fun.  It’s here where the killer chases Fenech around in junkyards and boiler rooms.  She’s incredibly sexy in these scenes too, even while she’s scared out of her wits.  Sure, there may be some bumps in the road along the way, but whenever Edwige is front and center, you can’t take your eyes off The Case of the Bloody Iris. 

AKA:  Jennifer.  AKA:  Erotic Blue.  AKA:  What are Those Strange Drops of Blood Doing on Jennifer’s Body?  AKA:  Why are Those Strange Drops of Blood on the Body of Jennifer?

THE TOXIC AVENGER (2025) *

Macon Blair’s remake of The Toxic Avenger tries way too hard.  It reminded me of those bad horror flicks that came out after Grindhouse that aped look and the feel of the old grindhouse movies but missed the point entirely.  The problem is you can’t set out to make a cult movie.  Troma didn’t do that with the original Toxic Avenger.  They tried to make the best movie they could with what they had, even if the concept was strictly B material.  The result was a genuine classic.  Lloyd Kaufman’s blend of comic book hero action with lowbrow humor and outlandish gore captured lightning in a bottle.  This remake tries to recapture that magic without the benefit of the lightning.  Or the bottle. 

This time, our hero is Winston Gooze (Peter Dinklage), a janitor who is killed by demented goons who dump his body into toxic waste.  He is soon reborn as an unstoppable crimefighter who goes toe to toe with the nefarious Bob Garbinger (Kevin Bacon) whose questionable products are polluting the Earth.  Just as he’s getting his footing as a superhero, Bob sets a trap for Winston by kidnapping his son (Jacob Tremblay).

The sole clever gag in the film occurs early on when we see a sign for the town, “St. Roma’s Village” that has a few letters smudged out, so it reads “Tromaville”.  Other than that, the humor is obnoxious and intentionally campy, and the gore is ruined by quick-cut editing and obvious CGI.  The tone also fluctuates wildly.  They want us to care about the relationship with Toxie and his son while at the same time expecting us to laugh at the Epic Movie level of humor and applaud the mediocre gore. 

The cast do what they can.  Dinklage is sincere, but his Toxie never quite registers.  Bacon looks like he’s having fun hamming it up, and yet he rarely gets anything worthwhile to do.  The same goes for his henchman, Elijah Wood who looks like a combination of Riff Raff and the Penguin. 

I don’t know.  I might’ve been forgiving if they set out to remake Class of Nuke ‘Em High or Sgt. Kabukiman, but this is The Toxic Avenger we’re talking about here.  Seeing someone (especially someone as talented as Blair) trying to duplicate one of the best cult movies of all time is just kind of sad and depressing, particularly when they don’t even come close to matching the absurdity and fun of the original.

In short, this remake is toxic indeed. 

SNOW WHITE AND THE 7 SAMURAI (2024) ***

No matter what you think of The Asylum and their never-ending line of low budget “mockbusters”, you’ve got to hand it to them for creating one of the best titles of all time with Snow White and the 7 Samurai.  Surprisingly enough, the movie almost lives up to its awesome title.  Almost. 

Not even a minute into the movie we learn why Anya (Fiona Dorn) is nicknamed Snow White as she’s “heir to her daddy’s cocaine empire!”  And get this:  Her drug-dealing daddy is played by none other than Eric Roberts.  Naturally, Roberts gets killed off in record time and leaves his fortune to Snow White.  Her wicked stepmother (Gina Vitori) despises the fact she wants to make the family business legitimate and hires “The Hooded Man” (Quinton “Rampage” Jackson) to snuff her out.  Snow White survives and is nursed back to health by seven sexy samurai women who fight corruption and injustice.  It doesn’t take long for the feisty Anya to join their ranks and together, they set out to stop her wicked stepmother once and for all. 

I don’t know about you, but I’ll take seven sexy samurai women over seven dwarf miners any day. 

Yes, this movie could’ve skated by on the ingenious title alone, but credit goes to the filmmakers for actually sneaking a decent female-driven action flick in there too.  The real surprise is that the action is well-choreographed, and the fight scenes are a lot of fun.  (I think my favorite scene was the fun training sequence where Snow White learns various fighting techniques from each of the samurai women.)  Vitori is especially intimidating as the wicked stepmother who can throw down with the best of them.  Sunny Tellone who plays Luna, the leader of the samurai, is equally impressive as she can spin a mean Bo staff and kick lots of ass.  Dorn is a credible action lead in her own right and carries the film gamely enough.  She certainly doesn’t need any Prince Charming to help her out of danger.  

