IN THE TALL GRASS (2019) *

I think Vincenzo Natali’s Splice is one of the great sick horror movies of the new millennium.  It seems like lately he’s been spending his time toiling away in television, which is unfortunate.  I thought this Stephen King adaptation (based on the novella he wrote with his son, Joe Hill) would be a return to form for Natali.  Boy was I wrong.  Not only is it a huge comedown from the likes of Splice, it’s one of the worst King movies I’ve ever seen (which is really saying something). 

A pregnant woman (Laysla De Oliveira) and her nerdy brother (Avery Whitted) are in the midst of a long car ride.  They stop off to the side of the road where they hear a child calling to them from a tall grassy field.  They go into the field looking for him and almost immediately get lost. 

As bad as most of the movie is, the opening sequence is sterling.  The siblings walk through the grass, following the voice.  They walk forward toward the sound of the boy’s voice, only to have it reappear behind them.  Natali builds up a nice sense of dread and even a fair amount of style, given all you can see is nothing but tall grass. 

It all feels like it’s building towards something and then… switches to a completely different character.  It’s frustrating to say the least, especially when it takes so long for him to get his ass into the grass too.  It’s also a miscalculation because it immediately takes us out of the feeling of isolation we felt inside the field. 

The opening scenes could’ve made a great episode of Tales from the Darkside.  After that, all the movie does is dick the audience around, jumping back and forth, and introducing new plot wrinkles that simultaneously overexplain what’s going on while making absolutely no sense.  It’s almost as if they’re trying to make the audience as lost as the characters. 

There’s a moment early on when In the Tall Grass goes from being the movie you THOUGHT it was going to be and becomes the movie that it IS that’s particularly soul-crushing.  From that moment on, it goes spectacularly off the rails and never looks back.  Not even Patrick Wilson’s nice guy malevolence can save it. 

It’s a shame too because the first 15 minutes draw you in so well.  Because of that, you sit through the next 85 minutes, hoping it will regain the greatness it started with.  Unfortunately, all you’re rewarded with is a meandering waste of time.  In fact, the scenes of people wandering around and getting lost in the grass are preferable to all the half-baked shit that happens later on.  All the shit with the meteor (or the “meteor shit” as Jordy Verrill would say), Wilson’s fanaticism, the time loops, and annoying kids just overcomplicate (not to mention just plain fuck up) what was a simple and effective premise. 

It’s a King adaption so I was going to watch it anyway.  Even as a King fan, this one hurts.  It makes Graveyard Shift look like Christine in comparison.  It’s on par with the worst Children of the Corn movie. 

I guess what I’m saying about In the Tall Grass is… get the Round-Up! 

BETWEEN WORLDS (2018) **

Joe (Nicolas Cage) is an out of work trucker who stops a guy from choking Julie (Franka Potente) in a truck stop bathroom.  Turns out, Julie has clairvoyance whenever she’s being strangled, and the guy was only helping her.  She then gets Joe to choke her so she can guide the spirit of her comatose daughter Billie (Penelope Mitchell) back into its body.  Afterwards, Joe and Julie strike up a relationship and he sticks around the house to help nurse Billie back to health.  Things take a turn for the bizarre when the spirit of Joe’s devious dead wife possesses Billie and begins manipulating him with her new, sexy, tight, teenage bod. 

The first thing you notice about Between Worlds is that it looks very cheap.  There’s no ambiance or atmosphere whatsoever.  I don’t think they had a lighting budget as every scene looks flat and uninteresting.  

It also has a painfully simple premise.  To make matters worse, it takes forever for the predictable twist to occur.  If you took the scenario out of the redneck trucker world and moved it to suburbia, the film would look at home on The Lifetime Network.

I’m afraid there’s not much here to recommend other than Cage’s performance.  But what a performance it is.  His twitchy white trash character is a worthy addition to his oeuvre of oddballs  Forgive the spoilers, but I’m afraid you won’t watch Between Worlds unless you know there’s a scene where he bangs Potente’s hot teenage daughter while reading aloud from a book called “Memories by Nicolas Cage”.  It’s a random off the charts meta gonzo touch that puts a little WTF into an otherwise ordinary DOA DTV flick. 

If you needed another reason to watch it, Mitchell is just as good as any.  She excels at playing the sexy possessed daughter.  She’s reminiscent of Samara Weaving or Margot Robbie and uninhibitedly gets into her seductress role.

Sure, the plot of Between Worlds is predictable as all get out.  However, those random Cagey moments are anything but.  Sure, you can probably guess what happens at the end of the movie.  I’m 100% sure you won’t guess HOW.  I don’t want to spoil any more than I already have.  Let’s just say you might not listen to “Leader of the Pack” the same way again.

Is Between Worlds a good movie?  No.  Is it worth watching solely for Cage’s antics?  Mostly. 

AKA:  To Hell.

