Now
that we’re done talking about that OTHER Awards show, we can focus our
attention on the only Awards that REALLY matter. I’m talking of course about The Video Vacuum
Awards. Did your favorite movies make
the cut?
BEST
LINE
THE
BABYSITTER for “CAN’T YOU JUST PUT A TAMPON IN THERE?”
CULT
OF CHUCKY for “IT’S A FUCKING CUCKOO’S NEST!”
DEATH
RACE 2050 for “I’M TRANSMITTING YOUR SMELL TO MILLIONS OF PEOPLE.”
THE
EMOJI MOVIE for “THIS IS LIKE THAT TIME PEACE SIGN ONLY GAVE ME ONE FINGER!”
GUARDIANS
OF THE GALAXY for “I’M MARY POPPINS, Y’ALL!”
JOHN
WICK CHAPTER 2 for “YOU’RE NOT HERE TO KILL THE POPE?”
JUSTICE
LEAGUE for “SLOW POKE!”
THE
LEGO BATMAN MOVIE for “IRON MAN SUCKS!”
MOTHER!
for “THE SINK’S NOT BRACED!”
XXX: RETURN OF XANDER CAGE for “THERE ARE NO
PATRIOTS ANYMORE. ONLY REBELS AND
TYRANTS.”
AND
THE WINNER IS: MOTHER! for “THE SINK’S NOT BRACED!”
BEST
3-D EFFECT
3-D
ARROW in THE GREAT WALL
3-D
AXE in THE GREAT WALL
3-D
EXPLODING MONSTER CHUNKS in THE GREAT WALL
3-D
MATT DAMON in THE GREAT WALL
3-D ZIP-LINING MILLA
JOVOVICH in RESIDENT EVIL: THE FINAL
CHAPTER
AND
THE WINNER IS: 3-D ZIP-LINING MILLA
JOVOVICH in RESIDENT EVIL: THE FINAL
CHAPTER
BEST
SCENE I COULDN’T MAKE UP
BRITTANY
ANDREWS TALKING ABOUT HER PROLAPSED ANUS in AFTER PORN ENDS 2
MICHAEL
FASSBENDER KISSING MICHAEL FASSBENDER in ALIEN COVENANT
THE
ROCK REDIRECTING A TORPEDO WITH HIS BARE HANDS in THE FATE OF THE FURIOUS
ANY GIVEN SCENE in
MOTHER!
CARA
DELEVINGNE STICKING HER HEAD UP AN ALIEN JELLYFISH’S ASSHOLE in VALERIAN AND
THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS
AND
THE WINNER IS: ANY GIVEN SCENE in
MOTHER!
BEST
ACTION MOVIE
BOYKA: UNDISPUTED
THE
LEGO BATMAN MOVIE
SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING
STAR
WARS: EPISODE VIII: THE LAST JEDI
THOR: RAGNAROK
AND
THE WINNER IS: THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE
BEST
COMIC BOOK MOVIE
THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE
LOGAN
SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING
THOR: RAGNAROK
WILSON
AND
THE WINNER IS: THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE
BEST
SEQUEL
ALIEN
COVENANT
THE
LEGO BATMAN MOVIE
SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING
STAR
WARS: EPISODE VIII: THE LAST JEDI
THOR: RAGNAROK
AND
THE WINNER IS: THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE
BEST
HORROR MOVIE
ALIEN
COVENANT
KONG: SKULL ISLAND
THE
MUMMY
MOTHER!
THE
SHAPE OF WATER
AND
THE WINNER IS: MOTHER!
WORST
HORROR MOVIE
CULT
OF CHUCKY
A
CURE FOR WELLNESS
DEATH
NOTE
JIGSAW
UNDERWORLD: BLOOD WARS
AND
THE LOSER IS: A CURE FOR WELLNESS
BEST
DTV MOVIE
ARSENAL
THE
ASSIGNMENT
BOYKA: UNDISPUTED
DEATH
RACE 2050
SAVAGE
DOG
AND
THE WINNER IS: BOYKA: UNDISPUTED
BEST
ACTOR
VIN
DIESEL in GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2
MICHAEL
FASSBENDER in ALIEN COVENANT
MICHAEL
SHANNON in THE SHAPE OF WATER
JASON
STATHAM in THE FATE OF THE FURIOUS
AND
THE WINNER IS: MARK HAMILL in STAR
WARS: EPISODE VIII: THE LAST JEDI
BEST
ACTRESS
CATE
BLANCHETTE in THOR: RAGNAROK
GAL
GADOT in WONDER WOMAN
CARLA
GUGINO in GERALD’S GAME
SAOIRSE
RONAN in LADY BIRD
AND
THE WINNER IS: JENNIFER LAWRENCE in MOTHER!
BEST
DIRECTOR
RIAN
JOHNSON for STAR WARS: EPISODE
VIII: THE LAST JEDI
CHRIS
MCKAY for THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE
RIDLEY
SCOTT for ALIEN COVENANT
TAIKA
WAITITI for THOR: RAGNAROK
AND
THE WINNER IS: DARREN ARONOFSKY for
MOTHER!
WORST
MOVIE
A
CURE FOR WELLNESS
DEATH
NOTE
THE
EMOJI MOVIE
SONG
TO SONG
UNDERWORLD: BLOOD WARS
AND
THE LOSER IS: A CURE FOR WELLNESS
BEST
MOVIE
ALIEN
COVENANT
THE
LEGO BATMAN MOVIE
MOTHER!
STAR
WARS: EPISODE VIII: THE LAST JEDI
THOR: RAGNAROK
AND
THE WINNER IS: MOTHER!
Thank
you to everyone who makes this blog possible.
Thank you for all the support and feedback over the years. Thank you to all of you who’ve bought my latest
book, The Bloody Book of Horror.
Wait,
you haven’t bought my new book? Well, it’s
on sale now: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542566622/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520113366&sr=8-1&keywords=mitch+lovell
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