DYNAMO (1980) ** ½

A couple of publicists  discover a taxi driver (Bruce Li) who has an uncanny resemblance to Bruce Lee and sign him to an exclusive contract with the promise of making him a star.  After a crash course in Kung Fu, Bruce goes around the world on a publicity tour where he is jumped by goons in Tokyo, attacked on the ski slopes of Seoul, and accosted by his room service waiter in a hotel room in New York.  Before Li’s big match, some bad guys kidnap his girlfriend and force him to take a dive. 

My enjoyment of Bruceploitation movies mostly rely on their crass willingness to trade in on Bruce Lee’s image.  Dynamo does an OK job in this regard.  Early on, there’s a scene in which some characters get stuck in traffic.  As it turns out, Bruce Lee’s funeral procession is the cause of the traffic jam.  Real footage of the funeral is cut into the scenes of the actors sitting in the car and the results are moderately amusing. 

Another signpost saying you’ve reached Bruceploitation heaven is the hilariously bad dubbing.  There’s plenty of that to go around.  The problem is much of the dubbed dialogue is annoyingly echoey, especially on Li’s karate teacher.  Now, I can put up with dialogue that doesn’t match the actors’ lip movements, but it’s hard to take when it sounds like a Theremin going off every time someone opens their pie hole.  So, in that respect, Dynamo isn’t Bruceploitation heaven; it’s more like Bruceploitation purgatory. 

The Kung Fu action sort of balances everything out.  Li’s teacher (the guy with the annoying bizarro voice) tells his pupil surprise is the best weapon.  Because of that, he encourages Li to attack him whenever he feels like it.  Now, I’m not sure how effective this training method would be in real life, but in this scenario, it leads to several random fights between the two.  Since these duels are more for training purposes, they lack any sort of real stakes.  However, the action is pretty much non-stop, which certainly helps.

The unifying thing that makes Dynamo as good-not-great slice of Bruceploitation flick is Bruce Li’s performance.  Not only does Li kick a lot of ass, he wears Bruce Lee’s yellow jump suit from Game of Death throughout much of the movie (which also adds to the crass cash-in factor).  He also gets what is probably the longest and most gratuitous sex scene of his career.  That doesn’t quite put it over the top, but it adds to the film’s overall WTF quality. 

INVASION OF THE GIRL SNATCHERS (1973) ***

The IMDB plot synopsis of Invasion of the Girl Snatchers is enough to get you curious.  It calls it a “1970s spoof of American New Wave films featuring a criminal couple on the run encountering a UFO cult.”  That doesn’t even scratch the surface of the weirdness to come.  (Although I honestly saw little, if any evidence of a New Wave influence.)  The fact that it manages to combine elements of Easy Rider and Mission:  Impossible in the opening scenes is enough to make you sit up and take notice.

Kaspar (Ele Grisby), a junior agent of a secret government agency and his superior, Trowel (Hugh Smith) are on the trail of some girl nappers.  As it turns out, they’re working for Aph (Charles Rubin), the leader of a cult of alien beings.  Aph wants to put alien consciousnesses from his home planet into the brainwashed girls and make them do his bidding.  Once Trowel gets turned into an alien zombie, it’s up to Kaspar to save the day. 

They say they don’t make them like they used to, but I’m not sure if anyone made them like Lee Jones did.  Since this is his only directing credit, we may never know for certain.  All I know is that Invasion of the Girl Snatchers is one of the weirder low-budget ‘70s movies I’ve seen in some time.  That friends, is praise of the highest order.  If you think you’ve seen it all, folks… trust me.  You haven’t.  

The movie really belongs to Carla Rueckert, who co-wrote the script and stars as one of the brainwashed girls, Ruthie.  She spends much of the movie walking around topless while wearing dark sunglasses and rubbing people who suffer from cramps.  Naturally, when Kaspar gets a boner, she mistakes it for a cramp and helps him rub one out.  I also loved the part where she is bound and gagged and uses her boob to knock the phone off the cradle to dial for help.

It’s almost a guarantee that Rubin’s character will get on your nerves.  Most of the time, he just stands around wearing a robe and reciting incantation after irritating incantation.  If you can make it through these long, dull scenes, you’ll be treated to some memorably weird stuff that runs the gamut of just plain odd to downright awesome.  I mean how many movies have you seen that feature a bra equipped with a homing beacon AND a girl possessed by an alien who drinks nitroglycerin like it was cheap whiskey?

Smith gets the best line of the movie when he says, “Great gobs of baby owl shit!”

AKA:  The Hidan of Maukbeiangjow.  

GROUPIE GIRL (1970) ** ½

A young girl named Sally (Esme Johns) takes off to swinging London on a quest for sexual misadventure.  She stows away in a passing van and inadvertently winds up becoming a groupie.  She’s passed around from rock group to rock group, one of which becomes involved with a hit and run accident.  Sally understandably freaks out, and the band tries to keep her quiet to save their squeaky-clean image. 

Groupie Girl contains a handful of memorable moments to keep fans of English sexploitation happy.  There’s a clothes-ripping catfight, nude dancing, and an all-out orgy.  The best scene though is the bizarre prelude to the orgy where the participants crawl around the floor on all fours imitating animals.  If you assume that most English people are prudes, here is a scene that suggests otherwise.

It’s also loaded with out-of-date slang, groovy music, and funky late ‘60s fashions.  So much so that it works better as a time capsule than as a sexploitation picture.  I mean any movie that features an opening credits sequence in when the titles are painted on the side of a van can’t be all bad.