ALISON’S BIRTHDAY (1981) **

Alison’s Birthday kicks off with a killer (literally) séance scene.  Three girls make their own makeshift Ouija board and ask a spirit some questions.   Then, one of the girls gets possessed, talks in a demon voice, and warns the sixteen-year-old Alison (Joanne Samuel, who played Mel Gibson’s ill-fated wife in Mad Max) to beware her nineteenth birthday.  Suddenly, a demonic gust of wind blows into the room, knocking over a bookshelf, and killing one of the girls.  All before the opening credits roll!

We then flash-forward to a few days before Alison’s nineteenth birthday.  She’s spent the past couple years living on her own, but she’s beckoned home to visit a sick relative.  She spends the week with her aunt and uncle, who seem cheery enough.  Still, something about them just doesn’t seem quite right.  Like why do they have a miniature version of Stonehenge in their backyard? 

Alison’s Birthday is a middling example of Ozploitation (Australian exploitation movie).  It’s tame and predictable, right down to the “twist” ending.  That opening sequence is a doozy though, so it’s still halfheartedly recommended.  It’s just that from there, it devolves into yet another tepid Don’t Drink the Tea movie.  

Oh, you’re familiar with the Don’t Drink the Tea subgenre, aren’t you?  Remember Rosemary’s Baby where the seemingly kind old people kept forcing drugged tea on the heroine to prepare her for an unspeakable ritual?  It’s the same deal here.

The movie especially slows down during her boyfriend’s search into Alison’s past.  This stretch of the film plays like an episode of Encyclopedia Brown or something, although it does have a great bit where he is chased by cultists and uses a pitchfork to pole vault over a fence.  The electronic synth score is moody and effective too, which keeps the all-too familiar happenings from feeling too stale.  I also liked the use of the title card that states Alison’s age, which results in an amusing payoff.  

These memorable moments are fleeting, however.  All in all, I’m not sure Alison’s Birthday is worth celebrating.  R.S.V.P. at your own risk.

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: PRIME EVIL: EVIL OF DRACULA (1975) ** ½

Evil of Dracula is the third and final film in the Legacy of Dracula series.  It plays more like a loose remake of first movie, except with different characters and locations.  It’s also the most wildly uneven of the bunch, resulting in a lot of highs and lows.  Those highs make for some memorable moments though.

A professor (Toshio Kurosawa) gets a job at an all-girl boarding school.  He’s shocked to learn the principal (Shin Kishida) keeps his dead wife down in the basement.  You know.  Just in case she wakes up.  As is usually the case with these elite girls’ school.  Nothing unusual here.   I guess it goes without saying that the prof starts seeing vampire babes floating around the corridors at night.  What makes these vampires different (or awesome, depending on your point of view) is that they like to bite their victims right on the boob. 

Unlike its chaste predecessors, there’s a little nudity this time out, which makes some of the more sluggish passages somewhat bearable.  There’s also more atmosphere here than in the second entry, Lake of Dracula, although nearly not as much as the first one.  The girls’ school location gives this installment a unique flavor, which helps, especially when some of the scenes and shots are nearly identical to ones found in the first movie.

Like Lake, it kinda dawdles during the second act.  Stay with it though, and you will be treated to plenty of boob biting, copious bloodletting, and a nifty face ripping scene.  The fun finale makes up for some of the pacing problems found elsewhere in the flick, although it doesn’t quite redeem the entire production.  

Still, despite a general sense of unevenness that runs rampant throughout the three films, I’d say for fans of bloodsucking cinema, the Legacy of Dracula series is one franchise worth sinking your teeth into.

AKA:  Bloodsucking Rose.  AKA:  The Bloodthirsty Roses.

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: PRIME EVIL: LAKE OF DRACULA (1973) ** ½

As a child, Akiko (Midori Fujita) had a dream about chasing her dog into a castle full of vampires.  Years later, she goes to her lakeside home to finish a painting that has an ominous significance for her, although she can’t exactly explain why.  It all finally dawns on her that the vampires in her dream are very real.  Not only that, they’re after her.  Akiko’s doctor boyfriend Takashi (Choei Takahashi) and sister Natsuko (Sanae Emi) think she’s crazy, but that all changes once the vampire turns Natsuko into a bloodsucker.  

Lake of Dracula isn’t a direct sequel to Legacy of Dracula:  The Vampire Doll.  Instead, it’s more of a spiritual continuation in terms of style, subject matter, and tone.  It has a few similar thematic links (like hypnotism and the death of a sibling), but it’s not nearly as cohesive and satisfying as its predecessor.  One cool touch is that it features a few supporting players from the first movie appearing in different roles.  Too bad they’re not given anything memorable to do.

This film moves much more deliberately than the original and isn’t quite as stylish either (although the dream scenes are well done).  Director Michio Yamamoto does deliver an occasional clever moment (like the near-autopsy scene), but there’s just not enough meat here to warrant the sluggish pace.  It’s also rather uneven.  However, things really take off in the final reel.  While you do have to wait for the flick to eventually kick a little ass, the last ten minutes or so will be a blast for old school Dracula fans (especially Hammer enthusiasts).  If only the rest of the movie had the same kind of pizzazz.  Oh well.  I guess it’s better late than never.  

