LUCK-KEY (2016) *** ½

Jae-sung (Joon Lee) is a suicidal actor who stumbles upon an unconscious man (Hae-jin Yoo) in a bathhouse.  Eager for a new life, Jae-sung switches locker keys with the man, who judging by his clothes and car appears to be extremely wealthy.  When the guy finally comes around, he’s suffering from amnesia and accepts his new life as a struggling actor easily enough.  Jae-sung on the other hand slowly realizes his new identity isn’t what it appears to be.  He eventually figures out he’s a hitman and that his target is his next-door neighbor, a girl he’s already fallen head over heels for.  

From the set-up, you’d fully expect Luck-Key to be an obvious action comedy, but there’s surprisingly little action in it.  Much of the film is dependent on the two men growing into their new identities.  Predictably, they have to find each other and work together to straighten their lives out in the third act.  Even these scenes refuse to give into convention and cliché, managing to surprise the audience at every turn.

The performances are solid across the board.  We spend a great deal of time with both Lee and Yoo and get to know what makes their characters tick.  When Yoo’s career starts taking off, we’re rooting for him, even though we know he’ll have to get back to his job as a hitman eventually.

Although the dual struggles between the characters is often amusing, honestly this runs about ten minutes too long.  Some of the Meet Cute stuff with the heroes’ respective girlfriends sometimes drags the pace down and could’ve easily been trimmed.  However, this is a relatively minor quibble in the long run.

Luck-Key is proof that you don’t need a lot of action and violence to keep a plot about a hitman afloat.  In fact, it’s the lengths Yoo goes through to NOT kill anyone that makes his character so endearing.  This is the rare movie in which the humor comes out of the characters’ decisions and conflicting personalities.  Maybe more Hollywood productions should take a cue from it.

AKA:  Key of Life.

EXHUMED FILMS: 20 YEARS OF TERROR (2017) ***

I’ve never been to one of Exhumed Films’ all-night horror marathons or special screenings of long-lost cult classics.  This trailer compilation is a sampler of movies they’ve shown throughout the years.  For folks like me who haven’t been able to attend their shows, this is the next best thing.  While it’s certainly fun watching this at home, I can only imagine how it would play to a packed house. 

There are trailers for plenty of classic horror films and fan favorites.  Several of the genre’s top filmmakers are featured, with John Carpenter being the best represented with trailers for Assault on Precinct 13, Dark Star, and Halloween.  Even though trailers for such films as Last House on the Left, Phantasm, and Zombie have appeared on other trailer compilations over the years, it’s still good to see them again.  

If you’re a fan of trailer compilations like me, you’ll love seeing some of the more obscure titles.  The trailers for Monstrosity, The Night Daniel Died, and The Satanist sure piqued my curiosity.  I was also glad to see plenty of trailers for 3-D movies like Dynasty, Metalstorm:  The Destruction of Jared-Syn, and Treasure of the Four Crowns, but the one for Comin’ at Ya was truly something special.  One area that made this compilation different was its inclusion of films from the ‘90s like Dead-Alive, Candyman, and Naked Lunch.  I hope it’s a trend that continues in trailer compilations to come.

The ninety-minute running time feels a little brief.  Maybe that’s just because I’ve gotten so spoiled with the Trailer Trauma Blu-rays in recent years.  Still, it’s worth it just for the Beyond the Valley of the Dolls trailer alone.

THE BOSS (1973) **

Henry Silva stars as a hit man who in the opening scene, gets the drop on a bunch of gangsters and blows them up while they're watching a skin flick.  This sequence is dirty, mean, and violent and gets things off to a rollicking start.  Too bad nothing else in the rest of the picture can top it.  It’s always a shame when a movie blows its wad right from the get-go.

The gangsters retaliate by kidnapping the daughter of Silva’s mob boss.  They hold her captive and repeatedly rape her.  The thing is, she’s a nymphomaniac and loves the attention.  When Silvia rescues her, she comes on to him and she’s such a fantastic lay that he decides he wants to keep her for himself.  He then sets out to take down her father and become the new mafia boss.

Despite the excellent opening scene, The Boss is a dreary and dull gangster picture.  The constant double-crossing gets tiresome almost immediately and none of the drama with the warring mobsters is very interesting.  The action sequences are few and far between and they do little to spice things up.  There’s one cool stunt where Silva drives directly through a car, effectively cutting it in half, but that’s about it.  Although the nympho subplot helps to make it memorable, this is definitely the weakest film in director Fernando Di Leo’s Milieu Trilogy.

AKA:  Murder Inferno.  AKA:  Wipeout!

TARANTULAS: THE DEADLY CARGO (1977) **

Two pilots bringing coffee beans from Ecuador into the country get a nasty surprise when hundreds of poisonous tarantulas sneak aboard their plane.  We eventually learn they're not really tarantulas, but banana spiders.  I guess Banana Spiders:  The Deadly Cargo just doesn't have the same ring to it.  Anyway, the spiders kill everyone on board before making their way to a small town to terrorize the population.

Like all ‘70s Animals Run Amok movies, the mayor is worried that the titular animals will ruin the town’s big day.  In this case, it’s shipping out oranges that are vital to the town’s economy.  It’s then up to fire chief Claude Akins to kill the spiders without damaging the orange crop. 

