KILLING GUNTHER (2017) * ½

Killing Gunther is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s worst movie.  Yes, worse than Sabotage.  The good news is (for him) he’s barely in it, despite being the only one featured on the DVD box, so he doesn’t embarrass himself too badly.  The same can’t be said for the rest of the cast. 

Taran Killam stars as Blake, a hitman who assembles a team of assassins to take out the most feared killer in the business, Gunther (Schwarzenegger).  He hires a documentary crew to film their exploits.  The crew (and the team) get more than they bargained for once Gunther comes gunning for them.

I’m not fond of the Found Footage/mockumentary gimmick to begin with, but it totally doesn’t work here.  It just renders the action incomprehensible with all the various jump cuts and shaky cam nonsense.  Of course, Killam is going more for laughs here (of which there are precious few), but the overall effect is grating. 

Speaking of grating, Killam’s character is annoying and is sure to get on your nerves almost instantly.  I like Killam on Saturday Night Live, but he’s too one-note here to be of any use as a leading man.  The gag of him crying and screaming like a little girl in particular gets old fast.

It’s not all bad though.  There are some amusing bits.  I liked the assassin who only kills with poison and some of the stuff involving the dude with the robot arm.  Unfortunately, the film settles into a predictable routine right from the get-go and quickly becomes monotonous from there.  (They get a line on Gunther’s whereabouts, congregate on his location, set a trap, and then Gunther kills one of them as their plan goes to all to Hell.)  All of this might’ve worked as a five-minute sketch on SNL.  At ninety minutes, it’s excruciating.

Arnold doesn’t show up till the sixty-five-minute mark, and by then, it’s pretty rough going.  He’s clearly having fun playing a lightweight and offbeat character (there’s a scene where he records a country song) and even gets to make references to his other movies too.  However, it all comes a day late and a dollar short.

The robot arm guy gets the best line of the movie when he says, “I lost my arm in a suicide bombing.  Not mine.  Someone else’s.”