AKA:  Bloodthirsty Eyes.  AKA:  Japula.  AKA:  Lake of Death.

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: PRIME EVIL: LEGACY OF DRACULA: THE VAMPIRE DOLL (1971) ***

Kazuhiko (Atsuo Nakamura) arrives at a spooky old mansion on a dark and stormy night looking for his girlfriend Yuko (Yukiko Kobayashi).  He is devastated to learn from her mother Shidu (Yoko Minakaze) that she died in a car accident days before.  She invites him to stay the night and almost right away, he begins seeing the supposedly dead Yuko roaming the hallways and fields accompanied by a soft howling sound.  Eventually, Kazuhiko disappears, and his concerned sister Keiko (Kayo Matsuo) comes looking for him.

Distributed by Toho, this simple, but effective amalgam of vampire tale and ghost story offers atmosphere aplenty.  It’s a very different take on the vampire legend, sweeping away a lot of the traditional lore and utilizing such ingredients as hypnotism and family curses to explain the bloodsucker’s affliction.  (There’s still no substituting a good old-fashioned stake through the heart though.)  The blue-faced, shiny-eyed vampires are rather cool too and help give Legacy of Dracula:  The Vampire Doll its own distinct identity.

Since Psycho is one of my favorite movies of all time, I enjoyed seeing how much it cribbed from the plot of Alfred Hitchcock’s classic.  It gives you a bit of the old Psycho switcheroo in terms of swapping out its lead character early on in the film.  It’s also like Psycho in that the main character is investigating the disappearance of their sibling.  Other Psycho-inspired moments:  The longwinded explanation scene and at least one big scare directly lifted from Hitchcock’s playbook.   

Director Michio Yamamoto doesn’t limit himself to merely ripping off Hitchcock.  He also draws inspiration from Mario Bava and the Hammer horror films of the ‘60s.  Seeing a Japanese director handling the material in such a European way makes for a memorable experience. 

Things never really kick into overdrive or anything, but Legacy of Dracula:  The Vampire Doll remains a solidly entertaining chiller throughout.  Despite the many familiar elements on display, it all still manages to feel rather fresh and vibrant.  The brisk pacing and short running time certainly help make for a satisfying night of bloodsucking fun.

AKA:  The Vampire Doll.  AKA:  Legacy of Dracula.  AKA:  Bloodsucking Doll.  AKA:  Fear of the Ghost House:  Bloodsucking Doll.  AKA:  The Ghost Mansion’s Horror:  A Bloodsucking Doll.  AKA:  The Night of the Vampire.

SATURDAY THE 14TH STRIKES BACK! (1988) *

Saturday the 14^th Strikes Back! is more of a remake than a sequel.  The big difference is the main character is a teenager instead of a little kid.  Oh, and he learns he’s going to be the “new prince of darkness” on his sixteenth birthday, which just so happens to be on Saturday the 14th.  It still has all the shitty-looking monsters in a house full of stupid family members you’d expect from the series though.  That is to say, it’s rather insufferable.

Like the original, many scenes are all set-up and no punchline.  Consider the scene when our teenage hero finds a sexy vampire in his room.  This set-up is ripe with possibilities.  What do the filmmakers do?  Have her break out into a terrible song!  (Complete with vampire backup singers, no less.) 

There’s a running gag where the kid’s mom (Patty McCormack from The Bad Seed) is always making dessert for dinner.  Again, it’s amusing seeing McCormack playing Betty Crocker on Prozac, but she isn’t really given anything to do other than dish out pudding at every meal.  Avery Schreiber is painfully unfunny as her clueless husband and My Favorite Martian’s Ray Walston is embarrassing as the senile grandpa. 

Things get even worse when the evil spirits in the basement start transforming people.  A repairman turns into a chicken, the daughter becomes a giant, the aunt becomes a werewolf, and the uncle... gets a mini submarine stuck in his stomach?!?  You got me, folks.

The monsters are once again cheap hand puppets or awfully costumed actors.  I’m sad to report the great Michael (The Hills Have Eyes) Berryman is wasted as one of the stumbling monsters.  Even more insulting is the fact that he’s forced to wear the worst mummy costume since Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy!  We also get a variation on the original’s famous bathtub gag, but while the set-up is similar, the payoff is fucking lame.

Oh well, at least there’s a Friday the 13^th gag to make up for not having one in the first movie.

I guess the most memorable (for all the wrong reasons) part happens during the climactic battle between the forces of evil and a teenager.  That’s mostly because it’s filled with stock footage from a bunch of Roger Corman movies such as Avalanche, Deathsport, and inexplicably, Rock n’ Roll High School!  The only laugh-out-loud line comes when the waitress at the monster party lists the dinner specials, “Chicken poodle soup and liver and bunions”.