It all starts innocently enough, but Groupie Girl becomes darker as it goes along.  The third act is particularly bleak, and it ends on a downbeat, depressing note that much of the fun of the earlier scenes gets cancelled out.  To make matters worse, it seems as if the filmmakers are chastising Sally for her sexually liberated lifestyle.  Ultimately, there’s enough nudity and camp value here to make it worth a look.  It’s just a shame that the abrupt and callous ending leaves such a bad taste in your mouth.

AKA:  I am a Groupie.

THE DEBT COLLECTOR (2018) **

Scott Adkins is a karate teacher in danger of losing his school to the bank.  To make ends meet, he gets a job as a loan shark for a local kingpin (Vladimir Kulich).  He’s paired up with a perpetually hungover leg-breaker (Louis Mandylor) and they go around town collecting money.  Along the way, they get into various scuffles, and bond over breaking bones.  Things take a turn when a rival gangster (Tony Todd) hires them to find the person responsible for ripping him off.

The Debt Collector is the third Adkins collaboration with director Jesse V. Johnson in the past two years.  It’s not as successful as their previous collaborations, Savage Dog or Accident Man, but it’s an OK attempt to broaden Adkins’ range a bit.  Johnson deserves some credit.  Each of these films have all been different in terms of style and tone.  Although this is by far my least favorite of the three, it’s nice to know he’s capable of creating a variety of nuances within the genre.

The film is at its best during the first half, which plays like a gangster version of Training Day.  It’s not quite as interesting once a semblance of a plot begins to take hold.  It’s here where things become a tad predictable.  I liked it better when Adkins and Mandylor were just cruising around and breaking bones.  I could’ve also done without all the heavy-handed footage of a slaughterhouse that is peppered throughout the action.

Adkins gives a solid performance and Mandylor is quite good as the former B movie actor-turned-loan shark.  I just wish the banter between the two was funnier.  The other attempts at humor are equally hit-and-miss throughout the film.

Since this is an Adkins/Johnson joint, that means there are plenty of fight scenes to go around.  They aren’t bad for what they are, but they lack the gory highs of Savage Dog or the humor of Accident Man.  Even if The Debt Collector is a tad off the mark, there’s enough compelling evidence here to suggest I’m more than likely to sit through the duo’s next collaboration.

AKA:  Pay Day.

BLACK WATER (2018) * ½

Jean-Claude Van Damme wakes up in a submarine being used as an off-shore black site for CIA detainees.  He has no memory how he got there, but luckily Dolph Lundgren is in the cell next to him to jog his memory.  Turns out he’s a former agent who lost a valuable thumb drive.  Crooked agents board the sub looking to silence Van Damme permanently.  JCVD naturally gets the upper hand and sets out to escape.

Those hoping for a legitimate Van Damme-Lundgren team-up will be sorely disappointed.  Even though their faces are side by side on the DVD, Dolph’s interactions with Van Damme are precious and few.  Dolph’s appearances are frustratingly fleeting, and his bemused, aloof, and entertaining performance gives us glimpses of what could’ve been.  Van Damme gives a solid performance all things considered; it’s just that it pales in comparison next to his recent work in the Kickboxer remake (and its sequel).  Video Vacuum favorite Patrick Kilpatrick (who was also in Van Damme’s Death Warrant) also turns up as the CIA agent, but like Lundgren, he’s sorely underutilized.

Black Water gets off to a promising start.  The idea of a sub being used as a government black site is certainly intriguing enough.  Too bad the plot is belabored, the pacing is sluggish, and the running time is needlessly inflated.  

The claustrophobic sub setting doesn’t help matters either.  Much of the suspense relies on having the machine gun-toting villains miss Van Damme from nearly point-blank range, which takes some of the fun out of it.  The scenes that take place outside of the sub work much better.  (I liked it when Van Damme lands on a car and shoots a guy in the head.)  I just wish Van Damme had been given more of an opportunity to use some of his Kung Fu skills rather than leaning so heavily on the close-quarters shootouts.  Whenever Van Damme is stuck aboard the sub, Black Water sinks.

AKA:  Steel Thunder.

DEMOLITION UNIVERSITY (1999) **

Kevin S. (Night of the Demons) Tenney’s uninspired sequel to Jim Wynorski’s surprisingly fun Demolition High is another Die Hard variation with Corey Haim in the lead.  This time out, he tags along with Ami Dolenz on a class field trip.  When terrorists take the students hostage, it’s up to Corey to stop them.  

Despite the title, this doesn’t even take place at college.  Instead, it’s at a boring power plant where the terrorists try to poison the local drinking water.  Haim was entertaining in the last movie, so it’s befuddling that he gets less screen time this time around.  Disappointingly, he doesn’t do any of the MacGyver Jr. type of booby traps like he did in the original.  Instead, he mostly relies on dumb luck to take out the bad guys, which diminishes the fun.  Haim and Dolenz are pretty good together though, which makes you wish they had better material to work with.

Like the original, Demolition University suffers from a weak villain (Todd Allen).  The good news is that Robert Forster is excellent as the Army colonel who is stuck outside the plant negotiating with the terrorists over a walkie-talkie.  These scenes are usually the weakest in any Die Hard rip-off, but Forster’s cagey performance makes them rather engaging.  It’s definitely a lot more fun than the tired cat-and-mouse scenes with Haim dodging terrorists. We also have Laraine Newman as the professor who gets kidnapped.  She isn’t given anything particularly memorable to do, but it’s nice to know she got a paycheck out of all this.

Allen gets the best line though when he says, “Look what we have here… A Mexican standoff.  Or, as they say in Mexico, ‘A standoff!’”

AKA:  Demolition U.

