ELLE (2016) ****

Isabelle Huppert stars as Michele, a successful owner of a video game company who is assaulted in her home in the opening scene.  Given her past experiences, she refuses to go to the cops.  Instead, she decides to protect herself from the rapist’s ever-increasing threats.  Meanwhile, she goes about living her life as she juggles her stressful job with her dysfunctional family. 

On the surface, Elle just seems like your typical drama.  The fact that it is directed by Paul (Robocop) Verhoeven should clue you in to just how fucked up it is.  It was shot in France with a primarily French cast and it is surprisingly frank and matter-of-fact in its attitudes toward sex, rape, and harassment.   

As played by Huppert, Michele is an endlessly fascinating character.  Despite the constant threat of attack, she takes it all in stride.  Danger may potentially lurk around every corner, but she refuses to be a victim and live in fear.  

Also, her needs and flaws are projected for all to see without apology or explanation.  The movie is brave enough to suggest that perhaps Michele welcomes these attacks.  That somewhere inside her, there is a deep-seeded desire to be abused.  Only a guy like Verhoeven could get away with something like that, and very few actresses could sell Michele’s plight and make it believable and empathetic.

They say there are no good roles for women of a certain age.  Elle is a fierce and unrelenting rebuke to that myth.  Huppert gives a tour de force performance of such raw intensity and soulful humanity that you are with her every step of the way.  She was rightfully nominated for an Oscar for her work but lost to Emma Stone for La La Land.  If you watch the two performances, there really is no competition.  This is one of the best performances of the new millennium.  

One of the exhilarating things about Elle is that you never know where it’s going next, and I’m not talking about Michele’s quest to find her attacker.  I mean in her everyday life.  From a truly awkward Christmas party to the antics of her fuck-up son, surprises wait for you at every corner.  Sure, things are wrapped up a little too neatly in the end, but Verhoeven never once cops out or lets anyone off the hook.  Besides, this is one instance where a happy ending was richly deserved. 

HARRAD SUMMER (1974) **

Harrad University is a progressive college that encourages its students to explore the bounds of their sexual freedom.  After their first semester, four students return home to further explore their sexuality.  The two couples spend their summer together meeting new people and hooking up.  Naturally, their sexual freedom eventually takes its toll on their relationships. 

Harrad Summer is broken up into the four vignettes which represents the journals of the students.  Because of that, it goes without saying it’s more than a little uneven.  It’s more successful when the kids’ parents are being confronted with their children’s promiscuity.  There’s also a funny dinner party scene where the town gossip circle partakes in the group’s nude yoga routine.  However, the film stumbles whenever it tries to get too serious.  The scenes of the couples being torn apart by their own petty jealousy are especially trite and predictable.  The final vignette in particular is overly melodramatic.

The four youngsters in the cast are mostly forgettable.  I never saw the first film in the series, The Harrad Experiment, but I’d have to assume that Robert Reiser and Richard Doran were poor substitutes for Don Johnson and Bruno Kirby.  The supporting cast, which is filled with comedians, fares much better.  Bill “My name is Jose Jimenez!” Dana is pretty good as Doran’s dad and Marty “Hello there!” Allen is kind of funny as a drunk who is obsessed with streaking.  A young Fred Willard also turns up briefly.   None of their efforts are quite enough to save this dated, albeit sporadically amusing hippie nonsense.  

AKA:  Love All Summer.  AKA:  Student Union.

A MOST VIOLENT YEAR (2014) ***

Oscar Isaac is a shrewd businessman trying to expand his oil operation in New York in 1981.  Facing pressure from the competition, he buckles down and braces himself for legal threats, violence against his drivers, and possible attempts on his life.  Together with his wife (Jessica Chastain) and lawyer (Albert Brooks), they prepare themselves for the worst while trying to flush out the mastermind plotting his potential downfall.

A Most Violent Year is a somber and consistently engrossing mood piece.  Director J.C. (All is Lost) Chandor sets the stove to simmer and keeps the tension brewing throughout.  Maybe he keeps the simmering going for a bit too long.  Some would argue it’s a more difficult task for a director to simmer constantly than going straight to boil.  That’s true to a degree, but the film might’ve done with a few more fireworks.  