There’s one memorable, odd moment when two characters have a champagne picnic overlooking the town’s "School for Autistic Children".  Seriously, is that your idea of romance?  I don’t think this guy had much of a chance getting past first base if you ask me.  Thankfully, the children aren’t put in any peril from the spiders, or the picnickers for that matter.  

The early scenes of the pilots bringing the spiders into the country are more fun than any of the nominal drama that happens in the town.  That’s mostly because the pilots are played by Tom Atkins and Howard Hesseman.  They show a lot more spunk and life than anyone else in the cast, that’s for sure.

Akins is OK as the square hero.  Bert Remsen is merely going through the motions though in the thinly-written role of the mayor.  Pat Hingle is also around as the crotchety town doctor and Deadly Friend’s Matthew Labyorteaux plays the token kid in jeopardy.

Like most of these Made for TV movies from the ‘70s, Tarantulas:  The Deadly Cargo is heavily padded to fit in its two-hour time slot.  The finale in which Akins sets out to destroy the spiders is particularly laborious and time-consuming.  It’s also far too tame to make much of an impact as the spider attack scenes lack… ahem… bite.

RUMBLE (2016) ***

From the generic poster, basic premise, and the participation of Gary Daniels, everything about Rumble suggest it's going to be nothing more than your standard issue “They Kidnapped My Girlfriend, So Now I Have to Participate in an Illegal Underground Fighting Tournament” movie.  To be fair, all of that was enough to get me interested in the first place.  I just wasn’t expecting… THIS.

Gary stars as a disgraced cage fighter who is hiding out in Mexico with his ex-hooker girlfriend (Sissi Fleitas).  Naturally, she’s kidnapped, and the only way Gary can get her back is to fight in a series of unsanctioned MMA matches.  In between fights, Gary tries to track down the mystery man who is orchestrating the illegal tournament and save his girlfriend.

Rumble starts off with a bit of an Unknown vibe.  When Gary’s girlfriend goes missing, no one at his hotel seems to remember either of them.  Eventually, he tracks down a bellhop who helps him on his quest to find his girlfriend.  

From here, I thought I could guess where the movie was going.  In fact, I predicted a major plot twist well before it happened.  However, the final twist caused my jaw to drop.  Very rarely do I get fooled by mysteries.  It’s safe to say that you won’t see the big surprise at the end coming.

I wouldn’t dream of spoiling it for you.  All I’ll say is that without that twist, Rumble would’ve been a decent, but forgettable actioner.  That twist is what elevates it into a goddamned work of art.

Daniels is one of those guys who gets better with age.  Here, he plays a character who has been beaten up by life and he does so admirably enough.  He’s especially good in the last five minutes of the movie.  I guarantee you’ll be just as shocked as Gary was during this scene.  This is truly one of his best films and his legions of fans certainly won’t want to miss it.

COMING SOON TO A BOOKSHELF NEAR YOU

FROM THE BACK COVER:  Do you love horror movies? Probably not as much as author Mitch Lovell does. He's been obsessively watching horror movies since the age of five. After three and a half decades of binging horror flicks, he's written about some of his favorite (and not-so favorite) genre films. From '80s slashers to '50s monster movies. From the works of Stephen King to the films from out of the WWE wrestling ring. From killer animals and creepy kids to wicked witches and deranged Satanists. Mitch reviews them all...

PETER RABBIT (2018) **

Paddington 2 was a wonderful movie that featured a talking animal that was made for children, but could be enjoyed by people of all ages because it didn’t cater to the lowest common denominator.  It was a sweet film based on a children’s book that remembered what made the character so special and kept the spirit its author intended.  Peter Rabbit, on the other hand, does none of that.

Would it surprise you that Peter Rabbit has an obnoxious comic montage set to a terrible pop song at nearly every reel change?  Or that Peter’s nemesis, Mr. McGregor (Domhnall Gleeson) gets pelted in the balls with vegetables several times throughout the film?  Paddington 2 took its inspiration from Charlie Chaplin.  This one takes its cues from the Home Alone series.  That alone is the sure sign you’re in trouble.

As a fan of Beatrix Potter’s stories, I did love the flashbacks that were traditionally animated in the style of the old books.  These sequences are sweet and tender.  Why couldn’t the whole movie be like that?  I guess there’s more money in CGI rabbits nailing General Hux in the gonads with radishes than actually staying true to the spirit of the books.

I’m pretty sure Potter is rolling in her grave right about now.  Her corpse undoubtedly started spinning during the scene in which her beloved character tried to sodomize Sam Neill with a carrot.   Though in all fairness, it was kind of funny to see General Hux perform The People’s Elbow on a bunny.

Speaking of which, Gleeson shows promise as a physical comedian.  Even if the gags get repetitive, the way he gleefully throws himself into his pratfalls is admirable.  I’m pretty sure he was jealous that his dad, Brendan was in Paddington 2 and he got stuck making this crap.

One thing I can say for this version of Peter Rabbit:  At least it doesn’t have a theme song as awful as the one from that recent Nickelodeon show.