THE THIN MAN GOES HOME (1944) ** ½

The fifth Thin Man adventure finds Nick and Nora Charles (William Powell and Myrna Loy) returning to Nick’s hometown to visit his parents.  His crusty father (Harry Davenport) is still smarting that his son never went into the family business and takes every opportunity to mention it.  When a man is murdered on their doorstep, Nick takes it upon himself to solve the crime to show up his old man.

Having Nick and Nora take their antics out of the city prevents the series from becoming stale.  The way small town gossip expedites the case is amusing, as is the colorful town characters whose various skeletons in the closet help to complicate matters.  After too many movies of interchangeable thugs in fedoras, this was a nice change of pace. 

Richard (Jailhouse Rock) Thorpe takes over directing duties for W.S. Van Dyke and for the most part, he does a fine job.  He’s able to wring plenty of atmosphere from the night time scenes and moves the camera around a lot more than Van Dyke ever did.  This certainly gives the film a look that distinguishes it from the other entries in the series.

Powell and Loy’s banter is as sharp as its ever been, even if the film is at its best when Nick is off on his own cracking the case.  This time around, they drink cider instead of martinis (due to the wartime rationing of alcohol), so if you love their inebriated antics, you might feel a bit shortchanged with this installment.  They still have their dog Asta, who has one or two funny moments, but their son Nick Jr. is nowhere to be seen.

The Thin Man Goes Home isn’t perfect by any means, but it’s the best entry since the first one.  Although the plot spins its wheels occasionally, Powell and Loy’s performances help it over the rough patches.  The final wrap up of the plot goes on too long and the culprit is predictable.  Really, the same can be said for any of the Thin Man films.

THE HOUSE WITH A CLOCK IN ITS WALLS (2018) *** ½

Eli Roth is one of my favorite directors working today.  When it was announced he was making a kids’ movie with Jack Black, I immediately thought the worst.  I guess I imagined it was going to be like a Goosebumps redux or something.  As it turns out, I needn’t had worried.  The House with a Clock in its Walls is an Eli Roth picture through and through.  

Lewis (Owen Vaccaro) is a misfit kid who goes to live with his weird uncle Johnathan (Jack Black) after the death of his parents.  He eventually comes to realize that his uncle is a warlock and Lewis begs Johnathan to teach him the family trade.  Lewis meddles with a forbidden spell and accidentally awakens a dead warlock (Kyle MacLachlan) bent on destroying the world.  It’s then up to Lewis, Johnathan, and his witchy neighbor Florence (Cate Blanchett) to team up and stop him.

When Roth makes a kids’ movie, he doesn’t fuck around.  If you thought this was going to be watered down, you’d needn’t worry.  Even though people aren’t torn apart or gratuitously tortured, there are still tons of creepy moments here and plenty of Roth’s trademark black humor on display.  

The difference with this and Jack Black’s previous kids’ horror movie, Goosebumps is that Roth plays the horror with a straight face.  We get a creepy automaton attack, an atmospheric scene set in a graveyard, and the bit with the withered old demon in the forest is just as effective as anything in Roth’s R-rated arsenal.  Even the more outlandish moments have an icky vibe to them that most directors wouldn’t even think about applying to a “kids’ movie”.  (I’m thinking specifically about the Jack-Black-as-a-baby scene.)  His wicked sense of humor shines through too as there is a gym class scene that is flat-out hysterical.  

Is some of this a little too broad?  Yes, unfortunately.  I for one could’ve done without the shitting topiary griffin.  However, the film is so jam-packed with eye-popping visuals and effective moments that it’s easy to dismiss some of the clunkier passages.

The performances are uniformly excellent, which help further elevate the film from being your typical kids’ stuff.  Black is having a lot of fun in a tailor-made role that simultaneously allows him to run rampant while remaining an inspiring role model for a little kid.  Blanchett is her usual awesome self and gives her character a measured balance of cantankerous wit and tragic loss that few performers could’ve pulled off.  She’s just as good here as she was in any of her Oscar-nominated (and winning) roles.

The secret to Roth’s success is that he doesn’t pander to kids.  Sure, there is some silliness here, but his aim is to make you jump during the horrific moments.  My daughter, whose two favorite movies are Little Shop of Horrors and Beetlejuice ate it up.  The House with a Clock in its Walls is very much in the vein of those films.  They’re funny, fun, fast-moving, and contain just enough gruesome delights to please horror fans of every age.

LITTLE DRAGON MAIDEN (1983) ***

A noble household takes in a reckless beggar they find poisoned in the streets.  The lady of the house feels responsible for his father’s death, so she urges her father to teach him Kung Fu.  During his training, the beggar is beaten senseless and leaves the house with debilitating injuries.  He is nursed back to health by the magical “Dragon Girl” who eventually agrees to train him.  This causes friction with her clan, who forbid handing down their teachings to men.

For the first hour or so, you’ll swear Little Dragon Maiden is just like every other Shaw Brothers Kung Fu movie you’ve ever seen.  It’s got guys in flowing robes punching each other, old beggars doing stupid comic relief shtick, training montages, beautiful women getting into fights in restaurants, and scenes of people flying around on wires.  The action is well done for the most part.  The choreography is decent, although it pales in comparison to some of the Shaw Brothers’ best stuff.  The scenes with the cool weaponry, like the spinning boomerang buzz saw, is more fun than the hand to hand stuff.  

Then, after about an hour, the acid starts to kick in and Little Dragon Maiden turns into an entirely different sort of animal.  Speaking of animals, this is probably the first movie I’ve ever seen that has a Kung Fu Chicken in it.  Yes, you read that right.  A Kung Fu Chicken.  It might come a little late in the game, but when the bodies start dropping, the Kung Fu Chicken starts tossing swords, heads get decapitated, people are cut in half lengthwise, and enemies start exploding, insanity rules.  I guess the fact that it was directed by Hua (The Super Infra-Man) Shan should’ve told me this wasn’t going to be just an ordinary Kung Fu flick.

