TUBI CONTINUED… GIALLO IN VENICE (1979) ** ½

When you watch as many Italian exploitation movies as I do, you’re bound to watch something get hopelessly lost in translation sooner or later.  Take for instance the hero in Giallo in Venice (or “Gore in Venice” as it is listed on Tubi).  We’ve seen hardboiled detectives in thrillers for decades, but this might be the first detective who eats hardboiled eggs in nearly every scene.  Whether he’s investigating a crime scene, talking on the phone in his office, or questioning witnesses and suspects, he’s either cracking, peeling, or eating a hardboiled egg.  Heck, in one scene he produces a salt shaker from his pocket and salts his egg before shoving it in his mouth.  I’d hate to see this guy’s cholesterol levels.  

Anyway, our detective hero (played by Jeff Blynn who looks like Richard Harrison dressed up like George Harrison) is trying to solve the brutal murder of a pair of horndog exhibitionists.  Flashbacks reveal the husband’s sexual proclivities (he can’t even eat a plate of mussels without making it look dirty), and how he often had to goad his prudish wife into increasingly risky and kinky games in public.  Pretty soon, more people wind up dead, and it’s up to our egg-eating hero to find the murderer.  

While Blynn is fun to watch in the lead, it’s guest star Mariangela Giordana who steals the show.  She was unforgettable as the hot mom in Burial Ground, and she’s super sexy here playing a potential victim who receives threatening phone calls.  Leonora Fani is also quite smoking as the wife who grudgingly gives into her husband’s kinky desires.  

Despite the alternate title, this isn’t really all that gory.  Despite the onscreen title, there aren’t many sustained sequences of suspense that are hallmarks of the giallo genre.  (The killer is pretty weak too and he wears a pair of cheesy sunglasses instead of the usually accustomed black gloves.)  Despite being neither fish nor fowl, it's still pretty entertaining thanks to the goofy hero and a bevy of hot babes.  (EDIT:  According to several sources, the recent Blu-ray version clocks in at 99 minutes.  The version I saw on Tubi is 74.  There’s a good chance there WAS a lot of gore here.  Even without the gore, I kind of liked it.  If I wind up seeing the unrated cut somewhere down the road, I may watch it again, and if my thoughts change, I may re-review it then.  That’s my only real complaint with Tubi is that they often show cut versions.  There’s no reason in this day and age to show movies that have been edited for content, especially on a streaming service.) 

AKA:  Gore in Venice.  AKA:  Mystery in Venice.  Thriller in Venice.  

MILLIGAN MARCH: THE BODY BENEATH (1970) ** ½

The creepy Reverend Ford (Gavin Reed) and his weird, whispering wife Alicia (Susan Heard) purchase Carfax Abbey with the intent of fixing it up.  If you ever saw Dracula, the mere mention of Carfax Abbey should send off the warning bells that these two are actually vampires.  Unlike most screen bloodsuckers, these two can only drink from members of their family tree.  They can also only mate with each other, which has severely weakened their bloodline over the years.  Because of that, the duo, along with a little help from their hunchback servant Spool (Berwick Kaler), kidnap distantly related relatives Susan (Jackie Skarvellis) and Candace (Emma Jones) and use them for feeding and breeding purposes.  

Like the majority of writer/director Andy Milligan’s movies, The Body Beneath gets bogged down at several junctures.  Fortunately, there aren’t as many extraneous, awkwardly acted, longwinded dialogue scenes here compared to the rest of his oeuvre.  That’s due to the fact that Milligan delivers a handful of surprisingly effective sequences.  The opening scene, which signals the appearance of the Reverend’s three blue-faced vampire brides is especially memorable.  In fact, any time they are on screen, it’s a damned good time as their appearance and trancelike state make them look like extras from a dime store version of a Jean Rollin flick.  Heck, even the “Vampire Gala” finale has a cool, dreamlike Rollin feel to it.  

Fans hoping for another gore movie may be a tad disappointed as it’s not as grisly as some of Milligan’s other efforts.  (Vampires by their very nature don’t exactly lend themselves to a gore flick.)  However, it still has its moments.  There’s a good knitting-needles-to-the-eyes scene, a leeching, and a crucifixion.  This is the only area in which The Body Beneath suffers comparison to something like The Ghastly Ones.  Despite that, it’s a significant improvement in just about every other way.  

