The Vampire Raiders is an entertaining slice of Godfrey Ho and Tomas Tang lunacy. As is par for the course with their films, it’s really two movies that have been edited together in slapdash fashion to make a “new" flick. This practice usually yields uneven results, but this one just might be their weirdest one yet.
This Eric Clapton lookalike wants to bring the hotel industry to its knees. In order to do so, he must kidnap a hotel bigwig. He knows that the Purple Ninja Clan are just itching to foil his plans, so he hires out for protection in the form of some hopping Chinese vampires.
I have seen some shit and I have seen some shit. The shit I seen in The Vampire Raiders just might take the cake. In one scene, without warning, a giant pig is thrown off the roof of a building and lands on an elderly couple. Then, the pig explodes, and a vampire emerges. If you and I saw that in our everyday life, it would probably scar us till the end of our days, but the heroes in this movie just sort of shrug it off.
I guess it takes a lot to shock a Ninja.
Someone who is unnerved by all of this is a trio of hotel switchboard operators who act as the heroines in the “second” movie. One even says, “Pigs just don’t fall off the tops of buildings!” You got that right, sister.
When people ask when will Godfrey Ho make a coherent movie, the answer usually is, “When pigs fly”. Well… here we are.
Admittedly, the rest of the movie isn’t quite as demented as that scene, but there are some definite highlights along the way. We get a fun bit where a lady Ninja’s suntanning session is interrupted by a handsy vampire. There’s also an attack by zombies who have Mr. Fantastic arms. One of the idiots thinks the only thing that can stop a zombie is virgin piss (?!?), so he gets his buddy to pee in a jar. Needless to say, it doesn’t go as planned.
The Vampire Raiders is far from what the AFI would call a “good” movie, but it’s a lot of fun. I will say the Ninja stuff isn’t nearly as entertaining as the vampire scenes though. Still, this is probably one of Ho’s best (and by best, I mean “jaw-droppingly weird”).
AKA: Vampire Raiders vs. Ninja Queen. AKA: Vampire Raiders: Ninja Queen.
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