CARNIVAL IN RIO (1983) ***

Arnold Schwarzenegger stars in this hour-long special about Carnival that premiered on The Playboy Channel.  Now, back in 1983, you probably knew him as Mr. Universe, the guy from Pumping Iron, or as Conan.  This was a year before The Terminator, and he was just on the cusp of being the Arnold Schwarzenegger we all know.  That’s what makes this tape so fascinating.  This was made in a small sliver of time when Arnold (who was always conscious of his public image) would actually agree to appear in something like this.  I’m sure this tape was brought up more than a few times when he was running for governor. 

Anyway, Arnold heads down to Rio during Carnival to soak up the sights and sounds of the local customs and culture.  Mostly though, he just ogles, gropes, and kisses scantily clad and topless women, who look visibly nervous or downright uncomfortable.  He attends an ass-shaking samba competition (“My favorite body part!”) and winds up getting on stage and making a fool of himself.  The next morning, he takes in a capoeira martial arts demonstration before dressing in a native headdress and face paint for a Carnival costume ball where he dances (badly) and runs into Bond girl Ursula Andress.  The following day, Arnold works out on the beach before meeting up with a sexy blonde who gets a soft-focus topless sunbathing sequence alongside a brunette who frolics in the surf.  Then, it’s time for the big Carnival parade.  But enough of that crap.  Soon after, Arnold is cornering the poor brunette and forcing her to give him “language lessons”.  Predictably, he learns just enough so that he can sexually harass women in Portuguese.  The tape ends with Arnold taking the ladies (and one random dude) out for milkshakes before dancing with kids in the streets. 

There are enough picturesque landscapes, scenes of local color, and pseudo-informational tidbits for Carnival in Rio to function as a travelogue.  But let’s face it.  Even with the participation of Arnold, this was only made as an excuse to show some T & A. 

Overall, this is a fascinating time capsule.  Arnold fans will no doubt enjoy seeing a side of him you’re not generally used to seeing.  Some of his antics are truly jaw-dropping.  In short, this is a priceless artifact.  Don’t miss it.  

AKA:  Party in Rio.