It’s always entertaining seeing Roberts in something like this, even if his role is limited.  His appearance may lead you to believe it’s going to be another grade Z effort, but it’s better than you’d expect, all things considered (even if it starts to run out of steam by the final reel).  Jackson also brings an air of menace to what’s essentially a thankless henchmen role (he’s basically the Huntsman character).  It was also nice to see Skinamax stalwart, Robert Donavan popping up as the family’s lawyer.  

SERENITY (2019) ** ½

When this came out a few years back, the word on it was toxic.  A lot of people were saying it was one of the “worst movies of the year”.  Heck, there were even a couple who were tossing out a lot of “one of the worst movies of all time” talk.  Bad movies are my specialty, so naturally this has been sitting in my queue for a while.  It just took a while to get to it.  

Matthew McConaughey stars as a surly boat captain who’s obsessed with hooking a big fish.  His meager existence is shaken up when his ex-wife (Anne Hathaway) arrives on the scene offering him a proposition:  Kill her loutish rich hubby (Jason Clarke) and walk away with a cool $10 million.  He soon learns it isn’t that simple. 

The set-up is promising and ripe with film noir possibilities.  The small fishing village where everybody knows everything about everyone is an ideal location for such shenanigans too.  Like many film noirs before it, there is a big twist, and I assume it was the twist that got everybody’s panties in a bunch.  It’s the kind of thing where either you go with it, or you don’t.  I can understand why some people wouldn’t take to it as it comes out of left field (even though there are several instances of foreshadowing leading up to the big reveal).  I guess people that hate the twist hate the film on general principles.  However, hating the entire thing just because of the twist is dismissive to the solid first hour or so that precedes it. 

The cast is fine, with McConaughey in particular being outstanding as the drunken, hopeless fisherman.  Hathaway is also very good as the battered wife and Clarke is despicable as her abusive husband.  We also have strong supporting turns by Djimon Hounsou as McConaughey’s loyal first mate and Diane Lane as a local woman McConaughey provides stud service to. 

So, does the twist work?  Not really.  It’s not that it’s “bad”, it just comes off a bit goofy.  I was going to break it down in depth in this review, but I decided against it since it’s such a weird twist that you’re better off seeing it for yourself and drawing your own conclusions.  

Overall, Serenity isn’t deserving of its reputation but it’s not exactly a misunderstood classic either.  Without the twist, it would’ve been a good but forgettable thriller.  With the twist it’s odd and ultimately unsuccessful one, but it remains an unforgettable slice of WTF cinema.  Honestly, I think I’d prefer the latter. 

FOXTRAP (1986) ** ½

Fred Williamson is a cop named Fox who is hired by the slimy J.T. (Chris Connelly) to go to Europe and bring back his niece Susan (Donna Owen).  His search begins in Cannes and when the trail goes cold, it’s off to Rome where he finds her acting as a kept woman for Marco (Maurizio Bonuglia), a standard issue sleazy underworld type.  Not long after he brings her home seemingly safe and sound, he slowly begins to suspect he’s been playing for the wrong side, so Fox sets out to make things right. 

Foxtrap is very similar to the other cop action flicks Williamson was churning out in Italy throughout the ‘80s.  Most of the running time is devoted to Williamson strutting around smoking a stogie while occasionally kicking the crap out of hired henchmen.  These sequences aren’t staged particularly well, but they get the job done for the most part. 

I did enjoy the scene where Fred hangs out at the Cannes Film Festival where posters for Witness, Cocoon, and Death Wish 3 are prominently displayed.  It looks like one of those Joe Spinell/Fanatic type deals where he was already at the film festival, so why not film a movie?  Too bad more of the flick didn’t take place there. 

Fred is cool as always, but it’s Cleo Sebastian who steals the movie as Josie, Williamson’s girlfriend’s gay roommate who can kick ass when he has to.  He even briefly joins Williamson on his quest for revenge and uses a fighting technique that can only be described as Ballet Fu.  Little touches like this help to differentiate Foxtrap from Williamson’s other actioners of the era (like the interchangeable Black Cobra series) and gives the film a little bit of personality.  Lela Rochon also pops up in an early role as Connelly’s moll. 

