TUBI CONTINUED… VIDEO VIOLENCE PART 2 (1988) ***

I reviewed the first Video Violence a while back for my collection of horror movie reviews, Bloody Book of Horror.  (Available on Amazon as we speak.)  That flick was all about a video store employee who found snuff movies returned in the overnight drop box.  Part 2 is a natural progression of that idea.  In addition, we get lots of T & A and blood and guts.  Heck, there’s even a few legitimate laughs this time around.  Overall, it’s a marked improvement over the original in just about every way.  As low budget, shot-on-video horror films go, this is one of the best.

Two sickos jam a local cable access channel and broadcast their own demented talk show over a pirate signal.  They encourage viewers to make their own snuff tapes and send them into the show with a chance of watching their videos on live TV.  They also lure unsuspecting actresses on the show to “audition” for a movie, unaware that they’re actually auditioning for a snuff flick.  

If Herschell Gordon Lewis was making movies in the ‘80s, I have a feeling the results would’ve looked something like Video Violence Part 2.  (I mean that as a sincere compliment.)  The flick opens with a great sequence where an actress working on a vampire movie complains to the director that the heart she just staked doesn’t look realistic.  He then stakes her to show her what a real heart looks like.  

Along the way, the film is peppered with amusing commercial breaks that deftly parody the low budget local commercials of the era.  My favorite was for a pet named “Wilbur” (he looks like the love child of the Grinch and a Ghoulie) who eats a kid under the tree on Christmas morning while his mother looks on approvingly.  There’s also a Ron Popeil-inspired guy who demonstrates handy kitchen implements that will help you off unwanted dinner guests.  

The snuff videos themselves are really enjoyable too.  An ex-cop and his ditzy wife make a homemade electric chair to fry a mugger.  A group of college girls grow weary of watching horror movies where the women are helpless victims, so they decide to lure an unsuspecting pizza boy to his death.  There’s also a fun sequence where an out-of-towner realizes just how hard it is to rent from a locally owned mom and pop video store.  (Titles like I Spit on Your Grave, The Gore Gore Girls, and the original Video Violence are proudly on display on the shelves.)  

One of the college girls gets the best line of the movie when she says the snuff TV show is, “The best thing to hit cable since Fraggle Rock!” 

AKA:  Video Violence Part 2:  The Exploitation!

TUBI CONTINUED… ALL JACKED UP AND FULL OF WORMS (2022) NO STARS

In 1977, Herb Robins directed The Worm Eaters.  It was one of the worst movies ever made.  It was so bad that I thought no one would dare to make another film in which worms were ingested ever again.  I was wrong.  

Forty-five years later, here comes All Jacked Up and Full of Worms.  Incredibly enough, it is so monumentally bad that it makes Robins’ film look like Citizen Kane.  This is without a doubt one of the most loathsome movies I have seen in quite some time.

The plot (such as it is) follows a bunch of losers who get high from eating worms.  That’s about it as far as the plot goes.  In fact, I’m not even sure what was going on besides the worm eating as the film is so ineptly and incoherently put together.  

If the movie was nothing more than a series of scenes of people getting high from eating worms, it would’ve been stupid, sure.  Then, a scene so tasteless came along that I was almost tempted to turn the whole thing off.  Said scene involves a guy receiving a sex doll in the mail.  That doesn’t sound all that bad, does it?  That is, until it’s revealed that the sex doll is in fact, a baby doll.  Ugh.  What’s worse is that later in the film, we see him having… uh… “relations” with it.  Sigh.  I guess worm eating alone wasn’t enough shock value.  The filmmakers had to drag this disgusting subplot into the mix to further add to the air of griminess.  

I think the “filmmakers” (note I put “filmmakers” in quotation marks) were going for a David Lynch Meets Troma vibe.  That sounds good in theory, but the rampant unpleasantness and awful acting sinks it before it can even get out of the gate.  I don’t want to overhype this by saying that it's the worst film I’ve seen on Tubi after five months of watching movies almost exclusively on the streaming service.  If I say that, then I know some of you who read this will be tempted to actually go out and watch it.  But yeah.  It’s even worse than Bikini Hackers.  

This worm will undoubtedly turn your stomach.

TUBI CONTINUED… THE VAMPIRE PROJECT (1995) ** ½

Four years before The Blair Witch Project was a massive box office hit, another Found Footage horror flick with the word “Project” in the title was released.  The good news is that the film only uses the Found Footage format sparingly as it alternates between what the cameras are capturing and what is happening to the characters in the “real” world as opposed to the “reel” world.  While it’s not great or anything, The Vampire Project is certainly a lot more fun than the glut of Found Footage flicks that followed in the wake of Blair Witch.  

A documentary film crew goes undercover with hidden cameras to do a story on illegal underground after hour nightclubs.  They get more than they bargained for when they capture footage of a vampire in action.  The director, Michelle (Kathleen Kelly), then decides to make like Anne Rice and sets out to interview herself a vampire.