Isaac has a brooding Pacino-like intensity.  He’s playing a man of principle who is very set in his ways and has a deliberate way of doing things.  Forces beyond his control keep pushing him, but he will not yield.  If you’re a fan of Isaac, you really owe it to yourself to check it out.  The same goes for Chastain.  She is excellent as his tough as nails wife.  Brooks is just as great here as he was in Drive, which makes me hopeful he’ll continue to take on these atypical dramatic roles in the future.  David (Jack Reacher) Oyelowo also has some fine moments as the hard-nosed D.A. itching to close Isaac down.

A Most Violent Year is the kind of movie Sidney Lumet used to make.  It’s a multi-layered, wonderfully acted meditation about corruption, violence, and honor.  It may go on a bit too long, but the crisp writing, elegant cinematography, and stellar performances ensure you’ll be along for the ride every step of the way.

BEYOND THE SEA (2004) **

I’m a huge Bobby Darin fan, but I somehow never got around to watching this biopic directed by and starring Kevin Spacey.  I know we’re not supposed to watch Kevin Spacey movies because he’s a terrible person and everything.  However, my love of all things Darin outweighs my feelings for Spacey. 

Beyond the Sea starts off on an awkward meta note as Bobby Darin (Spacey) is in the middle of making a movie about himself.  He faces criticism that he’s too old to play the part.  Spacey must have felt that too as he was older at the time of filming than Darin ever lived to be.  When a worker calls the temperamental Darin an asshole, his manager (John Goodman) yells, “He might be an asshole, but he’s our asshole!”, a sentiment I’m sure that many of Spacey’s inner circle felt.  All the stuff regarding Darin’s obsessive use of toupees probably hit home for Spacey as well.  On downtime from filming, Bobby connects with a young boy who is playing him in the film-within-a-film.  He then figures out the only way to tell his story is by having flashbacks to childhood. 

It’s funny in these flashback scenes seeing Spacey playing Darin as a teenager.  It’s even funnier seeing guys like Goodman and Bob Hoskins playing young versions of their characters.  I mean it’s a stretch to see Spacey do it.  It’s even worse when they do it. 

After the goofy set-up, we do get a couple of strong scenes.  The routine biopic stuff (especially the scenes detailing Darin’s marriage to Sandra Dee, played by Kate Bosworth), are superficial, but are well-acted enough to keep you involved.  Unfortunately, the movie only gets more aimless and unfocused as it goes along.  

It also sort of speeds through Darin’s rise as a teen idol.  Even after he becomes the crooner we all know and love, it still seems rushed.  The film oddly spends too much time on his folk song phase.  I guess they were trying to show there was more to his repertoire than his early stuff.  It’s just that sulky Darin is not nearly as much fun as suave Darin.

Like most biopics, it can’t cover EVERYTHING.  I would’ve liked to have seen some of his TV work mentioned.  Despite that, I was still inclined to give this ** ½ based on the music and Spacey’s admittedly fine performance.  Then the ending, where Darin and the kid who plays him rewrite their happy ending, came along.  It’s jaw-dropping bad on just about every level and ends things on a goofy note. 

Speaking of notes, it’s great hearing Darin’s hits like “Mack the Knife, “Beyond the Sea”, “Dream Lover”, and “Splish-Splash”.  What’s amazing is that all the songs are performed by Spacey, who is an incredible mimic.  (I was a bit miffed that he didn’t include my personal favorite Darin tune, “Clementine” on the soundtrack.)  You get the feeling though it might’ve been better if Spacey had just released an album of Darin covers instead of doing a whole movie.  While Spacey paid Darin’s music a proper tribute, the film itself is majorly lacking Darin’s sense of showmanship.  Bobby deserved better.  

DUEL IN TIGERS DEN (1976) **

A warlord wants to get his hands on a sacred seal and will do anything to get it.  Two drifters come to town… well… they climb over a mountain to get to town, so they don’t exactly “drift”.  Anyway, they arrive in town and begin stirring up trouble.  Before long, they are locked in a bitter struggle for control of the seal.

If that plot description seems kind of vague, it’s because there’s very little plot here.  Because of that, the fight scenes occur every ten minutes or so.  Basically, our heroes will bust out a bunch of chopsocky on the bad guy’s henchmen and smash the skulls of their enemies against a wall until they’re good and bloody.  This makes bad guy pace back and forth a lot before he nervously barks out orders and sends more men to stop them.

Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be a bad thing.  If it was just the plot that was unmemorable it would’ve been okay, but since most of the fights are interchangeable, Duel in Tigers Den winds up being slight and forgettable.  The few scenes that stick out in your memory are decent, although they aren’t enough to put it over the top.  The best moment is the fight in a lumberyard where someone is impaled on a forklift.  We also get a big brawl on top of a train.  Even though this sequence features a nice change of scenery (not to mention a cameo by Bruce Li), it’s obvious no one is going to get hurt since the train moves REALLY slow.

AKA:  Duel in the Tiger Den.  AKA:  Macho Man.

THE ADULT VERSION OF JEKYLL AND HIDE (1972) ** ½

Dr. Leeder (Jack Buddliner) finds Dr. Jekyll’s original manuscript in an antique shop and becomes obsessed with it.  He comes to the store in the middle of the night offering to buy it, and when the shopkeeper refuses to part ways with it, Leeder kills him.  While reading the book, he envisions he’s Dr. Jekyll, transforming into Mr. Hyde and killing prostitutes.  Eventually, he recreates Dr. Jekyll’s formula and tests it out on himself.

As with Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde, our hero turns into a sexy woman (Jane Tsentas) when he drinks the potion.  The transformation scene is great too as he opens his shirt to find brand-new boobs.  Naturally, this leads to a long scene where he/she looks in the mirror and plays with him/herself.  This happens every time he switches bodies, which helps pad out the running time.

It shouldn’t come as much of a shock to you that there’s more of a concentration on the “Adult Version” portion of the story than on the “Jekyll and Hyde” bits.  It’s amusing for the most part, although it never quite gels.  The stuff that looks like it came out of your basic ‘70s skin flick works better than the Dr. Jekyll daydream scenes.  The modern-day Jekyll stuff is pretty good though, especially when Tsentas attacks Rene Bond.

Fans of Bond will enjoy The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hide.  It’s a good vehicle for her talents as she has many sex, nude, and shower scenes.  There’s also a smattering of S & M in here as there are scenes where Hyde whips a prostitute with a strap before tying her up and having his way with her.  This is the most horror-centric scene in the movie and only helps to illustrate the film’s overall tonal problems.  

There are some fun moments here, but ultimately, it goes on a bit too long for its own good.  The sluggish pacing makes the ninety-minute running time feels a lot longer.  If the plot had been streamlined a bit and they had found a better way to incorporate the fantasy sequences, The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hide could’ve been a minor classic.  As it stands, it’s an interesting, if intermittently amusing curio.

AKA:  The Adventures of Dr. Jekyll.  AKA:  The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hyde.

5 HEADED SHARK ATTACK (2017) *

Confession time:  I never saw 2 Headed Shark Attack.  I know, right?  I’m sorry I let you down.  I hope you forgive me.

On a related note.  I didn’t see 3 Headed Shark Attack.  I’m sure you’re like, what?  How?  Hey, man.  I can’t see them all.

They didn’t even make a 4 Headed Shark Attack, so don’t even try to come at me for missing that one.

Say what you will about me, I’m here now.  I showed up for 5 Headed Shark Attack.  I hope this review in some way, shape, or form makes up for me missing Parts 2 Headed and 3 Headed.   

If we’re being completely honest with each other here, this is one of the worst SyFy Channel shark movies I’ve ever sat through.  

Okay, so a 4 Headed Shark kills some boaters and the cops try to get a marine biographer to identify the shark.  Dude, it’s a 4 Headed Shark.  I don’t think you needed to bug a marine pornographer for that.  Anyway.  Her boss is like, “Don’t help the cops.  We can catch this thing.  This could put our aquarium back on the map.”  Yeah.  Putting a shitty CGI shark from a shitty SyFy Movie on display will REALLY pull in the tourists.  Like they couldn’t see the same shit on their Roku player at home for free.

So, they spend the next hour or so out on a boat looking for the damned thing.  It only sporadically shows up to eat someone, and even then, it doesn’t really relieve the boredom.  Oh, and if you’re keeping track, we eventually do get to see the fifth head after a while (and it’s exactly where you think it’s going to be).  

Jesus Fucking Christ.  I made a New Year’s resolution to try to be more open-minded and positive when it comes to writing these reviews.  With that in mind I will say… at least I haven’t seen 2 Headed Shark Attack.  Or 3 Headed Shark Attack.  Or God forbid, 6 Headed Shark Attack.  (It’s a thing.  So help me.  I looked it up.)

This is one of those rare cases where too much head is a bad thing.

AKA:  Five Head Jaws.