Nudie Cuties Vol. 1 is a compilation of nudie shorts collected by the good folks at Something Weird. I’m sure they really must’ve wowed (male) audiences back in their day. However, it’s more fun to look at them now as a curiosity piece than spank material.
“Nautical Nudes” (** ½) is a creaky short from what looks to be the silent era. A group of gals get naked on a boat. They then come ashore and claim a small island as their own private nudist resort. This short seems like it had a decent budget for this sort of thing, but it suffers from some poor lighting.
“Backstage” (** ½) This brief clip has a dancer changing backstage. The model is cute, but this one also suffers from being too dark.
“Count Me In” (*** ½) benefits from a simple but strong premise. Two women sit on a bed and play a game of Strip Craps. Whenever they roll a 7, they have to remove an article of clothing… and they roll LOTS of 7’s. It’s definitely more fun than Yahtzee.
“Between Acts” (**) There isn’t much to say about this short about a bunch of half-naked burlesque dancers hanging out in their dressing room.
“Uncover Girl” (** ½) The clever title is the best thing about this brief clip. A dancer strips in front of a curtain (it looks more like curtains you’d see for windows and not the curtain for a Burlesque show). There isn’t a whole lot to it, but at least the dancer is cute.
“Without a Stitch” (** ½) A seamstress makes clothes for her friends who disrobe and try on their new wardrobe. This one is another short but sweet entry that benefits from several actresses who are quite perky. Too bad the jump cuts ruin much of the fun.
“Chicago Fan Dance” (** ½) The title says it all. This is nothing more than a filmed Burlesque show wherein a nude dancer performs with an oversized fan. Like many other shorts here, it loses points because of the dark photography.
“Feminine Foursome” (** ½) Four women dance and cavort in the nude. This one has some legitimate ambiance, but the abrupt ending doesn’t do it any favors.
“Candid Beauty” (**) Two women are hiking when one of them decides to disrobe. Luckily, the other gal has a camera with her to capture the moment. Despite the pleasant scenery, this is another short that suffers from muddy cinematography.
“Christmas Eves” (*** ½) A gaggle of half-naked women wake up on Christmas morning, get dressed, and go downstairs to see what Santa brought them. If the sight of naked women trying on a variety of outfits and shooting each other with dart guns in front of the Christmas tree doesn’t put you in the Christmas spirit, the random use of the Muzak version of “Hard Day’s Night” will. It also helps that this is one of the longest shorts in the compilation. It takes its time getting going and is a lot of fun to boot.
“Ladder Antics” (** ½) has three nude models descending a tall ladder before posing on what looks like a Burlesque stage. While it’s refreshing to get a short that isn’t coy at all when it comes to showing everything, there aren’t many “antics” to be had.
“How to Hold a Husband” (**) A sunny blonde reads a booklet on how to trap and man, which basically just boils down to dressing in lingerie. This is one of those deals where the premise quickly gets lost in the shuffle. The fact that it doesn’t feature any nudity is another major debit.
“Silk Heeled Mannequins” (**) has three models putting on a floor show on stage before disrobing. This one benefits from some rudimentary editing and camerawork, but it’s not radically memorable or titillating.
“Artist’s Models” (***) Several sexy nudists hang around a swimming pool getting a suntan. This is the kind of thing I was hoping to see more of in this collection. It’s a simple little nudist camp reel with cute models and a sunny location.
“Nudists at Play” (****) This is the kind of stuff I’m talking about! Two brunette nudists play badminton (badly) while their friend suns herself on a towel. Nudies were always at their best when they showcased women doing outdoor activities and generally just enjoying life.
“Models in Repose” (**) delivers exactly what it promises: Models lying around in the nude. They don’t move, so you’re almost better off looking at a still photograph. Oh, and this is yet another short that suffers from being too dark.
“Nude Action” (***) A bubbly blonde does an energetic dance in the nude. This is another example of how to make a good nudie reel. If you keep it simple, it just has a better chance of being successful.
“New Year’s ‘Eve’” (***) A model disrobes and poses around New Year’s streamers. This one has a good gimmick as every time the model opens up her fur coat, another article of clothing disappears. It’s not especially erotic, but if you like vintage smut, I’m sure New Year’s “Eve” will make your ball drop.
“The Dance of Love” (*** ½) A brunette dancer arrives on stage wearing nothing but a sheer cape which she quickly chucks aside. She then proceeds to do an interpretive dance number in the nude. This one looked kind of familiar to me. I think it might’ve cropped up as a special feature on another Something Weird release. It’s a solid short with a cute dancer who certainly isn’t shy and can dance rather well too.
“Body Contours” (** ½) A blonde figure model rotates on a turntable on an empty stage. This is essentially a filmed figure modeling session. As such, it’s better than average as the rotating platform gives it a semi-artsy vibe. In fact, many of the shorts have an opening text stating they are to be used for figure drawing. This is one of the rare instances where that might’ve actually been the case and not just an excuse to show flagrant nudity.
“Gloria’s Fan Dance” (***) This is another filmed fan dance. This time out, the dancer has two fans and doesn’t seem too interested in using them to conceal her naked frame. Her cheerful demeanor is winning too, all of which adds up to another solid short.
“Harem Beauties” (** ½) A harem full of naked nymphs lounge around on a silk rug. And… uh… that’s about it. The models are cute, which helps make up for a noticeable lack of substance.
“Nude Hula” (*** ½) The best nudie shorts are usually the ones that feature women doing something they typically do fully clothed (or in this case, scantily clad), except…. you know… nude. That’s what makes Nude Hula so much fun. It contains everything you’d want from a hula dance, except… you know… nude. It also helps that the dancer is simply adorable.
“Stripped for Dipping” (*** ½) A cute brunette goes for a moonlight swim in a creek. The most amazing thing about this short is that even though it’s filmed outdoors at night, the spotlight the crew used was able to shine ample light upon the model. Compare that to the other shorts in the collection that take place in broad daylight where you can’t barely make out anything.
“Swinging Frolics” (***) Two naked women take turns pushing each other on a swing. There’s not a whole lot to say about this one other than the editing and camerawork is solid. I guess if you have a swing fetish, you might want to add an extra *.
“The Old Swimming Pool” (*** ½) Three ladies go skinny-dipping in a lake where they frolic and cavort. The camerawork is quite good on this short, and the shots of the gals lounging on an inner tube are quite effective. The models (all of whom are quite lovely) look like they are genuinely enjoying themselves, which also helps.
“Sultans Dreams” (***) A naked woman hangs around the house, combing her hair, drinking coffee, and smoking cigarettes. The print is pretty beat up, but the model is arguably the best looking one in the entire collection, which is probably why they saved this clip for last. There are no sultans, and no dreams, but you won’t care.
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