TAINTLIGHT (2009) ** ½

Taintlight is writer/director Chris Seaver’s spoof of Twilight.  If you’ve seen Seaver’s Terror at Blood Fart Lake, you might already know what you’re in for.  Anyone unfamiliar with Seaver’s brand of juvenile humor will probably hate it, but I thought it was better than any of the actual Twilight movies it’s spoofing.

It helps that Meredith Host does a mean Kristen Stewart impression as the new girl in school, “Stella”.  This fact is made especially evident when she has funny dialogue like, “I’m going to my room so I can look out the window and brood awkwardly!” to recite.  Even when the punchlines don’t land, she is still fun to watch thanks to her deadpan demeanor and spot-on impression.  Kurt Indovina, who plays the glittery vampire, “Edgar Mullens” isn’t nearly as impressive, but that’s perfectly okay when Host is so damned funny.  

Taintlight is kind of amusing when it’s mocking its intended target.  The scenes where Seaver uses low-fi ingenuity to spoof the big budget original are often rather clever.  For example, the scene that pokes fun at the big moment where Edward saves Bella from being hit by a car is just flat-out funny.  The over-the-top close-ups of Edgar and Stella looking longingly at each other are good for a laugh too.  (I also liked the way Seaver was able to mimic Twilight’s bluish hues on a nearly nonexistent budget.)  However, it’s noticeably less successful when it devolves into Seaver’s typical over the top humor.  

At least the vampires in this one suck blood and have fangs, which is more than you can say for Twilight.  Heck, there’s more blood spilled in this flick than the entire Twilight franchise, so that’s a plus.  Another bonus:  It’s only an hour long.  Even with that kind of abbreviated running time, it still manages to feel overlong, but at least Seaver knew when to throw in the towel, an instinct many his SOV contemporaries often lack.

In short, Taintlight is one of Seaver’s best efforts, mostly because he has clear blueprint to work from.  By doing a riff on Twilight, he can use that film’s storyline to hang his trademark brand of humor on.  Is mocking Twilight akin to shooting fish in a barrel?  Sure, but Seaver hits more than he misses, which is more than I can say for a lot of his movies.  Although it pretty much falls apart in the third act, the finale does feature the screen’s first vampire death by Frisbee, so that’s worth something.