Much of this is out of whack.  The term “Uneven” doesn’t even begin to do it justice.  The fantasy elements are ill-fitting with the more traditional Kung Fu scenes.  While the stuff with the Dragon Girl is handled well enough, her story is just no match for the hero’s run-ins with the six-foot Kung Fu Chicken in the third act.  If you have any problems making it through the first hour or so, trust me, hang in there.  Those Kung Fu Chicken scenes are something to see.  I’m not saying the Kung Fu Chicken saves the movie or anything, it’s just… okay… it saves the movie.

You know, just when I think I’ve seen it all… I haven’t.  

I don’t even know why they bothered to call this Little Dragon Maiden.  They should’ve called it Kung Fu Chicken.  It would’ve made a billion dollars domestic.  Easily.  Heck, the little dragon maiden isn’t even a real dragon lady.  The Kung Fu Chicken is a literal chicken who knows Kung Fu… and a six-foot tall one at that.

SHOCK CINEMA VOLUME 2 (1991) ***

The second installment in Scream Queen Brinke Stevens’ Shock Cinema series is even better than the first.  The format varies slightly from the template of its predecessor.  This time, Brinke interviews an eclectic pool of subjects known for their work in front of and behind the camera.  The range of talent runs from Scream Queens (Melissa Moore) to screenwriters (Ted Newsom) and special effects artists (Michael Burnett).  

Brinke gets more screen time in this volume, which is always a good thing.  I especially liked her intro, which takes place in a video store (where several of her films are prominently displayed).  The highlight is her face to face interview with Forrest J. Ackerman in his Ackermansion.  Some might be disappointed that Ackerman talks more about his film appearances than the creation of his Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine, but I’m sure he got a kick out of it.  Not only is the interview (which occurs about halfway through) fun, it also helps to break up the talking head format a bit.

There is a wealth of interesting stories here.  Director Gary Graver talks about getting cheated out of money from distributors, Robert Quarry has some good anecdotes about the making of Count Yorga, and Deanna Lund bemoans the use of body doubles.  (She doesn’t mention the title by name, but I can only assume she was talking about her role in the immortal Elves.)  The most flabbergasting tidbit:  Hearing Newsom being touted as the screenwriter for “the upcoming Spider-Man movie” (although he claims he blew all his Spider-Man money making his own film). 

DIABOLIK (1968) ** ½

Mario Bava’s eye-popping, colorful, mod, but frustratingly uneven psychedelic adventure plays like a mash-up of Batman and James Bond.  Both franchises were ultra-hip at the time, and fans of their respective series will probably have fun spotting how Bava liberally sprinkles their influences about the screen.  It’s nowhere near as good as some of Bava’s horror films of the decade, however, it’s neat to see what he could accomplish with a broader canvas and a bigger budget.

John Philip Law (who appeared in producer Dino De Laurentiis’ other big budget comic book movie of 1968, Barbarella) stars as Diabolik, a daring thief who lives in an underground lair with his sexy girlfriend/assistant (Marisa Mell).  The cops try to entrap him by putting a valuable emerald necklace on display.  Diabolik easily snatches it but finds himself behind a rock and a hard place when the leader of a criminal syndicate (Adolfo Celi) kidnaps his girlfriend, hoping to make a switch for the necklace.

Diabolik is fun in fits and starts.  It’s at its best during the sequences when Law dons a skintight outfit and dangles perilously from rooftops and castle walls.  I also dug the parts that shamelessly rip off Batman, such as the scene where Diabolik sabotages a press conference by using “Exhilarating Gas”, as well as his Batcave-inspired hideout (where he makes love to Mell in a pile full of money).

The biggest stumbling block is the character of Diabolik himself.  As portrayed by Law, he’s more or less an emotionless cypher that draws no sympathy from the audience.  I guess they were trying to make him into a badass antihero, but Law’s wooden performance does very little to make you root for him.  

AKA:  Danger:  Diabolik.  

SHOCK CINEMA VOLUME 1 (1991) ***

Scream Queen Brinke Stevens produced and hosts this entertaining look at low budget horror filmmaking.  Some of the hardest working horror directors of the '80s and '90s are interviewed and they all give informative and insight commentary on the perils and pitfalls of low budget moviemaking.  Some of the interviewees have more prominent credits than others, but nearly all of them have entertaining stories to tell.  

Fred Olen (Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers) Ray is the most fun to listen to.  He’s very forthright about his career and makes several interesting points about the logistics of low budget filmmaking.  He probably deserves his own documentary.  Some directors, like Jeff (Leatherface:  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3) Burr have experience working with bigger budgets and high-profile studios and mostly hate it.  The more DIY type of directors like J.R. (The Dead Next Door) Bookwalter are engaging too, mostly because they’re working with even less time and money.

One thing connects them, and that’s their passion for film.  They are all uniform on their advice to young filmmakers:  Grab a camera and make your own movie, which is heartening.  

If there is a fault, it’s that Brinke pretty much disappears after her intro.  While I do wish shee had more of a presence throughout the documentary (which only runs about an hour), the directors are entertaining enough on their own to sustain your interest.  

Other volumes in the series followed.

JAILBAIT BABYSITTER (1977) **

Therese Pare stars as a teenager who likes to do a lot of heavy petting with her boyfriend while babysitting.  Naturally, he gets steamed when she doesn’t go all the way.  One night while babysitting, her friends crash the place and throw an impromptu toga party.  When her employers find out, she runs off into the night and stumbles upon a high-priced hooker (Lydia Wagner) who lets her stay with her in her luxurious mansion.  She then tries to take Therese under her wing and turn her into a prostitute, much to the chagrin of her boyfriend.