Despite being a quirky effort for Fred, Foxtrap kind of runs out of steam before it crosses the finish line.  The finale is underwhelming too, and it features a lot of scenes of clearly empty cardboard boxes getting shot up.  All that aside, it’s an agreeable enough actioner for fans of Williamson. 

MADAME O (1970) ****

When she was just a teenager, Saeko (Michiko Sakyo) was gang raped on the beach.  Not only did she become pregnant after the traumatic incident, but she also contracted syphilis from her attackers.  Saeko grows up to be a respected doctor and obstetrician who by night goes out on the prowl, picks up men, and injects them with VD.  Eventually, Saeko finds herself catching feelings for a kind colleague who dotes on her.  Complications soon arise when an infected conquest shows up looking to blackmail her. 

Madame O hits like a sucker punch to the gut.  It’s exactly the kind of exploitation flick I love.  It’s a dark, depraved, and twisted thriller that features a great blend of muddy morality and sweet revenge combined with simple but effective plot twists and memorable characters.  Trust me, you’ll be thinking about this flick days after you see it.

Sayko is incredible as our sadistic heroine.  Even when she is ruining the lives of innocent men, you can’t help but feel for her and root her on in her quest for revenge.  Her hateful and bitter narration further endears her to the audience, even in the face of her questionable exploits. 

It’s mostly in black and white, but there are a few scenes that are in color, including a real birth of a baby sequence (!!!), Saeko’s first orgasm, and the gruesome part where she dismembers a corpse.  The gnarliest scene though occurs when she discovers she’s pregnant and performs an abortion… on herself!  While nothing particularly graphic is shown, those close-ups of her toes curling in the stirrups really pack a punch.  I can only imagine the reactions this received on its original release.  Heck, even by today’s standards, it’s a hard-hitting flick.  If you’re a fan of brutal revenge movies then by all means check out Madame O PDQ. 

AKA:  Vicious Doctor Part 2.  

FIRST MAN (2018) ****

First Man follows the exploits of astronaut Neil Armstrong (Ryan Gosling) as he overcomes personal tragedy to become the first man to walk on the moon.  After the death of his young daughter, he throws himself into his work, test piloting for the Gemini and Apollo space missions.  Through that, he tries to balance his personal life with his long-suffering wife (Claire Foy) who stands by her man, even though the pressures of his job and his emotionally distant demeanor cause them to quarrel. 

Gosling is excellent as Armstrong.  He plays Neil as tight-lipped, and not very good when it comes to talking about his feelings.  His determination and drive make him compelling, and when he does let his guard down a little, it really registers.  Foy is Gosling’s match as his dutiful wife who also buttons down her emotions because it’s expected of her.  That doesn’t mean she isn’t afraid to speak up and take Neil to school when she’s fed up with his shit. 

Director Damien Chazelle uses a mostly handheld style with a film stock that’s bathed in heavy grain, which gives the movie a documentary feel.  It often looks like you’re watching something from that era and not a biopic from the 21st century.  Having actors like Kyle Chandler and Jason Clarke, who look like they stepped out of a ‘60s time capsule, also helps set the mood. 

Speaking of capsules, the space exploration scenes are downright harrowing too.  Most movies about space show the rockets lifting off from the outside, but for much of the film, Chazelle keeps the camera firmly inside the capsule so you can experience what Armstrong and the other astronauts felt on takeoff.  (The standard majestic lift-off scene is saved for the fateful Apollo 11 mission.)  The camerawork is cramped and claustrophobic inside the cockpit and the whole thing feels like it could shake apart at any second.  (I especially liked the close-ups of various bolts and screws inside the cockpit which showcase all the ways it could potentially go to pieces.)  You don’t feel a sense of awe during these sequences, but rather a sense of, “oh shit”.

First Man reunites Gosling and Chazelle who had previously collaborated on La La Land.  I wasn’t a fan of that flick, but I found this one to be genuinely moving and gripping throughout.  The moonwalk scene is quite thrilling too, even when you already know the outcome. 

Overall, you’re bound to enjoy First Man to the moon and back. 

