TUBI CONTINUED… THE DOLL HOUSE (2004) ** ½

Three weeks into the new year and I’m already starting to fall behind on my watch-one-movie-on-Tubi-a-day-for-an-entire-year project.  It’s times like these I am grateful that Tubi has a bunch of these Japanese erotic thrillers that clock in under one hour.  Tubi’s plot synopsis for this one described it as “an erotic retelling of The Grudge”.  That’s not exactly the worst way to spend forty-six minutes, I guess.  

A doctor and his new bride move into their dream home.  They find a creepy doll in the house, and right away the doc starts having a weird obsession with it.  Pretty soon, people start dying in the house, and anyone with half a brain could ascertain the doll is responsible.  

I know that plot description doesn’t make it sound like an erotic retelling of The Grudge.  However, the doll is possessed by one of those creepy Japanese girls on a bad hair day that are the hallmark of these J-Horror flicks.  Also, the ghost attacks with her hair, and her scraggily locks turn up in odd places to portend her next attack.  So, basically, it’s The Grudge with a little bit of the killer doll genre thrown in there for good measure.

As far as the “erotic” scenes go, they aren’t bad.  In fact, when the ghost girl attacks someone, it’s usually a hooker or a naked chick, which at the very least makes it a lot more tolerable than many of the “official” entries in the franchise.  The attack sequences aren’t too shabby either.  I particularly liked the way the ghost is deliberately shown out of focus, which certainly makes it look cooler than the CGI-ed ghost gals found in the American remakes of The Grudge.  

On the downside, this is another one of those edited erotic flicks that populate so much of Tubi.  I already knew going in that’s how it was going to be.  (The forty-six-minute running time was the dead giveaway.)  Like many of these films, the sex scenes are cropped and/or abruptly edited so you can’t see any nudity.  Fortunately, the shower and ghost attack scenes appear to be uncut.  Despite having some obvious edits along the way, The Doll House is briskly paced and moderately effective, so it’s hard to hold a grudge against it.

AKA:  The Dollhouse.  AKA:  Mansion of the Senses:  Wife’s Ascension.  

TUBI CONTINUED… THE NECRO FILES (1997) ****

Detectives Manners (Steve Sheppard) and Sloane (Gary Browning) kill a serial killer named Logan (Isaac Cooper) who murdered and raped over “two hundred women”.  Nine months later, some Satanists sacrifice Logan’s illegitimate baby over his grave and bring him back to life.  You may think a scene where a baby is sacrificed is in poor taste, and it would be if director Matt Jaissle didn’t use such an obvious baby doll.  By not hiding the fact they are using a dime store doll, this scene achieves a kind of weird, blissful, surreal aura. 

But you haven’t seen anything yet.  To complete the incantation, one of the Satanists has to pee on Logan’s grave.  That successfully brings him back to life, and the first thing he does once he is resurrected is rip the guy’s dick off and stab someone with it.  Now, we’ve seen a lot of movies where a guy gets stabbed IN the dick.  I think The Necro Files is the first movie in history where someone gets stabbed WITH a dick.  

Anyway, two of the Satanists survive the attack.  They feel bad about bringing Logan back to life, especially now that he is a zombie, he eats his victims after raping and killing them.  They attempt to reverse the spell, and in doing so they… ah shit, man.  I won’t spoil it for you.  That scene made me laugh harder than anything in recent memory.  The scene where the zombie rapist finds true love is pretty damned funny too. 

I will say that the final confrontation between the cops and the zombie isn’t quite as good as the stuff that preceded it.  That’s okay.  When the first hour of your Shot-on-Video horror movie is this riotously gross and hilarious, I can forgive a finale that’s only “pretty decent”.  

The Necro Files has many legitimately great moments blended together with scenes of Ed Woodian levels of WTF weirdness.  Even with its low budget and Shot-on-Video aesthetic, it manages to impress with some inventive camerawork and editing, while simultaneously reveling in its bad taste, no-budget grunginess.  It’s a special movie and one of the best SOV horror flicks ever made.  

