LET’S GET PHYSICAL: SANTO VS. FRANKENSTEIN’S DAUGHTER (1972) ****

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

Freda Frankenstein (Gina Romand), the daughter of Dr. Frankenstein, is perfecting an eternal youth serum to combat her rapidly aging body.  If she doesn’t give herself injections in a timely manner, she starts looking old and shriveled.  She figures if she can use the blood of the famous wrestler El Santo it will add longevity to her serum because of his great strength.  Freda’s also busy making a monster from parts of dead bodies just like dear old dad.  Oh, and she keeps an ape man (Gerardo Zepeda) locked up in her dungeon… just because. 

You know you have a winner on your hands when the monster scenes are more entertaining than the stuff with El Santo.  His best movies can be measured by how many monsters they have in them.  This one has three terrific monsters.  And yes, I’m counting Frankenstein’s daughter as a monster because of her prune face.  (The scenes of the doctor’s hands becoming wrinkled are reminiscent of The Leech Woman.)  Zepeda also played an ape man in the immortal Night of the Bloody Apes, which makes this a sort of sequel/spin-off. 

The lab set is a thing of beauty.  It’s one of the best I’ve seen in a Mexican horror movie as it mixes equal parts of traditional Frankenstein equipment and Grade Z tech.  I also loved the fact Frankenstein’s henchmen were just old men who have been given youth serum and are forced to serve her in exchange for their new youthful looks. 

While the monster stuff sort of outshines the El Santo scenes, it’s still great fun seeing the Silver Masked Man in action.  The movie kicks off with a wrestling scene where El Santo goes toe to toe with “Toro” in the ring while his girlfriend (Anel) humorously cheers him on.  After the plot has wrapped up, El Santo takes on the Japanese champ.  His fights outside the ring with the ape man and the Frankenstein monster are a lot of fun too, and his battles with Freda’s henchmen in foggy graveyards are quite atmospheric. There’s also a great moment when Frankenstein’s daughter unmasks El Santo to give him a kiss.  (His face is still respectfully obscured from the camera.)  Heck, even the bond that forms between El Santo and the ape man late in the picture is sort of touching.  The finale ranks right up there with the best of the Universal horror movies as it features fights, acid throwing, lap dissolve transformation scenes, and a Bride of Frankenstein-inspired explosion.  

All in all, Santo vs. Frankenstein’s Daughter is a rip-roaring good time. 

AKA:  The Daughter of Frankenstein.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: SANTO IN THE VENGEANCE OF THE MUMMY (1971) ***

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

A professor prepares a jungle expedition to search for Aztec treasure.  Naturally, he brings along famous Mexican wrestler, El Santo for protection.  The treasure is guarded by an Aztec mummy that predictably comes alive when the explorers desecrate the tomb.  Soon, the mummified menace begins picking off the members of the expedition one by one. 

A strong set-up for a great Mexican wrestling monster movie is somewhat hampered by annoying comic relief characters (like the absent-minded professor and the temperamental cook) and long scenes of the explorers wandering around endlessly.  (They traipse through the jungle and stumble around caves.)  The lengthy Aztec flashbacks don’t help much either.  Once the mummy wakes from his nap and starts shooting arrows at people, the film hits its stride. 

The tone is similar to the Aztec Mummy movies of the ‘50s, so if you enjoyed those, you’ll no doubt get a kick out of this.  The fact that the mummy uses a bow and arrow to off his victims gives it a unique flavor that sets it apart from many similar mummy flicks.  Some fans might balk at the Scooby-Doo-style ending, but I liked it okay.   Heck, even Santo’s romance with the group’s photographer, Susana (Mary Montiel) is kind of sweet too. The soundtrack is also quite groovy too as it’s full of surf music-inspired cuts.  The Native themes are also well-done. 

The film is bookended with wrestling scenes.  It opens with El Santo and a young wrestler in a red mask named “Rebel” fighting in a match against an “Italian tag team”.  The cinematography is so good for the match that it’s obvious the insert shots of the crowd are from an entirely different movie.  Then, in the finale, El Santo takes on a masked opponent named “Buffalo”.  I guess they figured since El Santo was going to spend nearly all of his time in the jungle, they had to stick the wrestling matches in there somewhere.  He also gets a scene where he tangles with some unruly guides in the jungle, and his final fight with the mummy makes for a decent capper on this uneven, but entertaining flick. 

COMIC BOOK CATCH-UP: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: MUTANT MAYHEM (2023) **

The trailers kind of put me off as the animation looked extremely buggy and/or looked like it was trying to rip off Spider-Man:  Into the Spider-Verse.  While it does take some time getting used to (it often resembles an animated storyboard), overall, the animation isn’t bad.  At least it has personality, which is more than I can say for TMNT, the last animated feature-length reboot of the franchise.  (Even if it’s only marginally better than that film.)  In fact, I really dug the way the Turtles were introduced here as they are seen in their original white eyed comic book form.  Sadly, it just winds up just being a daydream.  I kind of wished they looked like that the entire time, but oh well. 

