LET’S GET PHYSICAL: FRENCH FOLLIES (1951) ***

FORMAT:  DVD

This surprisingly fun Burlesque act movie begins with a musical number that introduces all the ladies in the cast.  Mary Andes from Everybody’s Girl then takes the stage doing a Spanish inspired striptease with castanets.  Then, there’s a comedy bit about a doctor whose latest invention transfers his patients’ ailments to a “dummy”.  After that, we are treated to a striptease by the curvy Jennie Lee, followed by a sketch about two guys who take two hot girls out for dinner and can’t pay the check.  Then, a cute blonde does a hip-shaking strip number followed by more comedy, this one about a guy trying to make time with his girlfriend under her grandpa’s nose.  Next, a brunette does a short strip number before another comedy bit about a doctor running a nuthouse. Afterwards, there’s a song called “Pucker Up” featuring the ladies in the cast coming onstage and looking on as a brunette performs a striptease.  Then there’s a comedy sketch about a drunk that buys whisky from a pretty blonde.  Finally, the headliner, Val de Val (who has a great nickname, “The H-Bomb of Burlesque”) closes the show. 

I don’t know if Val de Val really lives up to her nickname, but she's sure fun to watch.  Her performance starts slow, and eventually builds with her jiggling and wiggling.  For me, Jennie Lee was the real star of the show.  She does a great tassel twirling routine and ends her act with a lot of cartwheels.  The print unfortunately gets very jumpy near the end of her performance, which can mean one of two things:  Some lucky protectionist made a couple of snips for his own collection, or the censors had to cut some bits since her pubic hair is visibly creeping up above her undies as her act goes on.  Either way, the footage that remains in the flick is hot enough to keep your pulse racing. 

Another plus is that the comedy sketches don’t wear out their welcome as is usually the case with these sorts of things.  I can’t say they were laugh-out-loud funny or anything, but at least they had a beginning, middle, and end.  It all adds up to a briskly paced and entertaining Burlesque revue film. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: EVERYBODY’S GIRL (1950) ** ½

FORMAT:  DVD

Here’s another filmed burlesque movie from director Lillian (Too Hot to Handle) Hunt.  Things kick off with the chorus girls performing a high energy matador inspired number.  The first featured dancer performs a striptease dressed as a harem girl.  Then, we get a comedy skit about a guy who sees invisible people before a cute blonde (who really knows how to move her hips) takes the stage for a striptease in a sheer white number.  That’s followed by another chorus line number, a brunette acrobatic routine, and a sexy blonde in a black sequin get-up.  The next comedy skit is about a social reformer trying to discourage men from checking out a nudist camp.  Then, “The Blonde Bombshell” Charmaine bares her bosom for a saucy little dance.  That’s followed by a gal in a harem girl outfit performing a dance routine (with a brief belly dancing interlude) and a slinky brunette doing a striptease out of a classy evening gown.  Next up is a comedy skit about a teacher dealing with a class clown.  Afterwards, “The Sex Atomic Sweetheart” Sylvia does a high energy strip number.  Another comedy sketch about ethnic girls selling dishes from their homeland follows.  The headliner, Gay Dawn closes the show with a routine that starts off balletic and classy and ends with her standing on her head and shaking her ass upside down.  I don’t know about you, but I consider that a solid way to end the movie. 

Everybody’s Girl is a shade or two better than your average filmed Burlesque flick.  It also shows a little bit more skin than some of the other Burlesque revue movies I’ve been watching lately.  Although quite honestly, it’s all harmless and tame and wouldn’t rate higher than an R (or maybe a generous PG-13).  Heck, even the comedy sequences aren’t too shabby in this one, which makes the whole thing go down smoother.  The invisible sketch is moderately clever (even if it goes on too long) and the nudist segment has a couple of amusing bits. 

AKA:  Hollywood Peep Show.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: MIDNIGHT FROLICS (1949) ** ½

FORMAT:  DVD

Before the film begins, we get a title card assuring us that this is producer Dan Sonney’s attempt to recreate “the bygone era” of Burlesque.  The art form was already prehistoric at the time of release, but there are a few moments sprinkled throughout that prove there were still some fleeting signs of life in the old gal. 

