THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: DRACULA IN THE MOVIES (1992) ** ½

Dracula in the Movies is an OK trailer compilation that takes a while to find its footing.  The first fifteen minutes or so feels like it can’t make up its mind whether it wants to be a clip show package or a collection of trailers.  In between trailers, there are clips from Nosferatu and newsreel footage of Bela Lugosi.  There’s also intrusive text that accompanies some of the scenes.  The information is all rather basic, but I did think it was appropriate that the color of the font was blood red.  I also enjoyed the excerpt from the making of Dracula A.D. 1972.  I just wish it was integrated in a more congruous manner. 

Once it switches gears and begins churning out nothing but trailers, things improve significantly.  The only problem is that some of the previews are edited or greatly shortened.  I think it would’ve played much better had the trailers been allowed to play out in their entirety.  Or maybe it wouldn’t have been an issue if the editing had been a little smoother. 

All the classic trailers that you would expect to see are here.  Not surprisingly, there is a heavy concentration of Universal Dracula movies (Dracula, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, Son of Dracula, etc.) and Hammer horror movies (Horror of Dracula, Brides of Dracula, Dracula, Prince of Darkness, etc.).  It kind of loses the Dracula theme early on as it features plenty of non-Count movies.  There are even some trailers from the Sci-Fi genre like Atom Age Vampire and Queen of Blood.  Heck, there’s even a trailer for The Vampire-Beast Craves Blood (which is just a silly retitling of The Blood Beast Terror) that isn’t really vampire movie at all as the titular beast is more of a moth woman monster than anything. 

I think if I saw this as a kid, I would’ve really enjoyed it.  I’m a man now, and my tastes in these kinds of compilations is a bit more discerning.  That said, there’s still some good stuff here like the fun trailer for Mark of the Vampire where Bela Lugosi reads a “summons” for the cast to appear in the theater.  There are also some great taglines along the way too.  My favorites were Lust for a Vampire (“Welcome to the finishing school where they really do finish you!”), House of Dark Shadows (“Come see how the vampires do it!”), and The Vampire Lovers (“Beware the kiss that kills!”).  The best bit is saved for last when Dracula (some guy) appears and swears the audience in as members of “The Count Dracula Society”.  (This was originally attached to some prints of Dracula A.D. 1972.)

Despite its flaws, Dracula in the Movies would make perfect background noise for when the Spooky Season rolls around. 

The complete roster of trailers include Nosferatu (clips), Dracula, (1931), a Bela Lugosi interview, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, Horror of Dracula, a documentary snippet from Dracula A.D. 1972, The Brides of Dracula, Dracula Has Risen from the Grave, Black Sunday, Atom Age Vampire, Queen of Blood, Mark of the Vampire, Dracula, Prince of Darkness, Son of Dracula, House of Frankenstein, House of Dracula, Dracula’s Daughter, The Kiss of the Vampire, The Return of the Vampire, The Vampire-Beast Craves Blood, Taste the Blood of Dracula, Count Yorga, Vampire, Lust for a Vampire, Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror, Dracula A.D. 1972, Blacula, The Devil’s Wedding Night, The Vampire, The Vampire’s Coffin, Blood of Dracula, The Return of Dracula, House of Dark Shadows, The Vampire Lovers, The Scars of Dracula, The Fearless Vampire Killers, Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter, Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride, and an ad for the Count Dracula Society. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN: HALLOWEEN HORRORS (1992) ** ½

Two spoiled sisters Regina (Clancey McCauley) and Carla (Launa Kane) keep begging their rich dad (Sal Longo) for money and he bluntly tells them to get a job.  Meanwhile, an enterprising criminal (director Gary Whitson) plans on kidnapping the girls on Halloween night and holding them for ransom.  After he captures them and puts them in his makeshift dungeon, he waits for the money to roll in. 

Since this is a W.A.V.E. Production, that means there are scenes of women being chloroformed, held in bondage, strangled, put in stocks, tied to the rack, placed in a noose, and getting knocked out and having their unconscious body dragged around.  One novel bit comes when McCauley is tied up and suffocates in a sealed airtight coffin.  The gimmick of having the events take place on Halloween is also unique as it gives the film a good excuse to dress the ladies in the cast in sexy costumes like Little Red Riding Hood, a Greek goddess, and a cat from the Broadway musical Cats. 

There’s not much in the way of T & A here aside from a couple of nip slips.  I think the appeal is supposed to come from the prolonged scenes of helpless women struggling against their restraints.  If that is the sort of thing that gets your motor running, then add an extra star to the overall rating. 

Even though Longo gives a solid performance, the scenes of him sitting around the phone, negotiating with Whitson, and trying to raise the ransom money are easily the weakest part of the movie.  The stuff with Whitson tormenting the girls in his dungeon don’t rank among W.A.V.E.’s best stuff, but they get the job done.  I particularly liked the part where he tortured the girls by playing one of those “Spooky Sounds of Halloween” tapes. 

