THE HOUSE WHERE EVIL DWELLS (1982) ** ½

Edward Albert stars as an American writer who moves his family to Japan.  They rent a haunted house where a century ago, a samurai murdered his wife and her lover before committing suicide.  Before long, Saki cups are falling over mysteriously, lights turn off all by themselves, and faucets begin having a mind of their own.  The ghosts then possess the bodies of Albert’s wife (Susan George) and best friend (Doug McClure) and force them to reenact the tragic love triangle from centuries ago.  (She’d have to be possessed to want to go to bed with McClure.)  

The Japanese setting helps give The House Where Evil Dwells a different flavor than the countless haunted house movies that came out in the wake of The Amityville Horror’s success.  There are notable cultural twists on the usual horror clichés (like having a Japanese monk try to exorcise the spirits instead of a Catholic priest) that help make this one stand out from the rest of the pack.  The ghost effects are simple, but quite effective.  (They were filmed live, using mirrors.)  They’re probably a little bit overused though.  Their appearance works best when they’re taking over the bodies of Albert and George.  However, we see entirely too much of them as the film goes on.

Director Kevin Connor, who worked with McClure on the Land That Time Forgot films, seems to throw the restrained approach out the window by the time Albert’s daughter gets attacked by giant crabs.  On its own merits, this is a nutty sequence that works as pure head-scratching WTF nonsense.  On the other hand, it feels like it belongs in another movie altogether.  We do get a fair amount of gore (heads and arms are hacked off with samurai swords) and a decent bit of T & A too, although not nearly enough to qualify it as a classic or anything.

You could argue that the ending is predictable.  I’d rather say it’s inevitable.  I mean the whole thing is structured like a classic tragedy.  Giant crabs notwithstanding.

George is good, especially when she becomes possessed by the horny ghost, but Albert is thoroughly bland.  The fact that he’s playing yet another cliched struggling-writer-in-a-haunted-house doesn’t help.  Once Albert finds out he’s been cuckolded by a ghost, he suitably freaks out which leads to the entertaining fight where he and McClure become possessed and all of a sudden know karate and begin Kung Fu fighting each other.

Does it all work?  No.  Is it entertaining?  In fits and starts.  Am I glad I watched it?  Pretty much.

AKA:  Ghost in Kyoto.  

THE 31 MOVIES OF HORROR-WEEN: SUBSPECIES 4: BLOODSTORM (1998) *

A young woman named Ana (Iona Abur) finds Michelle (Denice Duff) on the side of the road and brings her to see Dr. Niculescu (Mihai Dinvale).  As he tries to study Michelle’s condition, Radu (Anders Hove) awakens and begins his search for her.  Meanwhile, the good (bad) doctor is actually using her blood to turn himself into a bloodsucker and plans to finagle the precious bloodstone out of Radu's possession.

The all-around quality is down a notch or two from the other movies.  Say what you will about the previous installments, they at least had a modicum of atmosphere.  There are moments here that look like they came out of one of those cheap-o Wishmaster sequels.  The make-up on Radu isn’t very good either (at some points he looks like The Grim Reaper from Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey) and the other vampires look almost laughable in their pancake make-up and goofy wigs.  The shadow effects of Radu traveling return to their low budget roots but aren’t nearly as effective as the stuff we saw in Part 2.

Overall, this is even worse than Bloodlust.  The pacing is slower than that film (if you can believe it), and what good bits there are (like a cop eating a rat) are few and far between.  There is a little bit more skin than usual, but not enough to bump it up to a * ½ rating.

The film’s biggest crime is that it wastes the talents of Denice Duff.  She spends most of her time either sleeping or lying down in a hospital bed.  (She must've had the same agent Eric Stoltz had when he made Anaconda.)  It’s enough to make you wonder if the poor woman got bedsores during filming.  She does get a few opportunities to vamp it up a bit in the third act, but by then it’s too little too late.

AKA:  Subspecies:  The Awakening.