DEVO (2025) *** ½

I saw Devo live for the first time this summer and it was one of the best concerts I had ever seen.  I had been a casual fan before, but I did a deep dive into them afterwards and found their entire discography to be pretty awesome.  Now, in a case of perfect timing, comes the Devo documentary.  If you’re already a die-hard fan, this will be a nice walk down memory lane.  If you’re just a casual fan that only knows them from “Whip It”, you will get an eye-opening look at what they’re all about. 

The film gives us a concise history of the band’s formation (at Kent State at the same time of the tragic National Guard shooting that left four students dead) and how their music began as an extension of Devo’s theory of “de-evolution”.  (The band’s belief that humans are in a perpetual state of regression.)  The addition of music videos (years before the advent of MTV) added an important visual component to the music and the message and helped propel them into cult status. 

The interviews with band members Mark Mothersbaugh and Gerald Casale are enlightening and entertaining, even if you’re already familiar with some of their lore and philosophy.  The wealth of footage from their early years (including the band’s very first concert) and fun use of clips from old industrial shorts and horror movies (especially Island of Lost Souls, from which they gained a lot of inspiration) that informed the band’s outlook also makes it highly recommended. 

If there is a flaw it’s that it follows the generic documentary format that several other rock docs have used.  The rags to riches to rags motif doesn’t really ring true, especially when the band is still putting out new music and touring fifty years on.  Still, there’s plenty of great clips and awesome songs along the way, and that alone makes it one of the best documentaries of the year. 

NOBODY 2 (2025) *** ½

Bob Odenkirk returns as the ass-kicking family man Hutch in this energetic, entertaining, and fun sequel.  This time out, Hutch’s job as an assassin is kind of wearing him down and starting to cut into his family time.  He decides to put killing on hold and take his wife (Connie Nielsen) and the kids to a water park in a rustic resort town.  He soon learns the place is ran by a crooked sheriff (Colin Hanks) who is in cahoots with a crazy kingpin (Sharon Stone).  Hutch naturally just wants to be left alone, but old habits die hard and with some help from his dad (Christopher Lloyd) and brother (RZA), he sets out to burn her operation to the ground. 

While it isn’t quite in the same league as the original, Nobody 2 is a sharp, fast moving, and bloody good time.  The film’s dark sense of humor and Odenkirk’s Everyman appeal are its chief assets.  It often plays like a cross between John Wick and National Lampoon’s Vacation and the way Odenkirk tries to calmly avoid confrontation only to plunge headlong into gratuitous violence is often very funny. 

Director Timo (The Night Comes for Us) Tjahjanto delivers plenty of memorable action sequences along the way.  The scene where Odenkirk beats up a bunch of arcade bullies is a blast.  I especially liked the way he incorporated his surroundings during the action as he smashes one guy’s head with a Whack-A-Mole mallet and tosses another into a claw machine.  The amusement park finale where Bob and the gang turn ball pits, funhouses, and waterslides into death traps ends the flick on a high note and is one of the best action sequences of the year. 

Odenkirk once again delivers a strong performance and has a lot of chemistry with Nielsen.  Hanks does a surprisingly good job cast against type as the scummy sheriff.  It’s Stone though who steals the movie as the sexy kingpin.  She’s clearly having a blast, and you’ll probably have nearly as much fun as she does.  

THE STUDENT BODY (1976) **

Carrie (Jillian Kesner), Chicago, (Janice Heiden), and Mitzi (June Fairchild) are three inmates who are given a chance at early parole.  The trio are transferred from a state penitentiary to a state college where they take part in an illicit drug experiment run by a shady professor (Warren Stevens, acting like a budget version of Cameron Mitchell).  When Mitzi begins experiencing severe side effects, Carrie tries to have the experiment quashed, but predictably, no one listens until it’s too late. 

Directed by Gus (The Sidehackers) Trikonis, The Student Body features a mishmash of potentially good ideas that are tossed together in half-assed fashion.  It starts off like a Women in Prison flick with a fun Royal Rumble catfight in the laundry room.  From there, it turns into a college hijinks comedy before morphing into a low rent version of a Robin Cook thriller (and that’s giving it way too much credit).  Since it plays like a laundry list of ideas, it makes for a better trailer than a motion picture. 

