IN THE TALL GRASS (2019) *

I think Vincenzo Natali’s Splice is one of the great sick horror movies of the new millennium.  It seems like lately he’s been spending his time toiling away in television, which is unfortunate.  I thought this Stephen King adaptation (based on the novella he wrote with his son, Joe Hill) would be a return to form for Natali.  Boy was I wrong.  Not only is it a huge comedown from the likes of Splice, it’s one of the worst King movies I’ve ever seen (which is really saying something). 

A pregnant woman (Laysla De Oliveira) and her nerdy brother (Avery Whitted) are in the midst of a long car ride.  They stop off to the side of the road where they hear a child calling to them from a tall grassy field.  They go into the field looking for him and almost immediately get lost. 

As bad as most of the movie is, the opening sequence is sterling.  The siblings walk through the grass, following the voice.  They walk forward toward the sound of the boy’s voice, only to have it reappear behind them.  Natali builds up a nice sense of dread and even a fair amount of style, given all you can see is nothing but tall grass. 

It all feels like it’s building towards something and then… switches to a completely different character.  It’s frustrating to say the least, especially when it takes so long for him to get his ass into the grass too.  It’s also a miscalculation because it immediately takes us out of the feeling of isolation we felt inside the field. 

The opening scenes could’ve made a great episode of Tales from the Darkside.  After that, all the movie does is dick the audience around, jumping back and forth, and introducing new plot wrinkles that simultaneously overexplain what’s going on while making absolutely no sense.  It’s almost as if they’re trying to make the audience as lost as the characters. 

There’s a moment early on when In the Tall Grass goes from being the movie you THOUGHT it was going to be and becomes the movie that it IS that’s particularly soul-crushing.  From that moment on, it goes spectacularly off the rails and never looks back.  Not even Patrick Wilson’s nice guy malevolence can save it. 

It’s a shame too because the first 15 minutes draw you in so well.  Because of that, you sit through the next 85 minutes, hoping it will regain the greatness it started with.  Unfortunately, all you’re rewarded with is a meandering waste of time.  In fact, the scenes of people wandering around and getting lost in the grass are preferable to all the half-baked shit that happens later on.  All the shit with the meteor (or the “meteor shit” as Jordy Verrill would say), Wilson’s fanaticism, the time loops, and annoying kids just overcomplicate (not to mention just plain fuck up) what was a simple and effective premise. 

It’s a King adaption so I was going to watch it anyway.  Even as a King fan, this one hurts.  It makes Graveyard Shift look like Christine in comparison.  It’s on par with the worst Children of the Corn movie. 

I guess what I’m saying about In the Tall Grass is… get the Round-Up!