Directed by John (Grave of the Vampire) Hayes, Jailbait Babysitter is one of those ‘70s sexploitation films that offers up more tease than please.  The nude scenes and sensual depictions of the sexual acts are few and far between, and when they do occur, they aren't especially scintillating.  Despite the lurid title, it rarely, if ever delivers on the promise of lowbrow drive-in thrills.  I mean her first john winds up having a heart attack before he can even ball her.  

The pacing is lethargic to say the least.  The stuff in between the bumping and grinding is unevenly acted and mostly boring.  It also doesn’t help that just when you think the film’s wrapping itself up, it continues on for another unnecessary reel with a disco Halloween party sequence and a needless attempted rape.

As a fan of Hayes’ previous work, I was sort of hoping Jailbait Babysitter would be some sort of minor classic.  Maybe that’s what I get for raising my expectations hopelessly too high.  At least you can enjoy it for its time capsule qualities.  I mean, it’s hard to completely hate any movie with this many detailed vans.

Frequent Hayes leading man Michael Pataki appears briefly in the uncredited role of Pare’s employer.

SHADOW OF THE THIN MAN (1941) ** ½

Lush married detectives Nick and Nora Charles (William Powell and Myrna Loy) go to the race track to play the ponies and wind up investigating the death of a jockey.  A young reporter named Paul (Barry Nelson from The Shining making his screen debut), eager for a scoop, sticks his nose in the matter and winds up getting framed for another murder.  Mr. and Mrs. Charles then set out to clear Paul’s name and nab the killer.

The fourth Thin Man mystery is a slight improvement over the last one, Another Thin Man.  The scenes of the Charles’ domestic bliss, wrangling their dog Asta, and rearing their son Nick Jr. (Dickie Hall) are a lot of fun (I liked the part where Nick reads his son a racing form he has hidden inside a storybook), but the mystery itself is considerably less involving.  While it’s a little more interesting than the previous entries, the pacing has a tendency to drag whenever Powell is sleuthing.  Luckily, his charm helps keep these overwritten scenes afloat. 

Powell and Loy’s breezy chemistry is as entertaining as ever and their banter is snappier than the previous entries.  The supporting cast is fine too.  We have Donna Reed as Nelson’s loyal girlfriend who helps him in his quest for a story, famed acting teacher Stella Adler plays a socialite with a motive for murder, and Sam Levene has some good moments the investigator on the case.  In addition to Nelson, Ava Gardner and Sid Melton were also making their film debuts.

It’s Loy who gets the best line of the movie when she tells Powell, “I’ll be with you in two shakes of a cocktail.”

THE STING (1973) ****

The Sting is simply one of the greatest films of all time.  It is the product of the best talent in all areas of the medium at that time coming together and creating one of the finest masterpieces in movie history.  It was director George Roy Hill’s love letter to the early days of cinema.  Using various old school techniques to echo the Golden Age of Hollywood, he gave The Sting’s ‘30s period detail an authentic feel, while simultaneously giving audiences something new and refreshing.  Everything from the acting of Paul Newman and Robert Redford (both of whom have never been better) to the superior set design, and impeccable costumes represents the best talent in their particular field firing on all cylinders.  

The script by David S. Ward is the blueprint for all con men movies.  It is one of the most intricately plotted scripts ever written and Hill, not to mention the actors, do it justice at every turn.  The use of Scott Joplin’s ragtime music (arranged by Marvin Hamlisch) adds to the lightweight tone of the movie and is a perfect cherry on top.

Redford plays Johnny Hooker, a small-time grifter who unknowingly heists a bunch of money from feared gangster Lonnegan (Robert Shaw).  He retaliates by killing one of Redford’s associates, which sends him out for revenge.  He looks up master con man Henry Gondorff (Newman) and together they plot a major scam to bilk Lonnegan out of a half a million dollars. 

I’ve seen The Sting several times over the years, but I was lucky enough to see it for the first time in a theater on the big screen, where it was meant to be seen.  It plays just fine on the small screen, but when you see the film in a theater with a mostly full house, it really pops.  Seeing Newman and Redford in their prime, projected larger than life, you can fully appreciate their talents and effortless chemistry together.  

That’s really the word that best describes The Sting, effortless.  There are a lot of moving parts, many vital supporting characters, schemes within schemes, and twists within twists.  Together, Hill and Ward pull it off with style, charm, and élan, making the whole thing look easy.  Likewise, Newman and Redford are a tailor-made team who never once break a sweat.  As good as they were in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (which was also directed by Hill), they’re even better here.  

THE EVICTORS (1979) **

The Evictors comes to us courtesy of Charles B. Pierce, and it’s a lot like his Legend of Boggy Creek and The Town That Dreaded Sundown.  Purporting to be based on a true-life incident, Pierce takes the pseudo-documentary approach he enjoys so well and applies it yet again, giving himself another opportunity to indulge his penchant for local legends and small-town gossip.  While this is arguably his most atmospheric and accomplished work (which honestly, isn’t saying much), it still leaves much to be desired.

He did assemble himself a good cast at least.  Vic Morrow is top-billed, but his role isn’t all that sizeable.  He’s the real estate agent who sells a couple played by Michael Parks and Jessica Harper a house secluded in the countryside during WWII.  Naturally, they’re blissfully unaware of the multiple violent incidents that occurred in the home years before.  Soon after getting settled in, they begin receiving threatening messages in their mailbox and are subject to a shadowy prowler that likes to lurk about the property.

