TUBI CONTINUED… LINGERIE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIPS 26: BOOTY CAMP (2019) *** ½

In the opening bout of Booty Camp, newcomer Jessica “Sekhtmet” Vattiera squares off against Jenny “Bloody” Valentine, but the post-fight battle is actually more entertaining than the match itself.  Then, Teri “Feisty Fists” London enters the cage with a bad knee (but it doesn’t stop her from twerking her booty off) to go toe to toe with Jenn “The Real Deal” Repp.  However, the ref disqualifies her before the match can even begin because of her injury, which is majorly disappointing.  Next up is Tomiko “The Temptress” Tajima vs. Shelly “Aphrodite” DaSilva, and it’s a close back and forth battle.  European Champion, Jolene “The Valkyrie” Hexx then toes the line with Bella Ink (making her LFC debut), and it’s a terrific bout befitting two titanesses of the sport.  The main event finds Allie “Baby Doll” Parks and Monica “Flowerbomb” Garcia locking horns for the title of “Booty Camp Champ.”

Lingerie Fighting Championships 26:  Booty Camp takes place in a small Vegas club, which is a bit of a mixed blessing.  On one hand, it makes for an intimate affair between the combatants.  On the other, the tight confines of the club cause the camerawork (which has always been excellent in these events) and lighting to be less than optimal this time around.  One amusing aspect is that in the name of equality, the “Ring Girls” have been replaced by “Ring Boys” for the evening.

Although the first couple of fights aren’t up to snuff with some other events I’ve seen, the final three matches are all pretty strong.  The Temptress and Aphrodite match is a lot of fun, and like the opener, there’s even more action after the bout is over.  The Hexx and Ink brawl is extremely entertaining too, and contains all the grappling, boxing, booty suffocation, and wardrobe malfunctions you’d hope for from two elites of the franchise.  The main event is a real back-and-forth slobberknocker as well, and it makes for a fitting cherry on top to the evening’s festivities.

TUBI CONTINUED… LINGERIE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIPS 37: BACK TO THE MANSION (2023) ****

Here’s the latest edition of the awesome all-women MMA extravaganza, Lingerie Fighting Championships.  The opening card finds newcomers Ruby “The Booty” Vuitton and Ziva Fey duking it out.  Next, we have “Hotstuff” Hollie Dunaway and Bella Rockafella going at it in an all-out bra… er… brawl.  Former LFC champ Monica “Flowerbomb” Garcia squares off against “Sinister” Shay Lynn in a powerhouse performance by both competitors.  The next battle is between Jenny “Bloody” Valentine and Danika “Dani” Della Rouge, and it’s nearly just as frenetic and rife with drama as the match that preceded it.  That’s followed by a rematch of LFC 36 fighters Bella “Rebel Princess” Madisyn and Sheena “The Hungarian Hurricane“ Bathory, and it’s quite simply an all-out war.  Teri “Feisty Fists” London and Kyra “Mogwai“ Batara are up next, and their bout features a good display of wrestling and grappling skills between the opponents.  It all ends with the main event between Salina and Katie “The Bombshell” Forbes.

LFC 37 is a more intimate affair as the fights take place in a smaller venue (READ:  A strip club), but at least the sound and camerawork are better than in the previous installment.  (READ:  There are lots of close ups of jiggling derrières locked in highly suggestive grappling positions.)  The play-by-play commentators are also very entertaining.  (One even quotes Karate Kid 3’s Terry Silver at one point.)

However, the spotlight really belongs to the competitors.  They are some truly fine athletes in addition be being drop dead gorgeous.  The most memorable entrance belongs to “Sinister” Shay Lynn, who shoots sparks out of her cast iron strap-on.  (Yes, you read that right.)  The fights are among the best I’ve seen in the LFC.  The rematch between Madisyn and the Hungarian Hurricane has all the drama and intensity you’d want to see from a return bout, with action happening both inside and outside the ring.  The main event is another rematch, and while it is a close fight all the way through, it almost feels anticlimactic next to some of the more grueling bouts that preceded it.

I’m thinking specifically of the Dunaway/Rockafella fight.  It is one of the most entertaining fights I’ve seen, not just in the LFC, but in general.  It’s full of showmanship… er… showwomanship from the fighters and contains some truly great moments.  (Like when Hotstuff hops up and down on Bella’s upper torso.)  It all culminates in a shocking and controversial fashion, and I would expect nothing less from the LFC. 

I smell rematch.

INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY (2023) *** ½

Ah, Dr. Jones.  So good to finally have you back.  You were looking positively dreadful when we saw you last.  It’s nice to see you’ve improved greatly since then.  

The rip-roaring opening of your latest film, The Dial of Destiny, took you back to the roots of what made your old adventures so special.  It’s fun, full of action, and sprinkled with some amusing humorous bits.  That’s not to say that there weren’t a couple of wonky CGI de-aging shots, but aside from that, the digital facelift you received was just good enough not to be irksome.  It works, provided the audience, as you did in The Last Crusade, takes a leap of faith, and just goes with it.  I have to say that the ending will likewise probably take a leap of faith as well.  I guess that might depend on whether or not some moviegoers can swallow the premise or not.  (It’s almost, if not, as goofy, as the aliens in the last one.)  In fact, their entire enjoyment of the picture might hinge upon it.  However, I must say that for this particular moviegoer, your performance was more than enough to sell it.