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are living in the sewers out of sight of the humans.  They meet teenaged April O’Neil who wants to do a story on them for her school paper.  To make the story as big as possible, the Turtles try to get to the bottom of a series of thefts involving radioactive material.  They soon learn the villain behind the robberies is a mutant bug named Superfly (Ice Cube) who plans on turning every animal on Earth into a mutant. 

The casting of Jackie Chan as Master Splinter was inspired, although he’s more of a shellshocked (no pun intended) cranky old man than a Kung Fu master.  Likewise, changing April to a nerdy high schooler was an odd choice.  Some of the other updates are a bit questionable too (did Bebop really need nipple rings?), but at least the core four Turtles’ personalities are mostly the same.  (Although Donatello sounds like a little girl.)

The original comics, the first live-action movie, and the Michael Bay-produced Turtle flicks had somewhat of an edge to them.  This one is aimed squarely at kids, which is fine, I guess.   They probably won’t mind that the villain’s plot is just a twist on the first X-Men movie or that nearly every damn needle drop is a rap song.  Although there are some fun in-jokes for fans, there’s nothing really laugh out loud funny here.  As an introduction to a new generation of fans, Mutant Mayhem works.  As entertainment for anyone over the age of eight, it misses the mark. 

AFROS, MACKS, N’ ZODIACS (1995) *** ½

Dolemite himself, Rudy Ray Moore hosts this highly entertaining Something Weird trailer compilation (while surrounded by a bevy of hot bikini babes sporting big Afros) of Blaxploitation movies from the ‘70s.  Even though I’ve seen many of these trailers before, there are undoubtedly some classics here.  Without a doubt, my favorite has to be the all-rhyming ad for Dr. Black Mr. Hyde.  (“A demon he could not control has taken over his very soul!”)  

There’s also plenty of trailers that represent the renowned stars of the genre like Pam Grier, in trailers for movies like Foxy Brown (“She’s here to do a job on the Mob!”), Sheba, Baby, and Black Mama, White Mama and Fred Williamson (Black Caesar, Hell Up in Harlem, and That Man Bolt).  Naturally, there’s a smattering of classic genre offerings like Blacula and Super Fly, but we also get a few trailers for concert movies like Wattstax and Soul to Soul, which adds some variety that’s not usually found in these things.  Other highlights include the trailer for Ebony, Ivory and Jade (“Angels of vengeance on a massacre marathon!”) and even a few previews for films I’ve never seen before like Super Dude and Cool Breeze. 

Of course, there are plenty of trailers for Moore movies like Monkey Hustle, Dolemite, The Human Tornado, and Disco Godfather.  The presence of Moore (totally in character as Dolemite) makes it a must-see for his fans, or of Blaxploitation movies in general.  He’ll occasionally cut in on the action to tell a dirty joke or two (his “Mississippi” routine is great) before switching back to the main program.  It’s enough to make you wish more trailer compilations had hosts.  It all ends with a music video for Blowfly featuring cameos by such Blaxploitation stars as Isaac Hayes, Antonio Fargas, and Jim Kelly, who has a comedic fight/dance-off with Dolemite that’s worth the price of admission.  

The complete trailer list is as follows:  Blacula, Monkey Hustle, The Mack, Dr. Black Mr. Hyde, Dolemite, Cleopatra Jones, Foxy Brown, Ebony Ivory and Jade, Black Belt Jones, Shaft, Super Dude, Cotton Comes to Harlem, Trouble Man, Super Fly, Let’s Do It Again, Which Way Is Up?, Black Caeser, Hell Up in Harlem, Cool Breeze, The Human Tornado, Disco Godfather, Sheba Baby, Black Mama White Mama, Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold, Scream Blacula Scream, Soul to Soul, That Man Bolt, The Soul of N****r Charlie, Across 110th Street, The Big Bird Cage, Book of Numbers, Trick Baby, and Truck Turner.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: SANTO VS. THE RIDERS OF TERROR (1970) **

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

ORIGINAL REVIEW:  

(As posted on January 8th, 2020)

A gang of lepers break out of a sanitarium, spreading terror throughout the west.  Or… I guess it would be south since it takes place in Mexico.  Anyway, some bandits stumble upon the lepers hiding in a cave and trick them into joining forces.  The befuddled sheriff eventually enlists the help of everyone’s favorite luchador, El Santo to stop the bandits and make sure the lepers receive proper medical treatment.

Unfortunately, El Santo doesn’t show up until about the twenty-five-minute mark.  Till then, you’re (pardon the pun) saddled with a lot of boring western subplots and low rent cowboy action.  The fact the villains are deformed lepers gives this entry a slight element of horror, but the special effects just make it look like they’ve got wads of chewed-up bubble gum stuck to their faces. 