The good news is there’s a fair amount of nudity in this one.  Such scenes involve skinny-dipping, hot tubs, coeds being spied on via closed circuit television, and heavy petting sessions.  Unfortunately, the T & A kind of dries up about halfway through the movie and likewise, so does the fun.  It’s a shame too because the first act is thoroughly entertaining.  As the film goes on, it feels less like a drive-in movie and more like an After School Special.  The climax is particularly underwhelming and ends things on a frustrating note. 

The Student Body is notable for being the film debut of Jillian Kesner, who is probably best known for her iconic topless Kung Fu fight scene in Cirio H. Santiago’s Firecracker.  Kesner (who went on to marry the film’s cinematographer, Gary Graver) is great as always and anchors the movie the best she can before it goes careening off the rails.  Heiden is fun too as the feisty Chicago, as is Fairchild.  The cast is rounded out by Judith (Eraserhead) Roberts, who plays Stevens’ wife and Peter (TV’s Dr. Strange) Hooten as his son.  It’s Fairchild though who gets the best line in the film when she says, “Big feet… Big ding-dong!”

AKA:  Sexual Students.  AKA:  Sexual Student.  AKA:  Classroom Teasers.  AKA:  Valium High. 

THE MYSTIC (1925) ***

Michael Nash (Conway Tearle) is a conman who joins up with a sexy sideshow medium named Zara (Aileen Pringle) and her loyal band of gypsy performers to create a phony mystic grift.  They soon set their sights on a wealthy heiress (Gladys Hulette) with the intent of bilking her of her father’s fortune using methods they’ve perfected in their stage act.  Problems arise when Nash begins to develop a conscience, and the woman starts seeing her father’s ghost “for real”. 

Directed by Tod (Dracula) Browning, The Mystic is thematically similar to both his Freaks and The Unholy Three (which was released the same year).  It’s a rather straightforward crime melodrama, but there are plenty of unique touches here to help make it memorable.  The idea of mediums using trickery to defraud people was a hot topic at the time of release, so it makes for an ideal framework for a thriller.  Browning brings a spine-tingling atmosphere and a legitimate sense of spookiness to the seance sequences.  The effects are well done too as disembodied arms float around in mid-air and write letters and ghosts dance about.  

Aileen Pringle is the standout among the cast as the shady spiritualist Zara.  She’s equally alluring whether she’s dressed to the nines in her seance scenes or when she’s scheming to get her hands on Hulette’s loot.  Hulette is quite good too as the naive mark and she has a nice chemistry with Tearle, who is also strong as the crooked conman with a heart of gold. 

While The Mystic might not be as iconic as some of Browning’s best-known stuff, it remains a crackling little thriller all the same. The final act may be a tad predictable, but everything preceding it is entertaining and fun.  Minor quibbles aside, it’s worth a look just for the uncanny atmosphere alone.  

BALLERINA (2025) *** ½

When Eve (Ana de Armas) was a little girl, she saw her father murdered by the sinister “Chancellor” (Gabriel Byrne). Winston (Ian McShane), the owner of the Continental Hotel, takes pity on the orphaned girl and sends her off to be trained as a ballerina.  Since this is “The World of John Wick” we’re talking about here, not only does she learn to dance but she is trained to become a ruthless assassin as well.  Years later, Eve gets a line of the gang responsible for her father’s death and winds up trying to save a little girl from their clutches. 

Apparently, this was a troubled production.  The studio didn’t like the movie director Len (Underworld) Wiseman delivered so they had producer Chad Stahleski reshoot the majority of the film.  Wiseman is still credited, but if reports are to be believed, much of what he shot was scrapped.  Fortunately for the audience, you wouldn’t know any of that from looking at the picture as it plays like a well-oiled machine. 

De Armas is excellent in the lead.  She has a real spark about her and is wholly believable in her fight scenes.  I particularly liked the scene when she beats an assassin with a remote control, and it kept changing channels TV every time they got hit in the face. 

While the set-up is a tad longwinded, the action is aces all the way through.  We get an excellent training montage and a fun sequence where de Armas uses a LOT of grenades to blow the competition into smithereens.  Another amusing bit is de Armas’ fight with a waitress where they repeatedly bash each other over the head with dinner plates, Three Stooges-style. There’s also a badass moment where she MacGyvers herself a gun knife. 

The last act of Ballerina features some of the most deliriously entertaining action of the 21st century.  It contains what is possibly the first ever shootout involving flamethrowers.  Somewhere, John Woo is smiling.  Sure, some of the action suffers from noticeable CGI enhancements, but it’s not too distracting all things considered.