I very much enjoyed the late ‘60s setting.  Placing the action against the moon landing was a nice touch.  I loved how you were just about the only person in the cast that didn’t give a shit about it.  It’s as if you, the archaeologist that you are, were still stuck in the past while everyone around you was looking to the future.  Even though you were retiring from your position as professor, that didn’t stop you from having one final adventure to track down the Archimedes Dial with your goddaughter.  Naturally, those pesky Nazis wanted it too, and you had to give them a little of that old Jones asskicking.

Yes, that opening sequence was a blast, but after we flash-forwarded a few decades, the action on display was a nice match for your age.  All things considered, the action set pieces were believable (well… maybe not “believable”, let’s just say, “not outlandish”).  Let’s face it, at your age, you’re not gonna be outrunning any boulders any time soon.  But things like jumping from sidecar to sidecar, trekking through harsh landscape, and of course, punching lots of Nazis, you did quite well.  

I was glad that your new director, James Mangold studied the Spielberg playbook well.  It certainly felt a lot more Spielbergian than that Crystal Skull shit, that’s for sure.  (Especially the first act.)  It did feel kinda watered down in spots though.  Aside from the eel attack and the obligatory run-in with creepy crawly insects, it lacked a big gory villain demise we’ve come to expect from the franchise.  I mean, nothing will ever top the Toht death from Raiders, but you’ve got to at least try.

Whatever quibbles I had with your latest adventure are minor.  More importantly, it effectively washed the bad memory of the last one away.  The bottom line is that it was extremely good to see you back in the fedora again.  Sure, I would’ve liked to see you use your trademark whip a little more, but you were still in fine form.  If this, in fact, is your last adventure, I’m happy you’re exiting on a high note.

Yours truly,

Mitch Lovell

The Video Vacuum

TUBI CONTINUED… 100 GIRLS BY BUNNY YEAGER (1999) **

Renowned cheesecake model turned renowned cheesecake photographer Bunny Yeager takes us on a tour of her portfolio as she showcases a hundred women she’s photographed over the years.  Most of the time, it feels like we are watching an overlong slideshow as we see dozens of glamour shots of pin-up girls with Bunny narrating trivia tidbits and some biographical background on each model.  Sometimes to alleviate the boredom, there are brief snippets from the films Bunny Yeager’s Nude Camera and Bunny Yeager’s Nude Las Vegas.  We also get some behind the scenes home movies of a few of the shoots, although it’s nothing really enlightening.

The most noteworthy model here of course is Bettie Page.  Too bad she gets just about the same amount of time devoted to her as the rest of the girls.  I guess there are plenty of other docs about Bettie out there already, but there’s wasn’t nearly enough time spent on her for my liking.  In fact, many of the model bios are rushed and/or glossed over.  Now, I know when you have a hundred girls to talk about, you want to be succinct as possible.  However, most of the time, the bio info just boils down to, “I only worked with this brunette once” before Bunny moves on to the next model.

I generally enjoy Bunny’s work, but even though it’s only forty-two minutes long, 100 Girls still feels like a bit of a slog.  That’s mostly due to the repetitive nature of the documentary.  Also, I don’t know if it was just the version of the film that was uploaded on Tubi or what, but many scenes are weirdly cropped.  In fact, a few of the models’ heads are completely chopped off the top of the frame, which makes for a bizarre viewing experience.  (Oh well, at least their bikini-clad bodies are still in full view.)

TUBI CONTINUED… GIANTESS ATTACK: YEAR ZERO! (2017) **

After a short preview of our feature, Giantess Attack, an announcer informs us that the film did not meet its Kickstarter goal and couldn’t be completed.  Instead of seeing the movie we were promised, we are treated to an episode of a superhero TV show called Battle Babe and Combat Queen.  Then, the two lead actresses, Diedre (Tasha Tacosa) and Frida (Rachel Riley) get into a heated brawl in the middle of shooting.  Because of their constant fighting, the show is quickly cancelled, and Diedre and Frida make up by getting drunk together.  Two tiny twin aliens (both played by Christine Nguyen) come to Earth and give them alien technology that makes them grow to humongous proportions, and the girls go out and hit the town.  (And I mean they really hit the town.)  The military is eventually called out to stop them, and soon the giantesses turn Hollywood Boulevard into their own personal battleground.

Giantess Attack:  Year Zero! is sort of a spoof of ‘70s live action kids shows like Electra Woman and Dyna Girl and Japanese Tokusatsu like Ultraman.  The effects are terrible on purpose (I think), which is kind of the charm. Even though the seams in the effects are obvious, there are some occasionally creative moments.  (Like when Battle Babe rides a tank like a skateboard.)  The fake cereal commercials were also a nice touch.