It also contains some of the best bad acting I’ve ever seen.  Especially by Browning, who is the standout among the cast.  His hateful monologues, slurred delivery, and awkward phrasing is a bad movie fan’s dream come true.  I had a big stupid grin on my face every time he was on screen.  Also, be on the lookout for porn star Dru Barrymore (the only “star” in the film) as a victim in a tent.

JANUA-RAY: THE STRANGE SEX LIFE OF HITLER’S NAZIS (1971) * ½

The Strange Sex Life of Hitler’s Nazis is Ray Dennis Steckler’s limp sequel to his sporadically amusing Nazi Brothel.  It begins with a bunch of recycled footage from that film, then the “plot” begins.  Hitler shows up at the brothel demanding the capture of American secret agent, Jane Bond (Carolyn Brandt), who is now dubbed, “The Nazi Buster”.  Meanwhile, orgies and various sex acts occur at the brothel.  Eventually, Jane’s sidekick is captured, and she has to bust some Nazis to save her trusted compatriot. 

The streak of sly, sardonic, subversive humor that was so prevalent in Nazi Brothel is sorely missing this time out.  There’s less of a “sticking it to the Nazis” vibe here (although Hitler is portrayed as a whiny nincompoop) as it’s more of a straight-up skin flick.  The problem with that is, yet again, the sex scenes aren’t sexy in the least.  

The orgy scenes are the biggest problem.  Steckler seems to just let the camera hang back while all the action goes on.  Because of that, it’s hard to tell who’s doing what to whom, especially since all the participants have the same sallow skin tone.  The sex scenes featuring three or four partners are only slightly better, but they’re nothing close to approximating “erotic”.  There are one or two odd moments (like a hooker powdering a Nazi’s butt), although not enough to make it as much fun as the first one. 

While the film is kind of a letdown next to Nazi Brothel, there are plenty of Ray Dennis Steckler’s signatures to be seen.  As with that flick, the title sequence is written on a chalkboard, and the actors have trouble maintaining their erections.  The Batman influence is once again present as this time Jane Bond has a younger crimefighting sidekick a la Rat Pfink a Boo Boo.  The movie also ends with a woman with bad teeth biting a guy’s dick, which makes it similar to The Mad Love Life of a Hot Vampire.  And as with many of Steckler’s productions, it climaxes with an elongated chase scene.  As far as Steckler’s Stock Players go, this has virtually the same cast from Nazi Brothel, most notably Carolyn Brandt (who sadly, doesn’t show up until the last four minutes).  

AKA:  Love Life of Hitler’s Nazis. 

TUBI CONTINUED… GIRL IN CAPTIVITY 2 (2009) **

Here’s another Japanese nudie sequel that Tubi recommended to me.  Like Survive Girls 2 and Captive Factory Girls 2:  The Revolt, the original was nowhere to be found on Tubi (or any other streaming platforms for that matter).  It’s funny because they have it listed as Girl in Captivity 2:  Hitwoman in Chains, which pretty much spoils the twist ending.  

A serial rapist attacks a seemingly meek waitress who fends him off with surprising force.  Because of the ensuing media attention, she is recognized by her former underworld associates who show up to harass her and her husband (who has no idea about her secret past).  They think she has a disc than can bring down some corrupt politicians, so they kidnap her and try to beat the information out of her.  It’s only a matter of time before she snaps and shows them what she is really capable of.

Girl in Captivity 2 starts off kind of like a gender-swapped Japanese pink version of A History of Violence.  Then, it just kind of turns into your standard bondage flick.  I guess I should say “substandard” since this was apparently a cut version with all (well… most) the nudity awkwardly cropped out of frame and/or abruptly edited out.  

That’s the only real problem I have with Tubi.  They play a lot of Skinamax movies in which all the skin has been edited out.  I guess the fact that this was only fifty-nine minutes long should’ve been the tip-off that this was a heavily sanitized version.  However, both Captive Factory Girls 2:  The Revolt and Survive Girls 2 were about the same running time and they had scads of nudity.  Oh well.  

As it is, it’s a decent enough movie without the nudity.  Adding a bunch of nudity might not have made it necessarily “better”, but it couldn’t have hurt.  Right?  