Most of Pierce’s films have an amateurish feel to them, but this one is a serviceable enough attempt to elicit chills.  If anything, it shows what he could accomplish with a capable cast and a decent-sized budget at his disposable.  The black and white flashbacks are marginally effective, although their placement in the narrative often brings the present-day action to a screeching halt.  I’ll admit, Pierce gives the old-timey scenes a nice attention to detail.  It’s just that all the back-and-forth between the timelines prevents the movie from gaining any momentum.  

I liked the scenes where Harper is stalked by the creep while she’s all alone in the house.  Whenever she’s on screen, her presence alone is enough to make you want to watch it.  Unfortunately, the usually weird Parks doesn’t bring anything to the table as he plays things far too low key to leave much of an impression.  I mean, who wants to see Michael Parks play a “normal” guy?  Morrow does a fine job, but his very presence in the role sort of gives away the twist ending.  I mean, would YOU buy a house from Vic Morrow?

BRUCE TAKES DRAGON TOWN (1974) ** ½

Daredevil Alan is a Kung Fu badass who mostly tries to keep to himself.  When a local gangster has trouble with someone muscling in on his territory, he turns to Daredevil Alan for help.  D.A. naturally refuses, so the gangster resorts to kidnapping his mother to ensure he’ll play ball.

That’s right, there’s no one named Bruce in this movie.  Nor does he have even a passing resemblance to Bruce Lee.  While we’re on the subject, I’m starting to suspect this movie didn’t even place in Dragon Town!  What the hell?

The fights occur at a generally non-stop clip.  Normally, this wouldn’t be much of a problem, but we rarely know who’s trying to beat up Daredevil Alan or why.  They just jump out of nowhere and attack him.  The longest stretch of non-fighting comes during a long, boring flashback to Alan’s childhood, so maybe the random ass fights weren’t such a bad idea after all.

There are enough memorable moments to make Bruce Takes Dragon Town a hair or two better than your average chopsocky extravaganza.  I liked the part where some bad dudes try to throw a rope around Daredevil Alan and he confiscates it and starts jumping rope with it.  There’s also a flashback scene in which his brothers are killed in rapid succession that is good for an unintended laugh or two.  Other funny shit:  Daredevil Alan hangs a guard while he’s taking a pee and the odd scene in which his love interest plays with dolls.  

The thing that makes Bruce Takes Dragon Town an (almost) winner for me was the fact that it blatantly steals music for Bernard Herrmann’s score from Taxi Driver!  Hearing one of the best scores from one of the most iconic composers during a slapdash Kung Fu flick is certainly a memorably WTF moment.  I can’t say it makes the movie or anything, but I can honestly say I won’t soon forget it.

AKA:  Dare You Touch Me?

THE PREDATOR (2018) ***

In 1987, Predator came to Earth and went toe-to-toe with Arnold Schwarzenegger and became one of the most popular movie monsters in film history.  Lethal Weapon screenwriter Shane Black was with the franchise from day one, playing the smallish role of Hawkins, a member of Schwarzenegger’s squad.  In the ensuing years, Black, one of the most sought-after screenwriters in Hollywood, became a talented director in his own right, directing such instant classics as Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Iron Man 3, and The Nice Guys.  So what better guy to have at the helm of the Predator’s latest adventure?  I can’t say The Predator is disappointing per se, because there’s a lot to enjoy here.  However, it’s easily Black’s weakest film to date.  

The good news is, The Predator works better as a Shane Black movie than as a logical extension of the Predator franchise.  Some of the additions to the mythology is, at best, a little on the lazy side.  I mean the only new wrinkle here is a Predator who is… bigger than the other ones.  Other than that, it hits all the notes you’d want to see in a Predator flick.  It hunts, it skins, it turns invisible.  It’s a solid Predator sequel, all in all, but some will be left wanting more.

The best part of the film are Black’s quirky characters who are constantly bouncing hilarious one-liners and dirty jokes off each other.  A Predator movie lives and dies by its characters, and this one gives us a fun variation on what we’ve previously seen in the series.  This time out, the guys are soldiers with a slew of mental disorders, a touch of PTSD, and various personality ticks.  Despite their disabilities, the characters are able to overcome their handicaps and work together as a team to combat the killer extraterrestrial.  

At the center of the film is Boyd (Logan) Holbrook as the ringleader of the group.  He has a likeable, commanding screen presence and is a good foil for the other, more colorful characters in his unit.  The most colorful being the team of Keegan-Michael Key and Thomas Jane.  This bickering duo practically steal the movie and need their own prequel spin-off like yesterday.  It’s nice knowing that someone knows how to properly use Jane.  His character, a down-on-his-luck soldier with Tourette’s represents some of the best work he’s ever done.  If Key and Peele is officially cancelled, I’d gladly watch the Key and Jane show any day.

We also have Jacob Trembly as Holbrook’s son, a prodigy who has Asperger’s.  One of the joys of the flick is seeing how Holbrook tries to protect him, but the kid winds up using his own gifts to help the team.  In fact, there are some places where The Predator plays like a plea for tolerance and inclusion, without being at the expense of the sci-fi action fun.

The action sequences honor what have come before.  Black (who co-wrote the film with his Monster Squad partner, Fred Dekker) knows his way around the series and delivers on what you’d come to expect from the franchise.  However, the new twists are uninspired to say the least.  The “Upgrade” Predator seems more like a video game boss than a worthy addition to the established mythology.  That said, the end scene that sets up another sequel is certainly promising.  I’d love to see Holbrook get another crack at the series.  He certainly proves he’s leading man material.

There’s a part of me that almost wishes the Predator wasn’t even in the film.  I’d pay good money to see these characters (who refer to themselves as “The Loonies”) again in a movie that didn’t revolve around a space alien.  (Although if I really had my druthers I would want to see The Nice Guys Meet the Predator, but oh well.)

