Wednesday, January 6, 2021


Castaways from a sunken ocean liner drift to a remote desert island.  After foraging for food and supplies, they slowly have the suspicion they are not alone.  As it turns out, the island is populated by a race of tiny red monsters who have an insatiable hunger for human flesh. 

Attack of the Beast Creatures is one of the dullest, slowest, and most repetitive movies I have seen in quite some time.  The endless scenes of our heroes traipsing through the jungle sent me to dreamland as fast as any Ambien pill ever could.  Just when I was able to rouse myself from slumber, along came another interminable walking-through-the-jungle scene and it was back to Snoozeville for this viewer.  Ever the diligent critic, I DID rewind and re-watch the scenes that I slept through, but they were mostly a lot of boring dialogue scenes that were just as dull (if not, duller) than the walking scenes. 

There is ONE great moment.  It happens when a castaway stumbles upon a pond and dips his face in to take a drink.  He learns the hard way that it isn’t water in the pond, but acid.  Other than that, this is one shitty flick. 

The monsters are nothing more than replicas of the Zuni Fetish Doll from Trilogy of Terror dyed red.  There isn’t much effort on the filmmakers’ part to make them look anything more than puppets, aside from the one part where their eyes glow ominously in the dark.  In some scenes, you can clearly see the puppeteers’ arms, but most of the time, they are thrown at the cast by a crew member from just off camera.  The actors also do a piss-poor job at pretending to be ravaged by the monsters.  They are so crappy at it that it even fails to be unintentionally funny.  It also happens so often that you eventually start rooting for the little buggers to pick their bones clean, just so the movie can be over.

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