You know, when you’re scrolling through Tubi, and you see a movie with a title like Bigfoot vs. Megalodon, you’ve just got to watch it. Sadly, the flick seems to work overtime to give you as little Bigfoot vs. Megalodon action as possible. Speaking as someone who spent an entire year watching bad movies on Tubi, you would’ve thought I had learned my lesson by now.
The first eight minutes or so is a breathlessly paced hodgepodge of longwinded exposition, random stock images, and painful CGI. In fact, there are no actual humans in this, if you can believe it. It’s essentially an animated movie, which somehow makes the whole thing even worse.
Anyway, let me see if I got this right: In the year 4045, Joseph Stalin and Aleister Crowley have been resurrected as aliens who are trying to conquer the galaxy. Two robot/clones working alongside Bigfoot try to stop them. Meanwhile, a shark man (who looks like a poor man’s King Shark with a Dr. Claw voice) throws his hat in the ring for galactic domination.
God, where to begin with this one? The bizarre use of stock images and file footage playing over long exposition scenes is downright puzzling. The overuse of repeated scenes, but with different dialogue, is irritating. The static CGI shots that look like cut scenes from a video game are awful. Most disappointing is the fact that Bigfoot (who looks like an early FX test for the CGI werewolves in An American Werewolf in Paris) spends most of his time walking down the corridors of the spaceship. To make matters worse, the titular titans don’t even fight one another… EVER! What can you say about a movie that can’t even deliver on what it promises in the title?
While this movie is freaking terrible right from the get-go, I can’t completely hate it for the scene where the two Daft Punk-inspired robots have a fight about starting a family and the girlfriend (who is desperate to have a baby) says, “I’m getting tired of wiping future generations off my belly!”
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