SNAKE EYES: G.I. JOE ORIGINS (2021) **

I enjoyed G.I. Joe:  The Rise of Cobra more than most, and really loved G.I. Joe:  Retaliation, so I was kind of bummed that Hasbro went back to the drawing board with the G.I. Joe movie franchise.  I would assume that this origin story of the silent Ninja Snake Eyes was meant as a springboard for more G.I. Joe adventures, but given the lukewarm response, that probably won’t happen.  Still, with tempered expectations, it’s sporadically enjoyable, even if it never quite figures out what it wants to be.  

When he was a young boy, Snake Eyes (Henry Golding) saw his father murdered and vowed revenge.  Later in life, he saves his friend Tommy (Andrew Koji) from the clutches of the yakuza.  As a reward, his grateful pal takes him back home to his fortified palace to train as a Ninja.  Snake Eyes is then forced to decide to betray Tommy in order to fulfill his quest for revenge.

I’m a sucker for a good yakuza revenge flick, so the first half or so of Snake Eyes was kind of fun.  Words like loyalty, honor, and friendship get tossed around so much that you just know that someone is going to be disloyal and dishonorable and ruin a perfectly good friendship.  Surprisingly, the film kind of falters when it tries to link up to the G.I. Joe universe.  While I enjoyed seeing Samara Weaving (well, I always enjoy seeing Samara Weaving) as the ass-kicking Scarlett, the new actress they got to be the Baroness just can’t hold a candle to Sienna Miller in Rise of Cobra.  This is particularly a problem once you learn she’s essentially the “big bad” of the piece.  

As for Golding, he’s OK I guess.  It’s probably more the fault of the thin characterization in the script than his ability as an actor.  I mean it really says something about how flimsy the writing is when the character from the other films (who wore a mask and remained totally silent) was a lot more entertaining to watch.  

The action is a bit of a letdown too.  I mean why get Iko Uwais to be Hard Master and then not let him kick a bunch of ass?  At least he gets more to do here than he did in The Force Awakens, but it still seems like a blown opportunity if you ask me.  The rest of the swordplay and shootouts would’ve been fine had it not been for the rapid editing and slipshod choreography.  

So, if you want to see a G.I. Joe movie that only has about 15% G.I. Joe stuff in it, you might enjoy Snake Eyes:  G.I. Joe Origins.  I sort of dug the yakuza drama in the first half, but the fun sort of dried up once it became a more generic action flick.  Maybe next time (that is, if there is a next time), they’ll make a G.I. Joe flick that has more than four goddamned G.I. Joe characters in it.  

AKA:  Snake Eyes.  AKA:  G.I. Joe Origins:  Snake Eyes.