THE 31 MOVIES OF HORROR-WEEN: BLOODLUST: SUBSPECIES 3 (1994) *

Bloodlust:  Subspecies 3 starts with a wrap-up of the events of the last movie, which is more of an excuse to help pad the running time than anything.  Rebecca (Melanie Shatner) is still trying to rescue her sister Michelle (Denice Duff) from the clutches of Radu (Anders Hove) and his decrepit Mummy (Pamela Gordon).  While Radu tries to complete Michelle’s transformation into a full-fledged vampire, Rebecca gathers together a small team of cops and soldiers to storm Radu’s castle.

Bloodlust:  Subspecies 3 was shot back-to-back with Part 2 and it seems like they saved all the good stuff for that picture.  There’s even more filler in this installment, which leads me to believe this started out as one movie and producer Charles Band made director Ted Nicolaou split it up into two sequels in order to save money.  Once again, the scenes with Rebecca teaming up with a cop (played by Kevin Blair from Friday the 13^th Part 7:  A New Blood) are deadly dull.  Whenever these characters are on screen (which is most of the running time unfortunately), the film comes to a dead halt.

The subplot where Radu tries to complete Michelle’s vampire training works slightly better.  That’s mostly because of Duff, who gives far and away the most engaging performance of the film.  Despite her efforts, Bloodlust never once comes to life.  I mean for a plot that’s been strung out for three movies, there’s not a lot to recommend here and the finale is awfully weak.  What’s worse, the little Subspecies dudes are reduced to nothing more than a last-second cameo, which is really disappointing.

The special effects are particularly lacking this time around.  There are no showstopping effects sequences.  Also, most of the effects for Radu’s shadow are done via animation now.  The results look pretty cheap and aren’t nearly as effective as the Nosferatu-inspired effects of the last movie.  

AKA:  Subspecies:  In the Twilight 3.  AKA:  Subspecies 3:  Bloodlust.

THE 31 MOVIES OF HORROR-WEEN: BLOODSTONE: SUBSPECIES 2 (1993) ** ½

Bloodstone:  Subspecies 2 picks up immediately where the first one left off with the little Subspecies dudes reviving their vampire master Radu (Anders Hove).  Once resurrected, he quickly goes about getting revenge on his brother by driving a stake through his heart.  His vampire girlfriend Michelle (Denice Duff) steals the coveted bloodstone from the castle and takes off for the hills.  Panicked, she calls her sister Rebecca (Melanie Shatner, Captain Kirk’s daughter) for help.  As Rebecca tries to find her sister (all the while playing catch-up on the rules of vampirism), Radu follows in hot pursuit trying to recover the bloodstone.

As with the original Subspecies, the opening sequence is the best part.  The scene where Radu’s decapitated head reattaches itself is awesome and utilizes some excellent special effects inspired by The Thing.  I also dug the part where Radu stakes his brother’s heart and drinks from the arterial spray as if it was a water fountain.  There’s also a cool crusty mummy that aids Radu in his quest.

Denice Duff is a much better actress than Laura Tate was, and she does a fine job selling her transformation into a vampire.  I especially liked when she woke up in a body bag and caused the coroner’s van to run off the road.  The problem is that the scenes of Shatner going on sightseeing tours, learning about vampire lore, and trying to track down her sister are a bore.  These scenes mostly feel like filler and totally bog down the middle section of the film.  

Returning director Ted Nicolaou does some impressive things with the low budget.  I liked the Nosferatu-inspired scenes of Radu casting a long shadow while stalking Michelle.  Once again, the film suffers from the lack of the cool Subspecies creatures who just about disappear after the opening.  I can’t quite call Bloodstone “good” as it drags like a son of a bitch after the first act, but it’s a remarkable step up in quality from the last one, so all involved should be commended for that.

AKA:  Helldance.  AKA:  Subspecies:  In the Twilight 2.  AKA:  Subspecies 2:  Bloodstone.

