THE FINAL SANCTION (1990) **

After having so much fun with Deadly Prey, I decided to give another David A. Prior movie a shot.  Like that immortal classic, The Final Sanction stars his brother Ted, who gives another memorably over the top performance.  Sadly, it falls well short of Deadly Prey’s high standards, but the supporting cast is great and it’s just weird enough to stand out from the sea of low budget early ‘90s Direct to Video actioners.

Russia and the United States exchange nuclear missile attacks which looks like it will signal all-out nuclear war.  In lieu of WWIII, it is decided to instead pit each nation’s leading soldier against the other in a designated neutral battleground to determine a winner.  America’s man is a military prisoner (Ted Prior) who has a communication device implanted in his body so a Lieutenant (Renee Cline) can keep tabs on him and feed him intel during the duel.  The Russian fighter (Robert Z’Dar) is a ruthless killing machine who was trained via brainwashing techniques by a sadistic Major (William Smith).  Naturally, only one man can walk away victorious and give his country bragging rights to the war to end all wars.

Remember in Rocky IV when Rocky said, “In here, we got two guys killing each other, but I guess that’s better than twenty million”?  The Final Sanction is an eighty-minute version of that sentence.  Whereas Rocky IV was a parable about two men ending nuclear war between America and Russia, this is the literal iteration.  There’s even a scene late in the film that blatantly rips off Rocky IV where the two combatants gain each other’s respect, leading the Russian to defy his superiors and shout, “I fight for me!”

Rocky IV this ain’t though.  Heck, it isn’t even Deadly Prey.  While Prior is fun to watch, there’s nothing here that comes close to matching the non-stop thrills of that classic.  His brother David’s staging of the action is rather lackluster too, although Prior and Z’Dar’s final mano y mano brawl is a solid capper on the film.  

Prior is at his best when he’s having conversations with Cline, but he’s basically just talking to himself and doing a one-man show.  These scenes kind of play out like a poor man’s Innerspace and Prior proves he’s adept at displaying a comedic side.  I just wish David went all in on the silliness the way he did with Deadly Prey because ultimately, The Final Sanction was just dumb enough to pique my interest, but not dumb enough to sustain it.

ABIGAIL LESLEY IS BACK IN TOWN (1975) *** ½

Priscilla (Mary Mendem, who was also in The Image the same year) catches Abigail Lesley (Jennifer Jordan) in bed with her husband Gordon (Jamie Gillis).  Somehow, they remain married.  Three years later, when Abigail returns home, there is a swirl of rumors and gossip about why she’s come back.  It doesn’t take long for the promiscuous Abigail to start banging everyone in sight (including Gordon).  Eventually, Priscilla’s close-knit circle of friends falls under Abigail’s spell.  Will Priscilla be next?  Or will her repressed desires be her undoing?

Abigail Lesley is Back in Town feels like a master thesis from writer/director Joe Sarno as it encapsulates many of the themes that run throughout his work.  It’s a film about suburban hypocrisy, repressed housewives, and untapped sexual desire.  The heightened dialogue, bombastic performances, and Sarno’s camerawork often makes it feel like a combination of Shakespearean tragedy, soap opera, and Douglas Sirk melodrama.  That is to say, this is one heck of a movie!

The 100-minute running time is a bit steep, but the sex scenes are plentiful, and Sarno handles them expertly (especially the ones devoted to suburban swinging and group sex).  There’s a particularly great scene where Jennifer Jordan dominates Chris Jordan (no relation) into having a scintillating lesbian encounter.  Speaking of relations, Chris is hurting from being spurned by her brother (played by Eric Edwards), whom she’s had incestuous relations for years, so she’s more than willing to try a little Sapphic surprise.  

Sarno only occasionally relies on obvious porn-level dialogue (“I have a leak that needs filling!”) and cutaways.  The film’s most absorbing trait is its realistic, complicated, and well-defined characters, all of whom come to life courtesy of the terrific cast.  Jennifer Jordan is fun to watch as the sexy, manipulative, and irresistible Abigail.  Jennifer Welles brings a lot of spark to the role of the insatiable Aunt Drucilla too.  Predator’s Sonny Landham gets several good moments as a loudmouth stud who says things like, “You got one of them overactive torsos!”  Oddly enough, the usually boisterous Jamie Gillis seems a bit muted here as Mendem’s two-timing hubby.

Speaking of Mendem, her tour de force performance elevates the film from softcore smut to horny high art.  The scenes of her suffocating her desires always ring true and she gives these moments a touch of unexpected poignancy.  However, once she finally embraces her inner hedonistic spirit, she really sizzles.  It’s enough to make you wish Abigail Lesley stayed in town more often.   