Sure, there’s still all the things here that make a Milligan movie a Milligan movie.  Namely, overly theatrical and amateurish acting and staging, scuzzy sex scenes, soap opera plotting, and costumes right out of a high school play.  This is also one of the films Milligan made during his London period and it feels a lot more authentic than the usual Staten-Island-standing-in-for-London shenanigans.  It also continues the theme started in The Ghastly Ones of relatives being lured into a home under false pretenses and being trapped by someone with a deformed manservant.  

AKA:  Vampire’s Thirst.

TUBI CONTINUED… THE HORROR OF IT ALL (1983) *** ½

Here’s an excellent documentary/clip show package about the Golden Age of horror movies.  Narrated with authority by Jose Ferrer, The Horror of It All chronicles the birth of horror movies from the German films of the silent era to the Hammer horror of the ‘50s and ‘60s.  Since it was made in 1983, it’s a bit of a relic itself, which is a real treat.  Watching a documentary on classic horror that is forty years old is neat because they sometimes focus on aspects that you wouldn’t normally see in a modern documentary.  I mean, how many horror docs have you seen lately that have an entire segment devoted to Lionel Atwill?

It’s only an hour long and nearly half of that is spent on the German silent films like The Golem, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Metropolis, and Nosferatu.  The ‘30s are represented by Svengali, The Vampire Bat, and King Kong, and the ‘40s focus on The Mad Monster, Bluebeard, and The Body Snatcher.  The ‘50s are kind of glossed over a little too quickly, with the Atomic Age movies being represented by Ghidrah, the Three-Headed Monster (a movie that came out in the ‘60s), but there are still clips from Horror of Dracula and The Curse of the Demon.  Finally, films like Black Sunday, Dementia 13, and The Masque of the Red Death are featured during the segment on the ‘60s.

The on-camera interviews are more insightful than expected too, and the subjects make a lot of interesting points I never really thought about.  Psycho author Robert Bloch says King Kong was a reaction to the Depression and that poor moviegoers relished seeing Kong tear apart New York City, the symbol of wealth in America.  Martine Beswick talks about how embracing her dark side helped her nab several villainess roles.  The best footage comes from the Roger Corman interview where we get a terrific peek behind the scenes at New World Pictures.  Other interview subjects include John Carradine, Curtis Harrington, and an enthusiastic Herman Cohen.  

There are some oversights, to be sure.  They obviously couldn’t get the rights to show scenes from the Universal classics, so they are mostly represented in the form of publicity stills and movie posters.  Still, even these moments are fun as they feel like one of those old Crestwood horror books come to life.  There’s also some random filler in the form of grainy footage of a haunted house amusement park.  These scenes almost look like a snuff movie.  That is to say, they’re awesome.  

MILLIGAN MARCH: THE GHASTLY ONES (1968) *

Three sisters and their husbands go to a lawyer for the reading of their father’s will.  He stipulates they all must go to a mansion on an island in the middle of nowhere and have lots of sex.  (Unfortunately, they don’t really follow through on that.)  Little do they know the servants’ brother is a deranged, rabbit-eating psychopath.  Could he be the one in a black robe that’s sneaking around at night and bumping the family members off?

The Ghastly Ones is a prototypical work of writer/director Andy Milligan.  It contains many of his hallmarks, namely soap opera plotting, Staten Island locations, amateurish acting, and cheesy gore scenes.  Milligan was certainly more ambitious than many of his gore film contemporaries as a lot of his horror movies were period piece costume dramas.  While that doesn’t necessarily make them “good”, it makes them uniquely Milligan.

Milligan often served as his own cinematographer, and for this film, his camerawork is all over the place.  Some indoor scenes are lit and shot like a strange Avant Garde play with odd angles and characters standing against black backgrounds.  The outdoor scenes are kind of funny as the characters are often lumped together into frame so that the modern-day buildings and architecture doesn’t show in the background.  

Like many a Milligan movie, The Ghastly Ones is a bit of a chore to sit through.  There is a little bit of nudity and the occasional gore scene to ensure you don’t fall asleep, but even then, I came quite close to nodding off at several junctures.  Ultimately, the gore (which includes eyeball ripping, stomach slashing, and a severed head, among others) just isn’t good (or bad) enough to make it memorable, and all the boring drama in between tends to get downright insufferable at times.  

In short, The Ghastly Ones is ghastly all right… just for all the wrong reasons.   

AKA:  Blood Rites.  AKA:  Blood Orgy.