First up is a trio of ladies who perform a Spanish themed song called “Maracas from Caracas”.  Then, a brunette does an energetic striptease before some comedians put on an unfunny sketch about a dimwitted ice cream salesman.  That’s followed by a gymnastics act where the performer does a lot of cartwheels, backflips, and contortionist maneuvers.  Then, the sexy Aleene does a hot number slowly stripping out of her slinky black evening gown.  More lame comedy follows with a skit about a cop harassing a couple of street musicians.  Next is a musical number, the chorus line doing some fan dancing, and a ballroom dancing duo.  Then (sigh) some more comedy with a guy with a Chico Marx accent trying to teach his pal how to play the violin.  Things perk up once again though when a bubbly blonde named Ginger does a high energy striptease.  She does this great bit where she stands on her head and shakes her ass.  Then, the chorus line returns to perform a gypsy inspired routine.  Finally, the headliner Sunny Knight performs a classy striptease number. 

While there are some real dull spots here (I’m speaking directly about the comedy bits), Midnight Frolics is a sporadically entertaining hodgepodge.  In fact, it’s worth sitting through the lame sequences just to see Aleene.  She’s quite memorable with her gothy appearance and devilish demeanor.  I know this was made seventy-five years ago, but if I was alive back then, and OnlyFans was a thing, I would definitely be one of her subscribers.  Heck, if Aleene had an OnlyFans now, I’d probably be a member! 

AKA:  Midnite Follies.

GIGANTIC HEROINE: ASTRO VENUS (2016) **

After watching Giant Hermaphrodite Heroine:  Planet Woman, I was curious to check out another Sci-Fi Tokusatsu porno from Giga Co. Ltd.  Unfortunately, Gigantic Heroine:  Astro Venus isn’t nearly as crazy, interesting, fun, or sexy as that classic. 

After a lady cop is killed in the line of duty, a light comes down from the skies and resurrects her.    When monsters attack the city, a giant super heroine tries to fend them off.  Meanwhile, her boss tries to force himself on her and after he gets his rocks off, there’s another monster attack.  Astro Venus successfully prevents the giant lizard from destroying the city but is powerless when a giant astro man wants to bang her in the middle of the city.  (At least I think that’s what happened.  The version I saw didn’t have subtitles.)

As with Giant Hermaphrodite Heroine:  Planet Woman, the monster battles are surprisingly well done.  The model cities are excellent and if you didn’t know any better, you’d assume the rubber monster suits came out of a legit Ultraman show.  Because of that, the monster mashing is easily the best thing in the movie as the XXX sequences are of surprisingly low quality. 

The fetishes this time around seem to involve electrocuting an Ultraman style heroine and being sexually assaulted by your boss.  Sadly, the scene where the heroine’s superior forces himself on her goes on far too long (it pretty much takes up the entire second act) and isn’t very erotic to boot.  The big finale where the two giant superheroes bone starts off promising, but it winds up being anticlimactic (in more ways than one) as the film just sort of ends mid-scene, which is a big disappointment. 

Despite this one being a dud, it probably won’t stop me from checking out more Giga Co. Ltd. movies somewhere down the road.  I just hope the next one features more pseudo-Ultraman boning. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: HELP WANTED FEMALE (1968) *** ½

Directed by the great John (Grave of the Vampire) Hayes, Help Wanted Female is one of the nuttiest sexploitation films I’ve seen in years.  In the fun opening sequence, a seemingly milquetoast woman picks up a guy and balls him.  When he catches her trying to pinch his wallet, she karate chops the crap out of him and steals his briefcase. 

Another hooker goes on a date with a high roller client who takes LSD.  (“You won’t go ape on me, will you daddy?”)  He then tells her a flashback how his old girlfriend, desperate for kicks, asked him to cut her.  They then decide to up the ante by picking up a young hitchhiker who they invite back to their pad.  There, they have her pose for nude photos before stabbing her to death. 

To tell anymore would be doing the potential viewer a disservice.  Suffice to say, you won’t know where this crazy ass flick is going next.  Sure, the narrative is a little on the messy side, but that kind of works in the movie’s favor since you’re never quite sure what it has up its sleeve next.  The last twenty minutes are a fever dream of WTF zaniness.  Plus, some of the musical choices are about as unhinged as the characters’ actions. 