The film has a dated ‘90s aesthetic that’s appealing to anyone who lived through the era.  The fashions, hairstyles, camera techniques, and filters make the whole thing look like a music video from the period.  I mean the vampire himself even resembles an alternative rocker.  All this makes for a slim, but notable source of amusement.  Too bad the vampire’s so wishy-washy that he never feels like a credible threat.

While the shaky-cam stuff wasn’t as prevalent as I initially feared, it’s not exactly effective either.  I’m tempted to say it would’ve worked much better without the whole Found Footage angle.  However, I will admit the sequence that plays like a tabloid TV news show a la America’s Most Wanted and/or A Current Affair is pretty spot-on.  

It's only forty-eight minutes long, which is also a bit of a relief.  Say what you will about The Vampire Project, but it knows when to quit, and that’s something that definitely can’t be said for most films working in the Found Footage milieu.  In fact, the short running time coupled with the tame level of violence makes me suspect that this might’ve been a TV pilot that didn’t get picked up.  

At any rate, this Project gets passing marks from me.

TUBI CONTINUED… THE LOVE STATUE (1965) **

Six years before he made the incredible one-two punch of I Drink Your Blood and Stigma, writer/director David E. Durston helmed this ho-hum mash-up of the skin flick and drug trip genres.  There isn’t much here that suggests the greatness to come however, as it’s pretty much your average, run-of-the-mill sexploitation flick.  It also doesn’t help that the sex scenes are all rather tame.  (We get a little bit of side boob, but that’s about it.)  I guess this would’ve been okay if the drug trip scenes were worth a damn, but even they are a big bust as the main special effect is the use of a fly eye lens and/or a blurry kaleidoscope filter on the camera.

Tyler (Peter Ratray) is a struggling artist who is stuck in a rut.  He feels stifled by his overbearing exotic dancer girlfriend, Lisa (Beti Seay) who treats him like garbage.  His friend Stan (Harvey J. Goldenberg) introduces him to a sexy Japanese club dancer named Mashiko (Hisako Tsukuba) who turns him onto LSD.  During his first trip, he imagines that a statute of a woman (Gigi Darlene from Bad Girls Go to Hell) comes to life and seduces him.  Once Tyler awakens from a three-day drug-induced stupor, he is shocked to learn Lisa has been murdered.  Did he kill her when he was trapped in an altered state?  Or is someone trying to frame him?  

The beatnik characters are all pretty loathsome and irritating.  Not even their silly slang-heavy dialogue can make it worthwhile.  The final confrontation is downright laughable too.  

Tsukuba is a real presence though, and her charisma makes The Love Statue at the very least, watchable.  She gave up acting shortly after starring in the movie and turned her sights to producing.  In fact, she went on to produce every single Piranha movie!  Seay is kinda hot too as the surly girlfriend, and Darlene is sexy as always, even if her talents are never fully utilized.

AKA:  The Love Drug.  AKA:  The Love Statue:  LSD Experience.  AKA:  The Stature.  

TUBI CONTINUED… FORTRESS OF THE DEAD (1965) ** ½

John Hackett stars as Frank, an American veteran who returns to the Philippines twenty years after being the lone survivor of a devastating military battle.  His buddy Joe (Conrad Parham) gives him a tour of the battlefield which has since become a national monument.  While Frank takes in the desolate scenery, he tries to reconcile his wartime trauma.  Once he forgives himself for not being able to save his fellow soldiers, he starts trying to live again.  Soon after, he meets a sexy fisherwoman (Anakorita) and takes her back to the site to show her around.  It's here where he begins to suspect something sinister is awaiting him on the island.  

Fortress of the Dead is a low key, bleak, and sporadically effective combination of WWII drama and ghost story.  While it mostly plays like an overlong episode of The Twilight Zone, it definitely has its moments, especially if you are a patient viewer.  Writer/director Ferde (The Day of the Wolves) Grofe Jr. gets a lot of mileage out of the war-torn locations as the hollowed-out structures and rusting military weaponry lends the film a unique sense of atmosphere.  It’s a slow burner to be sure, and nothing really supernatural happens until the closing minutes, but I must admit, I was relatively entertained throughout.

It's well-acted too, which certainly helps keep you invested when the plot is spinning its wheels.  Hackett, who resembles a mash-up of John Astin and Lee J. Cobb, doesn’t do anything showy in the lead role, but he hits his marks effectively, and gets the job done.  Anakorita also injects the movie with a lot of vivacious personality once her character enters the story.  She’s sexy and playful and looks terrific (especially in her wet T-shirt).  They have a lot of chemistry together, and their combined efforts help make the third act play a little better than expected.

AKA:  Soul of a Fortress.

TUBI CONTINUED… THE WITCH’S CURSE (1963) ** ½

After having a blast with Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules, I decided to give another Maciste adventure a try.  This one isn’t quite as “good” as that one, but I’ll be damned if there wasn’t some jaw-dropping, head-scratching, WTF shit going on here.  It ain’t any great shakes, but it’ll do in a pinch.  