MILLIGAN MARCH

The past few months have brought us celebrations of cult directors such as Doris Wishman, Ray Dennis Steckler, and Jess Franco.  Now it’s Andy Milligan’s turn to have an entire month devoted to him.  Throughout the month of March, I’ll be diving into Severin’s The Dungeon of Andy Milligan Blu-ray box set.  As with the other director columns, if I come to a movie I have already reviewed, I will repost the old review and include a few notes I made during this latest rewatch.  If I previously wrote a small capsule review on a particular film, there’s probably a good chance I will go ahead and write a brand new one just for this column.  But enough of my yacking.  The Dungeon awaits!

TUBI CONTINUED… HELLCAT’S REVENGE 2: DEAD MANS HAND (2019) ** ½

Badass biker babe Kat (Lisa Neeld) returns to her home turf and is immediately framed for murder by the new she-boss of the town, Rosie (Donna Hamblin).  Kat gets thrown into a hellhole prison where the guards and inmates have it out for her.  Meanwhile, on the outside, Kat’s presumed dead boyfriend, Snake (writer/director Len Kabasinski) reappears on the scene to reclaim his territory.  He then makes an uneasy alliance with his former flame and helps break Kat out of the slammer so they both can get revenge on the ruthless Rosie.  

Hellcat’s Revenge 2:  Dead Mans Hand is less a biker movie and more of a Women in Prison picture.  It’s a strong pivot from the original and is an improvement in just about every regard.  I mean, if you make a Biker Babe movie where your Biker Babe never rides a motorcycle, you kind of have to find a more suitable vehicle for her.  No pun intended.  (Kabasinski does ride a motorcycle this time out, albeit briefly.)  

Kabasiniski proves to be a capable director when working with a sturdy script.  He is particularly well-suited for low budget action, as is evident by the strong opening fight club sequence.  He also does a fine job checking off the assorted Women in Prison cliches such as prison yard fights, corrupt warden speeches, brutal guard beatdowns, pervert doctor groping, cafeteria brawls, prison riots, escape attempts, and of course, shower scenes.  

The only real drawback is that once Kat busts out of prison, the fun kind of dries up.  Like the original, the action and editing in the finale is a bit choppy and rushed.  If only the action in the end was as strong as the stuff that preceded it, Dead Mans Hand could’ve easily eked by with a *** rating.  At least Neeld and Debbie Dutch (who plays a different character in this one) both have nude scenes, which is a bonus.

TUBI CONTINUED… HELLCAT’S REVENGE (2017) **

I’m always on the lookout for the next great badass biker babe movie.  Well, after watching Hellcat’s Revenge, I guess I’m still looking.  

When the leader of the all-female motorcycle gang, The Hellcats is murdered, the newly elected leader, Kat (Lisa Neeld), hits the streets looking for the killer.  After busting a few heads, she is devastated to learn her main squeeze Snake (writer/director Len Kabasinski) may be behind the murder.  

Hellcat’s Revenge is one of those Good News/Bad News types of movies.  For everything it does right, it inevitably makes a misstep (or two) to immediately erase whatever goodwill it’s just earned.  The plot is basic, but that’s all it needs to be.  The babes are more badass than beautiful, but that lends a touch of realism, I guess.  The assorted shootouts and fight scenes are OK, but the finale is really choppy.  There’s not a lot of nudity, but just enough to ensure you don’t get bored.  And even when you do start to get a little bored, the scant running time (seventy-nine minutes) helps, and the pacing is relatively brisk.  

For all its merits, Hellcat’s Revenge has the dubious distinction of being the only female biker movie (at least that I’ve seen) in which NO ONE rides a motorcycle.  There are scenes where Neeld gets on a motorcycle.  There are scenes where Neeld gets off a motorcycle.  However, there are no scenes of her or ANY of the other cast members (male or female) actually riding the bikes.  Heck, there aren’t even shots of stunt doubles riding the bikes.  What the Hell?!?

It's a shame too because Neeld certainly looks the part.  I hadn’t heard of her before, but she isn’t bad in the lead.  Deborah Dutch, the B Movie Queen from all those Jim Wynorski movies, was the only name I recognized in the cast.  She has a good scene where runs around a strip club twirling her tassels, but neither she nor Neeld get naked.  (That’s OK because plenty of assorted strippers do.)

Kabasinski was also responsible for the not-bad Swamp Zombies duology.  

A sequel followed two years later.