AKA:  Abigail is Back.  AKA:  Sexpert.  AKA:  The Secret Garden.

GODZILLA ON MONSTER ISLAND (1972) ***

From the opening shots of comic book panels, you immediately know Godzilla on Monster Island is going to be a colorful, eye-popping, silly romp.  It’s loaded with cool monsters, great scenes of mass destruction, and of course, fun monster mashing mayhem.  Not only that, but the plot is even worth following for a change.

An out of work comic book artist gets a job at the “Children’s Land” amusement park drawing monsters for their latest attraction.  When he notices a woman running from security, he investigates and learns the park’s creators are keeping her brother hostage.  She’s also in possession of a tape the teenage CEO of the park wants back, and when she plays it for our hero, it sends a homing message to King Ghidrah and Gigan to come to Japan and start wreaking havoc.  It’s then up to Godzilla and his buddy Anguirus (who are living like The Odd Couple out on Monster Island) to stop them.  

There’s a lot to like here aside from the monster mashing.  The amusement park set-up is a lot of fun.  Their main attraction is an observation tower in the shape of Godzilla.  It’s life-size, and people can go all the way to the top and find out what it’s like to see things from Godzilla’s perspective.  (I wish they had one of these at Universal Studios!)  I also liked the fact that the human villains were giant alien cockroaches in disguise.  (Franz Kafka eat your heart out!)

The human characters are also memorable this time out, something that can rarely be said for a Godzilla picture.  The comic book artist hero is plucky and likeable, but the thing I liked best about him was that he’s kind of a wimp, and his badass girlfriend (who is a black belt in karate) always has to bail him out of trouble.  There’s also a hippie sidekick who is obsessed with eating phallic shaped food who’d fit right in in a John Waters movie.  

Of course, it’s those monster mashing sequences that makes Godzilla on Monster Island such a blast.  Gigan makes for a rather badass adversary.  Sporting a four-pronged beak, blades for arms, and a glowing cycloptic eye, he causes destruction with his gnarly buzz-saw belly, a weapon that is as puzzling as it is awesome.  Ghidrah looks like he’s suffering from a stiff neck(s) (the puppeteering isn’t what it once was), but the scenes where he and Gigan fly around like Maverick and Iceman in Top Gun are appropriately kick-ass.

The fight scenes are chockful of all the Saturday Night Wrestling moves you know and love, but what makes the kaiju brawls so intense is that for the first time ever, the monsters bleed when they’re hit.  In fact, Godzilla bleeds in this one just about as much as Rocky does in any given Rocky sequel.  There’s a particularly great shot where Anguirus tries to perform a Bill Goldberg spear into Gigan, winds up going headfirst into his buzz-saw belly, and his blood splatters all over the screen!

Oh, and I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet.  Once Godzilla finds out something’s gone wrong in the park, he tells Anguirus to go check it out.  Yes, you read that right.  THE MONSTERS TALK IN THIS ONE!  What makes it even better is the fact that they kind of growl and moan, but the translations appear onscreen as little thought bubbles.  You see, it’s that whole comic book inspiration again.  It just goes to show that more kaiju movies should take a… ahem… page from them.

AKA:  Godzilla vs. Gigan.  AKA:  Extermination:  2025.  AKA:  Earth Destruction Directive:  Godzilla vs. Gigan.  AKA:  Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah:  Earth Destruction Directive.  AKA:  War of the Monsters.  AKA:  Earth Assault Order:  Godzilla vs. Gigan.  

GODZILLA’S REVENGE (1969) **

Ichiro (Tomonori Yazaki) is a bullied latchkey kid who returns home from school and disappears into his own imaginary world.  There, he takes flight to Monster Island and watches Godzilla duke it out with some monsters, courtesy of stock footage from Son of Godzilla.  Ichiro falls into a hole, and Minya, the Son of Godzilla helps him out.  They quickly become chummy and watch more monster battles together. 

I’ve long had a theory about Godzilla.  It is my belief that his film career closely resembled Elvis Presley’s.  Early on, they were both wild, dangerous entities that were signals of the upheaval and change in the world around them.  About a decade into their run, their edge and mystique faded.  No longer a dark and scary force of nature, they became audience-friendly matinee idols and often wound up playing opposite cute kids.  Despite their latter-day shortcomings, I still maintain that any Godzilla or Elvis movie is still worth watching, just for the sheer fact that they’re in it.