BLOOD DIAMONDS (1977) **

Safecracker Guido (Claudio Cassinelli) gets out of jail looking to make a fresh start.  Almost immediately, his girlfriend is gunned down by a pair of thugs.  He suspects kingpin Rizzo (Martin Balsam) is behind the killing, if only because he wants his cut from Guido’s last diamond caper.

Directed by Fernando (Man Hunt) Di Leo, Blood Diamonds is a middle of the road Italian crime picture.  It goes through the motions competently enough, but it’s not particularly memorable or involving.  Much of the problem rests with Cassinelli’s humdrum performance.  He plays his character as an emotionless bore and pretty much sleepwalks through the role.  It also doesn’t help that he slaps Barbara Bouchet around a lot, which doesn’t exactly endear him to the audience.

Pier Paolo Capponi is a lot more fun to watch as Tony, Balsam’s mustached right-hand man.  He has a lot of energy while muscling people and telling them to “conform”.  You’ll wish he was the hero instead of the dull Cassinelli.

Even though most of Blood Diamonds is a bore, Di Leo does give us one eye-popping sequence where Bouchet go-go dances in a white bikini.  The song she dances to, “Shock Me” is awesome too and manages to name drop just about all the old school monsters you can think of.  This scene has more weird energy and is more entertaining than the stuff with Guido looking for revenge.  Fans of Bouchet will want to check it out on the strength of this scene alone.

AKA:  Blood and Diamonds.

THE SPACE CHILDREN (1958) **

The Space Children comes with a strong pedigree.  It was produced by William Alland and directed by the great Jack Arnold.  The duo had previously collaborated on such Universal classics as It Came from Outer Space, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, and Tarantula.  It was the duo’s first collaboration for Paramount and despite a nifty set-up, it’s sorely lacking the punch of their best work.

Adam Williams gets a job working at a top-secret rocket-testing facility in a seaside town.  His sons get to know the local kids and go exploring in a nearby cave.  There, they find a glowing, pulsating blob that has the power to control minds.  It soon gets the children to help it stop an upcoming rocket launch their parents are working on.

The first appearance of the monster is well done, and Arnold crafts a handful of effective moments.  However, the bigger the monster gets, the more boring the movie becomes.  The scenes of characters spacing out whenever it manipulates their minds get repetitive rather quickly.  The heavy-handed ending doesn’t do it any favors either and its overly preachy nature helps diminish some of the fun.

The movie’s strength is its solid supporting cast full of familiar faces.  Peggy (The Screaming Skull) Webber is fine as Williams’ concerned wife, Russell (Gilligan’s Island) Johnson has a memorable bit as a violent drunk, and Uncle Fester himself, Jackie Coogan turns up (wearing some ultra-tight shorts) as one of the scientists at the compound.  The space children themselves (among them The Rifleman’s Johnny Crawford) do a nice job as well.  Although their efforts aren’t enough to save the film, they at least make it watchable.

ANOTHER THIN MAN (1939) **

William Powell and Myrna Loy return for their third go-around as married sleuths Nick and Nora Charles.  This time out, in addition to their loyal pooch Asta, they have their newborn baby Nick Jr. along on their adventure.  An old friend invites the couple to his secluded mansion out in the country because he’s paranoid someone is out to get him.  When someone indeed bumps him off, Nick and Nora investigate and try to bring the killer to justice.

The addition of a baby to the plot enriches the characters, making them slightly less of the caricatures they became in the last installment, After the Thin Man.  Rarely in film franchises do we get to see the characters’ lives continue at a realistic progression.  The baby itself is cute enough and the sweet scenes of Asta and the kid give Another Thin Man a different flavor than the previous installments.  Powell and Loy are their usual charming selves, which also helps, even if their banter isn’t as consistently amusing as it has been in the past.

Unfortunately, the story itself is a bit of an old hat.  After a solid start, the film becomes increasingly spotty as it goes along.  As with After the Thin Man, the plot takes a while to unfurl itself (and takes for too long to wrap itself up), suffers from a bloated running time, and there are too many side characters that gum up the works.  On the plus side, those side characters are played by an entertaining supporting cast that includes Virginia Grey, Nat Pendleton, Sheldon Leonard, Marjorie Main, and a memorable bit by an uncredited pre-Stooges Shemp Howard.  

All in all, this isn’t a bad entry.  Fans of the series will enjoy it for Powell and Loy’s continued chemistry.  Ultimately, there’s just too much fat that gets in the way of the mystery (which isn’t all that interesting to begin with).

FALCON RISING (2014) *** ½

Michael Jai White stars as a suicidal former soldier with PTSD and a drinking problem.  When we first see him, he’s playing Russian Roulette with himself.  Pissed that he lost the game, he heads down to the liquor store where the clerk asks him how he is.  White replies, “Same shit.  Different pile.”  Naturally, thieves enter the building brandishing guns, and he foils the robbery; paying for his booze with one of the thief’s money.

This is a strong opening.  So strong that I wondered if the movie was going to shoot its wad early.  One of the joys of Falcon Rising is the tireless way it strives to be just a bit better around every corner than your average DTV action flick.  Director Ernie Barbarash (who’s directed some of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s best recent stuff) keeps things moving at a steady clip and is smart enough to let White carry the fight scenes with his natural athleticism and considerable screen presence. 

The plot revolves around White’s sister (Laila Ali) being brutally assaulted while doing relief work in a favela in Rio.  He goes to visit her in the hospital and there is another attempt on her life soon after.  White then sets out to take the favela apart to find the killer.