Overall, I thought this was about on par with the first John Wick.  Speaking of which, Keanu Reeves shows up as Wick for an extended cameo and he does a solid job lending support to de Armas without stealing spotlight from her.  (They were also in the awesome Knock Knock together.) 

AKA:  From the World of John Wick:  Ballerina. 

THE PRIMEVALS (2024) ***

The Primevals was a passion project for director and stop-motion animator David Allen.  Sadly, the production was shelved in the late ‘90s and Allen passed away before he could complete the effects.  After three decades, producer Charles Band finally was able to assemble a team to finish the film as close to Allen’s original vision as possible. 

A yeti is killed in Nepal and put on display in an American college.  An expedition led by Juliet (Beyond the Door) Mills then return to Nepal to find a live specimen.  There, they enter a cave and when they come out the other side, they find a hidden jungle where ape men live in villages.  Along the way, they also discover mysterious cylinders that may portend an extraterrestrial presence.  Ultimately, the intrepid explorers find themselves facing off against the yeti inside an alien arena. 

The Primevals is consistent with the kind of stuff Full Moon turned out in the ‘90s.  In fact, it probably could’ve been released through Moonbeam Entertainment, their kid friendly line of pictures.  It’s a throwback to the fantastic movies of yesteryear, and its unabashed reverence for those kinds of films is its chief asset. 

Each act plays like a love letter to a different subgenre of Sci-Fi flick.  The first act involving the search for the yeti is obviously inspired by King Kong (the stop-motion effects for the monster are great).  The second act veers into Jules Verne territory and the third dives right into straight-up UFO shit.  Because of that, it often feels more like a greatest hits collection of Sci-Fi cliches than a cohesive film.

That said, it’s easy to see why Allen would want to make it as it is an ideal platform for him to show off his skills.  The yeti is extremely well done as Allen imbues him with a lot of personality.  You even feel a tinge of pity for him by the end of the movie.  The lizard men alien warriors have an old school charm about them, and the gladiator pit battle with giant monsters is fun too. 

That’s the key word here.  Fun.  I’m sure you could nitpick the flick to death if you really wanted to, but I’m just glad Band was finally able to follow through and complete the movie.  While It’s not a lost classic or anything, it makes for perfectly suitable rainy day entertainment. 

TRAVELIN’ (1974) **

Travelin’ kicks off with what is possibly the shortest sex scene in recorded history.  A guy tells a woman, “Let’s do it,” and they bang in the middle of a field.  She is understandably perplexed when he cums almost immediately, gets dressed, hops on his motorcycle, and then heads on down the road.  Girls, it be like that sometimes. 

After riding around for a bit, our hero finally stops off on the side of the road where he watches a couple fuck in broad daylight.  This guy, while no means the world’s greatest lover, lasts way longer than our hero.  He then stumbles upon a “stud farm” where a bunch of horny hippie chicks hang around and wait for guys to bang them.  Once the biker gets his nut, he heads on down the highway once again. 

All of this is shot with the same cinematic flair of the Zapruder film, and it’s just about as sexy too.  Directed by “Bob” Insert, Travelin’ is shoddy and cheap in just about every way.  It doesn’t help that most of the women in the cast are less than photogenic and the print is extremely jumpy. 

It’s possible to make a decent biker porno with little to no money.  (Just check out Teenage Bikers.)  However, Insert never really makes full use of the motorcycle gimmick.  On the plus side, we do get some truly awful, poorly dubbed dialogue (“That’s a fucking cute clit you’ve got there, my dear!”) that’s good for a laugh or two.  There’s also one funny scene where a fly keeps interrupting a couple while they’re fucking and a dubbed voice says, “Hey, get that fly off my ass!”

Fortunately, it’s only forty-six minutes long and it’s pretty much over before it really gets going.  If you like outdoor sex scenes, you may enjoy it as most of the action takes place in the desert or in the middle of a field.   There’s also a heavy concentration of oral scenes, if that’s the sort of thing that floats your boat.  Most of the time though, Travelin’ really doesn’t go anywhere. 

TALK TO ME (2023) **

Talk to Me is an Australian horror flick that acts as a sort of allegory about the perils of teenagers trying stupid viral internet stunts.  Because of that, it’s certainly timely.  However, it’s much too uneven to really click. 