Another debit is the fact that it takes a long time before the girl is put into captivity.  In fact, her husband was placed in captivity before she was, which is some bullshit if you ask me.  The odd stabs at humor (there’s a bumbling policeman who takes a shit in the wood) don’t land either.  

AKA:  Girl in Captivity 2:  Hitwoman in Chains.

DOCTOR DEATH: SEEKER OF SOULS (1973) ***

Fred (Barry Coe) is a grieving husband incapable of getting over the death of his wife.  Despondent, he turns to psychics and devil worshippers seeking to contact his beloved from beyond the grave.  Naturally, they all turn out to be charlatans and phonies.  He finally decides to give “Doctor Death” (John Considine) a try, and after witnessing the Doctor’s demented stage show, in which he transfers the soul of a deformed woman into the body of a hot babe, he knows he’s found his man.  However, Fred’s wife’s soul turns out to be too powerful for the good (bad) Doctor to control, so he sets out on a bloody rampage to find a soul capable of making the transference a success.  

Doctor Death:  Seeker of Souls is an offbeat, fun little flick.  Just when you think you know where it’s going, it zigs when you expect it to zag.  The Doctor’s magic show scenes are a lot of fun (this would make a great double feature with The Wizard of Gore) and the opening scenes of our hero obsessing over his wife’s corpse is reminiscent of Love Me Deadly.  The mid-movie flashback showing all the Doctor’s previous incarnations is also quite entertaining.  

The cast is great too.  Considine is a hoot as the smarmy Doctor Death, and he really chews the scenery during his stage shows.  The Queen of Blood herself, Florence Marly is also quite memorable as the doctor’s assistant/jealous lover.  The best performance though comes from the Three Stooges’ Moe Howard (!!!) as an audience member at the Doctor’s magic show who is brought on stage to verify the corpse is actually dead.  It’s definitely one of the strangest guest appearances in a movie, and it helps cement Doctor Death:  Seeker of Souls as a minor classic of WTF cinema.  

It's a shame this was director Eddie Saeta’s only film.  He shows a lot of flair, delivers a couple clever suspense scenes, and gives us at least one effective jump scare.  Add all that to the very snazzy ‘70s Made for TV sounding score and the crisp cinematography, and you have yourself ninety minutes of pure fun. 

AKA:  Doctor Death.

JANUA-RAY: NAZI BROTHEL (1970) ** ½

Nazi Brothel was part of the first wave of Nazi-themed adult films.  It’s much cheaper and grungy than something like the softcore roughie, Love Camp 7.  While a no-budget Nazi hardcore porno might not be up your alley, the fact that it was directed by Ray Dennis Steckler means it makes for a memorable experience.  

It starts off with still photos of Hitler, Nazis marching, and concentration camps, while audio of a teacher addressing her class about Nazis is heard.  Then, the opening credits (and by “opening credits”, I mean, “Ray Dennis Steckler wrote a bunch of words on a chalkboard”) begin.  If you thought this was going to fetishize Nazis (as some of these Naziploitation flicks tend to do), the opening titles let you know otherwise as there are messages like “Fuck Nazis in the Mouth” and “The Nazis Suck” featured prominently during the credits sequence.  

As the title implies, the film takes place at brothel that caters to Nazi officers.  Carolyn Brandt is Jane Bond, Agent 0088 who infiltrates the house of ill repute to get info on the Nazis.  When she is captured, she dons her skintight outfit and mask and kicks some Nazi ass.

Nazi Brothel is more Hogan’s Heroes than Ilsa.  The officers are portrayed as buffoons and/or pain freaks and have trouble getting hard.  The fast motion Benny Hill-style bedroom antics aren’t very funny (or sexy) either.  

I think all of this might’ve been intentional.  I have a feeling Steckler might not have wanted to make a Nazi porno and turned it into some weird subversive art piece.  The Nazis are all incompetent, impotent idiots and the women (save for Brandt) are not sexy.  That, along with the anti-Nazi scrawling in the opening credits, makes me believe Steckler made this as a big FU to people who would distribute and/or watch a Nazi porno, or at least to anyone who would take it seriously.