THE 31 MOVIES OF HORROR-WEEN: SUBSPECIES (1991) * ½

Radu (Anders Hove) kills his own father, Vladislav (Angus Scrimm), the king of the vampires because he wants to possess the magical “bloodstone”.  (It looks like a half-melted snow cone.)  Meanwhile, a couple of American college students studying folklore wind up in Radu’s castle.  As Radu tries to put the bite on the girls, his half-brother Stefan (Michael Watson) becomes smitten with Michele (Laura Tate) and tries to protect her from being turned into a bloodsucker.

The opening scene where Scrimm locks Hove in a cage, holds promise.  Hove cuts off his own fingertips and the severed digits transform into red-colored minions (who resemble a mash-up of the monsters from The Gate and MUSCLE wrestling figures) who help him escape.  Dave Allen’s stop-motion animation is quite good, but unfortunately, we don’t see enough of these “Subspecies” dudes throughout the rest of the movie to make it worthwhile.

Directed by Ted (Terrorvision) Nicolaou, Subspecies is a slow moving, ponderous, and dull vampire flick.  After the decent opening scene, nothing of interest really happens.  Even once the girls start being turned into vampires, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before, or particularly want to see again.  The romance stuff is almost as bad as a Twilight movie as you’re forced to suffer through a lot of scenes of pasty-faced people gazing longingly at each other.  It also doesn’t help when Watson and Tate have absolutely no chemistry together.

Another debit is the character of Radu.  As played by Hove, he feels like an interchangeable vampire villain.  At least Greg Cannom’s make-up, which makes Hove sort of look like a cross between Nosferatu and a Lost Boy, is pretty good.  We also get an okay amount of skin and one or two decent gory bits, but it’s nothing especially memorable.  

The frustrating ending leaves things wide open for a sequel (of which there were three).

AKA:  Subspecies:  In the Twilight.  AKA:  Vampiri.

THE 31 MOVIES OF HORROR-WEEN: PUPPET MASTER: THE LITTLEST REICH (2018) ***

Puppet Master:  The Littlest Reich is not part of the original Charles Band films.  It’s not really a remake either.  It’s more of a re-imagining, set in a separate timeline.  Hey, all that doesn’t really matter as long as S. Craig Zahler is on board, am I right?  

Zahler, who wrote and directed the modern classics Bone Tomahawk and Brawl in Cell Block 99 (not to mention being an accomplished author in his own right—seriously, if you haven’t read Wraiths of the Broken Land, go out and grab a copy now), wrote the script for The Littlest Reich and his participation alone was enough to get me excited about a Puppet Master reboot.  Yes, for once in my life, I was actually looking forward to a Puppet Master movie.  Having The State’s Thomas Lennon playing the starring role was just the cherry on top.

Directors Sonny Laguna and Tommy Wiklund give the film more style than certainly any of the Full Moon productions had.  They also wisely showcase Zahler’s flair for peculiar dialogue, as well as his penchant for nasty, unrelenting violence.  If this triumphant trio is pulling the strings for the next Puppet Master movie, I’ll be there with bells on.

Lennon stars as a recently divorced forty-something comic book store owner who moves back home with his folks.  While moping at home, he finds one of his dead brother’s puppets and learns it was one of the original killer puppets created by Andre Toulon (Udo Kier, who also appears in Zahler’s Brawl in Cell Block 99).  With nothing better to do, he decides to sell it at a convention celebrating the “Toulon Murders” at a nearby hotel.  Other likeminded people with similar puppets congregate at the hotel and it doesn’t take long for the puppets to get loose and start killing the conventiongoers.

Zahler has taken great liberties with the established continuity of the Puppet Master lore, and honestly, it’s for the better.  Toulon is no longer a refugee who creates his puppets to fight the Nazis.  Instead, he himself is a Nazi and his puppets are trained to kill (among others) lesbians, African-Americans, and Jewish people.

