A crew of seamen take a job driving a top-secret research team around in circles in the middle of the ocean. Seems the scientists are performing experiments on a vampire… er… vampyr who is being kept below deck. Naturally, it doesn’t take long for most of the crew to become vampires… er… vampyrs… er… vampyrz… er… VampyrZ too.
Goofy title aside, VampyrZ on a Boat (I have no idea why it’s spelled that way or why the “Z” is capitalized, so I’ll just move past it) does at least contain one novel scene as the vampire outbreak occurs in an unexpected and fun way. Instead of the vampire getting loose and biting people, a mosquito bites the vampire and then flies into the kitchen and bites the cook, effectively turning him into a vampire. Vampire mosquitoes. I think that might be a silver screen first. That’s worth an extra ½ * right there.
Unfortunately, after an OK set-up, it’s all downhill from there. The attempts at humor are downright painful (the guy with the ventriloquist dummy being the main offender) and the vampire attacks quickly become repetitive. (They move fast because the editor put in a lot of jump-cuts.) The oddest element is the whole Groundhog Day/Happy Death Day/Edge of Tomorrow time loop subplot where our hero perpetually wakes up with a hammer in his head and keeps on ticking. This plot device is clunky at best and slightly incoherent at worst. The ending is awful too and pretty much sucks the life (no pun intended) out of the whole deal.
VH-1’s Carrie Keagan co-stars as a sexy and feisty reporter who becomes prisoner of the main vampire. She’s the only bright spot in the movie as just about everyone else in the cast is irritating. Too bad she never gets anything worthwhile to do, even though she TryZ her best.
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