Teens get in on the latest internet craze of filming themselves while performing an occult ritual where they hold a severed hand and say, “Talk to me”, which allows a spirit to possess them.  The only rule is you can’t let the ghost in for longer than ninety seconds.  Things end tragically when a chick’s younger brother plays the game and winds up permanently possessed.  After he is hospitalized, the friends sneak into his room and try to find a way to reverse the curse. 

The scene where our heroine volunteers to be a part of the ritual is fairly strong.  The game itself is kind of like a supernatural version of the Tide Pod Challenge as the possessed teens contort and twitch while their friends stand around laughing and filming everything with their phones.  There’s also a weird scene where the spirit of an old woman sneaks into the bedroom and starts sucking on a guy’s foot. 

The first half-hour is engaging and entertaining, but it quickly goes off the rails in the second act.  Despite strong individual moments, the lows ultimately outweigh the highs.  It doesn’t help that the whole thing plays like a short film that’s been padded out to feature length.  The subplot where the dead mother of our heroine tries to warn her from the other side kind of reinforces that idea as it feels like it was only tacked on to beef up the running time.  The abrupt ending is also the sort of thing that would work in a short film but when viewed as the finale of a feature, it kind of leaves you pissed off.  It’s a shame too, especially when the first half hour or so held so much promise. 

EAT AT THE BLUE FOX (1983) **

Ron Jeremy runs a strip club called The Blue Fox in a sleazy border town.  When he’s unable to make payoffs to the local police, the greedy sheriff has the place shut down.  Eventually, Ron reopens the joint with a new angle:  A live sex show.  The sheriff once again sets out to ruin Ron’s livelihood, but he makes a play to get rid of the crooked copper once and for all.  

Ron Jeremy’s performance is pretty much the whole show in this one.  He appears in most of the sex scenes and his stand-up act eats up a lot of screen time too.  I’m a fan of Ron (his recent legal troubles notwithstanding), but this is really far from his best work.  His usual mugging can’t save the rather tepid sex scenes, which are mostly forgettable and interchangeable; nor can it liven up his unfunny stage show. 

The other attempts at humor are pretty dire, like when the evil sheriff feeds the nightclub patrons chili, which makes them all shit their pants.  Actually, the biggest laugh comes from the opening titles that humorously misspell the word “beginning”.  That pretty much is the tip-off that this one is going to be a dud.  The total non-ending doesn’t really help matters either. 

Also on hand is Herschel Savage, who plays a good ol’ boy who double teams a hooker in one scene.  Pamela Mann looks pretty hot as Jeremy’s former flame/lady of the evening, but her sex scenes are rather ho-hum.  The most memorable moment comes from Kitten Natividad as the cigarette girl who says, “For $200, you can shit on my face!”  It’s a shame her role is basically a cameo because she really brightens up the movie whenever she’s on screen.  Oh, and to add insult to injury, she doesn’t get in on the bedroom antics (and she remains fully clothed to boot).

So, if you have an appetite for a fun ‘80s porno, then you may want to skip Eat at the Blue Fox. 

HERETIC (2024) *** ½

Sister Barnes (Sophie Thatcher) and Sister Paxton (Chloe East) are two hot Mormon missionaries going door to door and spreading their gospel.  They meet a seemingly kind man named Mr. Reed (Hugh Grant) who is anxious to hear about their religion and invites them into his home for pie and spiritual discussion.  Slowly, it becomes apparent that he has not been entirely truthful and is using his religious debate as a pretext for something diabolical.  Before long, he puts their beliefs to the test as he forces them to participate in a deadly game. 

Grant deftly warps his rom-com leading man persona into something sublimely sinister in Heretic.  He channels his typical stuttering deference into a superficial facade that makes his usual Cheshire Cat grin feel vaguely threatening and creepy.  His performance is among the many joys of the film. 

Thatcher is the hottest actress in horror right now after starring in this, The Boogeyman, and Companion in the span of three years.  She turns in yet another fine performance here as she is fun to watch as the skeptical missionary.  East is quite good too as the more polite and mannered sister of the pair. 