It’s an interesting change to be sure.  We’re no longer rooting for the puppets, as they’ve become symbols of hate.  In these types of movies, we typically cheer whenever someone is bumped off by a demented puppet.  Zahler’s reimagining of the concept makes us pump the brakes.  Then, he does the unimaginable.  He devises some of the most brilliant ways to off someone in a horror flick in some time.  I mean it’s unconscionable to applaud what essentially comes down to a puppet committing a hate crime, but let’s face it.  You don’t come to a Puppet Master movie to see “good taste” on display.  True horror fans will undoubtedly be amazed at some of the carnage the puppets create in The Littlest Reich.  I mean how can you not be impressed when a guy taking a piss is decapitated, and his head lands in the bowl so that he winds up pissing in his own face?  Sure, some of the effects are a bit uneven, but for every phony looking bit, there’s a truly showstopping, genuinely unsettling moment (like the scene involving a pregnant woman).

I’m sure there will be folks out there who will have a knee-jerk reaction to all this and they’ll probably condemn it on sight.  There’s even a character who comments on the fact that the people who are dying don’t deserve it.  Zahler makes it abundantly clear he’s only reflecting the times we live in.

Lennon is excellent in what is essentially a non-comedic role.  He reacts to the sight of killer puppets with a calm detachment and never once lets you know he’s in on the joke, which, if he did, would’ve been game over.  The supporting cast is equally fine and is full of genre favorites.  Michael Pare does wonders with another thankless detective role, but he still finds ways to tweak his performance and give it a little bit of life.  Then there’s Matthias Hues as a victim who becomes controlled by the puppets, although I sort of wished they made him do a little Kung Fu.  Barbara Crampton does a bang-up job as a cop, especially when you consider most of her duties revolve around unfurling a LOT of exposition.  While I wish Kier had more to do as Toulon, he is still able to make a memorable impression in his short screen time.

It's the puppets who steal the show though.  Fan favorites like Pinhead, Torch, and Blade have been given minor facelifts, but they still retain enough of their classic charm to keep everyone happy.  The new additions are a bit of a mixed bag.  (There’s one that just looks like a stoner version of Kermit the Frog.)  That said, the helicopter puppet causes a devastating amount of mayhem and Junior Fuhrer may be my favorite puppet of the entire series.

Yes, the seams of the budget start showing more and more as the film wears on, but this is far and away the best Puppet Master movie ever made.  My biggest gripe is that it ends in such an abrupt manner.  If we take that to mean that we’ll be seeing the puppets again very soon, I’m all for it.  If in fact, we don’t get a sequel, it’ll just seem like the movie’s half finished.  Even then, it’s a minor miracle to have a Puppet Master flick that’s this damned good.

PRIME EVIL: HOOKER WITH A HACKSAW (2017) * ½

Donald Farmer is one of the reigning kings of no-budget horror. He’s been in the game for over thirty years now.  Judging from Hooker with a Hacksaw, I’m not exactly sure how much he’s learned since the days of Vampire Cop.

Kirsten (Kasper Meltedhair, who also co-wrote the movie with Farmer) is a hooker who is so desperate, she’ll have sex with a psycho john’s dead mother for drugs.  Another john forces her to appear in a snuff movie, but she’s able to get free and turns the tables on her captors, killing them with a hacksaw.  She then goes out on the street, trusty hacksaw in hand, killing abusive assholes and parasitic pushers.

Hooker with a Hacksaw is one of those movies where the budget was so low, you’ll swear the special effects were bought at the Spirt of Halloween clearance rack the day after Halloween.  I mean the dead mother is nothing more than a plastic skeleton.  In fact, there’s a long scene in the movie where Meltedhair is seen wandering endlessly down the aisles of a Spirit of Halloween store, which confirms my suspicion that’s where the plastic skeleton corpse was purchased from.  Not only that, but the shots of her trying on mask after mask also helps to pad out the running time.

I give Meltedhair credit for ripping guys’ guts out and doing sexually suggestive stuff with their intestines and still managing to look sexy while doing so.  This scene is so good that it’s repeated over the end credits to further pad the running time.  At seventy minutes, it’s still way too long though, even when the last ten minutes are nothing more than credits.  Still, the instestine scene, along with Meltedhair’s game performance is enough to keep this from being a One Star deal.

Linnea Quigley has a cameo, briefly appearing on television. 

Hooker with a Hacksaw is available on Amazon Prime for free HERE