Directed by Riccardo (The Horrible Dr. Hitchcock) Freda, the atmospheric opening owes a big debt to Black Sunday.  A witch is burned at the stake in 16th century Scotland, and with her dying breath, she places a curse on the town.  A hundred years goes by, and an ominous tree has now grown in the very spot where she was burned alive.  A descendent of the witch comes to town to spend her honeymoon, and when the locals learn of her heritage, they grab their pitchforks and set out to burn her at the stake too.  

Just when things seem at their bleakest, and there’s no hope in sight for the poor, innocent woman, out of nowhere comes… THE ITALIAN MUSCLEMAN MACISTE?  Yes!  He comes riding into the town square on horseback, leaps from his saddle, tosses guards around like ragdolls, bends her prison bars, and tries to rescue her.

This sequence is fucking nuts.  You’ll swear you accidentally changed the channel about twenty minutes into the movie.  It goes from Witchfinder General to Hercules Unchained in 0 to 60 flat.  It’s fucking ridiculous.  I loved it.  

Anyway, she’s put on trial for witchcraft, and the only way for Maciste to save her is to go to Hell… LITERALLY!  In the underworld, he fights lions, witnesses giant orgies, lifts heavy boulders, and brings down a burning gate.  Like most Hercules movies, there’s a hot babe who loves him and makes him have amnesia, so he’ll love her too.  Eventually, he looks into a pool and watches a clip show package from a bunch of other Hercules/Maciste movies, remembers who he is, and gets back down to business.  

The first half-hour or so had me thinking this was going to be a classic.  However, once Maciste goes to Hell, it becomes rather straightforward.  It checks all the usual peplum boxes, to be sure, and yet, it severely lacks the manic WTF energy of the early going.  Still, there’s enough cheesy moments here (like when Maciste singlehandedly fends off a cattle stampede using a log) to make it mostly worthwhile.

AKA:  Maciste in Hell.  AKA:  Maciste Fights for Survival.  

TUBI CONTINUED… FIRE MONSTERS AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES (1962) ***

It’s been a while since I’ve watched some good old fashioned Italian peplum.  So, when the Tubi algorithm recommended this one to me, I decided to dive right in.  This is one of those “Sons of Hercules” movies, which is just an informal banner that TV stations used back in the day when they wanted to show an obscure Italian muscleman movie.  Since most American couch potatoes had no idea who a character like “Maciste” was, the distributors redubbed him as the more badass sounding “Maxus” and added narration at the beginning explaining he was one of the many “Sons of Hercules”.  They did this to a lot of Togaploitation flicks in the ‘60s, and most of them suck, but I have to admit, I dug the hell out of this one.

Heck, Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules doesn’t even take place in ancient Greece.  It’s actually a prehistoric action flick as all the characters are more or less dumb cavemen.  At any rate, it’s still a lot of fun.  

Maxus is portrayed by Reg Lewis, who shouldn’t to be confused with Reg Park, who was also Maciste in Maciste in King Solomon’s Mines, and who actually played Hercules in Hercules and the Captive Women (among others).  That’s right, folks!  Not only is this a Fake Hercules movie, it stars a Fake Reg!  I love it.  

Anyway, Maxus saves a guy from a sea serpent.  Since he was the son of the leader of the “Sun Tribe”, they offer him a chance to rule their kingdom (or at least their cave).  Naturally, Maxus refuses and goes on his merry way.  When the warring “Moon Tribe” ransacks their village and kidnaps their womenfolk, the Sun Tribe seeks Maxus’ help to get them back.  

The monsters are awful.  Or awesome.  Depending on your point of view.  Either way, you’ll be laughing hysterically during the scenes where Maxus does battle with them.  The sea monster looks like a cross between the Loch Ness Monster and a Pound Puppy.  He actually looks kind of cute, and it’s a shame that Maxus tosses a spear in its eye, causing it to erupt in a geyser of blood.  Someone get Sarah McLachlan on the phone!  In fact, most of the monsters are just kind of standing around minding their own business and not really bothering anyone when Maxus just rushes in and kills them for no good reason.  Not a good look, Hercules… err… Maxus.  

Oh, and none of the monsters breathe fire as suggested by the title, which is kind of misleading.  Then again, Maxus isn’t really a “Son” of Hercules either.  So, there’s TWO lies in the title right there!  Did I mention I love this movie?

Despite the constant untruths suggested by the title, there is some good shit here.  Even if you go in expecting a typical toga fest, the cavemen battles are a lot of fun.  Plus, there’s still plenty of the typical schtick found in a Hercules flick (columns are toppled, heavy boulders are lifted, guys pile on our hero and he throws them through the air with a single shrug, etc.) to keep fans of Italian peplum satisfied.  My favorite part though was the chorus line of sexy cavewomen dancers who perform Vegas-style showgirl numbers while draped in fur pelts.  I mean, what more do you want from a movie?  

AKA:  Maciste vs. the Monsters.  AKA:  Colossus of the Stone Age.  AKA:  Land of the Monsters.