Tuesday, July 11, 2017

THE NINJA AVENGER (1982) ** ½


A female Ninja on a quest for revenge bumps off bad guys one by one.  Problems arise when her boyfriend learns she’s a Ninja killer.  Things get even hairier when she finds out her boyfriend’s sister is the woman who killed her parents.

I can’t say this is a great movie, but our heroine displays several unique methods of Ninja training.  Some people say go fly a kite.  This woman actually flies around on one to land in the bad guy’s lair.  Later, she brings along a roll of brick-colored wallpaper to hide behind while she’s sneaking outside of a bad guy’s house.  I can honestly say I haven’t seen that in a Ninja flick before.  In another scene, she uses an exploding remote control airplane to kill someone, which makes me think Andy Sidaris might have seen it and took notes. 

Sure, this is a goofier than usual Kung Fu flick, but not goofy enough to make it a classic.  The action is more from the American school of action than straight-up Kung Fu.  There’s a car chase that rips off Diamonds are Forever, as well as a scene where the Ninja jumps over a car just like Action Jackson.  Still, this is one of the few Kung Fu movies where both the heroine and the villainess are equally sexy, not to mention lethal, so that counts for something.  The soundtrack is all sorts of funky too.

Too bad the climax is so damned weak.  The poorly done finale definitely cost the film a good Half Star.  You also have to suffer through some boring relationship drama that sometimes makes the movie feel like a Kung Fu soap opera.  I do have to admit that some of the relationship drama is pretty funny though.  I especially liked our heroine’s boyfriend’s pick-up line:  “I’m an extrovert, but I’m not a womanizer.”

AKA:  Impossible Woman.  AKA:  Ninja Apocalypse.  

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