Halloween Horrors is less than an hour long, and because of that, it goes down smooth enough.  If you’ve never seen a W.A.V.E. movie before, this probably isn’t the best one to start with.  (If you want to see a deranged piece of outlaw art, check out Eaten Alive:  A Tasteful Revenge.)  However, if you’re jonesing for a quick hit of Whitson’s singular brand of cinematic oddities, this is liable to scratch the itch. 

THE 31 DAYS OF HORROR-WEEN

Well folks, it’s that time of the year again.  Time to dust off the pumpkins, hang up the cobwebs, and stock nothing but horror movies in the VCR, DVD, Blu-Ray, and 4K players.  The past couple of years I kind of slacked on keeping the site full of horror reviews, but I’m going to do my best to provide a barrage of scary shit throughout the Spooky Season.  As in the past, I will also continue the horror-centric antics into November for the traditional “Halloween Hangover” column.  So, what do you say?  Let’s treat our favorite tricks to nothing but horror 24/7!

HAYRIDE SLAUGHTER (2001) **

A rash of Satanic murders threatens to shut down an independent haunted house and hayride attraction.  Tina Krause is the sexy witch/psychic investigator who is brought in to find the killer and stop the bad publicity.  Complications arise when Krause’s ex (Dean Paul) winds up becoming the lead detective on the case. 

If you’re a fan of W.A.V.E. Productions, you may already know what you’re getting yourself into with Hayride Slaughter.  This was one of those instances where they were actually trying to make a “real” movie, and the results are uneven at best.  The central premise is sound and the “killer in a walk-through haunted house” plot predates films like Hell Fest and Haunt by nearly two decades.  It’s just that director Gary Whitson never really goes anywhere with gimmick.  The finale where Tina is attacked by a demon is appropriately silly, but it ultimately comes up a day late and a dollar short. 

It doesn’t help that the film is so overburdened with useless padding that it often slows things to a crawl.  Such forms of padding include black and white “flashbacks” (actually an unrelated short film), pointless Blurry-Vision slow motion scenes, a painfully long magic act that’s filmed in its entirety (the fact that Tina is the sexy magician’s assistant takes some of the boredom out of it), and pointless Blurry-Vision slow motion scenes of the aforementioned magic act.  The running time is eighty-five minutes, but if Whitson cut all that malarkey out and brought it in at a tight sixty minutes or so, he might’ve had something.  

Since this is a W.A.V.E. movie, we also get a random bondage scene. It’s not exactly great or anything.  However, since it takes place inside a haunted house, it’s novel at the very least. 

I’m a big Tina Krause fan, but this is far from her best work.  While Tina tries her darnedest, she is unable to save the film.  Some enjoyment can also be found from spotting other familiar faces from W.A.V.E. Productions that populate the supporting cast including Whitson (cop), Debbie D. (scare actress), and Barbara Joyce (bondage enthusiast).  Krause and Joyce provide some T & A too, which helps make it watchable. 

THE LASH OF THE PENITENTES (1936) **

The Lash of the Penitentes is an old roadshow attraction.  It’s an expose on the Penitente cult, a religious sect in New Mexico that believed in flagellation.  Most times, roadshow movies like this had healthy doses of sex and violence.  This one has real life scenes of being whipped, but that’s about the only trick it’s got up its sleeve. 

It starts off with not one but two prefaces.  The first lets us know all about strange religions of the world (“Our own country not excluded!”) and the other about the Penitentes themselves.  The film itself is a mix of documentary (captured by a “vagabond cameraman”) and a dramatized account of an investigative journalist writing a story on the cult.  It isn’t exactly a seamless fit, but the editing is better than most of these things.  There’s enough factual information here to satisfy someone looking for a “tell-all” insider scoop on the cult.  Too bad that outside the whipping scenes, it’s kind of weak and forgettable. 

As for the Penitentes themselves, we mostly just see the cult members hanging out in their adobes.  They also do some weird shit though like playing a variation on that Rambo 3 game (but with chickens instead of goats), have parades dressed like the Grim Reaper, and put on funny costumes and dance around in the town square.  They also crucify one of their members, but I think that was staged for the benefit of the vagabond cameraman. 

It’s only thirty-five minutes long but the original version was twice that length.  I’m not sure what was cut, but it might’ve been juicy.  The scenes of real whippings are kind of icky.  If that sort of thing makes you queasy, you should be okay because they don’t last too long.  They’re probably the only reason to watch it, honestly.

Overall, I think this might’ve made for a decent segment in a Mondo movie.  Even with the filler subplot with the journalist, it doesn’t quite cut it as a pasted-together standalone film.  I will say that the short running time takes some of the… um… sting out of it.  

AKA:  The Penitente Murder Case.