Not only does Santo vs. the Riders of Terror suffer from a decided lack of the Silver Masked One, it’s painfully low on wrestling action.  There’s only one wrestling scene in the entire film, but it’s a pretty funny one.  A big bully challenges any man who can take him on and offers a cash reward to the winner.  After the oaf polishes off a few would-be wrestlers, El Santo hops in the ring and cleans his clock and gives the prize money to a trio of nuns. The shots of the nuns wildly cheering El Santo on is one of the best moments in the whole movie. 

While it’s fun seeing El Santo fighting in a wrestling ring set up in the middle of a western town (not to mention riding a horse), it’s just a shame you’ve got to sit through a lot of dull cowboy shit to get to it.  The worst El Santo movies deliberately keep him off the screen for big chunks at a time.  That certainly describes this one.  In fact, it sometimes feels like you could edit him out of the picture entirely as the sheriff does a lot of the leg work, especially early on.  

It also loses points for not letting El Santo ride off into the sunset while someone asks, “Who was that masked man?”  Then again, they might have for all I know.  The version I saw didn’t have any subtitles. 

Sure, much of Santo vs. the Riders of Terror is a slog, but it’s probably the best Mexican Wrestler vs. Cowboy Lepers movie I’ve ever seen. 

AKA:  The Lepers and Sex.

QUICK THOUGHTS:  

Like the other movies on the El Santo Blu-Ray set from VCI, this has a new English title sequence.  However, the title card for this one is misspelled as “Santo VERSES the Riders of Terror”!  The dubbing is just as bad, if not, worse than the other films on the set, and some of the haphazardly translated dialogue is a hoot.  (“FREAKIN’ GODDAMN IT!”)  The first time I watched this, it didn’t have subtitles, so I unfortunately missed out on priceless dialogue like, “Since I’ve started down this path, I’ve forgotten about my conscience!”  A couple of choice lines of dialogue is not enough to bump up the rating, but it’s still good for a couple chuckles. 

MY LATEST BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON!

Hey, everyone!  I just wanted you all to know that my latest book, Kung Fu Companion:  The Chopsocky Movie Guide, is now available on paperback and Kindle via Amazon.  You can get it by ordering through this link: Kung Fu Companion: The Chopsocky Movie Guide: Lovell, Mitch: 9781719489317: Amazon.com: Books

If you love movies full of Kung Fu, karate, kickboxing, samurai, Ninjas, and nunchucks, then this book is for you.  It’s nearly two-hundred pages of brand-spanking-new reviews of Kung Fu and martial arts movies.  From martial arts legends like Jackie Chan and Donnie Yen, to the films of The One-Armed Swordsman and Zatoichi to the wild world of Godfrey Ho and Bruceploitation, this book has it all.  

And if you somehow have missed my other books, just search for Mitch Lovell in the author page and you can find them conveniently all in one spot.

And to give you an idea of what to expect, here's just a sample of the Table of Contents:

Thanks again to everyone who visits to the site! Keep kicking!

SEQUEL CATCH-UP: PET SEMATARY: BLOODLINES (2023) ** ½

Pet Sematary:  Bloodlines is a prequel to the recent remake of Pet Sematary, which was a smart move because there's nowhere to go but up.  That may be a bit harsh as the remake wasn’t out-and-out terrible.  However, it at least frees the filmmakers up and saves them from being compared to the 1989 original movie, or even the King novel for that matter. 

Jud, the old man from Pet Sematary is seen here as a young guy (Jackson White) in the ‘60s.  As he’s trying to leave the small town of Ludlow, Maine with his girlfriend, Norma (Natalie Alyn Lind), they make an inadvertent pit stop to see his estranged buddy, Timmy (Jack Mulhern) who has just come back from the War.  It’s obvious something’s not right with Timmy, and when his mangy dog bites Norma, it means they’ve got to stick around for a few days.  Before long, people start dying and everyone knows the whack-a-doodle soldier is to blame.  All that’s left to ask is, what does Jud plan to do about it?

Maybe because my expectations for a straight-to-streaming prequel to a remake of a Stephen King movie were in the toilet to begin with, but Pet Sematary:  Bloodlines wasn’t too bad.  Sure, the writers kind of tweak the origin to make the story work (and update Vietnam for WWII).  However, if you can overlook that, you have to admit the film (which is pretty much a loose reworking of Bob Clark’s classic Deathdream) is always a little bit better than it needed to be at nearly every turn. 

It helps that the supporting cast is aces.  David Duchovny is strong as Timmy’s grieving father.  I especially liked the scene where he catches his son eating the family dog and the expression on his face registers more as disappointment than anger or fear. Henry Thomas also delivers a solid performance as Jud’s dad (somewhat making up for his lackluster portrayal as Jack Torrance in King’s Shining sequel, Doctor Sleep) and it was fun seeing Pam Grier as the town’s spunky mail lady.  Granted, Bloodlines may have its faults, but since it ends with Foxy Brown and Elliott from E.T. grabbing shotguns and joining forces with Agent Mulder to storm a house full of zombies, I can’t in good conscience give it any less than ** ½.