One thing that helps set Falcon Rising apart from its contemporaries is its attention to detail.  The supporting characters are incredibly well-rounded and given ample screen time to make a lasting impression.  There’s a young rookie cop named Katarina (Minnie Ruperto) who hands out sodas to the neighborhood on a hot day in an effort to bond with the residents.  Thiago (Jimmy Navarro), the veteran detective scoffs at her attempts to earn the neighborhood’s trust, but even he isn’t above giving a child prostitute money, so her pimp won’t beat her.  This kind of attention to character and their motivations is almost like a novel in its presentation, and it never comes at the expense of White’s journey.  It just adds to the overall richness of the piece.

Let’s face it, you’re not watching Falcon Rising for its rich characters.  You’re watching it to see Michael Jai White kick some ass, and on that score; it’s a resounding success as well.  I particularly loved the fact that White continues to act during his fights.  Sometimes, he beats someone up while carrying an annoyed look on his face, and other times he looks like he’s saying, “Man, this is too easy” while cracking the skulls of inexperienced punks.  Who needs one-liners and wisecracks when his expressive face tells you all you need to know?  (Although he does get plenty of one-liners along the way.)

The fights have a very ‘90s feel to them, and I mean that in the best possible way.  Barbarash films them clearly, edits them coherently, and allows you to see the awesomeness that is Michael Jai White on full display.  White does a number of impressive physical feats during the fight sequences.  My favorite moment was when he jump-kicked one guy while shooting another who’s rushing at him from the exact opposite direction.  The man just knows how to multitask.  The three-on-one finale is also a lot of fun.  (Spoiler:  The three guys are outnumbered.)

Even the action that doesn’t involve White is memorable, like the standoff between Thiago’s men and some street thugs.  He decides to settle the Mexican standoff with a fight between their best fighters.  If the thugs win, they take their drugs and guns and they won’t go to jail.  If the cops win, the gang members won’t resist arrest.  I eat this macho stuff up.

If there is a flaw, it’s that veteran character actor Neal McDonough is somewhat wasted as White’s old army buddy.  He’s a government worker in Brazil who pretty much allows White to roam free in order to exact his revenge.  At least he figures into the set-up for the sequel at the end.  I for one hope White and McDonough return as soon as possible as Falcon Rising is one of the best DTV action flicks I’ve seen in some time.

AKA:  Favela.

X-RATED 2: THE GREATEST ADULT STARS OF ALL TIME! (2016) ***

This sequel to X-Rated:  The Greatest Adult Movies of All Time shifts its focus from classic XXX movies to some of the most famous porn stars to ever grace the silver screen.  Hosted by Mr. Skin, it is slavish to formula, breaking down the retrospectives on its subjects into several sections.  There are segments on superstars, legends, trailblazers, and alternative icons, among others.

Many of your favorite starlets are interviewed, including Christy Canyon (who still looks great), Tera Patrick (who sadly remains firmly retired), Seka (seen in clips from her best movies like Prisoner of Paradise and Inside Seka), Jesse Jane (someone calls her “porn Barbie”), and Nina Hartley (who is lauded for not only her longevity and timeless sexiness, but for her tireless role in sex education).  There’s even a segment focused on the male actors such as Lexington Steele (who seems down to earth and grateful) and Rocco Siffredi (who says, “Woman.  You just don’t fuck them with the dick.  You need to fuck them in the brain!”)  Probably the most interesting segment is the one focused on the stars best known for their acting, like John Leslie (probably the best male actor in porn), Veronica Hart (so good that her XXX films could be re-edited into “real” movies), Jamie Gillis (whose amazing screen presence and ability to embrace his perverted side made him a favorite), Annette Haven (who fought for women to portray their sexuality without being degraded), and Richard Pacheco (famous for winning Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor in the same year at the AVN Awards).

For someone who prides himself as a porn historian, I was shocked that there were a few people featured I’ve never heard of, like Tori Black (who nevertheless looks great in a Catwoman suit), Misty Stone, and Asia Akira.  I can think of plenty of other stars who should’ve been covered besides them, including Amber Lynn, Janine, Chasey Lain, Traci Lords, Georgina Spelvin, and Linda Lovelace.  The filmmakers acknowledge that they’ve left far too many people out during the wrap-up segment, so maybe they’ll be featured in another sequel.

It was also fun seeing Kylie Ireland appearing in clips from Judge Judy.  I also appreciated the fact that lots of screen time was devoted to Marilyn Chambers’ Insatiable (which I prefer to Behind the Green Door).  The best segment though belongs to Vanessa Del Rio, the first Latina superstar of porn.  It’s a real eye-opener.  Not only was she the highest paid actress in the early days, she also was a pioneer of double-penetration whose enormous clitoris was a product of excessive steroid use in her bodybuilding days!  She could easily have a feature-length documentary devoted to her.

There’s even a segment on porn stars crossing over into the mainstream.  Not only are there sections devoted to Ginger Lynn, Sasha Grey, and Ron Jeremy, their mainstream directors Rob Zombie, Steven Soderbergh, and Adam Rifkin are interviewed as well.  I was a little surprised that the part about John Holmes was so short (given his giant member), but honestly, his story has been explored in more detail in countless other documentaries.

In the end, they crown Jenna Jameson as number one star of all time.  I guess I can’t argue with that too much, even though I was always a Ginger Lynn fan myself.  (Though in my heart of hearts, the title probably should’ve went to Marilyn Chambers.)

X-Rated 2 works very well as a fast-paced historical sketch of some of the famous faces (and bodies) in porn.  If it does have a flaw, it’s that it sometimes it feels rushed, as if it’s merely scratching the surface on its subjects.  (Maybe if they chose half the number of stars and devoted twice the amount of screen time to them, it would’ve been a classic.)  Still, there are enough interesting stories and revealing interviews to make for an absorbing and enlightening experience.