Some would argue Godzilla’s Revenge is the nadir of the entire series because it is the most cloying, silly, and obvious cash-grab made at the kiddie market.  It features an annoying juvenile hero in too-tight shorts (who seems modeled on the Kenny character from the Gamera movies), relies heavily on stock footage, and runs a brisk 69 minutes.  While I agree that most of this is dumber than a bag of hammers, it does have a certain charm about it.  Say what you will about it; at least it’s not boring, like Godzilla vs. Monster Zero.  

The scenes on Monster Island are kind of fun, even if they mostly consist of recycled footage from Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster and Son of Godzilla.  The scenes of Ichiro and Minya palling around are cool in a kitschy way.  It’s the scenes that take place in the “real world” that are kind of the problem.  I know Godzilla movies aren’t exactly known for their “dramatic” scenes with actual human beings, but the stuff with the kid and his absentee parents is downright annoying.  The subplot about Ichiro getting mixed up with a gang of bank robbers is especially dire and the whole thing just kind of fizzles out in the end.

In the American dubbed version, Minya sounds like a cross between Goofy and George from Of Mice and Men.  (In the Japanese version, he sounds more childlike.)  The subtitled version does have the benefit of a hilarious theme song, so both versions have their merits.  Despite the cheapjack nature of the whole enterprise, this is far from the worst one in the series.  Not a ringing endorsement for sure, but the kids are sure to love it.

AKA:  All Monsters Attack.  AKA:  Minya:  Son of Godzilla.  AKA:  Godzilla:  All Monsters Attack.  AKA:  Godzilla, Minilla, Gabara:  All Monsters Attack.  AKA:  All Monsters on Parade.  AKA:  Attack All Monsters.  AKA:  Great Charge of All Monsters.

NAKED VENGEANCE (1985) *** ½

After her husband is killed by a mugger, former actress Carla Harris (Deborah Tranelli) moves back home with her folks to recuperate.  She quickly realizes that just about every man in town, from the gas station attendant to the gardener to the ice man, is a perv or a letch.  Carla takes her protests to the sheriff, who naturally does nothing.  One night, the guys get drunk and rowdy, and they band together to gang rape her.  When her parents come home unexpectedly, the men gun them down.  Carla has a mental break and is admitted to a hospital for observation but sneaks out of the facility to get revenge on the men who violated her and murdered her family. 

Directed by Video Vacuum Hall of Famer Cirio H. Santiago, Naked Vengeance plays like his version of I Spit on Your Grave.  He does a good job of aping that movie as there are variations on Grave’s gas station, castration, and motorboat scenes.  He even replicates the slow burn opening, although not quite as successfully. 

What makes it stand out is the fact that it’s more action oriented.  There are car chases, fight scenes, and the sequence where the woman-hating all-male posse take arms against Tranelli is a real showstopper.  The finale, an all-out, no holds barred battle between Tranelli and her final surviving attacker is a real doozy too and helps set Naked Vengeance apart from your average Rape n’ Revenge exploitation flick.  Tranelli’s performance also helps propel the film from being merely another I Spit on Your Grave imitator.  She’s quite good during her revenge scenes, calling men “BASTERD!” with lots of gusto.

The only real flaw is the Death Wish-inspired scenes with Tranelli’s murdered husband that bookend the film.  Although it’s satisfactorily wrapped up in the end, these scenes just kind of needlessly add to the already inflated running time.  That said, this is a solid effort through and through and another winner from Santiago.

AKA:  Vengeance.  AKA:  Mad End.  AKA:  Satin Vengeance.

THE BEAST AND THE MAGIC SWORD (1983) *** ½

The Beast and the Magic Sword was the tenth of Paul Naschy’s Waldemar Daninsky Werewolf movies.  Unlike the preceding films, it was a Spanish and Japanese co-production.  Working with a Japanese crew, Naschy was able to make something wholly unique and dreamlike; a picture that blows the other sequels out of the water in terms of craftsmanship.  It’s proof that with the right resources, he was a better storyteller than he’s usually given credit for.  It’s by far my favorite entry in the Waldemar saga.

It begins with a prologue (set in the tenth century) of how the Daninsky curse got started.  An evil witch stabs his pregnant wife in the belly with a wolf skull!  It’s a great sequence, and the terrific sets and costumes helps gives it a grand scale. 

Six centuries later, Waldemar (Naschy), his wife (Beatriz Escudaro), and a blind girl (Violeta Cela) flee their homeland to avoid capture by the Spanish Inquisition.  Together, they go to Japan to find Kian (Shigeru Amachi), a holy man who may hold the secret to curing Waldemar’s lycanthropic curse once and for all.  When Kian’s cure proves ineffective, Waldemar turns to an ostracized sorceress (Junko Asahina) for help.  Predictably, she double crosses him and sets out to use his curse to fuel her own treachery.   