While I admire the film’s kitchen sink approach, the results are uneven at best.  Most of the gags land with a thud, and I have a suspicion that the various commercials, trailers, and Kickstarter jokes were more of a way to pad out the running time than anything.  That said, there are a few funny bits sprinkled throughout.  I think my favorite segment was the interview with the director “James Blabberon”, played by Jay Woelfle, who is a dead ringer for James Cameron.  None of this really adds up to much, but it’s a breezy way to kill an hour or so.

AKA:  Giantess Attack.

TUBI CONTINUED… MIND KILLER (1987) **

Warren (Joe McDonald) is a geeky librarian who is painfully shy when it comes to talking to women.  He finds a research paper in the library archives and reads it, which helps him unlock his untapped psychic powers.  Warren then uses his new gifts to score with women and get back at his enemies.  The only catch is, the more he uses it, the more it starts to change him.  He soon sets his sights on his new coworker Sandy (Shirley Ross), who is forced to go along with his commands.  It’s then up to his best friends Brad (Kevin Hart) and Larry (Wade Kelley) to stop him.

Mind Killer has a cheesy USA Up All Night kind of vibe to it.  It’s all sort of ludicrous, but not quite enough to make it entertaining.  It’s also a little on the dull side as the dialogue and romance scenes don’t have a whole lot of energy.  Although it contains a potentially good idea, the muddled execution and missed opportunities ultimately makes for a frustrating viewing experience.  On the bright side, director Michael (Night Vision) Krueger does deliver some gooey and gloppy special effects scenes.  It’s just a shame you have to wait till the last fifteen minutes to see them.

The tone is a little out of whack too.  The nightclub scenes are really goofy and almost feel like they came out of another entirely different movie.  One thing I can say for these bits though is that it’s hard to hear what the characters are saying because the music is so loud, so it’s actually kind of true to life.  Unfortunately, the weird asides (like the scene where the guy listens to records of coyotes howling) don’t exactly help either.  While we do get some okay moments near the end, the film is just too uneven to come together in a satisfying way.  

Krueger also wrote Lone Wolf and The Amityville Curse.

AKA:  Mindkiller.  AKA:  The Brain Creatures.

TUBI CONTINUED… LINGERIE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIPS 36: BOOTY CAMP 4 (2022) ****

I watched Lingerie Fighting Championships 21:  Naughty N’ Nice not too long ago and it was fucking awesome.  I prayed to the Tubi gods that more LFC would be added.  The Tubi gods not only heard my prayers, but they delivered.  In fact, they added TEN more Lingerie Fighting Championships specials in all.  You’re damned sure I’m going to watch ‘em all.

The first one that popped up on my recommendations list was Lingerie Fighting Championships 36:  Booty Camp 4.  One thing I noticed right off the bat was that it’s, sadly, a chintzier presentation than Naughty N’ Nice.  For one, the venue is a lot smaller.  Also, they fight in a regular boxing ring this time and not in a UFC-style cage.  The ring announcer is barely audible too, and the referee doesn’t really look like she knows what’s she’s doing either.

That’s all surface stuff.  I’m reviewing 365 movies on Tubi in 365 days here.  I’ve got to at least make with the criticism. 

And that’s where my critique ends.  Lingerie Fighting Championships 36:  Booty Camp 4 is fucking awesome.  Not only is the heart and soul of the competitors on full display, but also their T & A.  There’s some terrific action here and many of the matches are downright incredible.  It's definitely a good time all around.

The first bout is between Angelica “The Italian Knockout” Ko and Andre “The Sidewinder” Shakti.  It’s a strong matchup that kicks off the event with gusto.  Next up is a fun match between Tomiko “The Temptress” Tajima and Carmen Valentina.  The third bout is cut short when Arianna “The Brat” Blaze suffers a nauseating injury at the hands of Bella Ink.  Bella Rockafella and “Sinister” Shay Lynn (a former Playboy playmate) is over pretty fast, but both opponents have great personalities.  Next is Bella “Rebel Princess” Madisyn (there sure are a lot of Bellas fighting in the LFC) vs Sheena “The Hungarian Hurricane” Bathory, and it’s an all-out slobberknocker what would put most like WWE matches to shame.  It’s a brutal battle to the finish.  Fierce competitor Lauren “The Animal” Fogle dominates Courtney “Coco Loco” Pemberton in the semi-final, and the main event finds the LFC champ Jolene “The Valkyrie” Hexx going against the “Booty Camp Champ” Jenny “Bloody” Valentine in a bout that can only be described as bootlicious.

While the surroundings are kind of cheap looking, the ladies definitely bring their A game both in and out of the ring.  Several make memorable entrances using props that include (among other things), a bubble machine, male slaves, and a grinding tool that creates sparks.  The costumes are outlandish and sexy too, which certainly helps.  I also liked the fact they got an English guy to do the play-by-play commentary which makes everything seem a little classier than it probably really is.  The best guy though is the one who sits outside the squared circle whose sole job is to pat the ladies down before they enter the ring.  I’ve never been one for looking for new careers, but I think I just might’ve found my dream job.