LET’S GET PHYSICAL: EMANUELLE IN AMERICA (1977) ****

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LET’S GET PHYSICAL: EMANUELLE IN BANGKOK (1976) ***

“E-‘MAY’-NUELLE”

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:  

(As posted on September 15th, 2007)

Sometimes writing the plot synopsis of a movie is kinda tricky because you don’t want to give away certain plot points or little surprises. Other times you want to let everyone know about this one great part to get their attention because that one scene is about all the movie has to offer. This synopsis is quite simple: Emanuelle (Laura Gemser) goes to Bangkok and gets naked and has sex. A lot. I mean seriously, that’s what it’s all about. No plot. No motivation. Just Emanuelle. In Bangkok. Having Sex. Why they didn’t just call the movie Emanuelle in Bangkok Having Sex a Lot is beyond me. (Maybe it wouldn’t fit on the marquee.)

But I’m getting off topic here. Where was I? Oh, anyway, so Emanuelle goes to Bangkok and has sex. A lot. First with an anthropologist (played by her husband Gabriele Tinti), then with a host of others, all the while randomly getting naked every chance she gets. Then she gets a sexy massage from an Asian chick who gives her a bath in a very imaginative way: she jumps in the bubble bath and then rubs herself against Emanuelle’s naked body. Genius. Then she gets naked for her bellhop (who gives her a massage) before going off to watch a stripper pour candle wax all over herself. Next, she participates in a pot fueled orgy before getting ANOTHER massage, this time from studly Ivan Rassimov (who would later go on to star in Emanuelle Around the World and Emanuelle in the Country). And so on, and so on, and so on. At one point she gets gang raped, but her promiscuous level is so high that I’m sure all they had to do was ask.

All this plays against positively one of the goofiest musical scores in the history of cinema. Seriously it sounds like the banjo player from Deliverance teamed up with The New Christy Minstrels and tried to reach that New Age Enya market or something.

Director Joe D’Amato does a credible job with his first entry in the series and gives the fans exactly what they want to see, namely Emanuelle getting naked and having sex a lot. (Sample of a typical scene: Emanuelle walks into a room and disrobes. She notices someone in the next room all hot and heavy. She bones them. Repeat.) He would go on to direct FIVE sequels (some unofficial, but if it features Emanuelle naked it counts in my book), the most infamous being Emanuelle in America, which is still the best. Emanuelle in Bangkok may lack the later sequels’ sleaze factor and general WTF quotient (although we do get to see a snake fight a mongoose), but it can’t be beat for the sheer amount of gratuitous nudity. I mean you can’t help but like a movie where the leading lady can’t keep her clothes on for more than 48 seconds at a time. (It gets an automatic four-star rating if you have a masseuse and/or bathing fetish.)

The dubbing is of course atrocious but adds to the flick’s charm. The dialogue is just as bad, especially when Emanuelle cries out, “I feel naked without my camera!” I mean Jesus Christ lady; you’re naked for 70% of the movie, what’s one more second? But it’s Rassimov gets the best line when he tells Emanuelle, “You’re not like them; you’re different. You understand how to control your ecstasy.” 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: BLACK EMANUELLE 2 (1976) **

“E-‘MAY’-NUELLE”

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY (REWATCH)

ORIGINAL REVIEW:  

(As posted on March 2nd, 2008)

For whatever reason, Laura Gemser decided not to reprise her role as “Black Emanuelle” for the first sequel in the long running series, so we’re stuck with Sharon Lesley.  She’s nowhere near as hot, sexy or entertaining as Gemser, but at least she’s actually BLACK!  (Gemser was Indonesian.)  She’s got a nice rack too, so that helps somewhat. 

 

In this installment, Emanuelle has amnesia (stemming from a bombing in Beirut) and gets locked up in a looney bin.  Her doctor tries to get her to remember her identity, but mostly he's too busy dealing with his nymphomaniac niece who always wants to fuck him.  During the course of the movie, Emanuelle is whipped in a dungeon, has sex with her photographer, gets groped by a homeless street musician, has sex with a basketball player during halftime, has a lesbian tryst with the doctor’s niece, does some nude body painting, and gets gangbanged by a bunch of bikers. 

 

The story is told in flashbacks Rashomon style (some people remember things differently and we see the same scene play out through their different points of view), which makes things needlessly arty.  This installment is rather light in the sex and sleaze department and at times almost seems like an R rated version of General Hospital.  Lesley doesn't come close to matching Gemser's magnetism, but as unrelated sequels of rip-offs that don’t feature any of the same actors go, you can do a Hell of a lot worse.  