THE NAKED BEAST (1969) **

From Emilio Vierya, the director of The Deadly Organ, The Blood of the Virgins, and The Curious Dr. Humpp comes this mostly dull thriller with horror elements.  A detective is trying to solve a rash of murders, and it seems all the victims are dancers in a variety show.  He also happens to be sleeping with one of the performers, which complicates things.  It also doesn’t help that the star of the show, a suave, philandering crooner, seems to be the prime suspect. 

The detective stuff is boring, and the love story subplot is even worse.  In all fairness, the version I saw didn’t have English subtitles.  Even if I was a master of the Argentinian language though, that doesn’t disguise the fact that the film suffers from a lot of filler, most of which comes courtesy of the performances in the variety show.  (There’s also an annoying tap dancer who gets way too much screen time during a party scene.)  The scenes of the singing star crooning away aren’t very good either.  One element I enjoyed was the act that featured a guy in a Dracula mask ballroom dancing with a gal in masquerade attire.  (The mask is so cool that the killer adopts the get-up later in the film.)  This scene is kind of like a vampire version of Bobby and Cissy, and I really wish there were more oddball touches like this elsewhere in the picture. 

I was a fan of Vieyra’s The Curious Dr. Humpp and The Deadly Organ, but this one is sorely lacking the absurdity of the former and the seediness of the latter.  Leading lady Gloria Prat (who also appeared in both of those movies) looks hot though and her performance (weird Dracula dancer aside) is the best thing the flick has going for it.  (The creepy guy who looks like Lou Reed cosplaying as Chief Brody is pretty cool too.)  Oh, and while there’s a little bit of T & A here (we only get a handful of brief topless scenes), the majority of the skin comes from scantily clad waitresses and showgirls in bikinis.  Thankfully, the beast remained fully clothed at all times. 

TWISTED SEX VOL. 2 (1994) ***

Something Weird’s second installment of nudie trailers and sexploitation previews doesn’t quite have the same kick of the first volume, but it features more than its fair share of smut to go around.  Included here are coming attractions for striptease movies like Paris Topless (starring Tempest Storm), nudist movies (including an awesome looking flick called Eves on Skis about nudists at a ski cabin that features women jumping rope, skiing, and having snowball fights in the nude), and roughies (such as The Sex Killer).  I think my favorite one was the oddball ad for Professor Lust where the title character, a white slaver, professes his innocence in a courtroom and invites you to see the evidence (the movie) for yourself.  A close second was the trailer for Sharon’s Girls, which guarantees you’ll never look at “phone sex” the same way. 

We also get to hear some terrific ballyhoo.  Some of the many memorable taglines belong to Sellers of Girls (“Young girls were there for the taking… and they took them!”), International Smorgasbord (“Dish after dish!”), Naughty Nudes (“Don’t see Naughty Nudes if you don’t like girls!”), Olga’s Girls (“A Freudian Mondo Cane!”), The Pill (“See the actual birth of a baby!”), Run Swinger Run (“She did it for fun till she found out she could do it for money!”), Teach Me How to Do It (“If you already know how to do it, don’t see it!), and Bed of Violence (“The sheets are stained with the sins of the flesh!”). 

If it’s groovy music you’re into, then the trailer for Sex is the Game People Play has a great surf guitar soundtrack pulsating throughout the ad.  The preview for the immortal classic The Touch of Her Flesh is also backed by the awesome theme song “The Right Kind”.  Yes, there’s a little something for everyone here including trailers for gay-themed films (Lusting Hours) and even a nudie ad for an “Adults Only” book called Orgy.  (“The most daring book of all time!”)

Most of the trailers are in black and white, but there are a couple of color ads near the end.  Among them are Queen’s Wild, Dr. Sex, and the incredible looking The Peeping Phantom (which looks like an insane mix of Phantom of the Opera, nudie movie and… courtroom drama?!?).  There’s also a color short about a trio of roommates fighting over the same man that rounds out the collection. 

All in all, Twisted Sex Vol. 2 is bound to please any fan of sixties smut. 

The complete line-up of trailers is as follows:  The Embracers, Paris Topless, Sellers of Girls, Five Wild Girls, Gutter Girls, Eves on Skis, International Smorgasbord, Nudes on Tiger Reef, Naughty Nudes, Nude Scrapbook, Spoiled Rotten, The Sex Killer, Some Like It Violent, Olga’s Girls, The Sex Cycle, It’s a Sick… Sick… Sick… World, The Pill, Sex is the Game People Play, Girl Smugglers, Professor Lust, Sharon’s Girls, The Twisted Sex, Freudus Sexualis, The Love Cult, Run Swinger Run, Lusting Hours, Playpen Girls, Lust and the Flesh, The Touch of Her Flesh, Teach Me How to Do It, Love is Where It’s At, The Singles, Bed of Violence, In Hot Blood, All of Me, Queen’s Wild, Smoke of Evil, The Peeping Phantom, Male Service, Orgy (book ad) Dr. Sex, and a short subject.