Heretic was the brainchild of writers/directors Scott Beck and Bryan Woods.  I run hot and cold on their stuff.  While I pretty much despised Haunt, I found their cheesy Sci-Fi flick 65 to be semi-amusing.  I’m happy to say that this is their best effort yet.  The claustrophobic setting paired with Grant’s dynamic performance makes for a truly captivating film.  I especially like the way Grant arced his religious thesis into an all-encompassing message about pop culture as he compares various religions to different iterations of Monopoly board games and covers of rock songs.  Although it kind of runs out of steam in the third act and has a predicable conclusion, the set-up is aces and the cast is terrific. 

In short, Heretic was good enough to make me a believer.

THE NAKED GUN (2025) *** ½

The Naked Gun (and The Naked Gun 33 1/3) is one of my favorite comedies of all time, so rebooting it without the original ZAZ team could’ve been a disaster.  Having director Akiva Schaffer from The Lonely Island and producer Seth (Family Guy) MacFarlane combining forces behind the scenes was an inspired choice.  The same goes for putting Liam Neeson in the lead.  The reason the casting works as well as it does is that instead of trying to recreate the feel of the original movies (and the Police Squad! TV show), it’s more or less a spoof of your typical Liam Neeson vehicle.  Neeson doesn’t try to mimic Leslie Nielsen either.  He just acts like he’s in a MAD magazine version of a Liam Neeson movie.  This approach yields plenty of laughs while keeping the same brand of humor that made the original Naked Gun films classics. (“Cigar?”  “Sure looks like it!”)

The plot (not that it needs one) has detective Frank Drebin Jr. (Neeson) investigating a murder.  He gets unwanted help from the dead man’s sister (Pamela Anderson, who seems to be enjoying her recent career resurgence thanks to her performance in The Last Showgirl), who wants justice.  The trail eventually leads to an evil tech billionaire (Danny Huston) who has invented a device that will turn average citizens into crazed killers. 

The film contains plenty of hearty laughs sprinkled throughout the first hour or so.  Sadly, it starts to run out of gas in the last twenty minutes.  It’s here where the filmmakers seem to take the plot a little too seriously and try to wrap things up a little too neatly.  That said, there is one scene in this movie that is without a doubt one of the funniest sequences of the 21st century.  I wouldn’t spoil it for you for a million bucks.  All I’ll say is that it’s quite possibly the most hysterical romantic interlude montages of all time.  If that doesn’t make you want to see it, I don’t know what to tell you. 

NO HARD FEELINGS (2023) ***

Strapped for cash, Maddie (Jennifer Lawrence) answers an odd online ad placed by a wealthy couple to “date” their awkward virginal teenage son Percy (Andrew Barth Feldman) in exchange for a car.  When Maddie sets out to seduce him, she is surprised that Percy actually wants to get to know her first before they seal the deal. 

I’ve long admired Lawrence for her fearlessness.  Her performance in mother! is among my all-time favorites.  In No Hard Feelings, she gives us one of the most memorable nude scenes in recent history.  Things begin innocently enough with her and her young suitor skinny-dipping when some drunk teens decide to steal their clothes.  Up until now, we have only seen her bare back and shoulders.  However, when the kids begin to run off with their clothes, she comes storming off the beach full frontal and proceeds to kick their ass.  It’s not only one of the best nude scenes in the past few years, it’s also one of the best fight sequences. 

Like the best raunchy comedies, there are genuine character moments here that help endear our heroine to the audience.  She just wants to save her house.  Since she is a local in a resort town, the rich assholes who summer there are driving up the property taxes, which is relatable to me as someone who lives in a summer town year-round.  That sentiment is a nice reworking of the traditional slobs vs. snobs mentality of many ‘80s comedies. 

The fact that you have a woman in her thirties hanging out with a teenager also opens up some funny generation gap comedy.  One of the many highlights is when Lawrence crashes a high school party and the parents of the teen try to kick her out.  (“Do you think my son would have a party without our consent?”)  While the film follows the well-worn path of these kinds of sex comedies (it becomes more predictable in the third act once the kid eventually catches on that his parents put her up to it), it offers plenty of laughs along the way. 

Lawrence’s performance also helps to make it memorable.  Even if she didn’t have a nude fight scene, it would be still worth watching just for the scenes of her trying to pick up the hopelessly clueless kid.  Feldman is quite good too and the chemistry between the pair is genuine.  Because of that, No Hard Feelings is hard to resist.