 

Dagmar (House by the Cemetery) Lassander co-stars as the psychiatrist’s frigid wife and gets the movie’s best line:  “Up your fat fanny with you and your Freud!” 

 

AKA:  The New Black Emanuelle. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: BLACK EMANUELLE (1975) ***

“E-‘MAY’-NUELLE”

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

Even though I’ve seen about a dozen or so Black Emanuelle movies, I somehow never got around to seeing the first one.  Since Severin’s Sensual World of Black Emanuelle box set has been sitting on my movie shelf for a while, I figured it’s high time to remedy the situation.

Laura Gemser is Emanuelle, a famous photographer on assignment in Africa.  She stays with a wealthy couple on their vast estate and soon learns her new hosts, Ann (Karin Schubert) and Gianni (Angelo Infanti) know how to get freaky.  She also becomes acquainted with the various freewheeling couples who are in Ann and Gianni’s inner circle.  (Including a perpetually drunk Scotsman played by Gemser’s real-life husband and frequent co-star, Gabrielle Tinti.)  Predictably, Emanuelle gets so caught up with boning everyone in sight that she forgets she actually has to take some photos or else she’ll lose her job.  After snapping exactly one photograph of a waterfall, it’s back to boning. 

Gemser (who is simply billed as “Emanuelle” in the credits) looks as stunning as ever.  Some might complain that she spends a lot of time admiring the bedroom antics of others before she finally gets down to business.   However, once she does…. YOWZA! 

Schubert is no slouch either.  I liked the scene where she is seduced by a gas station attendant while director Bitto (Black Emanuelle 2) Albertini not-so-subtly intersperses suggestive shots of a car at the pump getting refilled.  (The final scene where Emanuelle is gangbanged on a train is similarly accompanied by shots of steam whistles and pistons, although it's noticeably less effective.)  There’s also a great sequence where she and Gemser go on a photo safari and wind up taking more shots of themselves nude than the animals. 

All this seems rather tame compared to the wilder entries that came later.  Then again, I guess that’s to be expected from the first film in such a long running series.  Still, it’s surprisingly well made, which is something that can’t be said for some of the Emanuelle rip-offs that were released further down the road. 

This will be the first film of many in Severin’s The Sensual World of Black Emanuelle Blu-Ray box set.  I don’t tend to discuss bonus features in this column, but I have to give a shout out to Severin for designing what has to be the physical media release of the millennium.  Not only is it packed with special features, commentaries, and documentaries, it has some of the best bonus items I’ve ever seen.  Most box sets include a book, as this one does, but how many home video releases include a magnetic fashion play set, a board game (which is a helluva lot of fun), a necklace, passports, and even a travel bag!  To say Severin outdid themselves is an understatement.  With this set, they have cemented their status as the best boutique home video label working today. 

AKA:  Wild Emanuelle.  AKA:  Emanuelle’s Holiday.  

THE FIRST OMEN (2024) ****

The First Omen is bar none the best “Give Us the Child” movie in existence.  If you’re a sexy pregnant nun fan, then you’re in luck too.  The one-two punch of this and Immaculate is pretty incredible.  Two hot pregnant nun movies in a span of a couple weeks?  As a fan of hot pregnant nun movies, I have to say we’ve been eating pretty good here recently. 

Naturally, The First Omen is a prequel to The Omen.  It hits all the callbacks (or in this case, call-forwards) you would expect from a new installment of a long dormant horror franchise.  The filmmakers deliver variations on famous scenes from the first movie with just enough clever tweaks here and there to make it interesting. 

That’s to be expected.  What’s not expected is all the funky fucked-up places the movie goes in between these scenes.  Imagine a slightly less warped version of Possession and that might give you an idea of what we’re talking about.  Folks, I’ve seen a lot of shit in movies, and I shit you not, there is shit in this movie I ain’t never seen before.  In fact, there is one scene in particular where I wondered out loud, “Are you ALLOWED to show that in a movie?”  I’ve seen NC-17 flicks that don’t even dare to go this hard. 

I mean, this is a 20th Century Studios movie we’re talking about.  As in, formerly 20th Century Fox.  As in, owned by Disney.  Somehow, CEO Bob Iger was able to slip that wild ass shit in this movie and get away with it.  In an age where everyone bitches about CEO salaries, I must play the contrarian and say, “PAY THAT MAN HIS MONEY!”  He earned that shit. 

Oh, and since this is a Disney movie, does that make Nell Tiger Free, the hot pregnant nun, a new Disney princess?  I sure as shit hope so.  I wanna get a photo of her and I at Cinderella’s castle next time I’m at Disney World. 