Not only is the cast stacked with immensely appealing ladies, they also have some considerable screen presence.  You may be as busy paying attention to them as you are to the increasingly ludicrous plot.  Sexy Dianne Michaels takes the acting honors as the kick-happy Barbara whose amoral antics are fun to watch.  Inga Olsen is also engaging as the go-go dancing Luana.  Joy Khal also makes a memorable impression as the ill-fated hitchhiker.  It’s Lucki Winn who will endear herself to you most as the karate-chopping sexpot Jo Jo.  Despite the title, these females don’t NEED any help! 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: AROUSED (1966) ****

FORMAT:  DVD

Aroused is an outstanding sexploitation roughie that plays like a precursor to the giallo and slasher genres.  There’s a “sex killer” on the loose that gets his kicks from murdering prostitutes.  When a hooker named Ginny (Janine Lenon) finds her lover has been killed by the creep, she vows to castrate him.  Johnny (Steve Hollister) is a determined cop on the case and together, he makes an uneasy alliance with Ginny to bring down the killer. 

Seedy and atmospheric, this one packs a real wallop.  The opening scene is particularly effective as the killer sneaks up on his victim in the shower before strangling her.  The constant freeze frames accompanied by the sounds of his various childhood traumas on the soundtrack is downright hair raising. 

Aroused isn’t your typical sexploitation flick.  There’s a surprising amount of artistry here that few genre films can muster.  The camerawork is efficient, and often maximizes the frame and fills it in interesting and compelling ways.  The jazzy score is freaking amazing too, and coupled with the extremely moody lighting, adds to the overall sense of atmosphere.

The film is packed with several memorable scenes, like when our heroine stumbles into the killer’s abode and finds a bunch of decapitated mannequin heads strewn about.  (I wonder if Bill Lustig watched this before he made Maniac.)  There’s even a suspenseful cat and mouse scene in an elevator that would put some big budget Hollywood thrillers to shame.  The ending is unforgettable too. 

Incredibly enough, this was leading lady Lenon’s only role.  She’s excellent in this and it’s a shame she didn’t appear in more films.  Director Anton Holden only made a handful of movies (including Teenage Tramp) before working in the sound department on several prestigious TV movies like The Tuskegee Airmen and Buffalo Girls.  Exploitation’s loss is TV’s gain, I guess. 

In short, Aroused is a certified classic ripe for discovery.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: RENT-A-GIRL (1965) *** ½

FORMAT:  DVD

Rent-a-Girl kicks off with a great opening credits sequence and an even better theme song.  (You’re guaranteed to have it stuck in your head days after you watch it.)  The beginning is almost set up like an old scare picture from the ‘30s, as a frightened Karen (Barbara Wood) recounts her sordid past to an authority figure.  We then flashback to learn how she got into this whole mess.  Seems she moved into an apartment and tried to fit in with the swinging “art” scene of her neighbors.  It doesn’t take long before she begins posing nude for them.  Turns out, the couple are really pimps whose girls specialize in “maid services” and being nude models for seedy artists and sleazy photographers.  Naturally, when Karen’s fiancé finds out she’s been posing for smutty pictures, he calls off the wedding.  Karen quickly spirals from there and eventually, her neighbors trick her into joining their secret BDSM society. 

This wild and fun New York roughie (from Cambist Films, who would later go legitimate by releasing such favorites as Vampyres and The Crazies) features a little something for everybody.  There’s whipping, body painting, hosing, and spanking.  The highlight is the wonderful party scene that culminates with a game of “strip pool”.  It’s also full of cool camerawork, interesting lighting, and some great music.  

Sure, a few of the actresses are less than photogenic.  (Although softcore beauties like Gigi Darlene and Darlene Bennett make brief appearances.)  However, their willingness to disrobe more than makes up for it.  Some of the acting is bad too (actors flub their lines and/or are obviously reading from cue cards), but hey, with this much smut to go around, I’m sure you won’t even notice and/or care. 

Director William L. Rose went on to direct The Girl in Room 2A and the legendary (and sadly, lost) exploitation flick, The Smut Peddler.