The Beast and the Magic Sword is nearly two hours long.  It probably didn’t need to be that damn long, but you get the sense that Naschy, happy to have a large canvas to tell his Werewolf saga (for a change), was going to put as much on screen as his imagination could allow.  There are some pacing problems to be sure.  Cool prologue aside, it takes about a half-hour for Waldemar to get to Japan and finally turn into the werewolf.  However, when he does, it’s well-worth it.  The sequence in which he tears through a brothel and claims dozens of victims is a thing of blouse-ripping, neck-biting, bloodletting beauty.

I mean this movie has it all.  Spanish Inquisition dudes in hoods, werewolves, sexy sorceresses, samurai, topless assassins, Ninjas, disgusting nightmare sequences, and ghost samurai.  The film doesn’t just play like a checklist of cool shit either.  Perhaps it was working with a Japanese crew that gave the samurai sequences a sense of authenticity.  These scenes are very much seeped in traditional samurai cinema with themes of honor, loyalty, and betrayal running throughout.  It’s not just the usual werewolf shenanigans with a pinch of samurai shit thrown it there.  It’s a true melding of genres.    

Maybe the Japanese crew were also responsible for Waldemar’s new look as Naschy sports a much more elaborate make-up this time out.  The headpiece is extremely large and gives him almost a bear-like appearance.  Sadly, we only get one major transformation sequence (except for the obligatory change-back scene in the finale), but it’s a pretty good one.  

Just when you think The Beast and the Magic Sword can’t get any better, the evil sorceress sets her pet tiger loose in Waldemar’s cell and there’s a duel to the death between them!  Sure, the third act may get a little bogged down once the Japanese medicine man goes off into the mountains to battle an unending series of ghost samurai in exchange for the magic sword.  Even with those longwinded scenes, I can’t help but love this flick.  I don’t know about you, but any movie that answers the age-old question:  “Who would win in a fight?  A werewolf or a tiger?” is OK in my book.

AKA:  The Werewolf and the Magic Sword.

DEADLY PREY (1987) ****

Deadly Prey is basically The Most Dangerous Game Meets Rambo.  The key difference is that instead of having a billionaire villain who hunts humans for sport, it’s Col. Hogan (David Campbell) who trains his army of mercenary soldiers by having them hunt and kill ordinary citizens.  His goons pick the wrong man when they kidnap Mike Danton (Ted Prior) and use him for their latest mission of human target practice.  Little do they know Danton is a one-man army who quickly makes mincemeat out of the would-be mercenaries.  Hogan, who trained Danton to kill in Vietnam, then has his wife (Dawn Abraham) kidnapped, which sends Danton into a violent rage, and he wages war on Hogan and his men.

For Rambo on a budget, Deadly Prey is hard to beat.  Hell, there are even some moments that manage to out-Rambo Rambo.  Remember in First Blood when Col. Trautman said, “He’s been trained to eat things that would make a billy goat puke”?  Well, we actually get to see Danton ingest said disgusting material.  You didn’t see Stallone do that!

No sir, only a guy like Ted Prior could manage that.  He’s kind of like the missing link between Sylvester Stallone and Miles O’Keeffe in this movie.  Before he dons his more Ramboesque attire in the finale, Prior spends most of his time running around the woods in little white short shorts that look very reminiscent of O’Keeffe’s loincloth in Tarzan.  You have to love the way he throws himself into the role and marvel at his ingenuity as he kills his enemies with clubs, spears, and even twigs.  Soldiers.  Tanks.  Helicopters.  They’re no match for Ted Prior.

Just when you think it can’t get any better, Cameron Mitchell shows up as Ted’s father in-law.  He gets a particularly great scene where he chews out Troy Donahue, who plays the mercenaries’ mysterious benefactor.  I can’t say the film is exactly lightning paced, but when it does occasionally downshift, it’s full of scenes of Mitchell doing what he does best.  This is the kind of padding I enjoy in a movie.

For as low as the budget was, you have to give major kudos to director David A. Prior.  He really got the most bang for his buck and never runs out of inventive ways to kill people.  The scenes of action carnage Prior concocted will live forever in my mind’s eye.  He even manages to give his brother Ted a couple of impressive hero shots, including the unforgettable final image.  

26 years later, the team of Prior and Prior teamed up once again for a sequel, Deadliest Prey.