Free is incredible in this movie.  I thought Sydney Sweeney was a lock for “Best Actress in a Hot Pregnant Nun Movie” after her turn in Immaculate, but lo and behold, here comes Free to unseat her.  Remember when I compared the flick to Possession?  Well, she comes damn close to matching Isabelle Adjani when it comes to cavorting around with demons and undulating uncontrollably.  Folks, praise doesn’t come much higher than that. 

If you don’t want to be grossed out, don’t see this movie.  Theater patrons with weak constitutions headed for the exit at my screening long before the credits rolled.  The only other movies I can think of where that happened were House of 1000 Corpses and The Green Inferno.  That puts The First Omen in some elite company, if you ask me. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: EMMANUELLE 7 (1993) ***

“E-‘MAY’-NUELLE”

FORMAT:  DVD

Sylvia Kristel returns to the series after a two-and-a-half film absence.  This time, she’s using the miracle of virtual reality to help a friend work through the sexual hang-ups of her past.  Together, they enter the virtual reality world and try to “reprogram” her old unfortunate memories with new sensual and pleasurable experiences. 

Virtual reality was a common gimmick for ‘90s Skinamax movies, so it’s only natural that the Emmanuelle series would dip its toe into the subgenre.  It’s also a neat way to include Kristel in the fun, while also using another actress (in this case, Annie Bellac) to play Emmanuelle during the flashbacks and nude scenes. 

The VR set-up is good for a laugh too as it employs some rather chintzy CGI graphics.  Also, ‘80s gamers will find something to chuckle about as they will immediately recognize the Nintendo Power Glove being used as part of the virtual reality suit.  Oh, and if you want to watch someone else’s virtual reality experience?  No problem!  Just put on a cheap pair of sunglasses and you’re good to go!  The biggest laugh comes courtesy of the computerized voice that says, “Insertion Activated!” once the VR client has finally gotten down to business with his virtual partner. 

The VR scenes themselves are pretty solid.  The best involves a woman who wants to be Marilyn Monroe who flashes passersby in a Seven Year Itch-inspired sequence.  Most of these VR movies play at living out fantasies through technology.  However, what makes Emmanuelle 7 memorable is the notion that characters use the technology as a chance to replay missed intimate moments.  I’m not saying this is exactly a thought-provoking film, but the fact that it deals with the psychological ramifications of lost opportunities at love is intriguing, and it’s handled in a more engaging manner than you might expect.  I mean, who wouldn’t want another chance at the “one who got away”, even if it was only in virtual reality?

Kristel also appeared in several straight to cable entries of the series the same year this was released. 

AKA:  Digital Love.  AKA:  Emmanuelle in Cyberspace.  AKA:  Emmanuelle’s 7th Heaven. 

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: EMMANUELLE 6 (1988) ** ½

“E-‘MAY’NUELLE”

FORMAT:  VHS

Austrian beauty Natalie Uher takes over for Monique Gabrielle as Emmanuelle.  She’s not a particularly great actress, but she does kinda look like Sylvia Kristel a little bit.  She also looks great naked, so that’s all you really need to know. 

This time out, Emmanuelle is suffering from amnesia.  It seems that she and a bus full of models headed down to the Amazon for a photo shoot.  There, they wound up prisoners of a drug lord who also stole a stash of priceless gems the ladies were traveling with.  Eventually, she escaped with the help of a sexy native girl. 

Like Emmanuelle 5, this was another case where a master of erotic cinema directed about half the movie due to its chaotic production.  In this case, softcore vampire impresario Jean Rollin took over after the original director quit.  And as with the previous installment, it suffers from a fractured narrative.  It’s obvious that all the “present day” scenes with Emmanuelle and her shrink is less about trying to jog her memory and more about cobbling together a nearly unfinished movie. 

The plot is similar to Emmanuelle 5 as well.  This time, instead of being captured by a horny sheik, she’s captured by a horny drug lord.  It’s important to make these distinctions when you’re spending a month watching Emmanuelle movies and rip-offs.

It’s also curiously lacking the fun of the earlier entries in the series.  We will occasionally get glimpses of the playful eroticism the franchise is known for (like when Emmanuelle seduces a sailor in the ship's boiler room and steam symbolically escapes behind them during the height of their passion), but there’s not quite as many as you would expect.  What it doesn’t lack is gratuitous nudity, so it skates by on the sheer acreage of skin alone.  I will say it is a definite step down from Part 5 in just about every department though. 

AKA:  Emmanuelle 6:  Wild Paradise.