Brandt is by far the best actress in this.  As with The Mad Love Life of a Hot Vampire, she doesn’t get involved in the sexual shenanigans.  This time at least she’s in the same room looking on for a short period while a half-assed orgy is taking place.  

I’ve seen some unsexy pornos in my time.  While this one is no Bat Pussy (and honestly, what could be?), it does have an odd aura about it that makes it sorta entertaining.  It’s only fifty-four minutes long, but unfortunately, Ray reuses a LOT of footage in the third act to pad out the running time (and it’s not always the best footage).  Without all the excess padding, this might’ve skated by with *** just on the WTF factor alone.

Before we wrap up the review, let’s take a look at some of Steckler’s signature touches that he brought to the film:  Like The Mad Love Life of a Hot Vampire, the opening titles are done on a chalkboard.  Another similarity to that movie:  The male actors have trouble maintaining their erections.  The Batman influence is felt too as some of the music sounds like a riff on the TV theme and Brandt’s catsuit is similar (or the same one, not sure) to the one she wore in Body Fever.  If that wasn’t enough, during the fight scene there are Batman-style balloon bubbles (OK, scribbling on a chalkboard), but instead of words like, “Pow!” and “Bam!” they say, “Piss!” and “Jizz!”  Brandt, who is the most prolific member of Steckler’s Stock Players, appears yet again, and Hot Vampire’s Will Long also appears as one of the dim-witted Nazi officers.  Also, like many Steckler’s flicks, there’s a long chase scene as well.

Steckler followed this up the next year with another Nazi themed porno, Love Life of Hitler’s Nazis.  

TUBI CONTINUED… SURVIVE GIRLS 2 (2006) ***

The reason why I have so many movies on my Tubi watchlist is because of the “You Might Also Like” feature.  Every time I watch something on Tubi (even if I don’t like the movie), I will check out the You Might Also Like recommendations and inevitably add even more films to my watchlist.  It’s conceivable that for every movie I watch on Tubi, I add three or four more.  That’s why I had to start this column.  Their algorithm just knows me too well.  

After I watched Captive Factory Girls 2:  The Revolt, Tubi recommended Survive Girls 2 to me.  Tubi knew, just as I did, they don’t need to have the original Survive Girls in their library for me to watch it.  Tubi’s algorithm strikes again.  

The good news is, it probably didn’t matter that I didn’t see the first Survive Girls.  As it turns out, this is kind of like an anthology series.  This one contains two stories of two Japanese women who find themselves in a sticky sexual situation.  

The first segment is called “Bind” (***).  It’s sort of like a kinkier Japanese version of Gerald’s Game.  A single mom drops her kid off at school and then goes to her dominatrix’s house, begging to be punished.  She ties her submissive up and decides to have a little fun with her.  The domme interrupts playtime to step out to grab a pack of cigarettes, leaving her slave all tied up.  Tragically, the dominatrix gets hit by a car, and her sub is left all alone in bondage, with no hope of escape.  Problems arise when some visitors arrive at the house unexpectedly.  

There’s some pretty kinky stuff in this sequence.  I’ve seen women tied up before.  I’ve seen women gagged before.  I’ve never seen a woman’s mouth tied up in such a way that her tongue can still dangle out so she can French kiss her mistress.  

This tale is great because it wastes no time throwing our heroine into her precarious predicament.  Even though she is completely bound, the movie still finds ways to complicate her situation in unique and suspenseful ways.  I just wish the ending was better.  

The second story is “Hypnosis” (** ½).  A young patient visits a doctor who performs hypnotherapy on her.  Once she is under his spell, he keeps her imprisoned against her will and proceeds to play mind games with his paralyzed patient.  

This one is a lot artier than the first segment, but it’s sorely lacking in the suspense (not to mention skin) department.  Still, it’s not bad or anything.  I liked the metaphor of our heroine being locked in an attic to show how the hypnotist had imprisoned her in her own mind.  It’s just that some of the surreal touches don’t exactly work (like the talking turtle).  Again, it’s fairly decent.  It’s just that it suffers from comparison to the first story.

AKA:  Survive #2.