TETSUO: THE BULLET MAN (2010) *

Director Shin’ya Tsukamoto returned eighteen years later with a (mostly) American cast for this third installment in the Tetsuo series.  Like most remakes/sequels aimed at American audiences, it gratuitously overexplains things.  We didn’t need the big long flashback that shows us WHY the hero is turning into a robot.  It’s totally unnecessary and only gets in the way of the transformation scenes and action sequences (which are unfortunately fucking awful this time around).

 

Gone is the gritty style of the original and the ridiculous flamboyance of the second film.  Instead, everything has been color timed down to look as drab as possible.  The effects lack inspiration too.  You’ll swear it wasn’t by the same director as the first two movies as it looks and feels exactly like a generic late ‘00s DTV American remake.  As with most DTV flicks, the action sequences are nearly incoherent thanks to the erratic editing and non-stop shaky-cam camerawork.  In fact, this has to feature some of the all-time worst camerawork when it comes to action, which is really saying something.  Another overly-American trait:  The laughable happy ending.

 

It’s all especially depressing seeing how creative and exuberant the previous films were.  This one feels like a cheap cash-in.  It just goes to show that some directors are at their best working with shoestring budgets where they have to rely on their own ingenuity.  Sometimes, when they are given more money and advanced technology, the results can turn out much worse.  

 

The plot is basically a rehash of part 2.  The big difference is that instead of kidnapping the hero’s kid, the bad guys run him over.  He tries to hide his inner rage, but his grieving wife wants him to stop whining and go out and get revenge.  Finally, he embraces his robotic nature and transforms into a cyborg to get the guys who killed his son.

 

The effects are watered down too.  This guy looks like a Power Rangers villain rather than a lunatic cyborg Gumby.  Also, Tsukamoto doesn’t come anywhere close to matching the inspired nightmarish transformations found in the other movies.

 

I guess this was made solely to show that Tsukamoto could work with an American cast.  There’s really no reason to watch it though.  It’s liable to only piss off fans of the first two movies and stupefy anyone else.  Out of all the painful transformations found in the series, its transformation into a shitty bastardized American sequel was the most painful of all.