There’s been a rash of vampire-like killings in a seaside community. Meanwhile, a beach bunny’s budding romance is interrupted when she comes into possession of the Book of the Dead. Naturally, the vampire wants it too so he can create an army of undead vampire minions. Will the beach bunny and her bikini-clad friends be able to stop the nefarious bloodsucker from taking over the world?
Vampire on Bikini Beach should’ve been called How to Pad Out a Bikini because it contains a shit-ton of padding. There are gratuitous radio broadcasts, a five-minute long opening credit sequence, random shots of people surfing and windsurfing on the beach, nightclub performances (one tune is appropriately titled “Sucker”), and montages of beach bunnies trying on swimsuits (which is the only acceptable form of padding in a movie like this). It also contains an awkward flashback structure complete with random bits of narration and long stretches where people are so far away from the camera that the filmmakers can loop in additional dialogue to clarify what the hell is going on. Combine that with the abrupt ending, and it’s enough to make you suspect that this was either abandoned or unfinished, and an editor made an extra $50 doing a patch-up job to get this looking close to something approximately a releasable picture.
Also, I’ve got to wonder if the version that was uploaded to Tubi was a rip from the film’s broadcast on USA’s Up All Night as the curse words are muted out. Then again, there’s a brief post-coital butt shot in there about halfway through the movie. Still, this marks the first time since the inception of this column that I’ve watched a flick that’s been edited for language but not nudity.
The horror elements are weak, which I guess is to be expected from a horror movie with the words “Bikini Beach” in the title. The stalking scenes feel rushed and most of the killing occurs offscreen or via POV camerawork. I will say, the make-up on the vampire’s half-man/half-bat assistant is pretty good though.
AKA: Vampires on Bikini Beach.
I found a torrent of the video-on-demand version from the 2010s and that one was the same version as the one on Tubi and apparently it had more female nudity that was removed, so yeah it looks like Tubi did just use the same one that was on Up All Night but for once they aren't entirely to blame as other on-demand services did the same thing before them. So it looks like i'll have to track down an original VHS to try and find the uncut version, apparently the film had two separate VHS releases-the original one in 1988 and a re-release by Vidmark in 1994. I'll keep an eye out for either one on Ebay.
ReplyDeleteBTW Extraction 2 just came out on Netflix today in case you're interested. I know you weren't big on the original(and I thought you were dead wrong about that one as it had some kick-ass action scenes and believe it or not some people do keep rakes in their houses, my family being one of them, so not as far-fetched as you'd think)but I think you'll really like this one as it ups the action tenfold, Hemsworth does great work and has good chemistry with the new cast, it just flies right by.